Wake up, girl!

by Niharika Jindal

  When you hear this kind of stuff happening to other people, you don’t give it a second thought. But when it happens to you, your whole world falls apart. Did I ever think I would be someone with a broken engagement?

  No, I didn’t.

  Nevertheless, I was grateful that I’d found out before we were actually married. For, if this had happened after marriage, I would have been devastated.

  I’d spent the last two months in Mumbai doing absolutely nothing. I’d watched a lot of TV, read books and slept. I hadn’t even felt like going out.

  The one time Neesa had forced me to go out, I’d ended up getting drunk out of my mind and hooked up with a random guy at the club. By hooking up, I don’t mean sex.

  Nah, I couldn’t make myself go through with that. Just a make-out session.

  That itself had been so out of character for me that I couldn’t look myself in the eye for the entire week.

  The worst part was that I knew it was a form of rebellion against my parents. I could totally imagine Mom’s reaction at me hooking up with a random dude. ‘Is this what we’ve taught you, Nainaaaa? No one saw you, correct? Your entire reputation and ours will go to the dogs!’

  Just thinking about her reaction riled me.

  I missed Sunaina. My original plan of coming to Mumbai was to be with Sunaina. But I had learnt later that she had decided to take up an internship with a magazine in Delhi. I don’t know why, but she seemed to cut off from me these past few weeks. I wondered what that was all about.

  The news of my engagement being called off hadn’t come as a huge shock to people. Especially since it had all happened so fast. Before anyone could process me being engaged, it had been called off.

  I’d decided against disclosing the real reason for the break-up. It would just create too much turmoil for the Agarwals. As much as I was angry with Rohan, I didn’t want to hurt his mother.

  That was so mature and sweet of you, Naina! I didn’t know you had it in you.

  I didn’t know I had it in me either, inner voice. I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching, you know.

  Yes, I do know. I am you, remember?

  My soul searching had led me to one conclusion. Something I knew I had to do. Sincerely apologize to Ayaan. For everything. And I had to do it soon.

  Anyway. Back to the Delhi debacle.

  Rohan had himself confessed to his parents about everything. The real reason for the engagement being called off. After I’d fled their house, I think he’d known that it was time to come clean and tell his parents himself before they heard from someone else.

  I still couldn’t believe my gaydar had been so off!

  A couple of days after I reached Mumbai, I’d received a call from Rohan’s mother. I’d hesitated to pick up, but decided to go ahead with it. ‘Naina? Please hear me out, beta. I want to apologize to you properly on behalf of Rohan and our entire family,’ she’d begun in a sad voice.

  ‘We’d always had our suspicions, beta. When Rohan had said ‘yes’ to you, we were just so relieved and happy. I think he was scared of our reaction to him being gay. I’m so sorry, Naina, that he was ready to play with your life like that. I hope you can forgive him and us for all of this,’ she had said.

  It had been sweet of her to call.

  I wonder if Rohan, the douche, had even felt responsible or sorry for any of this. He obviously hadn’t spoken to me ever since I’d thrown the ring at his face.

  The flight operator’s voice came over the radio: Indigo Flight 4651 from Mumbai to Indore is now ready for boarding…

  I got up and walked towards the boarding gate.

  I passed out on the flight and woke up only when the stewardess shook my shoulder on landing.

  God. There’s a thing called being gentle.

  My phone rang. It was Sunaina! I was so happy to receive her call.

  ‘Sunaina, where the hell have you been?’ I asked her.

  ‘Naina, you know I love you, right?’ Sunaina started.

  Okay. Something was wrong.

  ‘Yes, I know. What’s wrong?’

  ‘Oh God, Naina, I’m so sorry! I’ve been a terrible friend! I haven’t been there for you when the Rohan drama happened! But, seriously, I can’t believe we didn’t figure out that he was gay. All the signs were there!’ Sunaina exclaimed.

  I couldn’t help laughing. It was quite funny.

  ‘I know, right! I couldn’t believe it myself. Anyway, what’s wrong, Sunaina?’

  I was in the bus now.

  ‘Naina, I’ve been hiding something from you, which is why I’ve been acting so distant! You remember, you had me go out for lunch with Akshay to cover for you? Well, I did that, as you know. What I didn’t tell you was that we really hit it off. Naina, I’ve been seeing him for the past two months!’ Sunaina explained.

  So, this is why she’d taken that internship in Delhi. It all made sense now.

  ‘Okay…’ I said.

  ‘Naina, he proposed. And I accepted! I’m getting engaged, Naina. Next week.’

  Okay, I was not expecting that.

  ‘Sunaina. Slow down. Wait, why didn’t you tell me you were seeing him?’ I asked.

  I felt quite hurt. My best friend was getting engaged and she didn’t even tell me till now!

  ‘I don’t know! I didn’t want to sound all happy and in love when I knew you were going through a tough time. I mean, what if you thought I was being an insensitive friend? I didn’t want you to resent me,’ Sunaina said. Her voice was shaking as if she was on the verge of tears.

  ‘Sunaina, I’m more hurt about the fact that you kept hidden such an important fact of your life from me! Anyway. Scratch that. We can get into this later. Are you sure about this, Sunaina?’ I asked her.

  Congratulate her, you fool.

  ‘I’ve never been more sure about anything, Naina. We really like each other. I’ve met him every single day since that lunch. I just can’t imagine being without him now,’ Sunaina gushed.

  She sounded so in love.

  ‘I’m so happy for you guys. Akshay seemed like a great guy, Sunaina. When’s the engagement?’

  I was collecting my luggage now, and still reeling from her news. To think that I’d met Akshay on an arranged marriage meeting, and now my best friend was getting engaged to him! Wow.

  ‘Next week! In Delhi. You’re coming, right?’ Sunaina asked me hesitantly.

  ‘Of course I’m coming, you freak. Is that even a question? Congratulations, Sunaina. I’ll see you soon. Love you,’ I said before hanging up.

  My melting point had now arrived.

  I couldn’t wait to get home.

  Chapter 22

  ‘Naina! You’re back!’ Mom ran towards me.

  She looked frazzled, the wrinkles on her forehead more evident than ever before.

  She tried to hug me, but seeing that I wasn’t reciprocating, began rambling, ‘Don’t you worry, Naina. There are still tons of boys out there. We’ll find one for you soon enough. You don’t worry, okay. Engagements get called off all the time nowadays. No big deal.’

  It seemed to me that Mom was trying to convince herself more than me.

  Dad came forward and gave me a hug. ‘Welcome back, beta. We missed you.’

  I inhaled deeply. ‘Can we please sit? I want to talk to both of you about something.’

  ‘Naina, it’s fine, beta! There’s absolutely nothing to worry about. Everyone knows that there was fishy business going on at the Agarwals, which is why we called it off! You’ve come out on top.’ Mom was rambling again.

  I held up a hand like a traffic policeman.

  ‘Stop it, Mom. I don’t care who’s come out on top. I really don’t. What I do care about is that, even now, you guys are more concerned about what your social circle thinks about the entire situation.’ I looked at both of them with incredulous eyes.

  ‘You’ve already started looking for other boys. Do you want a repeat performance of the situation? Me crying, you berating me for not k
nowing what’s good for me, etcetera. Contrary to what you think, whatever happened was a big deal for me. It has affected me badly.’

  ‘Which is why, Naina, we’ll find another boy in no time…’

  ‘Mom, don’t you get it? Do you even remember how averse I was to meeting Rohan in the first place? Do you remember that you didn’t even ask me once if I liked him? How you didn’t give me the option of deciding my fate? That day in the hotel room, when I was crying, I begged you to tell them ‘no’. Dad, do you remember?’ I looked at Dad.

  Dad looked down at the floor.

  ‘You categorically told me that you had given them your word and couldn’t go back on it. Honestly, I’ve never heard anything more stupid. What did you mean by saying you couldn’t say no? I was the one getting married to that deranged man. And I said no. No means no, right?’ I said.

  ‘Naina. We’re sorry,’ Dad said quietly.

  ‘Dad, you’re not getting what I’m trying to say. If you actually understood, Mom wouldn’t already be looking for another match for me. But, anyway, I have realized something. All these years, it’s been so convenient for me to blame you guys for all the problems in my life. Because that’s what everyone does, right? It’s the easy thing to do. No one wants to admit that they’re at fault.’

  Mom and Dad were staring at me as if they couldn’t comprehend what I was saying.

  Focus, Naina! You’re going off track!

  Sorry, inner voice. They just look so confused that I felt like laughing.

  ‘Well, guess what? Neither of you are at fault. It’s entirely my fault that I’ve let my life reach this stage. It’s my fault for not taking charge of my life. It is my life, correct? At least you have to grant me that.’ I looked at them questioningly.

  Thankfully, they didn’t answer. If they’d said no, I might have thrown something.

  ‘If only I’d been firmer about certain decisions regarding myself, we wouldn’t be sitting here. Do you know, I didn’t even want to go to Boston for college? I would have been more than happy to study in India. I did tell you. You probably don’t even remember. Mom, your reply had been that everyone studies abroad nowadays. I obviously didn’t argue much. Did I want to major in Economics? No, I didn’t. You remember that discussion? I wanted to major in Psychology. Both of you hadn’t listened to me. But then I realized. So what if you didn’t agree with me? I should have just majored in Psychology. I was the one who was there. You didn’t even know what classes I was taking.’

  I continued, ‘Mom, remember when I’d expressed my wish to work in the US after college? You told me that I had no option but to come back. Girls from our family didn’t work abroad. Again, it’s my fault that I didn’t even apply for jobs in Boston. I could have at least done that. I’d thought that I’ll work someplace in Indore itself after coming back, but we immediately left for that disastrous wedding, and you know the rest.

  ‘I’ve been blaming both of you for everything that’s gone wrong with my life. But not any more. This situation has made me realize my own shortcomings. I’m done blaming someone else. I’m done being a pushover. I’m finally waking up. I need to look myself in the eye, and own up to my mistakes. Nothing comes out of being a damsel in distress. We’re told from an early age to obey our parents. I’ve always done that and respected both of you. But now, I need to take my own stand in life.’

  Mom had started to cry softly.

  ‘Mom, please don’t do that. Whenever we are in a sticky situation, you start crying, and then, ultimately, I give in to you. I can’t see you cry. I can’t deal with the emotional drama. I know you’re used to this. Your tears fall and everyone listens to you. Don’t you think that’s wrong? You’re being so selfish. Does it always have to be what you want? What about what I want?’ My voice had started to shake a bit.

  Don’t you dare cry, Naina. You have to keep it together.

  ‘Beta, we’ve given you everything you’ve ever wanted…’

  ‘Dad, would buying me a handbag help me right now? No, it wouldn’t. I’m extremely thankful to you for everything. You’ve given me more than I ever wanted. But, listening to me for a change could have prevented the situation we are in today. Do you both even realize what would have happened if I’d actually married that boy?’ My voice had become louder now.

  ‘I would have been married to someone who doesn’t even like girls! What would we have done then? Filed for divorce on the second day of marriage? Or would you have then said that women in our family don’t get a divorce? Just suck it up, Naina, and go on with your life. Have you ever thought of that? Thank God, I decided to go back to their house that night, and saw what I did for my own eyes,’ I exclaimed.

  Just thinking about what had almost happened made me shudder. I would have been stuck in a marriage of convenience for Rohan.

  ‘Mom, do you remember Ayaan?’ I asked Mom. I didn’t care that I was talking about him in front of Dad. I didn’t give two fucks about it anymore.

  Her eyes flickered with recognition as she recalled that situation.

  ‘The only reason you made me call it off with him was that he wasn’t well off. Well, is money all that matters? You’ve brought us up with the notion of being entitled, and to look at the world from the perspective of our family standards. Don’t you think that’s wrong? What guarantee do you have that we’ll always be wealthy? Shouldn’t other factors be considered, too, when selecting a prospective suitor for your children?’ I asked.

  I was on fire.

  ‘Like, for example, the boy himself? Dad, according to your stories, you built an empire for yourself. Mom, did you look at his bank account before getting married? No, you didn’t. Things were definitely different in your day, I understand. You blindly followed your parents’ decisions. And it seemed to work in your favour, which is good. But, don’t you think that you need to move on in a progressive manner with the next generation? How do you know that Ayaan won’t be the next richest man in India? He just might. There’s no guarantee of anything, is there? We just might be on the streets tomorrow, for all we know. It makes me sick to think that I listened to your reasoning back then. I really didn’t have brains of my own. Ayaan and I might have parted ways in a couple of years. You never know. We might have gradually grown apart. Not all relationships culminate in marriage. But, to think that we broke because he was not rich enough…’

  My parents were completely silent. Maybe, I was finally getting through to them.

  ‘You guys know Sunaina, right? How rich her parents are. At least ten times more than our family. Well, guess what? She’s getting engaged to Akshay next week. The first boy that I met in Delhi,’ I informed them.

  Mom and Dad’s eyebrows shot up in surprise.

  ‘Yes, that’s correct. Akshay’s family obviously isn’t as well off as Sunaina’s. But, did her parents have any objections to that? No, they didn’t. Maybe, because they saw that their daughter is in love with a guy who is inherently decent, loves their daughter and is doing well in life. They chose their daughter’s happiness over money.’

  How could my parents be so dense? I sighed with frustration.

  ‘Sunaina, my best friend, is getting engaged and I didn’t even know about it till the last moment! Because she didn’t want me to feel bad at her good news! It makes me so angry to see where my life is right now. And why? All because of my own naiveté. God, how was I so stupid? Since childhood, I’ve been surrounded by strong personalities. Both family and friends.’ I gave Mom a knowing look. ‘I never got a chance to develop my own personality, my own viewpoint. Not anymore.’

  Okay, here it was. I was going to break the news to them.

  ‘Mom. Dad. I have something to tell you.’

  They looked at me in alarm. Did they think I was going to say that I was pregnant?

  ‘I’m moving to London. I’ve been applying for jobs since the past two month, and I’ve finally found something that I really like. It’s a marketing research analyst position at Citiban
k in London, and I move there in six weeks,’ I announced proudly.

  I couldn’t wait! Living in London had always been my dream. And, now, I was finally going to do it.

  Ideally, I would have preferred a job in the arts field, but I didn’t have the necessary qualifications for those positions. Luckily, I’d found a marketing position open at Citibank – whose requirements I met – thanks to the electives I’d taken in college.

  Mom’s and Dad’s mouths were hanging open.

  ‘Wh-what do you mean, Naina? You can’t just move to London!’ Mom sputtered.

  ‘Yes, Mom, I can, and I am going to. I really hope that both of you can somehow accept this decision. If not, then I can’t do anything about it. I should have done this a long time ago. I need to do this for myself. I want to do it for myself. So, Mom, please hold off on the boys.’

  ‘NAINAAA! YOU CAN’T DO THIS TO MEE!’ Mom screamed in anguish.

  Here she goes.

  I rolled my eyes. Mothers are so typical. Selective hearing to the extreme.

  It’s fine, inner voice.

  This time, we ignore her.

  Chapter 23

  ‘All the best, Sunaina. I love you,’ I whispered to Sunaina, as she prepared to climb on to the stage for her ring ceremony.

  I was in Delhi to attend her engagement brunch. Akshay’s family home at Chattarpur Farms was exquisitely decorated for the occasion. Rather than a traditional theme, both the families had opted for a formal brunch that required wearing western instead of Indian attire.

  Sunaina looked exceptionally pretty today. She was beaming from ear to ear. In fact, both of them were.

  It made me smile just looking at them. It was funny how things worked out between people.

  Everyone clapped as Akshay and Sunaina exchanged rings. Someone popped champagne in the crowd.

  Akshay asked for a microphone. ‘I would like to thank you all for joining us on this special occasion. I am on seventh heaven as I’ve finally found my own special someone.’

  The entire crowd went awwww. Typical.

  ‘There’s someone that Sunaina and I would both like to thank. Naina? Where are you? Yes, there she is.’