Drowning in Stars

by Debra Anastasia

  “He hits Gaze. That’s what he does.” I changed my grip and tried to move around Austin.

  Austin stepped forward and put his hands on the bat. “Oh, sweetheart. Gaze can kick that old, drunk man’s ass. Like, he could do it sitting down. He’s really, really safe.”

  A fire rose in me. “I don’t trust Bruce.”

  I was going to make Austin get physical if he wanted to stop me. Instead, he went to the door and opened it up. “I’ve got your back, baby.”

  I stormed into the living room. Gaze was clearly in no danger. Bruce looked so diminished. He was part of my nightmares as well, but it was a while ago now. Instead of Bruce being in charge, Gaze stood confident and unafraid. Over my shoulder was Austin. He reached out and put a hand on my shoulder.

  Bruce’s eyes grew wide when he took me in. “Pixie Rae? You grew up.”

  It seemed like the kind of thing the adults said to kids my age now, but Gaze slapped Bruce right across the face. Bruce stumbled back and he held his face.

  “Don’t look at her.” Gaze took a step in Bruce’s direction and Bruce stepped back, a choreographed dance of fear.

  “Okay. Okay.” Bruce held up his hands. I let the bat slide from my hands and clank on the floor.

  “You can hit him if it’ll make you feel better,” Gaze offered.

  I shook my head slowly, concerned. “That’s not who I am.”

  “Yeah. Me neither.” Gaze folded his arms but angled his body between Bruce and me.

  “That’s good to hear, son. Good to hear.” Bruce was blustering himself up, angling for something.

  “You’re moving out, Bruce. Austin is here. He’s an adult and we need this apartment.” It was like Gaze was talking to a telemarketer. Dispassionate. “And Pixie is going to be staying here, and I don’t trust you to say and do all the right things that requires.”

  “Where am I supposed to go?”

  Just that question established that Bruce was already accepting of the fact that he was not in control anymore.

  “Wherever you’ve been for the last few nights works for me. Tell me where it is, and I’ll pop by with some money to keep you out of my hair from time to time. The other option is just leave. Both work for me.” Gaze rubbed his fingertips together, waiting for the decision between two of the very same sounding options.

  I put my hand on Austin’s. This was going to work out. Between Detective Sam, the social worker, Mrs. Josephine, and now Gaze kicking Bruce out, this was going to work.

  And then I didn’t want to see it anymore. I wanted to let Gaze have his privacy for saying goodbye to Bruce. It wasn’t emotional for him, but it was monumental. He was defeating his own beast. Slaying his own dragon.

  Austin picked up the bat and we went back into Gaze’s room and closed the door.

  “He’s got it, truly. We would play-fight all the time. He’s got more moves than that old guy could ever hope to have.” Austin put the bat back in the corner.

  “Yeah. I’m still getting ahold of the fact that Gaze is huge and ripped. Back in the day, I was taller than him.” I held my hand as high as I remembered Gaze being.

  Austin’s smile slid to the side and his nose crinkled. “Aww. He was a little baby man. Good for him. That’s a lot of vitamins and shit to get him to be the monster that he is now. I forgot he was tiny.”

  Austin sat crisscross on the floor and pulled out his phone. I sat next to him and he browsed his photo albums. “Oh, here we go. Check it.”

  He handed me his phone and started scrolling through Austin’s version of Gaze’s arrival in his life. It was lovely. And that made me happy. I heard Gaze telling his father to pack his bags and leave. It was a strong moment. A proud moment. As I flipped through his past, he was paving the way for his future.

  Chapter 52

  Gaze

  THE FRONT DOOR closed behind my father with one suitcase and two trash bags full of stuff. I stood there for a few minutes before I was hugged around my middle by Pixie and around my shoulders by Austin. I hugged them back as much as I could.

  “It’s fine, guys. Totally fine. I amputated any delusions I had of him being my father years ago.” I grabbed Pixie’s hand and twirled her into me when Austin released us both. “Thanks, though. You okay?”

  I looked at her. “Yeah. Sure. I mean, I was ready to kill him, but also, this is good.” Her eyes sparkled.

  “You gave me flashbacks to the last time you came to my defense with a bat.” I bit my bottom lip while she blushed.

  “Okay, I think you have to tell me that story.” Austin slouched against the countertop.

  “A story for a different day. Pixie and I have school tomorrow. But, I want to show you your new room. Sorry it smells like old drunk balls.” I walked over to Bruce’s room and opened the door.

  Austin spun in with pizzazz and then made a face. “It’s gonna need some love, but that’s okay. I’ve got a project now. Tomorrow, ” he made jazz hands above his head, “IKEA.”

  “That’s good. I have practice tomorrow. You’re still in ISS?” I turned to Pixie. She shrugged.

  “I’m not sure. I hit Ashlin pretty hard. I guess it depends on how much of a fuss she makes of it. Technically, it’s my first offense and the admin was pretty understanding after the whole fire alarm pull thing.” She held my hand with both of hers.

  “Pixie, you’re a regular mob boss. I think it’d be best to stay on your good side.” Austin widened his eyes and wiggled his eyebrows.

  “I think you’re safe.”

  “So, let’s order some delivery and eat.” I pulled out my phone and tapped on the website for the Chinese food from around the block. I passed my phone around so they could each put in what they wanted.

  Pixie put in her predictable sweet and sour chicken and Austin always liked a pork dish. They were quick and we had food in front of us soon enough.

  It was amazing how a place could be transformed by who was in it. That this place that had held so much anger and fear could be this different was astonishing.

  Laughter and food. Pretty Pixie and hilarious Austin. No Bruce. It was turning up, this path I was on. I felt like I brought my luck with the Burathons here to Pixie. And she deserved that and more.

  Chapter 53

  Gaze

  WE STAYED UP way too late. Neither Pixie nor I had homework because of all the time we spent in ISS yesterday. But our evening ended the same, looking into Pixie’s eyes and falling asleep. At six-thirty a.m., there was a knock on the door. I was out of bed and Austin was at the peephole by the time Pixie figured out what was going on.

  “Two adults. Man and a woman.” Austin offered me a peek.

  “And they can hear you loud and clear.” Detective Sam’s deep voice carried easily through the door.

  Austin pointed to Pixie and then to Bruce’s old bedroom. “That’s yours if they ask.”

  “Hold on one second!” I hollered. Austin hurried into Bruce’s room and tossed his sleeping bag over Pixie’s head. I caught it and ran it into his room.

  Pixie nodded her understanding as Austin unlocked the door. She was supposed to be staying in Bruce’s room, not with me in my bed. At least we all had clothes on in various states, mostly because we collapsed so late last night. Austin and I liked having no shirt on best.

  “Good morning.” Austin rubbed at his eyes and raked his hand through his hair before sticking it out to Sam.

  “Austin, I assume?” Sam was way more awake than we were. Mrs. Josephine was there, too. She looked up from her phone to nod hello to us all. She walked over to Pixie.

  “Is there somewhere we can chat alone for a few?” She leaned her head toward my bedroom door.

  “Actually, this is my room, so let’s go in here.” I winked at Pixie when no one was watching, proud of her for thinking of the switch on the fly.

  After the door closed, Austin sat at the kitchen table and we followed his lead.

  “So, how are the baby and the wife?” I remembered he’d m
ade time for us on an important night in his life.

  “Oh, great. So scary still. Newborns are tiny as hell. The wife did great, though.” Sam pulled out his phone and showed both Austin and me the picture of an angry little baby wearing a pink hat.

  “What did you name them?” Austin smiled, and I hoped that Sam would be cool about Austin not assigning gender to his baby.

  “Her name is Pixie Ann. And I’m realizing now I never asked Pixie here for her permission. She’s a really cool human, and I thought it would be a strong name.” Sam considered the closed door.

  “I’m glad they’re all okay.” I nodded at him to let us get started. “I’ve got school soon. And practice.”

  “Fair enough. I don’t want you to be late. How’s it working out here?” Sam made a twirl with his index finger.

  I leaned forward in my chair. “I kicked Bruce out last night. I can’t have him. He’s not good. He’s angry and unpredictable and I won’t have him around Pixie. Not when I have Austin.” I put my hands out, palms up.

  “Will Bruce retaliate? Get angry that Pixie essentially changed his whole life?” Sam rubbed his top lip.

  “No. He knows that I’m bigger and meaner than he can ever be. And he’s just flat-out old.” I flipped my hands over and tapped my fingers on the table. “What are they talking about?”

  “Mrs. Josephine and Pixie? She’s checking with her that she’s okay. Making sure she understands that she doesn’t have to stay here. Make sure no one is hurting her.”

  I was furious but put my head down. All the times she could’ve used that conversation and protection, no one was there for her. But no one here would hurt her.

  “You okay?” Sam was obviously watching me.

  “Yeah. It’s just I’m finding out everything she’s been through while I was gone at once. And I feel guilty about that.” I slouched in my chair.

  “And what did she go through?” Sam knocked on the table lightly, fishing for information.

  I clamped my lips together and shook my head.

  “That sounds like a question you should be asking Pixie, not Gaze.” Austin sat taller in his chair.

  I recognized his tone. He was adopting Pixie just like he had me so long ago. Pixie didn’t know how special it was, but I was hoping she would someday. Once one of the Burathons loved you, they all did.

  There was a thick silence where I gave Sam a pointed stare. He knew. I was betting he knew, and that’s what had bothered him about Pixie’s situation the whole time I was gone. Why he was at Bic’s door after I punched him.

  Just then Pixie opened Bruce/Austin’s door and walked out in front of Mrs. Josephine.

  “Well, I have all I need, Sam, and I have to get to three more homes before nine o’clock. You good to go? I mean, you don’t have to come with me if you want to stay.” She was halfway out the door before she turned back to Pixie. “I gave you my card, right?” Pixie nodded and held the card up. “Okay. Anything happens, you call.” She was in the hallway before she tossed a goodbye over her shoulder to us.

  Pixie leaned against the doorjamb and addressed Sam, “Anything else?”

  I couldn’t gauge anything from her demeanor.

  “Actually, can I get in on that one-on-one time? Are you comfortable with that?”

  Pixie folded her arms and nodded before backing into Bruce’s room.

  “You can get ready for school, maybe?” Sam suggested and then seemed like he was questioning his own logic.

  The door closed behind them and I turned to Austin. “What do you think he wants?”

  “Probably to tell her he Rumplestiltskined her first name?” he guessed.

  I should have gotten ready for school, but I stayed rooted in the chair, staring at the door.

  I stared at my phone before coming to a conclusion. “I need to ask our parents if they can add Pixie’s phone to our cell phone plans.”

  Austin started to text, “Yup. They said no problem. We can have up to ten lines on our plan. She’s in.”

  Chapter 54

  Pixie Rae

  I SAT ON Bruce’s bed and waited for Sam to tell me what was up. We were going to be late for school at this rate, but I was going to lean on him to write us a note.

  “How’d that go?” He gestured over his shoulder with his thumb.

  “Fine? She asked me the questions you’d expect, I guess. Making sure I was safe and looked after. Which at seventeen, I can get married in most states.” I watched Sam shift from one foot to the other. “Gaze said your wife was having a baby? How’d that go?”

  “Actually, I was going to ask you something, but really it turns out now I’m telling you something because it’s already done, but anyway…”

  He seemed so nervous I chuckled a little.

  “We had a girl and we named her Pixie and I hope that’s okay.”

  I sat in silence for a beat. I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to be honored or just aware. “I’ve enjoyed it as a name. I’m sure she will, too. Congrats.”

  “I really love the name, but part of that was because I was always impressed with you, and I hope she gets some of your feistiness. So thank you. For being you. This is more awkward than I hoped it would be. Of course, I’d wanted to ask you about it, but the next thing I knew nine months were up.” He shoved his hands into his pockets.

  “I think it’s awesome. Thank you. And I’m sure she’ll be a handful. No worries.” I stood and offered him a hug. He sighed with relief and gave me a quick pat before stepping away.

  “So, this gives me a lot of pull down at the station, I’m guessing?” I tried my luck.

  “See? I knew I’d get in trouble.” He opened Bruce’s door. “Let me guess, you guys need an excuse for school?”

  “You’re a smart guy.” I walked through the door behind him and grabbed notepaper and a pen from the counter.

  Chapter 55

  Gaze

  IT WAS CRAZY that I was essentially “new” at the school, despite spending years with some of the kids. There were for sure some kids from the surrounding neighborhoods that were more like the Burathons, so there were cliques pertaining to that as well. My basketball skills made me a favorite. After my discipline, the basketball kids acted like I’d done nothing wrong. Which made sense. Ashlin was still being overly nice to me even with Pixie near me almost all the time. I also met Pixie’s friends. She hung out with a weird yet sweet girl with purple hair named Cam and another girl who was quiet and on the track team whose name was Lonnie.

  Even though they were more on the outskirts of the basketball clan, they were allowed to sit on our row of tables and talk to Pixie without fear of bullying. I recognized that despite being last on the team, I was in a position to set the tone most days.

  Austin made the most of his IKEA trip and also bought supplies for Pixie. He made a little painting studio for her near the kitchen. He worked from home on his Instagram account that was banging. He had so many followers that restaurants and businesses were hitting him up to go to them for free and post a few pictures. Bruce managed with a weekly allowance I delivered to him on Thursday evenings. I couldn’t tell if he’d been dipping into the sauce again or not. His new girlfriend, Mabel, seemed to be good for him. She was really into yoga and tea, and offered me chances at both every time I passed by. Her place was on the way to school, and Bruce was living there.

  Pixie seemed happy. We slept together every night, holding hands and sometimes cuddling. I was careful with my dick, making sure it didn’t let on how much it wanted to be inside her.

  She seemed to appreciate that.

  Austin and Pixie made all my games. They sat on the left side three rows up, so I always knew where to look for them. Austin even had a little pile of groupies that followed his Instagram and would use the context clues in the background of his pictures to see where he was.

  Pixie and I did homework every day after I was done with practice or a game. It was familiar and centered us both.

  One evenin
g after checking in with Mike and Ronna, I put a question to Pixie that had been on my mind. “You know they were making the announcements and said prom tickets are on sale. Do you wanna go?”

  Pixie avoided eye contact and chewed on the end of her pencil. “Proms are expensive.”

  “I have money now. We can just decide if you want to go.”

  “I hadn’t really thought about it.”

  Austin spoke up after glancing away from his phone screen, “Girl, everyone has thought about prom. It’s a huge life-altering experience. It’s the wedding for the unwed.”

  “I don’t have anything to wear. And neither do you, Gaze.”

  “Kittens. Please. As if. Do you see me? Every day? I’m amazing. And I’m willing to dress you both up and toss some of this style on you. Don’t you trust me?” Austin put his hands on his hips.

  “He does have an incredible Instagram,” Pixie observed. “I’m not sure how well his style would translate on us, but he’s being so kind staying here with us so we can finish school, maybe if that’s what brings him joy we can roll with it.”

  “This is true. And I’ve never seen a person with more scarves in their closet in my life.” I stood up and stretched. “I’ll do whatever he asks, and he knows it.”

  Austin sat next to Pixie, draping his arm casually over the back of the sofa. “You and I are going to have to do some sleuthing online to find out what speaks to you.”

  I wish I could pull the same move, but I was going to give Pixie all the distance she needed. No matter how much it affected me physically. In my pants.

  “I don’t mind hitting a few thrift stores. That’s pretty much how I get my outfits together anyway. More socially conscious.” Pixie tucked her leg under her.

  “I stan that whole vibe. Let’s do it. Gaze, you can dominate the basketball court this afternoon, and Pixie Rae and I will make her dreams come true.”

  So we had our plan. Austin would find what spoke to him for me, and Pixie was going to get something together. We didn’t have a lot of time, and I had to focus on being the best I could for the upcoming basketball tournament.