A Christmas Wedding in the Cotswolds

by Lucy Coleman

  ‘But, of course, he’s already talked to you about it.’ She sounds accepting, rather than offended.

  ‘He’s like my second dad, Val. He was the one I ran to when Tollie and I were rowing all the time because I was being obnoxious and self-centred. It’s only natural that he would turn to me, because you know he doesn’t find it easy to share his feelings.’

  She bows her head. ‘He filled the gap for you, didn’t he? And I’m grateful to him for that and also the fact that you are his support system, too.’

  Val is my biological mother, but up until she revealed the truth to me last Christmas, she’d simply been a neighbour who lived a short walk away. She moved back to Aysbury five years before my dad died and when I came to live with Tollie she was his housekeeper for a while. Val had worked tirelessly to support the community here, but outside that she was a bit of a loner. Mainly because, by nature, she’s a private person. Gradually, she has lowered her guard, and over the last year we’ve become friends because of her increasing involvement with the Santa Ahoy cruises.

  Aside from Tollie and Grandma, Bernie was the only other person in Aysbury who was aware that Valerie Price was formerly Alison Tolliman. Out of love for me and respect for my dad, they continued to keep the secret. I’m not sure if I agree with Dad’s decision that I should be kept in the dark, but it had been made very clear to Val that she wasn’t to reveal her real identity. The fact that Val and Grandma were friends following her return, in hindsight tells me that Grandma believed her story. All I knew about my mum was that she disappeared a few months after I was born and that, according to my birth certificate, her name was Alison. I had no memories of her at all and Dad never, ever talked about her. Since last Christmas, when Val broke down and told me the truth, Gray, Fisher and Rona also know that she is my birth mother, but no one ever talks about it because for me it didn’t change anything. Friendship doesn’t miraculously turn into a mother/daughter bond because a buried truth is suddenly revealed. I wish it were that easy.

  I swing my feet back and forth, my hands gripping the edge of the seat as I try to find the right words.

  ‘Fisher was nervous, Val. I simply told him that he should be honest with you about how he feels and his hopes for the future.’

  ‘He wasn’t asking for your blessing, then?’

  Why would she think that? ‘No, of course not. He’s a man who is guarded when it comes to the emotional stuff, that’s all… and, well—’

  ‘I’m the same,’ Val interrupts. ‘It wasn’t an easy conversation, Immi, because I wasn’t prepared for it, and he could see that. Fisher understands my hesitation and simply asked me to take some time to think over his proposal. I promised him that I would give him my answer tomorrow night. He’s cooking us dinner at his place.’

  ‘Oh, Val, you’ll be sitting mere feet away from each other all day tomorrow in the office. That’ll be agony.’

  ‘No. I’m taking the day off. We decided it wasn’t fair on either of us, for that exact reason. The thing is, Immi, I vowed I’d never marry again after my divorce from Liam’s father. Two failed marriages feel like an omen. It seems as if I’m being punished for the pain I inflicted on you and your dad. Karma, if you like. And now I simply can’t risk ruining Fisher’s life, too.’

  I know Val will never shed the guilt she feels so acutely for abandoning her baby daughter and her husband. Even though at the time she was mentally unwell and, as it turned out, unable to even take care of herself for a while. Discovering that it wasn’t because she had rejected me meant everything. She eventually changed her name and began a new life, miles away from here, until she finally felt brave enough to return. But however much I understand, I still can’t bring myself to call her Mum – it would feel like a betrayal to Dad.

  Whenever we visited Aysbury, Grandma Nell was the female role model in my life and, although Dad knew Val was a stone’s throw away, their paths never crossed. That, I was told, was his choice entirely. Val and I ended up becoming friends because, as much as she felt she had no right to grow close to me, she’d never stopped loving the daughter she’d walked away from. And although I appreciate having her in my life now, there is still a little awkwardness between us. Not least because of my bond with Fisher, who has been a big influence in my life ever since I came to Aysbury. There are times when Fisher and I are reminiscing about the past and Val goes very quiet. We quickly change the subject, because no one is standing in judgement here, but we can’t change the past.

  ‘Fisher is trying hard to leave behind the hurts of his past, Val. He’s taking a huge risk opening up his heart to you, because it makes him feel vulnerable again. Doesn’t that prove just how strong his feelings are for you?’

  Val leans back against the bench, closing her eyes for a moment as she tilts her head up to face the sun. I gaze around, taking in the sounds of barking dogs and voices drifting on the breeze from a group of walkers on the opposite side of the canal. Then I see that it’s the Aysbury Ramblers, out today with collection buckets on a ten-mile walk to raise funds. Kurt and Sarah organised it and are providing free bottles of water and energy bars to keep them going.

  ‘What if I’m not capable of really loving someone, Immi?’ Val turns her head away from me, swiping her eyes with the back of her hand, and my heart constricts inside my chest.

  I swallow hard; the sadness I feel for the hand that life dealt Val leaves me feeling bereft on her behalf.

  ‘Your love for your stepson, Liam, has never faltered, Val. Love is love. Liam turned up on your doorstep unannounced last Christmas because he wanted to see for himself that you were okay. When Liam and I were shovelling snow together, he told me that you were always there for him. He knew how hard you took it once he had his freedom, and his only concern was whether you had friends around you. He didn’t know who I was, and I didn’t quiz him. In fact, he sought me out because he wanted to know more about Fisher, once he knew you were working for him. You earnt Liam’s love, Val, by treating him as if he were your own. When a child loses a mother, they need someone to step up and fill the void. You did that when his father chose to back away from him.’

  She sniffs and I fear I’m making this worse, which is not my intention at all.

  ‘And your father filled the void in your life, then Tollie and Fisher took on the role,’ she admits sadly.

  ‘My life was filled with love, when yours was falling apart, but that wasn’t your fault. We’ve become great friends, Val, and there is no one I would trust more to be instrumental in planning my wedding than you. But…’ I tail off, unable to explain that Dad did everything for me and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to think of her in that way without feeling disloyal.

  ‘There’s no need to explain, Immi. I’m grateful to be that friend you trust and play a part in your life. I just don’t want to hurt anyone. If I say yes to Fisher, what happens next? Everyone is aware of his intention to set up a little business, but the truth is that I can’t be a part of it, no matter how strong my feelings are for him. I might put his dream in jeopardy, and I can’t allow that to happen.’

  ‘Everything in life is a risk, Val, but some risks are worth taking.’

  I can see how difficult this is for her. Her arms are folded across her body, hands on elbows as if she’s trying to hold herself together. ‘In his dream Fisher probably sees us cruising down the canal together, side by side at the helm. Whenever I step on board anything that floats, the minute it begins moving I get sick to my stomach. I can’t ask him to sacrifice his dream for me, can I?’

  ‘But all that really matters is what’s in your heart, Val. If friendship is all that you’re seeking between the two of you, then you must be honest about that and put him out of his misery. But if that’s not the case, dreams can, and do, change. What if Fisher’s carefully made plans aren’t supposed to work out and, instead, he’ll be even happier remaining at the marina with his wife by his side?’

  Val looks even more confused now. ‘Ca
n it be as simple as that, Immi? I don’t know what I’m going to say to Fisher tomorrow. I can only hope that when my thoughts clear, the answer will suddenly present itself and when it does, it will be the right one.’

  I reach out and squeeze her arm.

  ‘I’ll be thinking of you both, Val. I doubt either of you will get much sleep tonight.’

  We stand to begin the walk back and I stop at the step up to the footbridge.

  ‘I’ll say goodbye here as I’m going to pop in to see Rona. If you want to give me a call after the two of you have spoken, no matter how late it is, phone me any time.’

  We hug and go our separate ways. I hope I’ve said enough to stop Val walking away for all the wrong reasons. I think she’s afraid to acknowledge how she feels about Fisher. Besides, no one really wants to face the future alone when they’ve finally found someone who lights up their life, do they?

  19

  A Turning Point

  ‘Oh, how lovely!’ Rona exclaims when she opens the door. ‘Come on in. You’re on your own?’

  ‘Yes, Gray was eager to fit in a couple of hours on this presentation he’s putting together for his agent tomorrow. So it’s back to our old routine while they’re working closely together to find the next big project. I wandered up to see Abe and Ethel’s display and then had a chat with Val. The walkathon is on today, too, and I’d forgotten all about it.’

  ‘Well, there’s a lot happening, which is positive. Every little helps. I’ll make a cup of tea and we can sit out in the garden. Go and make yourself comfortable.’

  I love Rona’s little cottage. It’s classically cosy, and while none of the rooms are large, the stone mullion windows and square, leaded panes of glass make it light and airy. It has the prettiest little garden that wraps around the building, which stands on a small plot of land next to Aysbury’s community-run library. Both buildings are of a similar age and style, originally tied cottages owned by the farm.

  ‘The new rose bushes look lovely, Rona. Great choice. These traditional, cottage-garden flowers really take me back. Grandma Nell told Tollie off once for pulling up her forget-me-knots. He thought they were weeds.’ I laugh.

  She places the tray on the little cast-iron bistro table before sitting down.

  ‘And aren’t the hollyhocks wonderful, too?’ she adds.

  ‘Glorious and so tall! You’ve settled in well, even though it was a big upheaval for you at the time.’

  Rona begins pouring the tea. She knows why I’m here.

  ‘It was, but life moves on. Immi, forgive me for cutting to the chase, but I’m assuming Gray still hasn’t said anything to you, has he?’ she enquires.

  ‘No. How about you?’

  ‘Not a word. It’s the proverbial elephant in the room and I’m guessing Gray doesn’t want to talk about it for fear of upsetting me.’

  ‘What are you going to do?’

  She passes me a cup of tea and I add a little milk.

  ‘If their meeting had gone well, I’m sure one or the other would have told me all about it by now. I’ve decided I can’t stress over it any longer, so I emailed Grayson the day before yesterday and kept it light. Just telling him a little about what’s happening in Aysbury and letting him know that you and Gray are now settled back into Lock Keeper’s Cottage. I didn’t mention the wedding, as it’s not my place.’

  I raise my eyebrows, wondering how that went down.

  ‘He has already responded,’ she confirms. ‘He replied in a similar vein and that suits me. I don’t want to lose touch with him, Immi, and he feels the same way. I’d appreciate it if you didn’t mention this to Gray, as my son has been through enough. You make him happy and that’s all that matters to me. I am sad they couldn’t put their differences aside, but I understand, and have to let it lie now for all our sakes. Life goes on, doesn’t it?’

  I can see that Rona is relieved to have reached a decision, but there’s a sadness reflected in her eyes, even though she’s putting on a brave face.

  ‘Coming here was a fresh start for me, Immi, and I’m extremely grateful to you and Gray. Both for the help financially and in finding my new home. Now I’m back to work I fully intend putting a little aside every month to repay you.’

  ‘Rona, we have everything we need. The fact that you’re here makes us both happy. There is no way either of us would take any money from you.’

  She smiles at me, shaking her head.

  ‘But I’m allowed to give you a wedding present.’ Her eyes are twinkling.

  ‘Helping with the wedding arrangements is payment enough. Seriously, I was floundering and if you and Val hadn’t stepped in when you did, everything would have ground to a halt. That’s worth more than any present you could possibly give us. Gray is enjoying the new, relaxed me. And the yoga is beginning to pay off.’

  ‘You must be nervous about the first fitting. When will Ursula have the dresses ready?’

  ‘Mid-October. Enough time to shift a pound, or two, if Sarah and I have been comfort eating,’ I reply with a grin.

  ‘It’s so exciting, Immi. There is such a lot to look forward to this Christmas and there’s nowhere else I’d rather be.’

  I wonder if Gray realises how much hinged on that meeting with his father. If they’d managed to at least part company on good terms, I believe that Rona and Grayson might have talked about a future together. How they would have made that work, I have no idea, given the physical distance between them, but if something is meant to be, then I truly believe that the impossible can happen. The alternative is to give up hope and that is just too depressing to contemplate.

  After finishing my tea and saying goodbye to Rona, I hurry back to the cottage to change. Jogging along the footpath at midday isn’t an option in this heat, so the quicker we set out, the better. But I’m glad to be doing something about my fitness – anything that will help boost my confidence on the day is very welcome. There are times when I pull up the sketch of the dress that Ursula has designed for me and it’s hard to imagine myself slipping into it. I have never been in a situation where I will be the centre of everyone’s attention and I still find the thought of it a little unnerving.

  Mondays are seldom easy and today, with Gray back in his old routine, it seems to have dragged on forever. He texted earlier on to say that he’s having a working dinner with Ollie and he won’t get back to his room until late. I almost forgot myself and said I’d be up anyway in case Val calls, but fortunately I stopped myself just in time.

  Normally I’d pop in to check on Tollie as I haven’t seen him today, but it’s awkward now. His operation is the day after tomorrow and I thought I’d text him in the morning to see if it’s convenient to pop in after work. Convenient. I find myself shaking my head sadly. It’s never been like that between the two of us, ever, not even when Gray first came into my life. Gray was extremely thoughtful being around Tollie when we first began seeing each other, but Daphne hasn’t reached out to me at all, and the few times our paths have crossed, she’s polite but distant. If I were her, I’d be intent on making a friend of me, not an enemy.

  I decide it’s time to pop in a DVD, as I feel in need of something to stop me clock-watching, wondering how it’s going with Val and Fisher. Lying back on the sofa, I press play on my laptop and as the music starts, instantly I’m transported to a forest. The camera pans around to reveal a camp with soldiers in red and white uniforms. Suddenly the face of Aidan Turner appears on the screen – his smile does it for me every single time. ‘Take me to Cornwall,’ I say, breathing out a gentle sigh. I want to hear the waves crashing on the beach and watch Demelza walking along the clifftops. How wonderful to be a heroine and as strong as the hero in your life.

  I wince when the tip of a sword catches Ross’s cheek, scarring him, and yet without that imperfection something would be missing. He wouldn’t be the Ross Poldark we have come to know and love. I’ve watched this series so many times, but it doesn’t matter, I still enjoy it every time.
r />   Buzz. Buzz.

  I jump up, press pause on the laptop and reach out for my phone.

  ‘Immi, it’s Val. This is just a quick call. Is it convenient to talk?’

  ‘Yes. I was watching the Poldark series again for the umpteenth time.’

  ‘Comfort food for the soul,’ she replies, her voice low.

  ‘How did it go?’

  ‘I’m still here. I’m out in the garden while Fisher is making coffee. We’re going to sit and have dessert on the patio. I knew you’d be on edge and I wanted you to know what we’ve decided. I’m going to move in with Fisher and I will give him my answer at Christmas.’

  ‘Christmas?’ I repeat, dully. But the real surprise is that they are going to be living together. That’s something I didn’t expect, and I don’t quite know what to say.

  ‘Yes. It’s time enough for us to test our true feelings for each other,’ she continues. ‘I’ve agreed to taking a few little trips along the canal on The Star Gazer with him. I hinted, but he needs to discover for himself that I’m not a water lover. But I’ll give it a go. Anyway, this is just between you and me. Act surprised when he breaks the news.’

  ‘Oh, right, of course! And thank you for letting me know, Val. I’ve been on edge all evening. I’m glad you’ve come to an arrangement. Speak soon.’

  To say I’m surprised is an understatement, but the more I think about it, the more I can see that it’s actually a good idea. After all, you don’t really know someone until you live with them 24/7, do you? I think it will come as a bit of a shock to quite a few people, as Val is rather… staid and Fisher, well, he’s a real gentleman, so they’re both cautious people. I’m delighted they’re giving it a go, but jaws will drop when Val moves in for a trial period.

  It’s Friday, the best day of the week. I miss Gray even more now that we’re settled and sometimes it feels a bit sad that, once again, we spend the first hour, or two, together simply catching up. He’s back working in the studio complex he and his friends usually hire, busy recording some demo soundtracks.