Exposure

by Kolleen Fraser

  Dinner is going amazingly, and everyone falls hopelessly in love with Jess, naturally. She’s a great kid. I take out my camera, I can’t help it, I need to immortalize this brilliant evening filled with love and laughter. I can’t stop smiling at everyone together, my heart is so full right now.

  Throughout the night my eyes keep finding his and we share a secret smile, one that says we know how lucky we are to have found each other.

  “So, you all ended up here, back to the coordinates of your tattoos? That really is divine intervention. Someone up there is keeping watch over you,” Lana says with a smile.

  We all feel it, even if we don’t say, that this was Elise’s handiwork, guiding us all on our paths leading back together. I have to agree, it’s a miracle. I raise my glass of wine. “Even from heaven she’s bossing us around. For Elise.” Everyone echoes “For Elise,” toasting our guardian angel. I send out a silent prayer to her to help me find the last piece of my puzzle; my brother Matty.

  As the evening grows long, everyone starts to leave. Marco carries a sleeping Jess out to his car, promising to meet up again in a few days. Bex offers Lana and John a ride home, who are a wee bit tipsy after a few too many glasses of wine. Bex kisses me on the cheek, whispering, “I’ll stay over at Lana’s tonight.”

  “You don’t have to do that.”

  She just winks at us. “Good night, sister, love you.”

  “Love you too.”

  When the last person leaves, it’s just me and Noah left. I rest my back against the door. He’s leaning against the opposite wall, arms crossed over his chest. I smile at him, unsure of what to say now that we are alone. Resisting the

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  urge to pounce on him, immediately.

  “I better clean up this mess,” I say, walking into the kitchen to finish cleaning the last few glasses and dishes from our night. He brings in a few glasses from the living room and we move with easy familiarity, brushing shoulders occasionally. A dance of anticipation, of longing. We make easy conversation, about life and about our careers. We both followed our dreams here and found each other.

  After the last dish is loaded in the dishwasher and the counters wiped, we stand on opposite sides, watching. Smiling. Pleasure delaying. It’s a dangerous dance of anticipation and lust.

  He makes the first move, coming to stand in front of me. He brushes the hair out of my face and places it behind my ear. “I’ve missed you so much, Lex. I have to keep reminding myself that you’re real.”

  “I missed you, every day. I looked for you, but the police wouldn’t give me any information. And after the phone call with your mother... I almost gave up, I’m sorry, I should have tried harder. If I had kept trying maybe...” There was no point in finishing the sentence, no point wasting time with what ifs.

  “We found each other, that’s all that matters and I’m never letting you go, Lexi love.”

  “Will you stay with me tonight?”

  “I’ll stay forever if you let me.” He takes my hand, leading me upstairs where we spend the night in each other’s arms, falling in love all over again.

  We both survived so much and by some miracle, ended up

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  here together. After everything I’ve endured and survived, to be here in his arms is bliss. Being with him is everything to me. All the struggles were worth the fight to finally have him again. We move together like beautiful music, like two halves of the same soul. Our bodies making promises to never be apart again.

  We talk into the wee hours of the morning, lying sated in each other’s arms. My head on his chest beside my tattoo. I run my fingers over each line of ink, new and old. Convincing myself with every touch, that he’s real. Noah tells me his side of that night so long ago, the night our lives were ripped apart.

  “When we got back to the loft and you girls weren’t there, we knew you’d gone back. I was pissed. We walked over to meet you but when we got there—” He wipes at his eyes in the dark. “You and Elise were just lying there on the sidewalk in a pool of blood. I held your limp bodies, screaming. Marco was in shock, there was no consoling him. Neither of you were moving, we thought the worst.

  “When a guy came running out of the building carrying a gun, I completely lost it and jumped him. We fought, and the gun went flying, so when the cops arrived it was chaos. Then the guy tried to run, they shot him in pursuit. Marco and I had blood on our hands. To the cops we were all guilty until they got all the facts, and they arrested us. They wouldn’t even tell me if you girls had survived.” He breaks down crying in my arms. I cradle him, wishing I could heal his heart.

  “I woke up in the hospital a few days later, alone,

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  sporting two gunshot wounds. At first, they wouldn’t tell me anything until I gave the police my statement. They told me they had you in custody. I told them you were innocent. When they told me Elise was dead, I lost it, and they had to sedate me. Day after day I sat in that bed waiting for Matty, for you, or anyone to come for me. When I was in the group home, I called your cell. After talking to your mom, I was broken and alone. God, I was so lost. I... I tried to kill myself. I couldn’t bear to live another day with the gaping hole in my heart.”

  “I wish I could have taken your pain away. I was lost too. After Elise died, I didn’t know what to do. Jess needed me, Marco needed me. I was hollowed out inside and went with my mother because I knew I was Marco’s only shot at getting Jess back. Marco wasn’t there to see Jess born or Elise die, and by the time we were cleared of all charges, Mother had already taken Jess. I couldn’t let her take away all Marco had left of Elise. I tried to find you, I swear I did. I called the hospital, but they wouldn’t tell me anything. When I called the hospital again, they said you’d checked out and that was it. I knew I’d lost you forever.”

  He tells me stories about Jess as a baby, and what it was like being two guys trying to figure out what the hell they were doing in the early days. “You wouldn’t believe the judgements we’d got because of our age, our tattoos, and the fact that Jess didn’t have a mother. Most assumed we were gay and honestly, we didn’t care. We had our hands full with Jess and didn’t give a shit what anyone else thought.

  “I went back to your apartment, hoping Matt was there

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  or I could get some information, but the place was emptied out and locked up. The landlord said you came by once but didn’t leave any contact information. Fuck, Lexi. I wanted to find you. The cops wouldn’t tell us anything about Matt or you. Hell, Marco had to get a paternity test to prove he was Jess’s father. It was a mess.”

  “I wasn’t in the hospital anymore, by then I was in foster care.” I fill the gaps in his story until the full story is laid out before us. I hug him closer realizing how lucky we are to be here, alive.

  “I love you, Noah.” But it means so much more than those simple words.

  “I love you too, Lexi. Forever.” I fall asleep in the arms of the only man I’ve ever loved, a man I thought had given up on me. Who I’d almost given up on. Holding onto him now, it doesn’t seem fair; I wish Marco could’ve had this. I wish he and Elise had gotten their happily ever after.

  Chapter Sixteen

  I offer to babysit Jess tonight, for a fun girls’ night with her, Bex, and myself. Taking a batch of chocolate chip cookies out of the oven, I place them on the cooling rack. I’ve been baking and preparing all day, and I think I’m ready to host a child for the evening. I’m nervous about her coming here. What if she doesn’t like me? I don’t have any more time to obsess because the door opens and Jess bolts inside excitedly.

  “Auntie Lexi, I’m staying the night, for real?”

  “For real, sweetheart. Just us girls, no stinky boys allowed.” This gets a squeal and victory dance of epic cuteness.

  Marco and Noah walk in behind her, carrying more stuff than any five-year-old needs for one night away. The sight of it causes me to laugh out loud. “You sure you packed
everything?” I ask cheekily. The doubt on Marco’s face has me cracking up again. “I’m kidding! Here, let me help you into the guest room.”

  “Thanks, I always get a bit crazy when she’s away from me, even for a night,” he admits nervously.

  “Don’t worry, she’ll be fine, won’t you, Miss Jess?”

  “Yes, ma’am. We’ll have so much fun, Daddy, don’t worry,” Jess says, reassuring her father with a hug and pat on his scruffy cheek, which has to be the sweetest thing I’ve ever seen.

  “I’ll help Marco set her stuff up,” Noah says, kissing my cheek before disappearing down the hallway. I set up a cartoon for Jess to watch while I tidy up my baking disaster in the kitchen.

  Bex walks in, throwing her purse on the side table by the door. “Ugh! I hate men, they’re these wussy bastards who follow me around asking to buy me drinks, telling me I'm so pretty. Makes me sick. Like I would ever bang a guy in exchange for an appletini,” she announces when she walks in, throwing her purse on the couch, next to Jess. Her eyes get real big and she swivels to me. “There’s a small person on our couch.”

  “We’re watching Jess tonight for Marco.”

  “Why? Does he have a date?” she asks, unable to hide the way her voice turns high-pitched and nervous. I have a feeling she likes Marco but the two of them argue more than they flirt.

  “Why, princess, you jealous?” Marco questions from behind her.

  “Oh, hi, Marco. Nice to see you again,” she says, smiling

  seductively while reaching her hand out to him, batting her eyes and biting her lip. This girl has no self-control.

  “Keep it in your pants, princess, my daughter is sitting right there.”

  She looks confused that he isn’t falling to his knees like most men do with her. “And you’re just going to leave her here? What kind of man leaves his daughter with strangers, so he can go hook up?”

  “Woman, I can’t even begin to tell you how wrong you are,” he says with a shake of his head, looking at her like she's crazy. But the smile on his face tells me he kind of likes it. “Number one, Lexi is family to me and Jess’s godmother, she isn’t a stranger. And number two, you wouldn't know a good man if he clubbed you over the head and dragged you back to his cave.”

  “Woman? Woman! You’re such a cave man. Who the hell do you think you are speaking to me like that?”

  Marco steps into her face, whispering breath against her lips, “I could be your happily ever after, but you're too stubborn to pull your head out of the clouds long enough to actually see me.”

  I try to stifle my gasp. She just stares at him in shock; no guy has ever spoken to her like that. Most fall at her feet, but end up being jerks. I turn away and busy myself in the kitchen when he steps forward, pressing his lips against hers. My heart is happy at the new development, but I want to give them their moment. His kiss seems to stun Bex into silence.

  “That’s better,” he says with a smirk and turns, kisses

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  Jess, and walks out the door with Noah, calling back, “Later, baby girl.”

  “Later,” Bex says dreamily, not realizing until she hears the giggling that he was saying that to Jess.

  Bex collapses on the couch next to Jess. “I sure like your daddy, kiddo.”

  Jess rolls her eyes. “Lots of skanks like him. Uncle Noah says Daddy should steer clear of skanks. Are you a skank?"

  Bex gasps in offense. “I most certainly am not. You’re like three, where did you learn that word?”

  “I’m five.”

  “Your daddy has a lot of tattoos.”

  Jess crosses her arms, getting visibly upset. “So?”

  “Has your daddy ever been in prison?” “Bex!” I interject. What is she doing?

  “No, he hasn’t! Have you?” Jess counters, I chuckle at her defending her daddy.

  “No. Does he go on lots of dates?”

  “No. But you probably do.”

  “What can I say, you gotta kiss a lot of frogs,” she admits with a sigh.

  Jess giggles. “Eww. You’re not supposed to kiss frogs.” She pauses, considering her words carefully. “Do you know how to make chocolate cake?”

  “Yes, as a matter of fact, I do,” Bex answers, obviously curious where this line of questioning is going.

  Jess nods. “Good, Daddy likes chocolate cake. You could make him one, with sprinkles.”

  Bex gives Jess the side eye. “I'll think about it.”

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  “You do that. He says Mama made good chocolate cake. He fell in love with her, with his tummy. Mama’s an angel now.”

  “My mama died when I was little too.”

  Jess’s face falls. “She’s in heaven?” Tears form in her sweet blue eyes.

  “Aww, honey, I'm sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.”

  She shrugs her little shoulders. “Daddy says I'm lucky, not every girl has an angel for a mama.”

  “Your daddy sounds pretty perfect.”

  Jess gives a tiny sigh. “He’s the best daddy ever.”

  I watch the exchange from the kitchen; it’s sweet to watch them bonding. “All right, you two. Are we ready for girl’s night? We’ll do our hair, have a fashion show, eat sweets, and watch a movie. Sound good to you, Miss Jess?” “Yes!”

  The night progresses with a lot of laughs and we end the evening by watching a few Disney princesses. Bex and Jess develop a special bond and we fall asleep on the pallet of blankets we made on the living room floor.

  Sleeping on the hard floor seemed like a good idea, until I wake up this morning with a backache. I sit up and see Jess curled into Bex, who has her arms around the sweet girl, like she’s shielding her from the world. The image of it makes my heart swell, it’s so beautiful.

  Trying to be as quiet as possible, I sneak out of the room and grab my camera, never being one to let a great photo op go to waste. They stir after about ten shots, so I sneak

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  away into the kitchen and start a pot of coffee and gather ingredients for pancakes.

  Chapter Seventeen

  My show, Healing Ink, opens with huge success. All my friends rally to support me on my special night. This is the fi rst time I turned the camera on myself. My scars and tattoos are displayed on the walls alongside the rest of my subjects. I’ve never bared myself in this way and it feels oddly empowering.

  Life is good, calm, and above all, happy. We’ve settled into a life of laughs and love. Lana and John have quickly adopted Jess as their grandchild, spoiling her and spending as much time with her as they can before their next adventure calls. Jess has taken to calling her Gamma Lamma and Grampa John, much to their delight.

  Noah is helping me clear the table one night when he says, “Move in with me.”

  “What? Are you serious? I don’t know, Noah. I’m worried about ditching Bex, we’ve been each other’s rock since I moved in with her and Lana, I feel awful thinking about leaving her on her own.”

  “Babe, we aren’t leaving the country, I live ten minutes away.”

  “With Marco and Jess. How is that going to work? Are we going to move in with them? Maybe you could move in here?”

  He smiles at that. “You’d be okay with that?”

  “Of course! I hate the nights you sleep at your place. But doesn’t he rely on you to help out with Jess?”

  “Why don’t we talk to them about it and see where they stand. I can still help with Jess from here.”

  “I’ve got to get ready to meet Sarah and Bex, babe. I’ll talk to Bex tonight and call you when I get home.”

  “That place is full of douchebags trying to cop a feel.”

  “Aww, does my caveman hate when other guys look at his toy?” I joke. He just looks disgruntled thinking about me going out tonight. I smooth out his crinkly forehead, kissing the stress lines away. “Tonight’s Sarah’s last night at Shots, we won’t be going back there after tonight. It’s the end of an era. No douchebags will get us, I still know
how to kick some ass if need be.”

  “Sorry, babe. I’m not trying to control you, I just worry about you being around so many drunk assholes.”

  “I kicked your ass once, remember? I’m not as helpless as you think. I’m super scrappy,” I say, pretending to box him.

  He laughs and hugs me close. “I forgot about the beating you gave me. Marco bugged me about that for weeks.”

  “Love you, I’ll call when I get home,” I say, kissing him goodbye.

  A couple hours into our girls’ night, Christopher the douche walks up to the bar. “Congratulations on your show’s success, I heard it was impressive.” He’s swaying slightly, making him appear every bit the drunken fool he is. “Wanna come home with me to celebrate, sexy Lexi?”

  I turn him down again, resisting the urge to rebreak his nose. “Not if you were the last man on earth. I broke your fricking finger and nose on our first date, what makes you think I would give you a second chance?” As I turn my back to walk away he grabs my arm, his fingers digging in painfully. I call Jimmy, the security guy, who happily drags Christopher out of there, screaming.

  “Lord, that man is a dick,” Bex says once he’s out of view.