Forever and Always

by Beverley Hollowed

  “That really is too bad” he sighed. For a couple of minutes neither of the spoke. Melanie just listened to his breathing down the phone. She knew he was worried and it broke her heart.

  “Sam I love you” she reassured him. “By this time tomorrow we can be together and I won’t care who knows”.

  “I love you too” he said and she knew he was smiling. “I will see you tomorrow then. Call me as soon as you can”.

  “I will Sam” she assured him. “Try not to worry. Everything will be ok”.

  “Ok” he replied. “Bye Melanie”

  “Bye Sam” she whispered. She held the phone to her year and listened to Sam breathing.

  “Hang up” he laughed.

  “You hang up” she replied and giggled.

  “I don’t want to” he whispered.

  “Well I don’t either” she sighed.

  “I wish I was right there with you now” he replied. “I wish I had you naked on your bed and I would kiss every inch of your beautiful body”. Melanie could feel her breath quicken as she imagined his gorgeous mouth on her body.

  “I wish you were here too” she replied and closed her eyes as she imagined his handsome face and he beautiful smile. She longed to feel his arms around her.

  “You sure you have to go to Lucy’s” he asked.

  “Yes” she said and laughed at his persistence. “And I really should be going. So say goodbye Sam”.

  “Good bye Sam” he laughed.

  “Very funny” she giggled. “Good bye Sam”

  “I love you” he whispered.

  “I love you too” she replied and pressed the end call button and sighed. God she loved him so much. She hoped that it would be enough when she told him what she was keeping from him.

  Suddenly the phone rang again and made her jump and she couldn’t help but smile as she pressed the answer button. She knew Sam would call her back.

  “You know this could be classified as stalking” she laughed when she put the phone to her ear.

  “Well I missed you too much and I can’t believe you are making me wait till tomorrow to see you” Simon voice came from the other end of the phone. Melanie’s heart almost stopped.

  “Simon” trying to sound as normal as possible and failing miserably. “Where are you?”

  “I am just heading to the airport” he replied sounding a little less happier than he had a moment ago.

  “Did you have a good weekend” she asked nervously.

  “I missed you baby” he replied. “I should have never gone for so long. I just can’t wait to see you. I wish you would let me call by tonight. I just want to be with you and lose myself inside you”.

  Melanie closed her eyes and tried to steady her breathing. This was going to be so much harder than she had imagined. She had only thought about how much she loved Sam. She never really thought about how much Simon loved her. She was going to destroy him.

  “You will see me tomorrow” was all she could manage to say. She knew that wasn’t what he was hoping to hear. She could hear his deep sigh at the other end of the phone. And her heart ached. She really wish she wasn’t about to break his heart.

  “Love you Mel” he sighed. She knew he knew something was wrong and his words were almost a plea to her. She wished she could give him the reassurance he wanted but she just couldn’t lie to him.

  “I love you Simon” she replied. And it wasn’t a lie. She really did love him but it just wasn’t enough. The feeling she had for Simon just didn’t even come close to the love she had for Sam. Her heart belonged to him. “I should get going Simon. Lucy is expecting me. I will see you tomorrow”.

  “I can’t wait” he replied sadly. “Bye Mel”.

  “Bye Simon” she replied and pressed the end button.

  By the time she got to Lucy’s she felt miserable and completely racked with guilt. When Lucy opened her front door and saw her friend she immediately wrapped her arms around her tightly.

  “So how are you doing” Lucy asked when she finally got Calum to bed and the two girls were sitting on the sofa each with a glass of wine.

  “Honestly” Melanie replied. “I don’t know. Simon rang this evening before I left. He knows something isn’t right and I feel like crap that tomorrow I am going to rip his heart out of his chest and trample it to bits. I am such a horrible person”.

  “You’re not horrible Melanie” Lucy assured her. “You are in love. You have been since you were 17 and we have no way of controlling who we love. God knows you tried to get over Sam. But you love him and I really believe he loves you too”.

  “Yeah but that could change once I tell him about the baby” Melanie replied.

  “You still haven’t told him” Lucy exclaimed. “Melanie why not”.

  “I have tried. I really have” she replied. “But I am so scared that he won’t want me when he knows I can’t have kids. Kids are all he ever wanted. And I just can’t give him a child. I guess I just wanted a little more time with him before I lose him forever”.

  “You don’t know that you’ll lose him” Lucy said. “He loves you Mel. I don’t think anything could change how he feels”.

  “God Lucy I really hope so” Melanie sighed.

  Lucy poured them both another glass of wine and handed Melanie’s hers. She smiled reassuringly at her friend but her heart went out to her. She knew Melanie was worried and she really didn’t know what she could do or say to reassure her friend.

  Melanie lay in bed in Lucy’s spare room and tried to sleep but her head was spinning with thoughts of what she had to do the next day.

  Finally she pulled out her phone and dialled Sam’s number. He answered after just one ring.

  “Melanie” his voice was filled with concern. “Are you ok sweetheart?”

  “Yeah I just wanted to hear your voice” she replied softly. “I really wish you were right here beside me”.

  “Do you want me to come get you” he asked.

  “Yeah but I think it’s best you don’t” she replied honestly. “I just wanted to hear you. I miss you lying beside me. I miss your smell. I can’t sleep without you”.

  “I miss you too” he whispered softly. “I have an idea. Lie down”.

  Melanie did as he said still holding the phone to her ear.

  “Ok, are you comfy” he asked.

  “Uh huh” she murmured.

  “Ok I want you to closes you eyes” he added and she did. “Now imagine my arms are wrapped around you, I am tracing my fingers gently up and down your back. I am smelling your hair and I can smell the coconut shampoo you use. Now I am kissing your neck and you can feel my breath washing over you”. Melanie could almost feel him touch her and suddenly she felt safe and happy. She felt home.

  “I love you Melanie O’Leary” he whispered down the phone. But she didn’t answer. He could hear her breathing becoming more shallow and regular and he smiled. He knew she had fallen asleep. He listened to her breathing for a while and wished he could be there to kiss her beautiful face.

  “Goodnight my gorgeous girl” he finally whispered after about 40 minutes and he finally hung up the phone.

  Melanie dreamt of her and Sam together. They were lying side by side on their beach. He takes her in his arms. He runs his fingers up and down her neck and he softly kisses her lips. And she felt completely happy.

  But then something is different. His lips feel different and his smell, that’s different too.

  Quietly she snaps her eyes open and is shocked to find Simon looking down at her. His face inches from hers. And he presses his lips against her once more.

  “Mel I have missed you so much” he moans against her mouth. This isn’t a dream.

  Chapter 20“What are you doing here” Melanie demands sitting up quickly in the bed. She sounded harsher than she had intended to.

  “I was driving James home from the airport and I had to see you” he replied, the disappointment obvious in his voice. “I have missed you so much. I just wanted
to see your beautiful face”.

  He pulled her to him and wrapped his arms tightly around her. She could feel panic build inside her as she reluctantly let hms take her in his arms. Her heart felt like it was going to burst. How could she do this to him?

  He kissed her hair softly and ran his hands up and down her back. When his hands reached the bottom off her t-shirt he took it in his hands and began to pull it up her body.

  “Simon don’t “Melanie said as she pushed his hands away from her top. But before she could say anything else he slammed his lips against hers so hard their teeth clashed but it didn’t seem to stop him. He pushed his tongue into her mouth so hard it almost made her gag.

  “Simon stop” she cried when she finally pulled her mouth free from his.

  “FOR FUCK SAKE MEL” he shouted angrily. “WHAT IS YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM”.

  “Simon keep your voice down” Melanie snapped. “You will wake Calum”.

  “Mel I have been going out of my fucking mind” he replied this time in a lower voice but the sadness in his voice was unmistakable. “We’re supposed to be getting married in a little over a week and you can’t seem to bare me touching you. When I called you from Spain you sounded so distant and cold”.

  Melanie didn’t know what to say. She didn’t want to lie to him and give him false assurance but she didn’t want to have it out with him there in her best friend’s spare room.

  “Mel I love you” he continued. “Please tell me what I have done wrong. I am so scared I am losing you. Please Mel. Tell me. What do I need to do”.

  Melanie felt her heart hit the pit of her stomach. She felt like such a complete cow. Simon was so sweet and good and she was obviously hurting him. Why couldn’t she just love him?

  “I am just stressed out about wedding stuff” she lied. She hated herself for lying to him. But she just couldn’t do this here. “Simon it’s late, I have an early appointment”.

  “Couldn’t I squeeze in here next to you” he pleads giving her a begging look.

  “Simon please I am not having sex in with you in Lucy’s home” Melanie chastised him. “And if you get in this bed you won’t be happy with just sleeping”.

  “I promise I will be good” he begged,

  “Simon please” she replied. “I have to go out early with Lucy in the morning. I promise I will go straight back to your apartment as soon as I am finished”.

  “Fine” he sighed looking less than pleased. Getting up off the bed he leaned down and kissed her goodnight and let himself out of the room.

  Melanie flopped back down into her bed and let out a long shuddering groan. “This is turning into a bloody nightmare” she thought to herself.

  There was a soft knock on the door and Melanie sprung up in the bed in panic.

  “Please God don’t be Simon” she offer up a silent prayer.

  “Mel it’s me” Lucy said quietly from the far side of the door. “Can I come in?”

  “Come in” Melanie replied. As soon as Lucy’s head peeked around the door Melanie burst into tears.

  “Aw Mel” Lucy said as she hurried to her friends bedside and wrapped her arms around her. “Sshh, don’t be getting yourself upset. It will all work out”.

  “Lucy it’s such a fucking mess” Melanie managed to say in between the sobs. “I can’t do this to him. I can’t look him in the eyes and break his heart”.

  “What other choice do you have” Lucy asked. “Stay with Simon and tell Sam it’s over. Because I really don’t think that’s what you want. You were miserable when you lost him before. When I see you together.....well you just belong. I don’t see that with Simon”.

  “But I am going to crush Simon” Melanie sighs and rubs her tired eyes.”And I don’t know if I can do it. No I know I can’t do this”. Lucy didn’t reply instead she just watched her friend knowing her mind was working over time.

  “I need to see Sam” Melanie suddenly announced knowing what she need to do. She quickly kicked back her duvet and leaped out of bed.

  “Do you even know where he lives” Lucy asked.

  “He said he is living in those new apartments down along the Quays” she said as she quickly got dressed. “I know which building; I’m just not sure which apartment. But I am sure his name will be on his buzzer”.

  “Melanie, why don’t you call him” Lucy suggested. “I really don’t want you rambling along the Quays at this hour”.

  “I won’t be walking along the Quay’s I told you which building” Melanie repeated as she sat down on the bed and put on her runners. “I will be fine”.

  “Well at least let James drive you in” Lucy said. “You can’t drive, you’ve been drinking”.

  “I’ll get a taxi” Melanie said picking up her bag and heading for the door.

  “Melanie it’s after two in the morning” Lucy argued. “You are not going out in a cab or anywhere on your own. So either let James drive you or I am ringing your Dad”.

  Melanie stared at Lucy. She knew she meant it when she said she would ring her Dad.

  “Fine” she finally sighed.

  When they when down into the kitchen James was there drinking a cup of tea. He looked at the two women in complete confusion.

  “What’s going on” he asked as he put down his mug. He instinctively knew he wasn’t going to like the answer.

  “I need you to give Mel a lift in as far are the Quay’s” Lucy said matter of factly.

  “Where is she going” James asked surprised by his wife’s request.

  “To see Sam” Lucy replied.

  “Oh” was all he said. He stood up grabbed the car keys from on top of the microwave where Lucy always left them. He led Melanie out to the car and Lucy hugged her and wished her good luck before they left.

  They drove most of the way in silence. Melanie wanted to quiz him about Simon but a part of her was unsure she would want to hear his answers.

  “You think I am a horrible person don’t you” Melanie said when she could finally take the silence no longer.

  “I would never think that” James said glancing quickly over towards Melanie. “I just feel a little sorry for Simon. But you have to choose who makes you happy and if that someone is Sam then you are doing the right thing”.

  “Thanks James” she said. She couldn’t bring herself to tell him what she was planning to do. She knew if she said it out loud she would change her mind. He pulled the car over to the curb outside the building that Melanie thought was Sam apartment.

  “I will wait here until you make sure you have the right building” James said. Melanie leaned over and kissed James on the cheek. “Thank you”.

  She jumped out of the car and ran up to the doorway of the apartment block. She glanced up at the names next to the buzzer for the intercom. She spotted Sam’s name and was about pressed the buzzer when a couple who had obviously been out for a night out punched in their code and opened the door.

  Melanie stepped through the door too but then turned back to James and gave him the thumbs up. She turned back and followed the couple into the elevator. Sam’s name was beside the apartment number 4e so she pressed the button for the fourth floor.

  As they rode up in the lift, the couple cuddled in the corner oblivious to Melanie sharing their journey with them. When they got out on the second floor Melanie sighed a breath of relief. She need to get her head around why she was here. How was she going to tell Sam?

  When she climbed out the lift she quickly looked around at the numbers on the doors. She spotted 4a next to the lift. She breathed a sigh of relief once again she was at least on the right floor. She followed the door alphabetically until she was standing outside Sam’s door.

  Suddenly this seemed like a bad idea. Why had she come here? Then a sudden need to see Sam quickly swept through her like a tsunami. And before she had time to think she was banging on the door.

  About a minute later the door flies open and Sam appears at the door wear just his pyjama bottoms and looking still
half asleep.

  “Melanie” he said surprised flashed across his face. Melanie didn’t reply. She just stood and took in his beautiful face. God she loved him so much.

  Without saying a word she threw herself around his broad shoulders and pulled him to her. Without any hesitation he wrapped his strong arms around her and closed his mouth over hers, pulling her backwards into the apartment then with his foot he closed the door behind them.

  He pressed Melanie against the door as their kiss became deeper and more urgent. Pushing his hands inside her jacket, he slipped it over her shoulders and she let it fall to the floor. Grabbing the hem of her top he quickly pulled it over her head. Then he lower his mouth back to hers, brushing light kisses across her lips down to her neck and across her chest. Sliding one of his hands up from her waist his long fingers gently brush across her nipple making it erect and strain against the delicate lace of her bra making Melanie moan softly. He repeats this movement a couple more times before both his hands reach around to her back and open her bra then he slid it down her arms and it hit the floor where her jacket and top are.

  Bending down he traced his tongue lightly over her now very erect nipples and finally then he took one in his mouth sucking hard and then biting it gently. This made Melanie cry out loudly and sent a longing pain to between her legs.

  He lifted her up in to his arms and she wrapped her legs around his beautiful body. Slowly he carried her to his bedroom. Kissing her tenderly as he moved. When he reached his room he lowered her on to the bed still wrapped in his arms. His lips found hers again as his tongue invaded her mouth stroking hers slowly.

  Sliding his legs in-between hers she could feel his arousal grinding against her through her jeans. She reached up and gripped his hair pulling him closer to her. A deep groan came from his mouth as he hands slid down and found the buttons on her jeans. Instead of opening them one by one, he just yanked the waistband hard until all the buttons popped open at once.

  Standing up off the bed, he quickly removed her runners before he grabbed the end of her jeans and slowly pulled them down her legs. Then he reached back to her panties and slipped them down her legs as well. Then he dropped his own pyjama bottoms and finally climbed back up the bed kissing Melanie as he moved with deliberate slowness. Paused briefly as his kissed up along the inner of her tight before he lightly ran his tongue up over her public hair as his fingers slowly found their way up the inside of her legs and then suddenly he sank his two fingers inside her.