Guarded Passion

by Bonnie Dee

  “You know what?” I said. “Neither do I.”

  Chapter Twenty-one

  Rianna

  “How do you want this labeled?” I stood with the marker poised over the cardboard carton and cast a look at Jonah across the room. He was running packing tape along the seam of another box.

  The room looked barren without the baseball memorabilia in the glass-fronted cupboards. And the shelves of den beyond were stripped of all Jonah’s record albums. He was really leaving. Of course this was no surprise, but it hit me now as a fact I could no longer avoid facing. Our few weeks of hiatus from reality were over. Any dating from here on out would be long distance, and honestly, how well did that usually go?

  “Storage,” Jonah answered. “I’m renting a small unit here until I decide whether it’s time to let go of some of this crap instead of dragging it along to my new place.”

  “Okay.” I marked the box Storage and fretted over how easily he talked about letting old parts of his life go.

  But, damn it, I had to stop thinking that way. Jonah wasn’t going to put me and Travis in storage and forget about us. He’d made that abundantly clear in every way possible over these past days. We’d spent almost every free hour together, sometimes going out as a couple, sometimes as a family, but most of the time staying in either Jonah’s place or the trailer. When we weren’t together, we texted obsessively.

  As Jonah shopped for real estate in Lexington, he’d constantly sent me snaps of this or that house, the exterior, the interior, the landscaping, the neighborhood. I hadn’t gone up there with him. My own work schedule was too busy for that. And he hadn’t asked me again if I wanted to move, leaving that ball in my court. If I refused to pick it up and run with it, that was my play. I had no one but myself to blame if I felt a little abandoned now.

  A shadow fell over me as I finished labeling the box. I looked up, way up, to meet Jonah’s gaze. He held out a hand. “Will you do something for me?”

  “Sure.”

  “Before I pack my turntable away, I want to play one last song. Will you dance with me?”

  Hm…keep packing boxes, each one of which spelled good-bye, or dance with my hot, sexy boyfriend? I took his hand and jumped up. “Tango? Foxtrot? Disco?” I asked. “I can teach you whatever you want.”

  He led me into the empty den and spun the disc he already had waiting on the turntable. The scratchy strains of an old-fashioned country waltz began. Jonah held out his arms in the classic waltz pose, and I fitted myself right into them.

  As we moved in fairly graceful circles around the bare floor—the carpet had already been rolled up and carried out—I remembered the other time we’d danced this way. How much had changed since then. It seemed like years, yet only minutes had passed. Every day we grew closer and Jonah became more indispensable to my life.

  Our Christmas had been a Hallmark moment with Jonah and Travis running Travis’s new matchbox cars around the carnage of wrapping paper and boxes. As I watched them together in the glow of the Christmas tree, my heart had nearly burst with joy. This was what I’d always wanted for myself and for my son, a true family. All I had to do was tear down that last barrier that prevented me from reaching out and taking it. At that moment, I don’t know why I didn’t open my mouth and shout hell yeah, I’ll move with you to Lexington.

  Now, I swayed with Jonah’s body, two moving as one. His mouth pressed against my hair, and he murmured, “Will you do something else for me?”

  “Hm?”

  “Call your babysitter and say you’re going to be gone longer than you expected. I want you to drive up to Lexington with me and take a look at the new house. I need help deciding where some things should go.”

  I pulled back and looked up at him. “Really?”

  He nodded. “It’s important to me. I want to make sure you like the house, and that you can imagine you and Travis maybe living there someday. If you hate it, I need to know right now before I sign the papers.”

  My heart leaped up and danced around like a performing poodle. Packing boxes and storage be damned, Jonah had no intention of leaving me and Travis behind. He’d proved his devotion to us numerous times over the past weeks, and now he was making the ultimate gesture—ensuring I could envision a home and future with him.

  I made the call.

  On the drive to the city, Jonah talked to me about how he saw things playing out. “Whenever you’re ready, I could help you move to an apartment up here. I’ve checked out some places, reasonably priced and halfway between the distillery and downtown. When the company opens, I’d like you to work in reception. We’ll be having guided tours and tastings and other events. You could be in charge of that. Or, if you’d rather try something else, I’m sure you could find work downtown. There’s also a really nice preschool nearby for Travis.”

  I looked at his handsome profile against the bright light from the side window. “You’ve been thinking about this a lot.”

  “You know I have. I just didn’t say anything because I was waiting for you to mull things over.”

  And I hadn’t said anything because…why? Because I’d wanted to hear him ask me again? Because I didn’t want to think of the future when we were enjoying the present so much? But it was here now. The question of what I was going to do couldn’t be postponed much longer.

  We both fell silent for a while, and before I knew it, we’d turned off the highway and were heading into a suburban neighborhood at the edge of the city. It was an older town that had been absorbed into the urban sprawl. Large trees shaded wide, quiet streets, or would have if their branches weren’t bare. Christmas lights and decorations still adorned the houses. A couple of kids played in one of the front yards, kicking down the gray remains of a snow fort with their oversized boots. Lights glowed in some of the windows, giving a sense of coming home at the end of a long day. The entire neighborhood said “family,” and my heart ached to belong here.

  Jonah pulled up in front of a large corner house with two gnarled old trees in the yard, one with a swing suspended from it, the other with a birdhouse nailed to the side. A generous porch wrapped around the house, and several gabled windows protruded from the upper level like jutting eyebrows. I’d seen the house before, very tiny on my phone. Meeting it in person was an entirely different experience.

  Jonah talked about square footage, electrical wiring, and plumbing all the way from the SUV up the sidewalk to the front door, but I was lost in a love affair with the house. The gardens were covered with snow, but I could picture them in spring, bursting with flowers. Large urns on the front porch waited for more colorful flowers to fill them once more.

  “A swing! There’s a swing.” I hurried to sit on the swaying bench suspended from the porch ceiling, which surveyed the neighborhood in all directions like a throne. I pushed off with my foot and rocked to and fro.

  Jonah sat on the rail across from me and just smiled, arms folded, smug. “I thought you’d like it here.”

  I’d love to move in tomorrow. I couldn’t think why I’d hesitate, except that it was the adult thing to move slowly and “look before I leaped.”

  After a moment, he took my hand, unlocked the door with the key the real estate agent had given him in advance. Inside, the rooms were empty and echoing, waiting to be filled just like those flowerpots on the porch. I could already picture pieces of Jonah’s furniture in various places, and I was quick to point out how he should arrange things.

  He smiled and nodded some more, until I had to punch him for his smugness. “You knew I couldn’t resist this house.”

  He laughed. “Well, I’d hoped you couldn’t resist me, but I thought the house would help.”

  I moved in front of him, put my hands on his shoulders, and looked up into his eyes. “I can’t resist you. You know that, don’t you? This house or an apartment, any of the things you offer me don’t mean anything without you there to share them. Honestly, we could live together in my crappy trailer and I’d be happy.”
>
  His eyebrows rose. “The trailer? Really? I’ve just been waiting for you to ask me. It’s a dream of mine to live in that park.”

  I cupped his jaw and squeezed. “Don’t make fun. I’m trying to make a point.”

  He nodded, the smile erasing from his mouth.

  “You’ve been the one trying to woo me, and I’ve held back, afraid to trust you mean it. I’m sorry I made you wait.” I took a deep breath. “I’m ready now. Not for all this”—I indicated the house—“not yet, anyway, but to move up here and live nearby. We can’t carry on a relationship long distance. There’s nothing keeping me in Sawville, and after how close we’ve been these past weeks, I can’t imagine being so far apart. I need to see you every day.”

  The smile came back, slowly stretching across his mouth and making his eyes sparkle. Oh, I loved it when his eyes sparkled. We merged together as slowly and naturally as snowflakes drifting down to settle on the ground. And the moment we kissed, so sweetly and lightly at first but with growing intensity, I knew we weren’t going to stop at kissing this time.

  Jonah’s hands moved over me, unzipping, removing my coat, then his, and our mouths didn’t separate once. We pressed closer together, warm sweater to sweater, with hands moving up and down and underneath to touch bare flesh. Still, there was too much clothing.

  I dragged away from his mesmerizing kisses with a sigh. “Our boots are making puddles on your brand-new floor. We should take them off.”

  We dropped the boots in the foyer and moved in stocking feet through the rest of the house, but I gave only a quick glance at living room, dining room, kitchen, whatever. Who cared? I was too anxious to get upstairs and view the bedrooms, not that there’d be any furniture to lie on, but still, it was the idea of it, of making love where Jonah’s bed would someday be, marking the room so to speak.

  The old stairs creaked underfoot. The wood banister smoothed by years of polish and hands stroking it felt like silk under my hand.

  Jonah grabbed and stopped me. “Just a minute. Wait here.” He went ahead into one of the rooms, and a moment later, the glow of candlelight spilled from the door.

  “Okay. Now,” he called.

  I walked down the hallway and stopped in the doorway, shocked into silence.

  “Like it?” He sat on the edge of his big beautiful bed, the one I’d made up so many times and wondered whether he slept in it nude. Just the bed, no other furniture, but it was made up fresh and candles were sprinkled around the floor to light the room.

  “You planned to bring me here,” I said.

  “I hoped.”

  “How are you allowed to move furniture in early? You don’t take possession until—”

  He rubbed his fingers together. “Money greases a lot of wheels. But you’re kinda missing the point here.” He patted the bed beside him and waggled his eyebrows.

  I laughed, as always delighted when Jonah grew playful. I hurried over to plop beside him on the bed. For a moment, we both sat there just smiling at each other in the candles’ soft glow, then Jonah reached out to trace the curve of my cheek with his finger.

  “You’re so beautiful, and I’m so grateful to have you in my life.” He brushed his lips over mine, then bent to nuzzle just under my jaw and down my neck.

  I lifted my chin and closed my eyes, letting go completely. This was exactly like dancing. The outside world fell away, and I was utterly in the moment, responding to Jonah’s touches and kisses, and returning them. Better than a waltz, this erotic dance that ended with tangled sheets and heaving bodies.

  Our clothes went the way of our coats, lost somewhere on the floor. We were so unaware of them as we stripped, it was lucky we didn’t toss them on one of the candles and start a fire. Naked at last, we explored each other’s bodies. Fingers skated over smooth flesh and delved into intimate places. I finally had a chance to feel the shape and girth of Jonah’s cock, uninterrupted. I grasped and stroked it lightly until he rewarded me with the groan I longed to hear.

  I pushed on his chest, urging him to lie back on the bed, then I settled between his legs, facing the thick column poised like a rocket ready for takeoff. His gorgeous male body stretched out before me, eagerly anticipating my touch. I scraped a fingernail up his length. Jonah’s stomach twitched, and he gripped handfuls of sheet. I loved his reaction so much I did it again, teasing him with light strokes of my fingers before finally taking him in my fist. His flesh against my tongue tasted musky and salty as I engulfed him deeply. Jonah gasped, and his entire body flexed in pleasure. I loved that I possessed that sort of power over him.

  We’d both been waiting for this so long. As I stroked and sucked, I could tell from his ragged breathing that Jonah trembled on the edge of climax and fought to hold back. I was determined not to let him. There would be time for a slower release later. I rubbed briskly, bringing him up to the edge. His body went rigid, and ecstasy exploded through him.

  I swallowed it down, then climbed up his body to lie, head propped on hand, watching his handsome face, the muscles that flexed when he swallowed. His eyes flickered open, and he looked back at me.

  “That was… I didn’t expect that. I, uh, brought condoms.”

  “Oh, we’ll get to that too. I just wanted to take the edge off.”

  He laughed and tapped a finger against the tip of my nose. “You did. Thank you.”

  “My pleasure.” And truly it was. I’d fantasized about doing that for a very long time.

  I flopped onto my back and looked up at the coved ceiling. I loved those curves between wall and ceiling that suggested the age of the house. I could imagine generations of families living under this roof, and now we would become a part of that. There was no longer any doubt in my mind it was inevitable. Maybe not immediately, but probably soon, Jonah and I would lie in this bed every night, gazing up at that ceiling. It would be our shelter and our home.

  I reached out to take his hand. “I love you.”

  I hadn’t planned to say it, but the words came out, and I didn’t wish them back. I wanted Jonah to know how I felt, to offer that to him. It was the one gift I could give him, worth more than anything I could buy.

  A moment’s silence followed, and then his voice replied, stirring up waves of happiness. “I love you too.”

  *

  Jonah

  Saying what I’d been thinking for days out loud felt like releasing a breath I’d been holding. Micah would’ve used the cruder “like taking a dump.” I could almost hear him laughing in my head as he said something like that. But it was true. The relief of actually saying “I love you” was palpable.

  I would’ve said it a lot of times over the past weeks, but I’d been trying to be patient, giving Rianna time to consider her options for the future. Our relationship was already under pressure, fast-forwarded due to my move, and adding the word love into the mix seemed like throwing fuel on the fire. But once she’d admitted it, I was glad to be able to say it too.

  “I love you,” I repeated. Words I hadn’t even really believed in until recently. Now I knew it was a real thing. J.D. had found it. Even crazy Micah had. And now I had too.

  I rolled to my side and looked at her, the waves of brown hair tumbling over her bare shoulders, the cute nose that tilted slightly, the sharp jut of her chin, and, of course, those amazing eyes that had been the first thing to catch my attention. My gaze swept down to study her body too, firm, high breasts and long supple lines that made my cock begin to move again, but inevitably my gaze returned to her beautiful gray gaze. That was where her soul lived. It was my home.

  I stroked a hand down her body from neck to navel, lingering over every curve as if I mapped her body with my palm. She moved restlessly as I moved lower, exploring between her legs. I delved into her most tender spot, moist and open and eager, and I teased her clit until Rianna moaned quietly and lifted into my touch. Only when I had her rocking rhythmically against me did I change position to lie over her.

  My cock was ready again
, more than ready to be buried deep within her heat. I got one of the condoms I’d placed under the pillow and quickly prepared, then moved between her legs.

  Rianna was more beautiful than ever in the candlelight. Her eyes sparkled from it as she looked up at me. My erection bumped against her entrance. I adjusted the angle and pushed inside without even needing to guide myself. Just like coming home, my cock slid easily into that tight channel.

  She made a quiet sound and wriggled, not in discomfort but in pleasure. She lifted her knees, making the angle even deeper, as I slid to the hilt inside her. I remained there for breathless moments, experiencing the sensation before I slowly withdrew.

  Again I filled her, and again she gave that breathy gasp that spurred my lust even higher. I craved her with such intensity, it was almost frightening. To give myself over completely this way to someone meant I had so much more to lose than I ever had before.

  Women I’d fucked in the past, women I’d paid to fuck were a pale shadow compared to this. A flash of dismay shot through me as I realized I might have missed all this if Rianna and I had screwed on that aborted first date. Not a date. I couldn’t even call it that. An encounter. If we’d done it as a business transaction then, we wouldn’t be where we were now.

  Ah, but now was all I needed to focus on. I dismissed worries about something that hadn’t happened and concentrated on this perfect coming together. I looked into the face of the woman I adored and made love to her with attention to every nuance, every thrust and sigh and flex and touch and soft cry.

  I was glad Rianna had “taken the edge off,” as she put it, because it made me able to really take my time bringing her to the pinnacle of tension. Only when I felt her muscles clench around my throbbing cock and she shouted out in pleasure did I let my own orgasm rocket through me again. And it was glorious.

  Making love was to fucking what brie was to Velveeta—another thing Micah might say. It seemed I was channeling my brother’s more whimsical nature tonight.

  I waited until the last shuddering quake had stilled before slowly unpeeling myself from Rianna. I hated to separate from her, even though we’d be lying side by side.