Guarded Passion

by Bonnie Dee

  So, Jonah’s brothers had left him behind. Maybe they’d chosen to break off from the drug business to turn over new leaves. Still, he must feel a sting of rejection after taking care of them for years. I could only imagine how I’d feel someday if Travis moved somewhere far away from me. Inevitably, the child outgrew the parent, but it would still hurt. Was I actually feeling a twinge of sympathy for this drug lord?

  “You moved here recently?” Jonah asked as we turned into the drive that went past rows of mobile homes.

  “Mm-hm.” I was barely thinking about his question. My mind jumped ahead to when we’d say good-bye. Would he have some expectation because he’d given me a lift? I wanted to be polite when I told him no again. This wasn’t a man I wanted to piss off—or encourage.

  “Why?” he asked bluntly. “I mean, people don’t usually move to Sawville without a reason. It’s not like there’s much of an economy here to draw them.”

  Except, apparently, your pot fields.

  “A friend of mine was from around here.” I carefully chose how much I wanted to tell him. No need to describe my whole life story. How destitute I’d been after leaving Clay. How I’d struggled to survive in one place or another. Or the desperation that had led me here. “When Tammy decided to move back home, she asked me to come with her and share an apartment.”

  “So you live with a friend?” he asked.

  “No. After a couple of months, Tammy moved her new boyfriend in and asked me to move out, so I had to find someplace else.” I pointed to my trailer, the porch light on for me. “That one.”

  He drew up in front of the lot and put the car in park but left the engine running. “Sucks you moved all the way here, and she kicked you out.”

  “Yeah. Tammy’s generous only when it suits her.”

  “Tammy Colter?” he asked. “I know the family.”

  “Yeah, that’s her.” The ride had been less awkward than I’d anticipated, but now that we were sitting in front of my house, I was anxious to end it. “Well, thanks again for the ride. And for calling the tow truck earlier.”

  “No problem. If you need a ride to the garage tomorrow, let me know.”

  I turned to face him. “Not to be rude, but why? Why are you helping me?”

  His face was mostly in shadow, but his dark eyes glittered in the light from my front door. “I don’t know.” He rubbed at the frown lines between his eyes. “Because you need help, and it’s easy enough for me to give it.”

  “Well…thanks.” I started to get out of the car, unsatisfied with his answer.

  “Because I’ve been where you are and it would’ve been nice if someone had offered help once in a while.” He stopped me with his words. “Course, I was so stubborn, I wouldn’t have taken it if they’d tried.”

  Now that was a real answer. I nodded and turned to offer him my hand to shake.

  As our palms met briefly, I immediately recalled shaking on our agreement the other night, a business exchange of sex for cash. I felt like I’d met a completely different person tonight. A man I could actually be friends with—if I could only erase our make-out session from my mind.

  “Good night,” I said.

  I hurried up the steps and unlocked my front door. Once inside, I watched from between the curtains as the Range Rover drove away. When the taillights disappeared, I took off my coat and hung it up along with my purse. Something white peeked out from the open zipper of the purse.

  I pulled out another envelope with my name in the same tight, precise lettering as the one I’d received last week. I opened it and took out the same check I’d folded and put in the console of Jonah’s car.

  There was a note along with it. You need this. Don’t be too proud. Use it.

  Chapter Six

  Jonah

  Even after five years of living in my small brick Craftsman-style house on Yarrow Road, I still took pleasure in the space and uncluttered neatness in every carefully remodeled room. I liked my routines—making coffee and eggs in the mornings, choosing an album to listen to on my stereo, cultivating the plants in my garden, and climbing between crisp, clean sheets on my bed every night. These might seem like minor pleasures to most people, but each one was a small triumph, a sign of how far I’d come. I appreciated the orderly nature of my life and planned to keep it that way.

  What I didn’t plan on was Rianna Cutter showing up on my doorstep a couple of days after I’d dropped her off at home.

  My doorbell rang, and I answered it, half expecting a salesman or Jehovah’s Witness. I didn’t have any acquaintances who’d show up without even a phone call first. Rianna’s presence was so unexpected, it took me a moment to process. I stared at her, my hand clutching the doorknob, and didn’t say a word.

  But she did. She spoke in a rush as if anxious to get the words out before I could shut the door in her face.

  “Sorry to just show up, but I couldn’t find out your phone number, and it was pretty easy to get your address. I believe you were honestly trying to be kind, giving me that check. And you were right about what you said in the note. I can’t afford to be proud. I need the money. But that doesn’t mean I have to accept charity, so I’ve come here to offer you some work in exchange. I can do yard work, housework, clean out your garage, or wash windows, anything like that. Just not anything, um, personal.”

  I blinked. My gaze slipped past her to the creaky Escort parked in my driveway. Seemed she’d had the alternator repaired, but that rust bucket wasn’t going to last long. The tires looked like crap. She shouldn’t even be driving around on them. She needed a safer vehicle, especially with a kid.

  “So, is there something you need done around here? How about some raking? I see a few leaves on your lawn.” She turned to look at the light scattering underneath the maple tree, the afternoon task I’d planned for myself. Sunlight turned her profile golden. I couldn’t stop staring at the curve of her jaw and cheekbones and her cute, slightly upturned nose. I wanted to drop a kiss on the tip of it.

  “Sure. That sounds fair.” I’d give her work to do, soothe her wounded pride. Maybe I’d even make up some tasks so she could earn on a regular basis. I’d never hired a housekeeper in my life. I took care of my home by myself, keeping things exactly the way I liked them. But the thought occurred to me if I offered Rianna a decent enough wage, she could quit her job at Cock Teasers. Not that where she worked was any of my concern.

  “Whenever you can work a few hours into your schedule,” I began.

  “Now would be great. I have time.”

  “Oh. I guess… Sure.”

  “Great. I’ll just get Travis out of the car. He’ll enjoy playing in the leaves while I rake them.”

  The kid was with her? I’d glimpsed the backward-facing car seat but hadn’t realized there was a baby in there.

  A sharp breeze rose, cutting through my T-shirt and chilling my bare feet on the front porch. “Isn’t it too cold?”

  She shook her head. “Travis loves to play outdoors. Fresh air is good for kids.”

  Right. I knew that. I just hadn’t been around a really small child in a very long time, and when I had, I’d been only a boy myself. Babies seemed almost like another species to me, a soft, unformed, incredibly vulnerable species that must be constantly protected. I’d feel stupid lounging around inside my warm house while Rianna did my yard work and her kid froze to death on my front lawn.

  But she didn’t wait for me to agree or disagree. She went to her car and got a lump in a bright green parka out of the backseat. Then she dragged out a huge bag, practically bigger than the kid was, and hefted it onto her shoulder. She took the boy’s mittened hand and led him toward me. I stared at the tiny little creature with a snub nose like his ma’s. He stared back at me, serious as a judge.

  “Travis, this is Mr. Wyatt,” Rianna introduced us. “I’m going to do some raking for him. You want to help?”

  The green-hooded head bobbed up and down, and then the boy plugged a pair of fingers into his mou
th.

  I wasn’t sure how to respond, so I offered a polite, “Cute kid.” Couldn’t go wrong with that.

  The brilliant smile on her face made me wish I’d given an even bigger compliment. “Thank you. I think so. Rake?” she asked.

  “In the shed out back. I’ll show you.”

  I slipped on a pair of sneakers and a jacket in the foyer, then led the way. Rianna walked beside me, the top of her head even with my shoulder. I glanced sideways at her, and then at the plump little kid beside her. He was trotting to keep up, so I shortened my pace to an old man’s shuffle.

  As I got out the rake and a wheelbarrow, I explained what I wanted done. “I compost, so fill the barrow and take it out to the heap.” I pointed to the fenced-in compost area behind the vegetable garden.

  “Oh wow. Your garden’s amazing! What all do you grow?” She studied the raised beds, which weren’t looking their best this late in the fall, as though she could see the abundance of leafy greens, squash, cabbages, corn, and beans that had filled it last summer.

  “A little of everything. Growing things is…sort of my hobby.”

  A flicker of some emotion passed over her face, and immediately I knew she was thinking of my bigger fields and the business that had paid for this house and everything else I owned. Of course she knew. Someone would have told her about me by now. I felt a crazy urge to explain I was currently transitioning out of pot production.

  “Do you garden?” I asked instead.

  “I’d like to. I wanted to start a plot, but it was too late to till or plant by the time I moved into the trailer park. Maybe next year.”

  I thought of the poverty of her run-down mobile home park, where people lived from one assistance check to another. Seeing this struggling young mother courageously keeping her shit together touched me too deeply. I’d lived that life, trying to keep my brothers and myself afloat without any help.

  “There are still a few fall tasks that need doing, like digging up some of the root vegetables. Maybe you could help with that.”

  It was another opportunity to let Rianna earn the money I’d given her. Besides, I had to admit I wouldn’t mind her working alongside me in the garden.

  “Sure.”

  Travis had pulled away from her to pick up a trowel I’d left behind and start digging in one of the raised beds. “Travis, stop that.”

  “Sandbox,” he said.

  “It’s not a sandbox, and it’s not yours to dig in.” She went after the boy.

  “There’s nothing he can disturb there this time of year. He can dig if he wants to,” I said.

  “Yeah, but I can’t keep an eye on him out here while I’m working in front. Travis, you need to come help me with the leaves.”

  The kid’s bottom lip jutted out, and his eyes grew stormy. So, not always cute after all. “No. I wanna dig.”

  Rianna squatted to face him at eye level. “I can’t do it without you. Why don’t you help Mr. Wyatt push the barrow?”

  He looked at the fascinating cart and dropped the trowel full of dirt to trot over to me.

  “Want to ride in it?” I asked.

  The boy nodded and raised his arms to be lifted. As I picked up his solid little body and set him in the cart, I recalled dragging a very young J.D. around on the back of my bike or, in the winter, on a sled. I used to be annoyed at having to take my brothers with me, but I wouldn’t leave them home alone with our dad. Having to look after J.D. and Micah had probably saved my sanity after my mom did what she did. Without their needs to focus on, I probably would’ve sat around moping and getting wasted.

  Travis clutched the sides of the barrow as it bumped down the garden path. His cute mama walked alongside, bending down to ask how he liked it. They giggled together, and the sound was as sweet as birdsong. I liked having them in my yard and would’ve liked to stay outside and help with the leaf raking. But when we reached the maple, Rianna dismissed me.

  “Thanks. This shouldn’t take too long. I can do the garden work you mentioned after this.”

  I retreated into the house, refilled my cup of coffee, and sat near the front window. I sat there every morning to watch the birds at the feeder, so it wasn’t as if I was spying on Rianna. Except it wasn’t early morning anymore, and there were other things I’d normally be doing.

  Like raking my own leaves and working in my garden.

  As Rianna quickly and efficiently raked the leaves into a few piles and began loading them into the cart, Travis destroyed her work by plunging into the piles and tossing leaves into the air. Even inside, I could hear his loud laughter as the red and gold leaves rained down on him. His pure joy was contagious. I couldn’t help smiling.

  After a couple of minutes, I decided to stop lurking and join them in the yard. If the work got finished too fast, I’d manufacture other things for Rianna to do.

  I bundled up and went outside. The little boy spotted me and came running over. He held up his arms and shouted “Spin me!”

  Um. Okay. I awkwardly placed my hands underneath his arms, lifted him, and whirled him in a circle. He squealed and kicked out his legs. “Faster!”

  I took a firmer grip and spun around with him a few more times. When I set him back on his feet, he wobbled sideways, then collapsed in one of the leaf piles.

  I looked over at Rianna, leaning on her rake and watching. She was so cute, so pretty, and I was as attracted to her in her plaid work coat and jeans as when she was half-naked. Not to say I wasn’t sort of picturing her breasts underneath that torn coat, but they weren’t my main focus. It was those eyes, their translucent shine when a ray of sunlight struck them and her smile that made them sparkle.

  “You two aren’t being helpful,” she pointed out.

  I fished Travis out of the leaves and scooped up most of the pile in my arms to stuff it into the cart. Rianna didn’t refuse my help, and we worked together to clear the yard of leaves. When they were all stuffed into the compost bin, I showed her what needed to be done in the garden. We started at different ends of the bed, digging and pulling out the late-fall potatoes. Rub off the dirt and they were pale gold, large and healthy, with no rot. Travis dug too, getting dirt on his face and hands and in his hair.

  Fairly quickly, we met in the middle, the patch stripped of potato plants and a couple of peck baskets mostly full. I brushed the dirt off my hands and picked up a basket. “You can take that one home if you want. I can’t use all these before they go bad.”

  That was a lie. I had storage in my root cellar to keep the potatoes for months. But I didn’t need them and knew Rianna and Travis could use them.

  She frowned. “Are you sure? I’m doing this work for you, not to earn even more charity.”

  “Not charity. Just a few vegetables. It’s no big deal.”

  She sat back on her heels and crumbled the caked-on dirt from her hands. “Well, that didn’t take very long. Is there anything else I can do around here?”

  “Maybe another time. For now, why don’t you come in and wash up. Have a cup of coffee or hot cocoa to get warm.” I hardly recognized myself acting like a polite host. I could count on one hand the number of times I’d had anyone over for social reasons. I’d never needed or wanted friends. Most of my dealings were with the foreman of my operation, or with buyers who I sure as hell wouldn’t meet with at my own home.

  Since first J.D. and later Micah had taken off, I’d lived in the house alone, moving through the organized rhythm of my days with little variation. I’d never considered whether it was boring or not. The calmness was satisfying. Now, as I opened the back door and let Rianna and Travis into the mudroom, I felt invaded. Travis was overexcited and noisy and didn’t want to be washed. Rianna corralled him, but not before he left dirty smudges on my walls.

  I toed off my dirt-encrusted shoes and took my turn at the old-fashioned sink before leading my guests to the kitchen. Travis spun back and forth on the tall seat at the center island. Rianna sat right beside him to make sure he didn’t fall
off.

  I busied myself with preparing a cup of cocoa for Travis and searching for something sweet like cookies for him. “I don’t have any treats,” I apologized.

  “That’s fine. I’ve got stuff for him in my bag.” Rianna hefted up the bag she’d dragged in along with her and rummaged through it until she found a bag of goldfish crackers. Soon Travis was happily swimming them through the air and into his mouth.

  I leaned against the counter while the second cup brewed in the machine. “Takes a lot of energy, doesn’t he?”

  “Oh yeah. About the only time he’s not moving is when he’s sleeping. It’s all I can do to keep up with him.” She snatched at Travis, who’d leaned too far to one side and was about to fall off the chair.

  “My brother J.D. was like that. Always moving, always doing. My other brother’s mouth was always moving,” I added dryly. “Still is. Micah can talk the leg off a goat.”

  Rianna continued to keep one hand on Travis wriggling in his chair, but the other rested on the table, fingers tapping nervously. “I always wanted brothers. Or sisters. It must be nice.”

  I looked back over the years, the three of us fighting and arguing but always having one another’s backs. “Yeah. I guess so.”

  I set the brewed cup of cocoa on the table for Travis. Rianna pulled a sippy cup from her bag and half filled it from the mug without spilling a drop. “Do you have some milk to cool this down?”

  I went to get it, amused by her demand. She wasn’t shy about expressing what she wanted where her kid was concerned.

  Rianna gave Travis his drink and scooted his chair even closer to the table. “No more spinning,” she said firmly. “Drink up.”

  “You’re a good mom,” I commented as she sat down, and I passed her a mug of coffee and sugar and cream to put in it.

  She hesitated before she replied, “I hope so. I don’t know what I’m doing half the time. I’m always second-guessing everything I do.”