Season of Passion

by Steel, Danielle

  It's a beautiful piece of work. Another fan. Only he wasn't supposed to be that. He was supposed to be her father. Kate, I ' I'm sorry about all that We ' we thought it was best if we didn't he almost choked on the word as she stared at him if we didn't interfere. We thought it would only make it harder. It would have been awkward. Awkward? Christ. All these years later and still an excuse. They had read the papers, they knew what was happening to her, and they never held out a hand. Slowly, her tears stopped. And she could see her father had more to say. He was looking well. She could see that now. He had aged, but he had aged well. And she; had been right. He did look like Philip Wells. For a moment, she found herself thinking that her father was a successful failure too. Who was that girl sitting next to him and what was he doing in New York?

  I live in New York now. He looked down at the girl and then back at Kate. Do you? He was visibly uncomfortable, and in her guts, Kate finally felt something very old slip from its moorings and drift away. Finally. It was really gone.

  No. I'm just here on business. For a few days. It would save them the embarrassment of having to see her, or finding excuses not to. It must have been awkward having a famous daughter who had the bad taste to turn up. She suddenly looked down at the woman lunching with her father, and found herself looking into a young, rich-girl face. I'm sorry to interrupt your lunch. We just haven't seen each other for a while.

  I know. The girl spoke very quietly, as though with understanding. She wanted to tell Kate she was sorry, but it wasn't her war. It was theirs.

  Her father was looking at her uncomfortably again, as he still stood there, the centerpiece in the drama between the two so much younger women. The woman at the table was three years younger than Kate.

  Kate, I ' I'd like to introduce you to my wife. Ames, this is Kaitlin. Kaitlin ' he still called her that. It rang emptily now. Kaitlin. It was a name on a book. Nothing more. But this woman ' this woman was his wife? The words suddenly got through to her.

  Your wife? Kate looked at him in astonishment. You and mother are divorced? God, whole lives had gone on, on their separate continents. But he was slowly shaking his head.

  No, Kate. She died. He said it so softly she could barely hear him. And for a fraction of a moment she closed her eyes, but when she opened them again she did not cry. She only nodded.

  I see.

  I tried to find you, to let you know, but there was no trace of where you were. And then he had to ask. Is' did Tom ' But she shook her head and cut him off.

  No. He's still alive.

  I'm sorry. That must be very hard. Or don't you ' He still remembered everything he had read in the papers. But he couldn't' they had said ' they had decided to stick to ' but had they been wrong? He could feel the reproach of his young wife as she sat next to him. He and Ames had argued about it often, especially after she had read the book.

  Tes, I still go, Father. He's my husband. And you were my father. That was what the words said. And then she looked down at Ames again, with the faintest of smiles in her eyes. I'm sorry to do this to you. It's a hell of a way to have lunch. Ames only shook her head. She wanted to reach out to Kate, to be her friend. God, what bastards they had been to her. She had never been able to understand it when he tried to explain it to her. If he ever did that to their son, she'd kill him. But he'd never do that again. He knew that too. This child would be his forever.

  I ' you had ' It was unbearable, standing there, asking those questions, but they seemed to be frozen into a Greek play, a tragedy, with a phalanx of waiters off in the distance somewhere as the chorus. You had a child?

  A little boy. He's six. It was her first real smile.

  And then she looked pointedly at her father. It was as though she already knew. And you?

  We have ' we also have a son. He's two. Poor little bastard. For only a second, she hated this man, and then she looked at Ames and knew she could not.

  Would you ' would you like to sit down and join us? He waved helplessly at the unoccupied chair, but Kate shook her head.

  No, but thank you. I really ' have to go. She stood there for a moment, not sure whether to reach out to him, or just leave, and then slowly he held out his hand. It was like a scene in a very bad movie. Across a span of twelve years he held out a hand, only to shake hers. No hug, no kiss, no tenderness, no warmth. But it was fitting. They were strangers now.

  Good-bye. She looked at him for one last moment, and said it in a whisper as she started to walk away. And then she looked back, and saw his wife crying. She wanted to tell her it was okay, but that was his problem, not hers. She walked quietly back to Philip and he stood looking at her with concern. He had paid the check ten minutes before, but he had sensed that a drama was unfolding and he hadn't dared to approach. He had suspected that the tall, distinguished man who had stood there looking so unhappy was a past lover, and it was clear that the meeting hadn't been a joyful one. The woman seated at the table was obviously upset. His wife? It stunned him a little that Kate had had the balls to go over and talk to him, if that was the case. He hoped it wasn't, as he thought of Margaret in Chicago.

  Are you all right?

  Yes. Can we go?

  He nodded and took her arm. It was a relief to get out in the chilly wind. It whipped her hair and squeezed fresh tears from her eyes. But they were clean tears, tears from the cold, not old, rancid tears that had waited years to be shed.

  Kate?

  Yes. Her voice was very deep and hoarse as she looked up at him.

  Who was that, or shouldn't I ask?

  My father. I hadn't seen him in twelve years.

  And you just ran into him like that? In a restaurant? My God, what did he say?

  He told me that my mother had died, and he has a two-year-old son. He's remarried. Philip looked at her with horror. It was an incredible story.

  That woman was your sister, the one who was crying?

  Kate shook her head. His wife.

  Jesus. And then he looked at Kate again, and simply took her in his arms. They walked a few steps away from the restaurant, and slowly, painfully, she started to sob. She had nothing to say, but she had to get it out It was twenty minutes later before he walked her slowly back toward the hotel. And the bitch of it was that he had to be somewhere at three. He would be late. The lunch had taken much longer than planned.

  He didn't even ask to see me again. She said it like a heartbroken child, but he looked down at her, sensing something else too. A woman who understood.

  Did you really want him to?

  And then she smiled up at him through her tears. He could at least have asked.

  Women. You wanted him to ask so you could tell him to go to hell, right? She nodded and wiped her eyes with the handkerchief he handed her. It was fine Swiss linen monogrammed with PAW. Philip Anthony Wells. Listen, I hate to say this. He hated it more than she knew. He had had such sweet plans for after lunch. But I have a meeting at three, and, he looked at his watch with a grin it's five past. Do you think you'll be all right, and we'll kind of put back the pieces over dinner? He gave her another quick hug and she smiled. There were no pieces to put back. She had done that years ago. With Tom's help. She was only crying at the funeral. But for her they had all been dead for so long. Maybe Tom had been right after all. The old bastard was a hypocrite. There he was married to some kid in her twenties, and with a son.

  Can you make dinner? She had forgotten all about Philip and looked up in surprise.

  Sure. I'd love to. She needed someone to talk to, and he was easy company. I'm sorry you got mixed up in all this. I don't usually drag my life around in front of strangers.

  I'm sorry to hear that.

  Why, are you fond of dirty linen? She smiled at him as they walked briskly toward the hotel.

  No, but I didn't think we were still strangers. I hoped you thought of me as a friend. He put an arm around her shoulders again and she sighed.

  I do. And then he surprised her and simply stopped, there on
the sidewalk. He looked down at her, and holding her tightly in his arms, he kissed her. She started to pull away, but what surprised her more was that she didn't want to. She found herself responding to him, kissing him back. Her arms were around him now top, and she felt him press his body close to hers. She wanted to feel more of him, but she couldn't through their coats. And she was sorry when he took his lips from hers.

  Dinner at seven? They were almost under the canopy of the hotel as she nodded, with a serious look in her eyes. She was shocked at what she had just done. There was something powerful and magnetic about Philip Wells. She wondered if he did that often. But she knew he did.

  Seven will be fine.

  Then I'll leave you here. He kissed her very gently on the cheek and started toward a cab stopped at the corner of Park Avenue. He looked back over his shoulder once with a smile and a wave. Ciao, bella See you tonight. And then he was gone, and she stood there, too stunned even to feel guilty. Then she walked slowly past the doorman and into the hotel. And as she waited for the elevator, she heard someone call her name. A man at the desk was gesticulating wildly as she turned around.

  Mrs. Harper! Mrs. Harpert She walked toward him, confused. And he was almost breathless with excitement when she arrived at the desk. We have been trying to reach you everywhere. Mr. Waterman had us calling every restaurant in New York.

  Mr. Waterman? Why? Maybe because she hadn't spoken to him in three days. She looked down at the message they handed her. Call Mr. Waterman immediately. Urgent. It gave her home phone number.

  She waited till she got to her room to call back. Nick answered the phone.

  Hi. I got the message. What's up? She sounded strangely unconcerned to Nick, who didn't realize it was only that she was numb. She had been through too much in two hours. Her father, Philip, and now this wildly urgent call from the Coast. All of that and daytime television too. It was more than she could cope with. And all the wine she'd drunk at lunch didn't help. But she was sober. That she was.

  Where the hell have you been?

  Out, for chrissake. Shows, interviews, lunches, dinners.

  With whom? Nobody knew where the hell you were. He had called her publisher and the agency.

  I'm sorry. I was having lunch. She felt like a truant child apologizing to an irate father. But she was beginning to pick up something more in his tone, and she sat up straighter in her chair. Is something wrong?

  Yeah. He took a deep breath, and closed his eyes, Yes. Something's wrong. Tygue is gone again.

  Oh God. Since when?

  I don't know. Maybe last night. Maybe this morning. Tillie put him to bed last night, and I checked on him when I got home. He was fine, but he was gone this morning. He could have left anytime.

  Did he leave a note? But they both knew where he was going.

  No. Nothing this time. Can you come home? It stunned her that he would even ask, and her heart melted. He sounded frightened and exhausted, and all she wanted in the world was to see him again. She had had enough of New York.

  I'll get on the first plane out. Did you call the police? It was almost a familiar routine now.

  Yes. Same old routine. I know we're going to find the little bugger on the way to Carmel somewhere.

  Yeah. She knew he was right.

  I want to drive down there myself.

  Now?

  I'll give the cops a few more hours, and wait for you. We can go down there together.

  She smiled softly as she listened to him. Nick. It was like hearing a whole family in one voice, and she knew they'd find Tygue. They had to. He had to be all right. What are you going to do when we find him? We can't go through this every two days.

  I'll think about it on the flight. He was right, of course. He had been right all along, about her going to New York. She should never have gone. If it hadn't been '

  Hey, Kate ' She waited as tears filled her throat. It had been a rough day. Baby, I'm sorry I gave you such a rough time before you left. I know you're going through a lot. And then the sobs engulfed her again. Everything was happening at once, it was all swirling around her like a nightmare. Come on, baby, it's all right. We'll find him. I promise.

  I know. But I shouldn't have come here.

  Was it rough? She nodded, and then squeezed her eyes shut, thinking of Philip. Christ, what if Nick found out? She prayed that he wouldn't. She'd only kissed him. But' she thought of the dinner date they had for that night. At least she wouldn't be there now. The fates had intervened. She forced her mind back to Nick.

  Yeah, it was rough. And I ' I just saw my father.

  Just now? You were having lunch with him? Nick sounded stunned.

  No, he was in the same restaurant. With his wife She said it very softly.

  Your parents got divorced? He was almost as stunned as she had been, and he didn't even know them.

  No, my mother died. He's remarried to some very young girl and they have a two-year-old son.

  Sonofabitch. Just hearing about it made Nick want to kill him, but Kate got control of her voice and dried her eyes.

  It doesn't matter anymore, Nick. It's all over

  We'll talk about it when you get home. Gall when you know your flight.

  She did, and left the message with Tillie. Nick was busy talking to the police, but there was nothing new. Tillie was beside herself, but Kate felt strangely calm. She knew Tygue was all right. He had to be.

  And she left a note for Philip Wells in an envelope at the desk. Sorry to do this to you, but an emergency has come up and I have to go back to S.F. Will send you that copy of the new book when it comes out. And I'm awfully sorry about the dramatics today. Bad luck. Take care, and thank you. All the best, Kate. It was a perfectly innocuous note.

  Chapter 33

  Nick was waiting at the gate when she arrived, staring tensely at the faces drifting by. And then he saw her, and pulled her tightly into a vast hug. She clung to him for a moment and then sought his face.

  Did they find him?

  He shook his head. No, but we will. I want to hit that road to Carmel. I don't think they realize how intent he is about that.

  Did you tell them? He knew what she meant, and he shook his head.

  I didn't think I had to. We'll find him.

  What if we don't?

  Then we call out the FBI or whoever we have to. We'll find him.' They picked up her bag, and walked quickly to the car, saying little. But it felt good just to be near him again. To have his arm around her, to be home. She sighed deeply as she got in the car. You okay, babe? He looked at her nervously, and she smiled.

  Sure. And then he stopped with the keys in his hand and he reached out for her very gently and held her close.

  I'm sorry I've been such an asshole. I just love you two so damn much.

  Oh Nick. She was crying again. It seemed to be all she had done all day. But there was just too much happening. I've been so crazy. And you're right, that star trip is crap. It just went to my head for a while. The money, the excitement, it's such a goddamn ego trip.

  There are nice sides to it, sweetheart. You don't have to throw the whole thing away.

  Right now I want to.

  That's stupid. If it weren't for all that, we'd never have met. He released her gently and started the car as she sat back comfortably on the leather seat. Even the car smelled familiar, like home, and it was full of their things. Tennis rackets, the Sunday paper they had shared only four days before. It was so good to be back. With him anyway. Now they had to find Tygue. She talked to him about her father on the trip south. I don't know how yon managed not to slap the sonofabitch.

  I didn't want to.

  Didn't he at least say he was sorry?

  Not really. He tried to explain it He thought it would be awkward' if he got in touch with me when everything was happening with Tom. I don't know, love, it's a whole other world. He lives in New York now.

  Good. I'd kill the motherfucker if we ever ran into him.

  There was a
long silence then as they careened down the freeway. And then suddenly Nick had a thought You know, maybe we should take the coast road. That might just be it

  Kate lit another cigarette and then handed one to him. It felt as though they had been driving forever, and it had been only an hour. Eight hours before, she'd been having lunch in New York. It was only six o'clock as they hurtled down the old coast road. There was no sight of him yet. And then suddenly, Kate pulled at Nick's sleeve.

  Over there ' back up, Nick' . I saw a flash of yellow jacket. It was already almost dark, but she could have sworn it looked like Tygue's jacket. Nick moved over onto the shoulder of the road and shot into reverse.

  Here?

  Over there, near those trees. She unlocked the door and jumped out. She ran quickly over the twigs and leaves toward the clump of trees where she had thought she'd seen the jacket. And there he was. Standing there. Watching her. Not sure of what she'd do. He seemed to shrink backward for a moment, and then he just stood there and sagged. She went to him very slowly and pulled him into her arms. She didn't say anything to him. She didn't have to. He was crying softly in her arms as she stroked his hair. She was thanking God that she had come back from New York and Nick had thought to take that road. Anything could have happened. The force of it came crashing in on her again. She hadn't let herself think of it in the hours on the plane. But there had been a sense of mounting panic as they drove along. Now it was over.

  She heard Nick walk up behind them, and he put his arms around them both and spoke softly to Tygue. Hi, Tiger. You okay? The boy nodded and looked up at Nick.

  I wanted to go to Carmel. And nobody's stopped for me for hours. Poor little thing. He was tired and cold, and probably hungry. When he looked up at his mother, the defiance was gone, but the pain was still there. I have to see him. I have to. He's my father.

  I know, love. She ran a hand across his hair again, and nodded. But there was no smile in his eyes. I'll take you to see him. Nick looked surprised but said nothing. We'll go tomorrow. The boy nodded too. There were no shouts of joy, no glee, no excitement. They were simply doing something they had to do. Like Kate shaking hands with her father before she left New York. Sometimes just knowing wasn't enough.