The Grayce Walters Romantic Suspense Series

by Jacki Delecki

  “How are you?” As part of the ritual, he always asked, but he already knew.

  There was deep serenity in the garden, as if he poured his peaceful energy into each plant, as he did when he prepared each cup of hot tea for her.

  Unlike his modest demeanor, his garden was a messy abandon of riotous blossoming foxglove, sweet peas, and bright colored roses surrounding the statue of a bodhisattva, a compassionate saint who stays on earth to alleviate suffering. As in everything Dr. Z touched, his loving care radiated, enveloping her in stillness.

  She wrapped her hands around the cup and drifted into the calmness.

  Dr. Z waited. He always waited. He never rushed.

  She had organized her thoughts on the drive to the Ravenna neighborhood, expecting to discuss them with Dr. Z, but as often occurred, the concerns floated away.

  Then abruptly she blurted out, “I’m having terrible nightmares.”

  His head tilted toward her. He listened with his whole body and heart.

  “Each night I’m either reliving the moment my sister died or I’m being burned alive. The dreams vary but not the feelings. There is always…deep pain and deep fear.”

  Grayce was sinking into the familiar black emptiness of loss. Dr. Z elicited her innermost feelings.

  His calm voice pulled her back. “You’re still trying to find the missing soldier, yes?”

  Grayce was puzzled—but then she realized he was talking about Angie. “I am.”

  “The mother is grieving, like your mother did when you were a young girl?”

  A dull ache started behind her eyes.

  “Your lesson was so very big for someone so very small.” He absorbed her pain. “The shock of abandonment, very hard at such an early age.”

  The tears welled up in her eyes, and it surprised her that she could still tap into the raw, intense pain, as though it had been yesterday—instead of decades ago. She let Dr. Z’s words wash over and envelop her.

  “A blessing to learn this lesson.” Dr. Z had tried to bring her along the path to realize essential solitude was important to finding the stillness and the blessedness in yourself. “The pain in your life gives you a wonderful patina, like my teapot.” He lifted the pot, turning the 19th century vessel that he used in all of their sessions.

  “Did you know that I pour hot tea over the pot each day to prevent the clay from drying out? The hot tea gives the pot its beautiful patina. If I didn’t follow the ritual, the pot would crumble.”

  “I’m not surprised that Mrs. Hines’ grief brings up my grief, but why am I back in this dark place? I’ve healed myself and moved forward. Why is the pain as acute as when Cassie died?”

  He leaned over and touched her hand. The connection was intense. “But you’re not living in the pain as you did when you were a little girl. It’s only in your dreams.”

  Dr. Z’s words were balm to her soul. “You’re peeling away another layer of your loss with these dreams.”

  “I’ve tried to protect myself against feeling the pain again.”

  “But something else has triggered this feeling of loss? Yes? Not just the grieving mother.”

  There was no fooling her mentor.

  “Davis is moving to Washington DC for at least six months, possibly a year.”

  Dr. Z’s dark eyes were filled with compassion. He sifted through all the words and delved deep into her heart. “You love this man, yes?”

  She nodded. There was no stopping the tears from pouring out.

  “There is much fear, deep in your heart.” He patted his heart. “But your dreams are healing you, making you ready to let go of the fear and love this man.”

  His healing words smoothed the jagged edges of her pain, the sleepless nights.

  “Tell me about the fires in your dreams.”

  “The missing woman—soldier survived IED bomb explosions in Afghanistan. Recently, I started treating a military dog and her master who both experienced similar explosions. I’ve assumed I had absorbed their fear and pain around fire.”

  “It’s a heavy load to take on a client’s pain, but you must feel the pain in order to heal.”

  The sweet acknowledgment hung in the air like the lyrical garden chimes. Like a magical alchemist, he changed her pain into light and love, enabling her to treat others.

  “That is why you come here, yes?” Another joyous smile. The colors in the garden grew brighter.

  “There is more to the fire dreams than your client’s pain.”

  “Yes, I feel it, too. My tarot card reading by Davis’ aunt warned me of danger from a tall, dark man.”

  “Spiritual paths may take many names and forms.” Dr. Z nodded. “You believe this prediction?”

  “Aunt Aideen immediately recognized my talents. And I don’t believe she’d have shared the prediction if she didn’t believe in the danger.”

  “Yes, I can feel the danger also.”

  “I thought the missing woman’s brother was possibly the threat, but now I’m not sure.”

  Dr. Z leaned forward in his chair.

  “I didn’t tell Davis about the prediction.”

  “You didn’t want him to be upset with his aunt.” His lips revealed a hint of a smile.

  “Yes.”

  It was always the same. Dr. Z understood and simplified her worries into acceptance.

  “And you’re protecting the aunt and Davis. Yes? And you know that his aunt has gifts that he doesn’t understand.”

  She was always amazed by her mentor’s ability to look right into her heart. She thought of herself as a gifted intuitive, but in comparison to Dr. Z, she was a neophyte.

  Dr. Z chuckled. The delightful sound pealed in the garden like the birdsong on the wind, jubilant music that your heart hears.

  “I will treat you today. Acupuncture will help you with the fear and pain.”

  Chapter Seventeen

  It had been a long and difficult day. Davis was relieved to be seated at la Spiga with a glass of deep ruby Valpolicella in his hand and Grayce’s radiant face across the table. She reached over and gently touched his hand. Grayce always knew when he was stressed.

  “How was your first meeting with the Fusion Center folks?” She ran her hand over his and looked deeply into his eyes. It was strange how she did that, but he felt calmer.

  “Way too much to learn about the different agencies and how they collaborate for a single mission. Actually, it was rather refreshing to have a clear focus.”

  “Clear focus?”

  “Arson investigations are pretty messy and unsatisfying. There is a very low success rate of nailing the bastards.”

  “I looked up the Fusion Center’s website and couldn’t help glancing at some of the conspiracy websites about it, too. They make it sound like a sexy thriller with all the involved agencies— Like a Bourne movie filled with danger and intrigue.”

  “Sexy?” His voice got husky. She had that playful gleam in her eye that always ignited his primitive responses. Grayce definitely knew how to lighten every inch of his foul mood.

  “Sexy is you in those sandals with the ribbons…and nothing else.”

  “What?” Grayce’s eyes widened.

  He loved her shocked but sensual look. “I loved our night after the Mariners game.”

  “You’ve thought of me in the espadrilles and nothing else?”

  “Honey, I think about you ‘in nothing else’ all the time.”

  He was only teasing her, but he was going to be in trouble soon. It wasn’t helping that Grayce was rubbing his hand in just the way he liked her to rub him.

  He took a deep breath. “What did you ask me?”

  Grayce laughed. The light, joyful sound soothed the ragged edges of his mind from the overwhelming details of his new position.

  “I asked you about your Fusion meeting and whether it felt like a thriller movie.”

  “Only in that there was a room filled with a team of tech experts in front of computer screens feeding Bourne the info
rmation. Today we got briefed by Homeland Security on the present threat analysis in the Pacific Northwest.”

  “Our threat level is pretty high because of our nuclear submarine bases and our Canadian border, right? Can you tell me what was said or is it classified?”

  “The presentation wasn’t anything specific, but the most interesting part was the expectation of increased threats from Eco-terrorists.”

  “Eco-terrorists?”

  “With the increase in oil tankers in the Puget Sound, the environmental risks to the marine life increase. Canadian oil tankers are coming through Harrow Straight, the breeding waters for the Orca whales.”

  The playful spark disappeared in Grayce’s eyes.

  “What is it, Grayce?”

  “The idea of an oil tanker spilling in our beautiful water is horrible…unimaginable.”

  Damn it. Why in hell was he upsetting Grayce? She took in the world in such a different way, absorbing the life force. It was a hard balance for him between wanting to share and, at the same time, protect. He definitely wouldn’t bring up the oil trains coming through Seattle.

  “Let’s order. Should we get our usual?” he asked.

  Grayce always had the shrimp diablo, and he had the lasagna. He liked the idea that they had a “usual.” They were building a lot of “usuals” together when he was about to leave. He had decided to avoid all mention of his leaving since it was ruining their time together. They had six weeks before he left, and he wasn’t going to emphasize the most difficult part.

  “Did you remember to ask your sister what I should bring to the party?”

  “No, damn it. I forgot. I’ll text her right now.” He poured Grayce more wine and then texted his sister.

  Grayce sipped her wine.

  “My sisters are very excited to meet you. They’ve been bugging me for weeks to bring you over. If it weren’t a family tradition to do the Fourth of July party, I’d swear they were throwing it just to meet you.”

  “Did your sisters like Daphne?”

  Grayce surprised him. She had never asked before about his relationship with Daphne.

  “They never said anything about Daphne until we broke up, and then they couldn’t stop talking about how much they didn’t like her. He could imagine his sisters’ reaction if they ever found out about Daphne and Rod.

  “I’m sure they’re very protective of you. You’re their special big brother.”

  “I might be special, but they sure both love to boss me around.”

  Grayce looked at him tenderly, as if she understood how much his sisters meant to him.

  “Were your parents upset that you wouldn’t be going out to Hood Canal with them?” he asked.

  “No, they understood.”

  “It’s too bad they’re going out of town, or we could’ve invited them to the party.’

  Grayce looked up from the menu. “I hadn’t thought about it.”

  She hadn’t thought about it. That stung. For the last three months, he had tiptoed around the fact that Grayce hadn’t introduced him to her parents yet. He had wanted her to meet his sisters, but had waited because of Grayce’s hesitation about commitment.

  “I’ve been looking at the weeks in the fall and wanted to see if you looked at your schedule so we could plan your visit to DC. I’ll be totally settled by early September and you could come out. Maybe block out all your appointments for that week”

  “I know it’s hard to leave the Northwest in September, but the fall on the East Coast is beautiful. Maybe we could drive up the coast or go to New York City. That’s the great thing about the East Coast—everything is close.”

  Grayce’s usual shining eyes were dimmed and hard to read. He had decided not to talk about the future, but instead he brought up the fall. What was he doing?

  “You are going to come out to DC, right?”

  “I will. I’m not sure when yet. Do you really need to know now? Tonight?”

  He could feel the tension mounting in his body. “I don’t need a date, but I need to know that you’re planning to come.”

  “Of course I will.”

  And he could feel her inner sigh of impatience with him. “Tell me.”

  “You’re more stressed since you’ve taken the new job. And I feel the pressure.”

  “What is that supposed to mean?”

  “You want to control how our relationship should happen, put us on a timetable. I thought we agreed to enjoy the time and not pressure the each other.”

  “I know, but my leaving changes all of that.”

  “How does it change things?” Her eyes were focused on his face, searching.

  He felt as if he were stepping into the abyss. “How are we going to keep our relationship growing if we don’t plan to see each other?”

  “We are going to see each other, but we don’t need a spreadsheet to plan it all out.”

  Maybe she understood him better than he thought.

  “We agreed not to pressure each other over a long term commitment. Our plan was to spend time together.” She shook her head. “I don’t know how to do this…us.”

  His heart thudded against his chest.

  Grayce’s blond hair hung down around her face and hid her from his inspection. He needed to see her eyes to understand.

  “Life changes without warning. One minute everything is wonderful, and the next everything comes crashing down.” There was something bleak and awful in her voice.

  “But you can’t curtail your life because bad might happen. Honey, making plans isn’t such a big deal.”

  “You don’t understand. You thrive on danger. Your job is unsafe, and you climb mountains for fun.” Her face turned pale, making her green eyes shine brighter.

  He wasn’t sure that he followed Grayce’s convoluted thinking, but his gut knew where this was leading. She was putting up barriers.

  “I don’t want to stop you from doing what you love, but you live your life as if death isn’t a possibility. I know it is. I worry that if I commit, I’ll be living the rest of my life in fear of losing you.”

  He felt as if he had been sucker-punched. If he said anything at this point, he’d sound hurt or angry.

  “What are you saying?” He clearly failed at trying to sound reasonable. His voice was strained and horrified.

  “I don’t know what I’m saying.”

  “Honey, you’re wrong. I know what death means. I loved my parents, and I lost them.”

  “Davis, I’m sorry. Of course you know.” She reached across the table and touched his hand.

  “My leaving pushed our relationship to a place you haven’t been ready to consider, but you’re not going to lose me.” His heart swelled with deep love for this complicated woman. He saw the fear and love in her eyes.

  He pressed a kiss onto each finger. “You’re right. I need the structure. If I know when I’ll see you, I won’t feel left hanging.”

  “I didn’t want to tell you how hard this is for me. Dr. Z says I’m afraid to care too deeply, because I’m protecting myself against ever experiencing the pain I felt when I lost Cassie. I care deeply about you, and you’re leaving.” Her green eyes were filled with tears.

  He understood. She was withdrawing to lessen the pain of them being apart.

  “Maybe my leaving is good for us.”

  “Are you serious?” Her eyes had taken on the color of the turbulent waters of Puget Sound. He liked her better with a flash of anger in her eyes, not the painful look of a fragile child.

  “I’ll be coming back for you, Grayce Walters, every chance I get, and I’ll never stop. You’ll be forced to overcome your fear, because you’ll realize I’m never going away.”

  She gave him a tremulous smile. “After Cassie’s death, I learned that overcoming deep fear takes time. You can’t rush it.”

  “We’ve got plenty of time. And I’m a persistent guy who will not let you go. You’ll never get rid of me.”

  “The distance might be good for you too,
Davis.”

  He was glad to see her color returning and the haunted look vanishing. “To make me appreciate what a wonderful woman you are.”

  “That, too.” She gave her deep throated laugh that always turned him on.

  “You’ll trust that I won’t betray you, even if you’re not here acting like a guard dog.”

  He didn’t want her to dissect his possessiveness. He was a male. So of course he was marking his territory.

  “Guard dog—that’s how you see me? I guess you might be right. But I’ve never felt this way about another woman. Never. And I don’t expect I’ll ever not be jealous of any man who looks at you. I’ll still be fighting for you when we’re old and gray—I’ll be whacking them with my cane.”

  She giggled like a teenager. He wished he had known Grayce before her sister’s death, before deep pain had been etched into her being.

  “You look exhausted.” He had been so stressed by his new position that he hadn’t truly paid attention to her wan color and the dark circles under eyes, the color of crushed violets.

  “I’m not sleeping well. I keep reliving my sister’s death in my dreams. It’s awful.”

  “Can’t you stop the dream?” When she had explained how she processed energy in her dreams, Davis had tried to understand, but he realized he had never grasped the idea. He liked to process his energy on the slopes of Mt. Si.

  “I’m working on deep fear.” Her eyes started to glaze over with the haunted look again.

  “There’s nothing you need to be afraid of. I’ll always protect you.” He took her delicate hands in his powerful grasp.

  “Davis, no one can protect another person from fear.” There was a hint of a smile on her sumptuous lips.

  “What can I do?” He hated feeling helpless.

  “It would help if Angie would surface.”

  “Why?”

  “Mrs. Hines’ grief takes me back to my mother’s inconsolable pain.”

  He understood why Grayce had become so involved trying to help this mother. “I’ll call the police and ask if there are any new leads.”

  “Oh, that would be great.” Grayce squeezed his hand.

  “I wish you hadn’t got involved.” She tried to pull her hand away. He tightened his grip. “I was going to say because of the toll it takes on you. I wasn’t criticizing your involvement. I now understand why it’s important to you to help Angie’s mom. “But, I need your help, too.”