The Raving Love (Enemies To Lovers)

by Emma Vikes

  Not everyone who knew me was aware that I did this and only my family knew about it. Even my bandmates didn’t and we lived under the same roof whenever we were here in LA. I just didn’t really see the reason why I needed to share it with other people because I felt that letting other people know of all the good that you do lessens the sincerity of the act.

  Gold stepped outside with me where Audrey was waiting, standing beside the motorcycle and looking so out of place in her outfit. I couldn’t help but chuckle. “It seems to me that you and your girlfriend must be in an argument.”

  I let out a bark of laughter and shook my head. “She’s my assistant. Not my girlfriend.”

  “Ah, but I’m sure soon she’ll be. Spitfires often make the best lovers.”

  My eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “Oh, she will never be my girlfriend. I doubt we’ll ever head into that direction.”

  But Gold only smiled and watched as Audrey approached us, her trademark scowl on her face. “Don’t be too hasty in making conclusions, Mr. Hudson. Keep that in mind.”

  I made a face as I watched him give Audrey a nod of acknowledgment and then left us alone. Audrey thrust my helmet towards me. “Can we go now?”

  She had an arm around her stomach and looked like she was just ready to murder someone. Someone could also mean me. “Why are you suddenly pissed off?”

  She let out a huff and then pinched the bridge of her nose. “I don’t understand why you had to bring me along, Julian, when you kicked me out of the discussion you were going to have with that guy.”

  “Do you think we’re already done?”

  “Is there more things that you want to do?”

  I rolled my eyes. “You’re my assistant. Aren’t you meant to go everywhere with me?”

  Audrey pursed her lips and let out a strangled groan of annoyance and I looked at her in surprise, wondering what was so wrong with my statement. “Did you honestly bring me along because of that?”

  The answer to her question was a simple no, I did not bring her along just because of that when just like her, I could barely stand her too but because of the podcast and the fact that I had to check out the unit first, I completely forgot that I wanted to talk to Audrey alone. “I need you to find us a new manager.”

  I hadn’t discussed this with the rest of the boys and I knew I should but there was a part of me that felt like they would be against the idea. Aside from me, Pete was their hero because he was the one who finally signed us with a label only to be the same person to stab us in the back with the deal he made with them.

  Audrey blinked and stared at me in confusion. “You want me to find you a new manager?”

  I shrugged as I got on the bike, my helmet in between my hands as I looked at Audrey and there wasn’t any ounce of animosity within me as I did so. “You’re technically an owner of a records company so you must be in contact with good managers. I’m sure you can find us a reliable one.”

  Her eyebrows furrowed. “Your band has a manager. I don’t know his name but I know that Born from Ashes is managed by someone. He’s the one who had you sign with W&R right? I know how your band rose to where you are now…”

  “And he’s also the one who made a deal with Wayland and Ross that they could simply throw away the band and have me signed as a solo artist,” I interrupted her and then let out a bored sigh, “and frankly, I didn’t appreciate that gesture which is why I’d rather have us be managed by someone else. Specifically, one who wouldn’t betray us.”

  Audrey regarded me with careful eyes as she went over what I just told her. “Let me get this straight, you’re mad at someone who went behind your back when you did the same thing to your band members when you told W&R to fuck off.”

  My eyebrows rose. “They understand why I did what I had to.”

  “And will they understand what you’re doing now?”

  I’d mentioned to the boys that I was going to fire Pete when I delivered them the bad news. After that, we hadn’t really gotten around to discussing it further because we’d busied ourselves with creating new songs and music. We were making sure we would have enough music to shoot to make videos on YouTube so we would have money to expect within the following month.

  Albeit the other members and I had other ways to earn, it didn’t stop us from creating our brand of music like we used to. At the end of the day, music was our root and we went back to it every time.

  “I’ve mentioned it to them once. I don’t know if it occurred to them that I am going through with it but like everything else, they will understand.”

  Rather than nodding her head and agreeing to what I wanted, Audrey stared at me with disbelief shining in her eyes. “I think it’d be better to discuss this with them before making a decision, Julian. You’ve already made that mistake once and yet you’re willing to do it again.”

  This time, I was the one staring at her in disbelief. “That’s not something meant for you to judge as my assistant, Audrey. But if it’s any consolation, I did what I had to because I had to protect our band.”

  “And did it ever occur to you that what you had done may have been selfish?”

  I had no idea where she was coming from or why she was attacking me like this. I didn’t know how much she knew about the whole situation with Wayland and Ross but I could feel the surge of annoyance flare into anger as I let out a cruel laugh and took a step closer to Audrey. “And didn’t you do the same thing to me five years ago? You made a decision that was supposedly Amber’s call.”

  Audrey’s eyes narrowed when I said that and she had the audacity to push me away. “Don’t you dare turn the tables and pin this on me.”

  “Why?” I asked, inching closer to her, leaning my upper body towards her until our faces were of close proximity. “You don’t want to see yourself as selfish too?”

  “I did it to protect Amber.”

  I stood up straighter and shook my head. “Do I look like someone who could murder her?”

  “Didn’t you murder her heart?”

  I clenched my jaw and then pulled her towards me harshly, narrowing my eyes at her as I glared at her. “I didn’t damage her like that and you know it. Stop pinning her attempt at me. Depression is real, Audrey, and maybe she was depressed at that time.”

  “You pushed her to do it.”

  “I broke her heart,” I whispered, feeling my own break at the admittance, “but you cannot continue blaming me for your own guilt.”

  Her eyebrows furrowed and she harshly- and vainly- tried to pull her hand from my grip. “Stop making up things, Julian.”

  My eyes bore into hers and despite the fire in her brown ones, despite the inferno that I could see blazing due to my words, it was no match for the coldness in mine as I delivered another verbal blow. “You know that it’s true, Audrey. You’ve been hating on me to transfer that guilt to someone else, so you could blame someone else when in truth, you’re guilty because even you who was closest to her couldn’t see her falling apart.”

  And then slowly, I watched as the tears began to fill her brown eyes and the flame began to dissipate a soft kindling and she pulled her hand from my grip weakly but I let her go, realizing that I may have gone over the line with what I said. “Audrey…I didn’t…I was…”

  She swallowed back her tears although they shone brightly in her eyes but refused to let them flow. “You’re impossible, Julian Hudson, as cold-hearted and cruel as everyone had painted you to be. If there was any other way I could solve my problem that didn’t include you, I would do it in a heartbeat.”

  “Audrey,” I said quietly, trying to reach out to her but she waved me away and then turned around, dropping her helmet on the ground and letting it clatter against the pavement as she began to walk away. “Audrey!”

  But Audrey didn’t turn back to look at me and she continued to walk away and I stood there watching, helpless and guilty at the harsh words that I’d pierced her heart with. It wasn’t fair on my part for Audrey to blame me for
Amber’s suicide attempt but that never meant I could retaliate her with the same ammunition she was firing. She was guilty and hurt and helpless when it happened and had directed her anger at me because I broke Amber’s heart at that time. It wasn’t fair but I was taught better than fighting fire with fire but that was exactly what I did right now.

  And I watched as Audrey disappeared, leaving me with guilt that seemed to pull at the heartstrings of my heart, tugging and pulling and making me want to run after her if only my pride and ego allowed me to.

  But more than that, an overwhelming desire to hug her tight until I could fix all her broken pieces that I felt she had kept hidden for so long.

  8

  Audrey

  Screw Julian Hudson. He could rot in hell for all I care.

  I threw my bag on the sofa of my house and then headed to the kitchen and poured myself a glass of wine to calm my nerves. It was a good thing that I didn’t run into any of the other members of the band or Bonnie when I picked up my car from their house and it was fortunate that I had parked outside and had my keys with me so I didn’t really have to come in. All I wanted was to head home and submerge myself in the bathtub with scented candles burning and the water turning the color of whatever bath bomb I put in because I needed to relax after that argument with Julian.

  I will never, for the life of me, understand how any girl could fall in love with someone as infuriating as him. I could understand why he had fans considering that fans create an image of their idols to themselves and sometimes aren’t able to see past that idea, no matter how much the truth could slap them on the face. It could be considered as a delusion but I couldn’t really blame them. Julian’s attractive and has an even attractive voice so it’s understandable why they would go crazy for him.

  What I couldn’t understand were the girls that were already in love with him before he became the Julian Hudson.

  So maybe it was out of line for me to butt in on the decisions they made as a band when all I really wanted was to have them signed with us. Finding them a manager that I knew would even be advantageous for me. It was just the idea of Julian making such a drastic decision without even consulting his friends that irked me.

  His friends may all have let him off the hook for what he did with their previous record company but I knew they were hurt that he made such a bold move without talking to them. I could see the hope in their eyes when I came into their house that day and made the offer. They might not mind going back to where they started but they would’ve taken the option that I made in a heartbeat if Julian wasn’t such an ass.

  With an exasperated exhale, I picked up the glass of wine and then headed to the master bathroom and started filling the tub with warm water. I placed my phone and glass of wine on the counter of the sink, lit the scented candles that surrounded my bathroom and then stripped off the clothes that I was wearing. I carefully took a bath bomb from my collection and with it, along with the glass of wine and my phone, I cautiously slid into the warm tub, set my phone and glass on the side and then allowed the bath bomb to disappear into the water and turn it into swirls of purple, blue and the slightest swirl of gold.

  I closed my eyes and leaned my head back on the tub, allowing the tranquillity to soothe me and wash away all the negativity that Julian Hudson brought upon me. But the loud ringtone of my phone cut through the silence and with another huff of exasperation, my eyes fluttered open and I picked up my phone to see Amber FaceTiming me.

  “Now’s really not a good time, Am,” I said the moment I answered her call.

  Amber peered at me through her camera, her face filling up the screen. “Are you naked?”

  I pursed my lips and sank deeper into the water even if only my shoulders were the only thing she could see. “Yes. I’m having a relaxing bath because your ex-boyfriend is an asshole and I never wanted to commit a murder more than I do right at this moment and I swear to God, I will not even feel any remorse if I do so.”

  Her snorting laughter cut through the quiet solitude of my bathroom and bounced off the walls, echoing all over and I could feel my face twitching into a smile at the sound of my best friend’s laughter. “Hmm. Then you better wait until I get there because you gave me a short notice and you need my help to hide the body. We can’t trust Theo would help. He gets woozy at the sight of blood.”

  My own laughter spilled out of my mouth and I stared at my best friend smiling back at me on the screen. “What do you say we dump the body near the Hollywood sign? It’s a trek but I’m sure there’s a helicopter we can rent.”

  Amber fake gasped and shook her head. “Are you out of your mind? We’re going to get caught if we do that!”

  I had to control myself from smiling too much because I loved how this conversation was going. It was always so easy to talk to Amber because she always just got the vibe that I was heading and could keep up with the conversation no matter how weird it got. She didn’t mind the sudden outburst of randomness on my part and took it all in stride. I let out a sigh and then pouted as I watched her flop onto her couch, Chloe meowing somewhere near her.

  “I miss you, Amber,” I said quietly, sighing as I sunk deeper into the colored water in my tub. “If you were here, I’m sure that you could figure something out and I wouldn’t have to deal with Julian.”

  “I don’t know. I wouldn’t mind being Julian’s assistant,” Amber teased, giving me a wink at that too. I couldn’t help but roll my eyes, “but anyway, what did Julian say to get you in such a foul mood?”

  Pursing my lips, I wasn’t sure if I even wanted to share it with her because it meant opening something up that the both of us have decided to just put in a box and shove in the farthest corners of both our minds. Amber didn’t like to be reminded of what she had done because she was moving forward from it. I didn’t like remembering the sight of her lifeless body being carried in a bed by the paramedics and the sound of the ambulance echoing in a busy afternoon in New York.

  “You know I can’t stand him, Amber. It’s only been two days but I feel like I’ve been serving him for a lifetime and I cannot, for the life of me, continue doing so,” I complained, pouting at my best friend like a little kid throwing a tantrum to a parent.

  But unlike a calm and patient parent, Amber laughed at my issue. “If only you would try to look at him in a different perspective, you would see that he’s not all that bad. You keep telling me that the only reason he has a huge fanbase is because fans have the tendency to keep him in a box of their own version of who he is. Aren’t you doing the same thing?”

  I scoffed and shook my head, sinking a little lower and then raising my feet enough to see my toes. “Julian’s a heartbreaker and that’s a fact. He broke your heart because he didn’t want to be with you in the same way you wanted to be with him at that time. That’s also a fact. Those are basically all the reasons why I hated him, Amber.”

  “And you hate him because you thought that he was the reason I tried to end my life,” Amber added quietly, looking at me with a soft expression, “but he wasn’t, Aud. You need to let it go.”

  I didn’t want to respond to that because I didn’t want to start an argument with her. Neither of us wanted to relive that moment or even remember it. “And you know, now that you and Julian know each other, I could finally catch up with him. Paris has taken full hold of my life for four years and he rose to fame. It’d be nice to just have a chat with him.”

  I knew that Amber was trying to lighten the mood between us after her other statement and I couldn’t help but make a face at that suggestion. “Amber…”

  She laughed at the pointed look I had given her. When Amber was still confined in the hospital and had been doing therapy there, her therapist had told me to keep guard of her phone because one of the things that had triggered her spiral was social media and I sort of did more than just guard her phone. I blocked Julian’s number, his accounts and deleted all the apology emails he sent her, both on her personal and work email. I erase
d every trace of Julian Hudson as I could and it worked so well for about a year because Amber had opted on using an old modelled phone than a smartphone.

  Fortunately, even after she left for Paris, Amber didn’t feel any inclination on contacting Julian considering he was the last boyfriend she had before the incident and I knew that she was only jokingly saying this to me to ease the tension that had come upon us after what she had said that dampened the mood of the conversation.

  “Cut him some slack, Audrey. And besides, he’s a fairly good cook and you love to eat. Once, he told me that if only he loved cooking more than music, he would totally become a chef.”

  I made a face. “It’s nice to know that you two actually had a substantial conversation during your brief relationship.”

  Amber responded to my statement by rolling her hazel eyes. “Just give him a chance, Audrey. Even just the benefit of the doubt. Julian’s not a bad person once you actually try and get to know him.”

  Pursing my lips, I set the phone to the side. “Let me think that over after today. Look, I need to get out of the water before I prune myself. I’ll call you later.”

  With a wave, I turned off the call and then reached for a towel to dry myself with and then wrapped it all over my body. I couldn’t help but think about what she just said to me, about Julian and how he wasn’t such a bad guy and how I was boxing him into my own idea of who he was. But I couldn’t really understand what the big deal is about Julian Hudson. Sure, he was attractive and had an amazing voice but physical attributes could never be enough.

  You’ve been hating on me to transfer that guilt to someone else, so you could blame someone else when in truth, you’re guilty because even you who was closest to her couldn’t see her falling apart.

  His words echoed in my mind again and I gritted my teeth, feeling the guilt slowly crawl and wrap itself around my heart. Theo always told me that Julian didn’t deserve all the hate that I had reserved for him but Theo had no idea that the hate that I directed at Julian was actually the anger that I had for myself for not being there for Amber.