by Jo Willow
She stood and started out the door when she felt his hand on her shoulder. She did not need this.
“Look at me.”
“Fuck you Brian. You made your feelings clear and I understand. I’m leaving.”
“Turn around and look at me or I will turn you around. You know I can do it Marla, don’t test me.”
She clenched her hands into fists at her side and turned in his hands. She wore no makeup and when she turned her defiant eyes to his, he saw more than she wanted him to.
Brian saw a little girl that had been cast aside her whole life. He saw sadness and a depth of misery he’d never witnessed before. He saw a broken soul and he wasn’t sure anyone or anything could fix it short of a miracle.
“Marla who did this to you? Who put that look in your eyes?”
“You and every asshole that looks or acts like you. It’s okay, I’m used to it. I’ll be myself again in a few days, don’t worry and don’t look surprised. I’m sure you’ve done this a time or two to other women, you were too smooth for it to be a first for you. Let go of me Brian and you won’t see me again.”
He believed her so he held on for a moment longer. This was more than losing another man. Just like he’d pushed a few away, he was certain she’d done her fair share of pushing as well. There was something going on behind the scenes that he needed to get to the bottom of and he knew that it was now or never.
He wrapped one arm around her shoulders and the other around her waist. Her tears started flowing again, but at least they were silent this time.
“You’re going to talk to me if we have to stand here like this all damned day. This goes beyond being dumped by Tanner and me and god knows who else. This is deeper and it has something to do with me. Start talking.”
Her arms had found their way around his waist and she had the side of her face pressed against his chest just under his chin. Their closeness meant nothing at this point. She was busy reconstructing the wall that he’d broken down in their brief and intense relationship. She’d given him all that she intended to give him, there would be nothing more volunteered on her part.
“You’re pretty impressed with yourself Brian. I don’t owe you anything. That includes some kind of enlightening stroll through my past disappointments or present momentary lapses of reason. Loves and losses are part of everyone’s life, mine included. No big deal.”
His grip tightened and he leaned down to whisper.
“Is that what this is about? You love me?”
She started to shake because she didn’t want to consider it. He put it out there in the harsh light of day where it stared at her and threatened to defeat her. She was normally a strong woman, but she knew that in the end it would be love that killed her. She would not fall into the trap.
“Let me go Brian. I won’t discuss this with you. You ended it, remember? Anything I say from this point on is irrelevant.”
He was tired of discussing it but he wanted to know. Other women had confessed love but it was a love of money. Once he’d bought the company, sincerity from the opposite sex seemed to have flown out the window. He knew that Marla would rather cut out her own tongue than admit a weakness of any kind. She’d never say the words unless she was completely helpless to deny them.
He took the hand that was around her waist and tugged her hair until her head was back and her eyes were once again locked on his. This time he saw fear and he knew he had her.
“Tell me how you feel Marla.”
“Used, hurt and cast aside. That’s how I feel.”
“Tell me how you feel about me.”
“Ambivalent. Right now you could walk outside and combust and I’d come back in looking for marshmallows. How’s that?”
Brian smiled at her before he sealed his lips over hers. He went for soothing and sweet, coaxing and nibbling at her lips. It took several seconds but he felt it when she surrendered. Her grip tightened and she couldn’t get close enough. He deepened the kiss and he was back under her skin. He turned the long lush kiss into one long, slow movement of his lips over her face.
“Marla, do you want to lose me?”
Her skin was hot and her thoughts were scattered. Fatigue was catching up with her and she knew she was weakest when she was tired.
“It’s too late for this conversation. You said you couldn’t trust me just before you asked me to leave.”
“Does it feel like I want you to leave?”
“It feels like you’re trying to trick me. You don’t care for me, I know that now. Please don’t kiss me anymore.”
He leaned back and saw that she believed her own words. She was soft and vulnerable and everything from her at this point would be unvarnished truth.
“This bothers you because you love me and you didn’t mean to. That’s it isn’t it?”
She jerked out of his arms so abruptly, it shocked him.
“Big fuckin’ deal! You took me by surprise, alright? I never loved either of the Tanners and I got over them, I’ll get over you. You don’t even want children! There’s no future with you Brian, just stay the hell away from me.”
She stormed out of his room and he followed close behind.
“What does wanting children have to do with it?”
“Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Go back to work and forget me.”
She opened the door and started down the stairs that led to freedom. Her keys were in her hand and she needed a drugstore and a nap. She was feeling a pressing need to know one way or another if she was pregnant and she vowed that if the answer was once again ‘no’, she’d make an appointment for birth control next week.
Brian was right behind her. He was missing something and it was something big. He followed her into the driveway and leaned on the top of her car door, preventing her from opening it.
“Why does every damned woman think they need children in their lives? What if her partner doesn’t want children? Is that really such a sin?”
Marla had been looking at her feet, her arms crossed under her breasts. She tilted her head and looked at him. Her brow was furrowed and her half-hearted smile was one of resignation and determination.
“No Brian. It’s not a sin. I just think it’s interesting how it’s always the person asking the question that’s free to walk away once it’s answered. What’s it like to be free of responsibility?”
“I have lots of responsibilities. I don’t need another one. Besides, we had this talk already Marla. You don’t want children either.”
It worked once so she tried it again. She jerked the car door handle as hard as she could and it made him scramble for his footing. She used the advantage to slide into the car. He grabbed the door before she could close it.
She started the car and looked up at him.
“Let me go, it’s over. I’m sorry I wasted your time.”
“What’s all the talk about children and responsibilities? You said you loved me.”
“No, I didn’t. Nothing we discussed after ‘our arrangement is over’ matters. Nothing. Forget about love, babies and responsibilities. Just do what you do best Brian. Disappear.”
She slammed the door closed and left him standing in his driveway wondering why he felt like she’d just run him over.
Chapter Twenty
Brian sat in his condo, forgetting about work and everything else except the conversation he kept playing over and over in his head. No matter how many times he slowed it down and listened for hidden meaning, it still didn’t make sense. The only thing that even remotely came close to something he could understand, would be a reference to a future and a family together. That still didn’t make sense though because they’d talked in depth about children and their combined lack of patience for them.
His eyes were closed and he was sipping a glass of wine while he pondered the woman that haunted him. He almost gave up when his eyes flew open and he sat up straight.
He finished his wine and put the glass on the table. They’d started out with the w
ord, “children”, but she’d finished the conversation with the word, “babies”. He ran a hand through his hair and braced his elbows on his knees.
He was younger when he’d left Beth in a world of hurt with two kids and no help. She’d done a fine job without him and his own children had made it clear that they didn’t need or want him now. He wasn’t young anymore. He’d walked away once but he wasn’t sure he could do it again and do it guilt free. Marla was different. Marla was like him.
Brian stood and grabbed his keys from the counter. He was tired of suppositions and guessing. He’d have her story if he had to tie her down to get it.
Marla knew she had to move. She’d stared at pink lines until her head swam, then she’d soaked in a hot bath. She lay on her bed curled up on her side, truly frightened for the first time in her life. She was carrying a baby she didn’t want by a man that she didn’t want to love, but did anyway. He didn’t love her and his position on children was one he wore like a badge of honor. The plan to trick Mitch into believing it was his was still an option, but why? He loved her even less than Brian. He was married with a baby that was really his on the way, and he was raising Brian’s other mistakes to boot.
She was on her own with no job, no help and no hope. She’d burned too many bridges. She spoke fluent french and italian, but her degree was in art history. Her options were limited. She looked at the clock on her nightstand and calculated time differences.
Mitch sat with his daughter on his lap while his wife was in deep discussion with their son. Patty was regaling him with tales of her various adventures while Ian squirmed in a kitchen chair wondering if the girl might throw him a bone and forget something. He’d take anything. An hour had gone by and she was up to the blisters and the near drowning at the Animal Kingdom that he’d forgotten about, when she’d almost been washed out of the raft by what could only be described as a rogue wave.
Mitch’s eyelid took on a twitch that was familiar to Ian because he dealt with Phil on a daily basis. Patty was describing Scott’s suspension over the tank of man-eating reptiles, suspended on something the diameter of a clothesline with what amounted to a plastic hat on his head for protection.
With every new story, Mitch looked at Ian for confirmation. There was no way that Patty could have her facts straight on this stuff. By his calculations, his children had almost died several times in as many days and they were in the capable hands of four adults who were parents themselves.
He’d almost started the question and answer part of the program with Ian, when Patty’s next question silenced him. She leaned over and spoke softly, obviously not wanting her mother to hear what she was about to say. Patty was too young to understand that once they have children, women have the hearing of a bat.
“Daddy, can I ask you something and you won’t get mad?”
Mitch had his arms around her and he gave her a little cuddle before he answered.
“Of course sweetheart. You can ask me anything.”
“Daddy, what’s porn?”
Ian found out a few things that day. If you want to stop all conversation in a crowded room, have a six year old girl ask her unsuspecting father a question about porn. He also found out that a thirty-ish woman with no food or beverages anywhere close by, can choke just the same. Along those same lines, he was glad his wife couldn’t throw a knife.
Mitch looked at his daughter who was staring back as if he held every secret in the universe and she was waiting for him to share this one. He smiled at the little girl and looked at Ian.
“I do not know why my daughter is asking this question Ian, but it had better have an innocent explanation behind it. Are we clear?”
Ian kicked Phil under the table and glared at him.
“Owww. Relax Ian. You remember what it’s about. I talked about taking Scott to that porn theater. Remember?”
Ian put his head in his hands and closed his eyes. He didn’t even want to see the expression on Mitch’s face over that outburst.
Beth’s face must have been a matched bookend, because the next voice he heard was Scott’s.
“I didn’t go to no theater with Phil. Unless it was that Flight show we saw at Disney. They strapped us in harnessed and we acted like we were hang gliding. It was freakin’ awesome. Right Phil?”
“That it was little dude. We had an awesome time, eh Scott?”
“That we did big dude. Wanna watch cartoons?”
Phil stood and stretched before he walked toward Scott.
“I could be persuaded. Want a soda?”
“I’ll get ‘em. You find the station.”
Phil went into the bedroom and the TV came on. Scott joined him with two cans of soda and a bag of chips. Ian looked at Mitch who was shaking his head.
“They’ll be in there until dinner or we call them out for bed. This is their nightly ritual.”
“Tell me about the porn theater.”
Ian sighed and leaned in closer.
“We were raking Phil over the coals for taking Scott zip lining without our permission. He turned to us and said, ‘Relax. It’s not like I took him to a porn theater or something’, and Patty heard him.”
“That’s it?”
“That’s all it took. She never forgets anything. I swear the kid’s a walking tape recorder.”
Mitch laughed.
“Remember this. Jem’s time is coming.”
Ian thought about this and a shudder ran through his body.
Mitch looked at his daughter who was still patiently waiting. So was Beth.
“Patty, porn is naked people.”
“Naked people? What are they doing naked?”
“Mostly making fools of themselves.”
“That doesn’t sound like a bad word.”
“It’s not a polite word to use in front of other people honey. We don’t use that word. Okay?”
“Okay daddy. Can I go watch cartoons?”
“Of course you can.”
Patty hopped down and ran into the bedroom. Mitch looked at his wife who was smiling and giving him the thumbs up. Ian was still afraid to look at Rose.
David and Kevin sat on the back porch at Tara, each with a glass of iced tea and an opinion. As was usually the case, their opinions differed greatly. The rest of the family played in the pool and laid in the sun. Their conversation was best kept private, lest Rose or Beth got wind of it. The women stuck together and the brothers wanted a fighting chance.
“You talked to him this morning, how did he react when you told him about the house.”
“He hesitated way too long. I think he’d accept it if Beth wanted it, but there’s your next hurdle. Beth will never go for it.”
“Why can’t they just let people do nice things for them? They’re nice people and it’s not like we don’t have the money.”
“Kevin, how many times in the last ten years have we tried to do anything nice for Mitch?”
Kevin thought about it. They’d been busy with school and then work. Their cousins were the last thing on their minds and they never asked for anything. David watched him turn the question over several times before he threw him a line.
“Exactly. It’s not that we’re greedy or selfish, we’re just busy. Out of sight, out of mind.”
“How many cousins do we have?”
“That’s how isolated we are here. I was looking at an old photo album the other night and talking to Claire. Including Mitch, six. Mom had a brother, but he died before he had kids.”
“What are the other five Tanners doing?”
“Who the hell knows? When was the last time we got a call or a Christmas card?”
“Christmas card? Do we even send Christmas cards any more?”
“Ask Carie. She does all the nice stuff. The point is, Mitch is neck deep in shit river and he won’t grab the life preserver. What do we do about Marla?”
Kevin looked at his brother and didn’t like the direction the conversation was going. He felt like the Godfather and
he wasn’t cut out for it.
“Are you certain she’s with Beth’s ex now? There’s absolutely no doubt whatsoever?”
“He’s spent several nights at her house and they’ve been spotted in public. I’ve got the photos if you want proof. Who knew Brian Stone had money?”
“It’s new money and I’m not convinced he won’t piss it away. He’s not smart enough to invest it and his taste in women is obviously questionable.”
“That’s not the point. If he decides to fight the adoption, he’s got the money to do it.”
Kevin waved away David’s concerns.
“He won’t fight the adoption. He could care less about those kids. If he fights, he’s fighting Tanners, not Beth. Marla may have saved our asses without realizing it. While she distracts him, the lawyers are wrapping up the details. Is the announcement of intent in the papers?”
“Every paper in the state of Georgia. He can’t say he wasn’t warned. What are we gonna do about the house if Mitch and Beth won’t accept it.”
“Keep it. Mitch can keep an eye on it, we’ll hire someone to dust and do yard work. They’ll accept it eventually. Mitch’s house needs too much work and he’s going to make something of himself, I can feel it. When are they due back?”
“They’re flying back in a couple of days, everyone else will be back by the end of next week.”
“Think Stone and Simms will show their hands by then?”
“I think we’ll hear something, yeah. I think we’d be wise to find her a job.”
“I told you already. We didn’t put her out of work just to find her something else.”
“I didn’t say it had to be in Georgia. Ian has contacts in California. Clear across the country might be a nice change of scenery for her. She doesn’t have to know it was us.”
“California? That might work. Get on the phone to Ian and see what he thinks. If he’s agreeable, let’s get this done. I’m tired of talking about it.”