Unforgotten

by Jessica Brody

  But I can’t let that happen. I can’t let him have them. I rise to my feet again and sprint toward him. But his guards step forward, forming a protective circle around him.

  Meanwhile, Kaelen handles me, thrusting an arm out. The heel of his hand connects with my face. I feel something crack. Blood splatters.

  “Restrain her,” Alixter commands, coughing into his handkerchief.

  Kaelen doesn’t hesitate. He grabs me, pinning my hands behind my back. I manage to turn my head, meeting his gaze. I search for the other Kaelen. The one I know I saw once.

  But he’s gone.

  A pair of cold, lifeless blue-green eyes stare back at me. As though that other version—the one I kissed, the one I slept against, the one I trusted—only existed in my imagination.

  Maybe Alixter is right. Maybe I was naïve to think he was ever on my side. That I was ever able to break through to him. Maybe it really was a ploy to get me here. To get the cure.

  I melt to the ground, blood trickling from my nose, into my mouth. Kaelen’s hands stay pinned around mine. I can feel that heat passing between us. That energy. I wonder if he feels it, too. I wonder if he ever did.

  “It’s a shame,” Alixter says, shaking one of the vials. “I have no doubt Dr. Maxxer did intend for these remaining two doses to be given to her lover and her son. But Rio clearly has no use for it now. And Zen … well, I’m afraid he’s just unlucky.”

  Zen?

  Son?

  Alixter’s words drift through my mind as I struggle to find a place where they make sense. Where they fit.

  Zen is Maxxer’s son?

  Maxxer is Zen’s mother?

  Is that what she meant when she told Rio to find him? Was she talking about Zen?

  No. That can’t be.

  Why wouldn’t he tell me?

  Every time I tried to bring up Maxxer or anything relating to Diotech Zen would shut down, switch off, close me out. He refused to talk about the past, wanted me to forget it, wanted to pretend it didn’t exist.

  I remember something he said to me on the morning before he got sick, when he came to find me outside. I asked him if he missed his former life.

  “I had nothing there,” he replied. “Except a mother who cared more about her latest research project than her own family.”

  Was he really talking about Maxxer?

  Was that how he got the idea for us to run away into the past? Was that how he even knew about the transession gene? Because his mother invented it?

  If all of this is true, then Maxxer honestly did think she was protecting him by leaving Rio those doses. That’s what she was trying to explain to me last night, when I was hysterical. She told me to trust her.

  She thought Rio was going to find him and save him.

  She had no idea Rio was nearly dead.

  And what about Rio? Why didn’t he come find Zen earlier? Why didn’t he heed Maxxer’s request?

  The answer comes to me before the question has even had time to fully sink in to my brain.

  He did.

  He came to 2013. He was looking for me. He found me in that dilapidated barn. He was trying to warn me. And then Zen showed up with the gun and took me away. And Rio never got the chance to accomplish what he’d set out to accomplish.

  “Zen didn’t tell you, did he?” Alixter says, clearly reading the bewilderment on my face.

  I don’t reply. Although I’m sure my expression gives it away.

  Alixter sighs. “Ah, well, I can’t say I blame him. I would be pretty upset, too, if my mother disappeared from my life without a trace. I guess it’s no surprise that he found his solace in something … else.” His gaze drips down my entire body as that nauseatingly creepy smile returns to his lips.

  I think about the boy climbing over that concrete wall outside the window, searching for a distraction, for consolation. And finding me.

  Apparently he needed me as much as I needed him.

  Now more than ever.

  But I can’t see how I can help him now.

  “So,” Alixter says, gliding his chair past the guards and glancing between me and Kaelen. “You kissed, huh?”

  I refuse to look at him. I just sit there, my breath coming out in heavy, angry rasps.

  “While your true love lay dying, you kissed another man?”

  I bite my lip, breaking the skin. Blood trickles out, joining the flood from my nose. It’ll only be a matter of time before both wounds heal, making my face whole again. But doing nothing to mend this gaping gash in my heart.

  He claps his hands together and lets out another one of his sadistic laughs, which quickly morphs into a cough. “You have no idea how happy that makes me!”

  I close my eyes tight, trying to block out the sound of his grating voice.

  “This calls for a celebration!” he announces jubilantly.

  When I don’t respond, he touches another button and his hovering chair moves closer. He leans forward and lifts my chin with his fingertip. His icy-cold hand sends a shiver through me.

  “Don’t you see what this means, dear Sera?”

  I remain silent. And despite the angle of my head, I still refuse to meet his eye. I focus, instead, on a distant corner of the room.

  “It means,” he goes on, unfazed by my lack of enthusiasm, “that my latest experiment was a grand success!”

  “What experiment?” This is the first time Kaelen has spoken since Alixter appeared in the room.

  Alixter glances up at him. “I’m so glad you asked!” He releases my chin and glides a few feet backward. “You see,” he begins pompously, “you, Kaelen, are very special, as you know. But more important, you are very special to Sera.”

  Reluctantly, I drag my gaze up to look at Alixter.

  “I was quite moved by your devotion to Zen,” Alixter goes on. “Well, moved is the wrong word. Let’s say, impressed. And I thought to myself, how many people would simply die for that kind of connection with someone? Or rather, how many people would pay for that kind of connection. And a lightbulb went off in my head. I thought, what if we could package it?”

  I’m pretty sure I’m going to throw up.

  “We’d always had plans to create Kaelen at some point.” He grins down at me. “An Adam to your Eve, so to speak. But after that whole debacle in the cave and seeing how far you would go in the name of love”—he pronounces the word with the same degree of disgust that I remember from that night—“I knew that I had to go one step farther. I had to truly make him an Adam to your Eve. Because I realized the only way I was going to overcome that unyielding devotion you have to Zen—that power he has over you—was to manufacture an even stronger force to counteract it.”

  My eyes go wide with horror as I think about that spark. That magic electricity that passes between Kaelen and me every time we touch. That’s passing between us right now.

  Alixter smiles down at me, appreciating my response. “That’s right. I created Kaelen to be your scientifically perfected match. Essentially the same blueprint we used to create you, we used to create Kaelen. Making a few crucial adjustments, of course.” He winks.

  “I’m like you … Only better.”

  “But at the very core,” he goes on, “you two are the same. You are literally soul mates. Created from the same source.”

  He folds his hands in his lap, looking pleased with himself. “And judging by how fast you moved on from Zen to Kaelen, I’d say it was a success.”

  I glare up at him. But Alixter is undaunted. “So you see, no matter what you do, no matter how hard you try, you will never be able to resist him. And he will never be able to resist you. It’s in your DNA.”

  He sighs, like he’s just completed a hard day’s work. “I imagine we can have this fully tested and ready to go to market in less than a year. What a popular product that will be. Soul Mate in a Box!” He cocks his head, thinking. “The name might need some work.”

  The guards snicker.

  I’m furious. Fuming. Livi
d. Although I’m not sure why I should be surprised. I’ve been manipulated this whole time. So why should this be any different.

  In a strange way, it is like my love for Zen.

  I wasn’t given a choice in that either.

  But I’m momentarily distracted from my anger when I feel Kaelen’s hands start to slip against my wrists. I can’t be sure, but I think his grasp is actually loosening.

  Is it because he’s simply so shocked by this news that he’s losing focus? Or is it because he, too, feels angry for being manipulated? Could he possibly be remembering all the other truths I told him about Alixter? Or is he doing it on purpose? Offering me a chance to escape.

  I decide it’s not worth waiting around to find out the reason, what matters is that I take advantage of the situation.

  I eye the two vials in Alixter’s hands. About five feet away from me. Without giving myself much time to think or debate, I duck and roll to the ground, slipping right through Kaelen’s grasp. Then in a lightning-fast blur, before the guards have had even a second to react, I jump to my feet, land in a crouch, and snatch the doses from Alixter’s hand. In another streak of motion, I’ve arrived in the far corner of the living room, holding them both over my head, one in each hand, pinched between my fingers.

  Kaelen, who has been suspiciously slow to react, takes a step toward me. The guards are also ready to pounce.

  I squeeze the vials tighter. “Don’t,” I tell them all. “One squeeze and there will be no more antidote.” I look pointedly at Alixter. “For anyone.”

  Alixter gives a nod to Kaelen and he backs off, retreating that one step he took.

  “Now,” I say, my voice coming out nasal and stuffy due to my rapidly healing nose, “we’re going to do things my way.”

  Alixter grits his teeth together. “What do you want, Sera?”

  I sigh. It’s a good question. A question I haven’t yet figured out how to answer. What do I want? At one point, I thought that all I wanted was to escape with Zen. Leave this world behind and forget everything that happened inside the walls of this house.

  But now that I’ve done that—and failed—I realize how impossible that is.

  No matter how far we run, no matter how many years back we go, Alixter will never stop looking for me. He’ll never stop sending better, faster, stronger, more advanced agents to find me. And I’ll never be able to stop looking over my shoulder. I’ll never be able to fight the nightmares and fears that one wrong move will destroy everything.

  How many more people have to die or become brain-dead or fall terminally ill for me? How many more people have to suffer so that I can live outside of this cage?

  I thought that was the answer. I thought that running away, continually outmaneuvering them, was how I could prove that they didn’t own me. That I was not just one of their scientific miracles. That I was my own creation.

  Me.

  But I was wrong.

  I feel Lulu, Jane’s doll, bulging in my pocket, reminding me of the words Jane said to me so many centuries ago.

  “If she wasn’t real, then she wouldn’t have been able to run away from the bad people. That was a good choice.”

  If that’s true, if humanity really is just our ability to choose, then this is finally the chance to prove mine.

  This is the last thing I have to give.

  “I want to stop running,” I tell Alixter. The truth feels amazing. “And I want Zen to live a long, happy life.”

  He cocks an eyebrow. “You can’t have both. I will always find you, Seraphina. No matter where you go.”

  “Yes, I can.”

  And with that, I transfer both antidotes to one hand and slowly unravel the long silver chain of my locket from around my wrist. Holding it in the other hand, I hoist the necklace high over my head, letting it drip down my now fully healed wrist. Then I elevate the two vials as well, dangling them precariously in the air.

  Zen will never be safe as long as I am near him. As long as I love him.

  And that makes my choice easy.

  With an exhale, I release one hand, allowing the contents to fall to the floor. Then I raise my foot and with all my strength, thrust it downward. There’s a horrible crunching sound as the object crushes and breaks and shatters, becoming useless.

  I lift my shoe, revealing the destroyed locket underneath. The key to my escape.

  The heart that will forever remain broken. For as long as I live.

  65

  DECEIVED

  “Save Zen,” I tell Alixter. “Take one of these doses, send Kaelen back, and cure him. Then you can have the other and I will stay here. I won’t run anymore. I won’t try to escape. I am yours.”

  Alixter narrows his cold blue eyes, clearly not trusting me. Clearly thinking this is another trick. Like the one I pulled on him last time we were in this position. In the cave.

  But this time I’m not bluffing. I’m not playing games.

  This is the only place I will ever fit in. The only place where I can’t hurt anyone.

  “I’ll go,” Kaelen says, stepping forward again. “I’ll administer the antidote.”

  He holds his hand out to me.

  I lock onto his gaze, feeling my face warm from the connection. And although his eyes have turned back to that cold, lifeless bluish green—a sparkle with no soul—when he stares at me, I see a flash of life. I see a hint of the other Kaelen. That same glint that I saw on the submarine. When he became someone else. Someone not controlled by a mad scientist.

  But someone real.

  And yet, once again, there’s a nagging voice in my head questioning everything. Wondering if now I’m the one who’s being tricked. Kaelen has already shown his allegiance to Alixter and Diotech. He’s already chosen Alixter over me. So again, how can I be sure that he’s not deceiving me? That he was ever the person I thought he was?

  How can I know that if I hand these vials over, Kaelen will actually do as he says? How can I know he won’t just turn around and give them both right to Alixter?

  The reality is, I can’t.

  I never will.

  Kaelen holds my gaze tightly and offers me the slightest of nods. His lips barely move as he speaks to me in that low whisper that only I can hear. “Trust me,” he says.

  And I realize that I have to.

  I nod and slowly slip the two vials into his outstretched fingers. He backs away, out of my reach. There’s nothing I can do now.

  Out of the corner of my eye, I see Alixter smile, looking triumphant.

  “Very good,” he says. “Now, Kaelen, hand them over to me.”

  But Kaelen doesn’t move. Once again, he’s trapped between us, his face twitching as the debate is waged under his skin.

  “Kaelen,” Alixter repeats, his voice full of warning and balancing on the edge of rage. “Hand them over NOW.”

  I don’t speak. I know my words won’t do anything. Either Kaelen has it in him to defy Alixter or he doesn’t. My voice won’t change that. He looks to me, his eyes searching for help. Searching for guidance.

  All I can offer him at this point is a quiet smile. Then I close my eyes and wait.

  Alixter is getting angrier and angrier. He’s on the verge of screaming. “Agent, this is a direct order. Hand over the antidote or there will be consequences.”

  I keep my eyes shut tight. If Kaelen betrays me, I don’t want to see it. I just hope that they’ll deactivate me quickly and I’ll wake up with no memory of this moment. Then at least I won’t have to live with the betrayal for long.

  I can hear my heart pounding in my ears. I can feel the sweat dripping cold down my back.

  There’s a loud commotion. A crash. My eyes snap open and I see another pile of books on the ground and an empty shelf above it.

  I assume they must have already been hanging off the edge from my earlier scuffle and that gravity has just now completed its task, but for some reason, I don’t remember crashing into that particular shelf.

  My confusion,
however, comes screeching to a halt when I see Kaelen slowly approaching Alixter’s hovering chair. The two full vials of liquid salvation resting in his outstretched palm.

  And all my hopes for Zen’s future come tumbling to the ground as suddenly and helplessly as Rio’s treasured collection of books.

  66

  AMITY

  I collapse in a heap next to my crushed necklace, the weight of Kaelen’s ultimate betrayal so heavy on me, I fear I may never be able to stand up straight again. I will be doomed to walk the earth crooked. Hunched over. Forever.

  I took a chance. I handed over my faith. And it was destroyed.

  Now all I can do is wait.

  Wait until it’s over.

  Until they erase everything. And I won’t have to imagine Zen’s dying face again.

  I can start new. I can start fresh.

  Alixter is cackling, speaking words that I can’t hear. Or won’t hear.

  I glance up and allow myself one final look at Kaelen, the man who betrayed me. I want to see if there’s even an ounce of remorse in his eyes. He catches my gaze and I see his lips move ever so slightly again. Whispering one secret syllable that could never be heard by anyone else but me.

  “Watch.”

  He runs his fingertip across his own forehead. And that’s when I feel it. The pressure in my head. The influx of a memory. The energy pulsing through my receptors. I allow my eyes to drift closed. Alixter’s gloating laughter fades into the background as I float into Kaelen’s world. Merging my consciousness with his. Seeing through his eyes. Remembering through his mind.

  He appears in a dark, quiet room. The soft beeping of machines is the only sound.

  Cody, who sits next to the bed looking hopeless and forlorn, startles when he hears Kaelen’s gentle footfall. He looks up.

  “Where is Sera?” Cody asks accusingly.

  Kaelen doesn’t reply. Instead, he steps forward and uncurls his hand, revealing the tiny vial with the clear liquid inside.

  “Is that it?” Cody stares wide-eyed at it.

  Kaelen nods. “Please administer it immediately.” His voice is distant. Cold. A shuddering reminder of his old self.