Emotional Sandwiches

by Sarah Ashley Neal

  It would be unwise to mistake Humble for Innocence or even Naivety. It is a free spirit and can be practised by anyone and everyone. It isn’t something in your emotional toolkit that you only search for when you have to apologise or happen to be feeling less important than someone else. If you feel less worthy or suffer from low esteem, then this would be a good time to look at what it is that is making you feel this way. You may feel humble while discovering what that’s about, as you explore your feelings, and find that it has more to do with a lack of confidence. It is a good first step to remove the ego long enough to be open to exploring any underlying reasons.

  Owning the decision to make a positive change about you and seeing that through can take courage. When you feel silly for doing this, then you’ve probably still got your ego attached, no doubt worrying what other people may think or feeling too embarrassed to own up to the fact that you are more human than you originally thought!

  Humble rounded everyone up and explained to both groups that people can get the wrong impression of what it means to be humble, perceiving it to be a vulnerable character, and they couldn’t be more mistaken!

  When you are feeling in an uncomfortable position, one which you have either put yourself into or found yourself in – as the result of being in the wrong place at the wrong time – Humble can come to the rescue. Humility is one of the qualities to have which will carry you through the difficult times; it won’t necessarily solve your difficulties. Guilt and Blame tend to miraculously enter the stage, each playing a martyr for their sins. So they need to be explored as well in the event they are having an impact on a situation. If they arrived unnecessarily, by default, competing for attention while starring in the play Martyrdom – Death by Exaggeration, just kick them off stage! Graciously of course.

  Feeling humble when you have upset someone is understandable. Although, playing a martyr to Subservience that has eaten too much Pie just weighs Humble down. Needless to say it can be quite exhausting emotionally.

  “What can I expect to feel when I am being humble?” Interestingly, this had been asked by Benjy, one of the egos that hadn’t spoken a word all morning.

  Happy to hear a question that demonstrated the workshop had moved on to the next level, Humble summed up its initial answer in one word: ‘Empowering’.

  Little did the egos know that the walk in the countryside, after lunch, was going to expose each of them to all kinds of emotions and if they wore their hats, any sudden gust of wind could blow them sideways. Intent on venturing off the beaten track, Humble wanted the group to feel slightly vulnerable, while keeping them safe on the chosen path. The idea behind this cunning plan (if you can equate Humble to any form of deceit) was to guide them to a place where they could be in awe of something, for a moment, and allow their own importance to step aside at the realisation that they were part of something big and connected to more than the eye could see. Humble would also make it clear that this wasn’t the same as being dismissive of your own importance altogether! Feeling self-empowered is probably about having the confidence to know the difference.

  Admittedly, they weren’t following an Inca trail or climbing Kilimanjaro but they were surrounded by landscape, all the same. One which owned its story that dated back thousands of years. Indigenous populations may have died out, leaving an unmarked territory on the surface to a distant eye. Yet, what lies beneath the land that simply hides and protects those stories may only be unearthed by archaeologists, with permission. Even then, the tangible items cannot bring along with them the feelings that had once been felt by those who previously held them. Polished up, they get to sit alongside other artefacts in a museum that promises to preserve their stories; or certainly offer an alternative resting place that will remind those inclined to visit, that an alternative reality once existed. It is at this point that you can become sentient and feelings can stir. Who knows, you may be picking them up from the past!

  I don’t know about you, but on the occasions that I have wandered through a replica of a historical village, designed to take you ‘emotionally’ back in time, I have truly felt humbled. The past happened. It just reminds me that while the present is a great place to live my life from, the lives once lived, across the planet, make up a past that I will never fully understand; yet, I often sense a connection.

  Without a doubt, all this sightseeing left the group feeling humble. Considering the combined wealth of experiences that were lived before and the experiences that were yet to unfold – to be lived by someone else, somewhere – it seemed clear that the egos still had time to leave their own mark, too! That thought alone was empowering as well as somewhat overwhelming. So, that’s what Humble meant when it spoke about feeling empowered. The realisation that we are all here to live a life and not simply to watch others live theirs (unless you are watching a reality TV show for research and it forms part of a comparative study) is self-empowering. Seeing the beauty when we stop to see it, or choosing to smell the residual fumes left by Time, as it travels alongside us at speed, burning up its fuel reserves so that stopping on the way doesn’t become an option, is up to us to decide.

  During the walk, Humble reckoned this activity had more of a ramblers’ club-like feel to it as everyone walked at different paces. Some egos moved in front and others fell behind. Some took a break to have a chat with their feelings and emotions until they realised they were lagging behind. It was at this point that they took to running, in order to catch up with the striders ahead and as for the asthmatics… their inhalers could be heard sounding off in unison!

  Sometimes the egos shared interests and other times it was obvious their personalities clashed. It is not uncommon to fall out occasionally when spending time in each other’s space; you don’t always want to walk or talk with everyone. It often takes strength to manage your emotions in a less than comfortable situation and, in turn, control your reactions. As Humble witnesses your distress, it prompts you to look inwards and decide if it is something about yourself that is coming to the surface as you spend time with others. Egos may act as human shields but they also act as mirrors. This was one of Humble’s ideas, anyway!

  Curiosity can work to your advantage when you find yourself in a situation that causes internal conflict. On the walk you can choose to ask the right questions, only to find out that you discover something interesting about another person. Invariably, you can let your ego quieten down, as you take turns to listen to each other’s stories. It is not unusual to find out that you actually have more in common than you first thought, after assuming the worst initially. A small disagreement may have happened when you met, triggering off a chain reaction of unease which simply had to be broken. What better way to do this than on a walk – on a sunny day!

  As the egos arrived back at the marquee, a few of them exchanged contact details and acknowledged they had been too hasty in forming opinions about one another; others simply remained amicable, still finding it difficult to leave their competitive side out of the workshop. Bringing the session to a close, Humble reinforced to the group that it can take time to develop a mindset that finally allows you to take comfort in the idea that being humble can bring a sense of peace to many other aspects of your life, where it has been absent.

  Leaving the marquee, the egos went to pick up their own hat. Some of them picked up two! They appeared to look at them slightly differently and with less desperation than earlier that morning, parting with a sense of achievement. It wasn’t difficult for Humble to notice that the hats that had been left behind were nothing more than a veil that, when worn, hid the insecurities which lay beneath. It was lovely to see that some of them didn’t feel the need to take them back or, perhaps, had simply forgotten to pick them up as they left, still caught up in the events of the day. Humble wouldn’t turn off its phone just yet, in case it had some distressed callers on the other end requiring immediate protection, once the novelty from the day had worn away! Aware tha
t egos are part and parcel of who we are, it didn’t really expect any of the delegates, from that day or any other, to discard their hats forever but simply to be mindful how best to wear them.

  Learning how to cope with true disappointments in life when they lay beside you, asking to be understood, is not dissimilar to when Darkness just wanted your attention, whilst fidgeting endlessly! The ego rattles on and on leaving your mind, quite literally, full of ifs and buts… and maybes. Certain that the egos didn’t attend the workshop because they wanted a sermon, Humble sensed that they did want reassurance that there was something else, outside of themselves that could teach them more than they already knew. Some of them arrived inflated and needed to be compressed whilst others were able to sit comfortably without falling over. It would like to say that there is no room for egocentricity in its workshops but alas, that is exactly what shapes them and makes them more interesting.

  As it packed up for the day and opened the door to leave, it hoped that it had entertained the group and also charmed its readers just as much as all of the other characters had entertained – if not more!

  Nearly jumping out of its skin, it heard in its head the words, “Hey, Humble… take off your hat… you can’t say that…”

  Benjy had been sitting quietly by the door waiting for a lift home and must have become telepathic as a result of opening up his senses to the elements during the day, speaking to Humble without appearing to move his lips! Benjy had only spoken out twice during the workshop. If he had communicated to Humble through non-verbal channels then he was about to witness the humility expressed through the voice of a master.

  Humble blushed as it saw Benjy, and replied, “Oops… Sorry…!”

  Benjy smiled and speaking softly, replied, “Don’t worry, no one’s perfect. And by the way, I teach IT!”

  The Last Word

  “Cut…!” shouted the director.

  Congratulations were in order as all the characters breathed a sigh of relief, in chorus, greeting Humble outside of the studio on what had been the final day of filming. Emotional Sandwiches, which was sometimes shortened and referred to by the cast as ES, had indeed been an interesting documentary to make.

  Most of the characters were pleased that they didn’t get involved in the original plot with the French detective. Coincidentally, he had been filming in the studios around the corner along with his cast, and was now shooting his third series! It seemed a long time ago that the Emotional Sandwiches went for their very first interview. It wasn’t something that could be easily forgotten! None of them realised, then, that the book would blossom into a 3D adventure and spark further interest requiring them to take a crash course in method acting skills. They had learned over time to become more emotionally involved and hone in on their character’s strengths and weaknesses. During this escapade, bringing the first book alive had been truly an adventure.

  The book could only provide a flavour, designed to leave a tingle on your tongue and a mark on your mind that persuades your own questions to cross boundaries, and search for more answers in your own time. The documentary could only capture so much detail. And as with many programmes, which explored the meaning of life in one sense or another, there was often more footage made which would never get shown, yet still takes its toll on the actors. A sequel would have to be made if there was any chance of exploring a character in depth. Patience had already auditioned and she was lined up, by the same director, to work in a new series alongside Time. That title was still under wraps.

  It wasn’t quite over yet! The director wanted to film some of the events that followed Humble’s final scene to give the audience greater insight into the characters’ own experiences. It would most likely present the ideal opportunity for them to share their frustrations; although, what would give them cause, in the first place, to become frustrated?

  Well, in order for the producers to take a look at a handful of perspectives, in the allotted time, they risked skimming over a few others which seemed equally valid. As a result, emotions among the cast rose to the surface as disagreements took place. It was difficult for the crew to prepare for their entrances and they had to deal with the emotions as they appeared. When they stir they begin to stimulate reactions. These may be internalised before they graduate to the next level and either display signs and symptoms first, or rush in with no warning, leaving the owner of that emotion bereft or amused. These emotional states, felt or witnessed, are known as feelings. A word about these, before we get back to the ‘end of show party’ and hear some more home-grown truths!

  Feelings

  Feelings can tie you up in knots or go around in circles until someone or something encourages them to break the cycle and behave in a less self-centred way. A feeling is naturally self-centred and oozes signs of promise or despair. In between both suggestions appears an abundance of emotional markers which prove useful on our path in life, helping us to make comparisons and fine tune our thoughts.

  The impact of a feeling is often explored when it is adversely affecting a person’s behaviour. They may negatively hold that person back from reaching a goal (a goal, for now, could be absolutely anything of your choosing). You could be striving to overcome agoraphobia and experience a feeling of fear in open spaces and this holds you back from leaving the house. Alternatively you may have lost your confidence and feel nervous about filling in the next job application, which holds you back from getting a foot in the door, on a new career path. Gosh, you could even be climbing Mount Everest and the feelings of fear have you turning around and running back down the mountain, emptying your entire emotional toolkit along the way! Feelings can be held accountable for many trials and tribulations and we are responsible, in the end, for how we feel.

  Is there a beginning or an end to a feeling or is it constantly revolving around something or someone and can we enter a cycle at any point to engage and have an experience? Feelings are like London double-decker buses: you can hop on and off a bus pretty much 24/7. They go round and round the city centre, inhabited by different people, at different times, and no two experiences are identical, even when the journey feels the same. There is usually something on board which colours in each experience differently and the length of time you are on the bus may vary. If you get stuck in traffic, the ride can feel intense. Sometimes you can find yourself changing buses, more than once, to make the overall journey smoother, moving from one to another to suit your mood.

  Eventually, through experience, you begin to work out that your own feelings can arrive at specific times during the day, the month or year – just like buses. You may not be sure at what time they are due to depart! Feelings may coincide with the moon’s cycle, an anniversary or even a point in the day that has reserved its spot, making a regular appearance. And, there may be nothing you can do about that! When you are hungry for food or anything else that makes your tummy rumble with butterflies, you can have feelings that transpire from nowhere. Well… certainly kept hidden from us at the time and possibly understood in more detail at a later date.

  Some feelings, though, crop up out of the blue, randomly throwing us off guard while others have a habit of returning frequently, yet still can’t be pinned down to a particular time. Very few feelings can be captured in a timetable, informing us of an arrival or departure time. Just like buses, sometimes our feelings don’t show up when we expect them to. Then, guess what, a few of them come waltzing by, all in a row as if they have been asked to attend an identity parade. You look at them thinking, Yep that’s the one… or is it the other one I prefer… or shall I let them both pass by and jump on the next one coming around the corner?! Feelings – who needs them?

  Of course some feelings are so great that you spend little time wondering how they came about! It is only when you sway from a high to a low emotionally with no reasonable explanation that these may need to be investigated. Assuming that all your happy and contented feelings can be traced
back to the source, I suggest you keep doing what you are doing and stockpile them in the event of an emergency. They can’t be bought but they can be shared. Actually, can they be bought or do we buy a commodity that will influence our feelings to behave in one way or another? Why don’t you have a think about that one the next time you eat a bar of chocolate or drink a pint of beer?!

  *

  All the characters from the set of Emotional Sandwiches met in the lobby area of the adjacent hotel. This is the one which had stood witness to the rollercoaster of feelings over the last few months and were exhibited most evenings by one or more members of the emotional fellowship – if not the entire crew. The cast was ushered through to the lounge to pick up a glass of champers and seduce their appetite with a few hors d’oeuvres.

  The cast had also popped in from the show next door. They seemed happy to tuck into the bite-sized delicacies (no… the canapés, not the sandwiches!). While the French actor recalled their first encounter, making up a few of his own stories along the way, the interviewer was prepping in the background for an informal event, which would take place after everyone had eaten. Overhearing some of the loose-lipped fabrications coming from that side of the room, he now had a better understanding about the leading actor and why he was known for his extra-curricular skillset among the ES cast. Gossip is often hearsay, he thought, and shouldn’t be read into. Once the guests shot off, no one left behind felt any the wiser, only mildly disappointed, for not knowing if the rumours floating around were actually true. After all, the Frenchman was a tad dishy!

  The ES cast were asked to remain in the same room. Yep, in the same room all together at the same time… on this occasion! Up until now, they had all been used to working either alone or with a few sidekicks. All of them seemed jolly pleased not to have been thrown together to fight it out amongst themselves, from the start – which, incidentally, is exactly what appeared to happen at the auditions led by Monsieur what’s-his-name.