Sinful

by Jenica Saren

  Tuning out of misery radio, I went back to staring at my unchanged reflection. Aside from that freckle on my right cheek that I hadn't noticed until recent days, everything was the same. Same hair, same mouth, same eyes.

  That also came as a shock to me. I remembered Eliam telling me that Lillith's eyes were like mine, but the similarity was positively striking. We could have been related, except for the fact that, from the sounds of things, Sins couldn't have kids. That kind of negated that possibility.

  Something kept tickling my memory as I stared at my own reflection in the mirror and it was pissing me off.

  If you have something to say, brain, just fucking say it. I snapped to myself.

  A sound like static filled my ears and I rubbed them hard. It was like listening to a radio station with shit reception but in my head.

  When it didn't go away, I groaned and pressed my forehead against the cool surface of the mirror. It helped alleviate some of my headache, so that was definitely a bonus.

  Your fucking reflection!

  "What? Who's there?" I demanded, spinning around. It took me a few seconds to realise I'd heard it in my head.

  In my head!

  Relief shouldn't have been the first emotion I felt, but I was inexplicably pleased to have someone else inside my head again.

  Are you there? Really?

  The answering response was another round of static and it occurred to me that maybe I had poor hallucination reception. Was that a thing? It seemed to me that it was a likely case, whether it was an actual thing or not. It wasn't like my brain ever played by the rules anyway.

  Back to the main matter at hand, or head.

  What was it that she had said? My reflection? I had been looking right at it.

  Frowning, I stared at the mirror again, my brows creased as I tried to focus. Was my inner self going to suddenly manifest in the mirror and start communicating that way? Was my reflection going to morph into that whole urban legend about the dead queen that mauled people's faces off?

  When I thought about it, I realised that mirrors were pretty funny things. They not only had dozens to hundreds of myths surrounding them and were often used in movies for magic related stuff, but they also showed you yourself, but backwards.

  Backwards.

  Eyes widening as I stared at myself and mulled that thought over, little trickles of what felt like a conversation trickled through a tiny crack in my mind.

  "I can keep her out for a while longer, but I can't do that if she gets out in the physical world. That barrier is keeping the world safe, Ria."

  "Her? Who is it? Does she have a name?"

  My headache returned full force, making my skull feel like it was going to explode and my vision go blurry. Something crashed downstairs, but I couldn't focus on it. I had pieces. Two tiny, insignificant pieces of whatever was locked away in my head.

  "Think, Ria, fucking think!" I commanded myself, reaching up to clutch the sides of my head.

  "I can keep her out for a while longer, but I can't do that if she gets out. That barrier is keeping the world safe, Ria."

  Lightning split across my vision and I wavered in place. "Fucking think, dammit!"

  "Her? Who is it? Does she have a name?"

  Pressing my head against the mirror again, I slouched forward, having a hard time standing on my own through this insane pain. Even my weird bubble of pain didn't hurt so bad. Or maybe it did and I just blocked out the pain from my memory.

  Memory. Think. Focus.

  "...Does she have a name?"

  Name. What was the name?

  Gritting my teeth, I imagined that my energy, my own power was weaving a trail of light through my brain, searching for the right part. It was there. Somewhere. Pain or no pain, it was obviously important, obviously so important that it was being blocked from my mind like my pain from before. Blocked out by something...

  Or someone.

  Pain receding from my head, I lifted my gaze to my reflection that showed me green and gold eyes that were wide with shock and terror - and a little freckle on my right cheek.

  "Lillith."

  Stumbling backwards, I caught myself on the edge of the tub and stopped. Mirrors show us ourselves, but backwards. If I was staring at someone who had a freckle on my right cheek, their freckle would be on their left cheek.

  Just like that lying Sin sitting in my living room with the men I loved.

  Panicking, I flung open my bathroom door and almost ran into the evil bitch herself.

  "What the fuck are you doing in my room?" I demanded.

  She shot me a fake-innocent smile that made my stomach turn. "Oh, I was looking for a bathroom to wash up and got lost. It's been so long since I was in this house, you know," she explained sweetly.

  I wasn't buying it for a damn second. Not a chance in hell.

  "Whatever, enjoy the sink," I snapped as I stepped around her and headed for the door as slowly as I could manage.

  Once I was out of her line of sight, I took off down the stairs, taking them two at a time and almost sending myself flying more than a few times. I could have cared less at that moment; my guys were in danger.

  At the foot of the stairs, I came skidding to a halt, wracked with indecision.

  What was I going to tell them? Eliam was already on edge, so I highly doubted that he would hop right on board when I told him that the voice in my head warned me that the woman he loved was a threat to the entire world.

  Yeah, that would go over swimmingly.

  I stood there for far too long, debating with myself and coming up with scenarios - all of which ended in not being believed, by the way. From where I stood, I heard the hot water heater turn on and I knew that it was do or die. Hopefully not literally.

  Taking a deep breath and steeling myself, I walked into the living room where the coffee table was on the other side of the room, on top of a fake ficus. Explained the crash, but I was pissed about the ficus; I'd only just bought that fake one because every time Gatlin got drunk, he tried to water the real one with beer. Five live ficusses and one fake ficus dead.

  "That was my ficus," I muttered as I walked further into the room.

  Gatlin raised a brow at me. "It was a fake plant," he pointed out.

  Taken aback, I dramatically clutched at my imaginary pearls. "How ever did you figure it out?" I asked sarcastically.

  "I've been trying to kill those things since you brought the first one home," he said casually. "It was pretty obvious when this one didn't kick the plant pot."

  Scowling, I moved to lean in front of the fireplace, not wanting to sit in case I needed to storm off. "Why the fuck would you kill my plants, Gat?"

  He shrugged unapologetically. "They're ugly."

  "My ficus isn't ugly."

  "It is now."

  I huffed and crossed my arms over my chest, choosing to be the bigger person, and ignore him and his plant-murdering hobby. "I need to tell you guys something," I started. I paused for a moment to make sure the water was still running before continuing. "And I need you guys to keep an open mind. We can debate its validity, but keep it only to the facts, okay?"

  The six of them glanced at one another, including Eliam who still looked pissed and confused, but also intrigued. He turned to me and nodded his head once.

  "Go on, then," he said brusquely.

  Deep breath in. Deep breath out. "I think Lillith was the one in my head," I said quietly.

  Six sets of eyes blinked. Six sets of eyes turned to each other.

  "It makes sense," Gray said after a long couple of silent moments.

  Eliam's expression turned dark as he pinned his brother with a level glare. "Makes sense, how exactly?" He asked.

  "Lil always had a really bad jealous streak," Rafe jumped in, earning himself his own glare.

  "So, you think that she, what? Jumped into the head of a girl she'd never even heard of before and somehow figured she'd manipulate her by pretending to be a hallucination?"

 
"That's exactly what I think," I said coldly. "And I'm pretty confident in that theory."

  Eliam whirled to face me, his eyes shining. "I think," he snarled. "That you are the one with the jealousy problem here."

  While it was true and I could admit it to myself, it still hurt like a bitch to hear Eliam accuse me like that. "I have no problem admitting that I'm as jelly as a bean, Eliam," I seethed. "But that's not what this is about at all. It's about your fucking psychopath girlfriend being a literal danger to the whole damn world."

  I straightened up and held my chin high in defiance as he stalked toward me, fury rolling off of him at my words. "Oh? And why do you think that? Because being a danger to the 'whole damn world' is quite the stretch from just projecting herself inside your head." His tone was taunting, but his eyes were deadly. I already knew I'd pushed too hard and too far.

  "Does it fucking matter? It's not like you're gonna believe a single damn word that comes out of my mouth anyway," I snapped. "I'm telling you what I know and you're not listening because your head is stuck so far up her ass that it's cutting off the blood flow to your tiny, stubborn brain."

  Okay, yes, the insults were a bit much. But could anyone blame me? I'd already been the crazy girl for most of my life and wasn't about to let anyone invalidate me or mock me without so much as giving me a second thought.

  "No," he said, his voice deathly quiet. "You're telling us what you want us to believe so that you can be the one in the spotlight, so that you can sleep with a new brother every night and have zero competition. I see right through you."

  Stepping away from the fireplace, I got as close to Eliam as I could without touching him and kept my voice low. "If you could see through me, you'd see my heart break in two right now. If you could see through me, you would see I'm telling you the fucking truth that you're too stubborn too so much as entertain."

  The asshole actually had the audacity to throw his head back and laugh. "Spare me the dramatics, Ria," he said humourlessly, contradicting his actions. "We both know you're just attention starved and looking for someone to pat you on the head, someone to tell you that you're special."

  Over Eliam's shoulder, I watched as the others shot to their feet, anger shadowing their features. I gave them a subtle shake of my head, trying to tell them to stand down and not poke the bear any more than he had already been jabbed.

  As usual, no one listened to me.

  "That's enough, E," Kellan growled. "You don't get to say shit like that to her."

  "I'm with Kel, that's fucked up, bro," Beck said in disgust.

  Eliam turned to them and jabbed his thumb in my direction. "Are you even listening to half the shit she's said?" He asked incredulously. "Accusing Lillith of what? Being evil? Are you kidding me with that bullshit?"

  "We all agreed to hear her out, E," Gray interjected diplomatically, ever his cool, calm self.

  "I heard her loud and clear," Eliam snarled. "And you know what I think?"

  Shaking my head, I pushed past him so that I wasn't talking to his back. "Nobody ever knows what you think, Eliam. One second you're crystal clear about everything, the next you're being a secretive, judgmental dickweed." I snapped. I had to clench my teeth together to keep from going on and saying anything that might further tarnish my reputability. Not that I supposed I ever had any to begin with.

  No matter what happened, I was always going to be that outsider.

  "What I think," he continued as though I had never spoken a word. "Is that she needs to leave."

  The others erupted then, protesting and shouting their opposition, talking over one another to get their point across. And really? I was fucking tired.

  "Fine," I spat at the Pride Sin. "Fuck you, I'm going to go get some air."

  "Ria, don't," Rafe pleaded.

  I held up a hand and the room silenced. "I just need to clear my head for a bit."

  "Don't go far," Gatlin warned, but I waved him off.

  Without another word, I spun on my heel and marched right out the front door. Once I was outside, out in the open, cool air, I felt a little better.

  But, I was still mad as hell.

  The others were right, he had no right to talk to me like that, but I also had no right to say the things I said, either. It was an unfair double standard. I should have held myself accountable like they expected him to. I was just so, so mad. And maybe he was right. Maybe I was just so insanely jealous that I was drawing conclusions from anywhere I could find. In this instance, I wasn't sure. I'd never felt the need to be jealous, being the confident person I was.

  "You know what?" I muttered to the night sky. "Fuck him. I don't need his wax seal of approval or his attention. I know who and what I am."

  Stepping carefully down the front steps, I wrapped my jacket around me, still covered in blood, dust, and a few splinters. I really needed and wanted that shower. Maybe there was one in my near future, whenever Eliam and I had both taken some time to cool down.

  Curious, I walked around the back of the house, the area with Clove's garden. I'd only seen it once or twice before, since I never saw a need to come out here, but I felt like some of mother nature's natural tranquillity was exactly what I needed at that moment. Reaching the back, I took in a deep breath, imagining that it tasted like the evergreen flowers and trees that filled the lush landscape instead of just tasting like cold and a future sinus infection.

  I spotted a concrete bench at the edge of a small path dotted with flowers that I couldn't fathom the names for and decided it was as good a place as any to sulk. There were worse places, that was for sure.

  Reach the bench, I pulled my sleeve over my hand and tried to wipe off as much of the cold rainwater as possible before sitting down and taking a deep, calming breath. The cold made my lungs ache and scream in protest, but, at the moment, it felt like that was exactly what I needed.

  A little dose of harsh reality.

  "What am supposed to do?" I asked nothing and no one, tilting my head back to stare straight up and the dark, cloud-filled sky. If I could see the moon, if I could see the stars, would they give me an answer?

  Did anyone out there in the world have a cheat-sheet to dealing with a most likely evil, scheming, unimaginably powerful Deadly Sin of Lust without losing the other people you cared about? I doubted it.

  A rustling sound in the brush to my left, away from the house, caught my attention and made my heart leap into my throat. I watched in the general direction that I'd heard the sound come from and waited, jumping slightly when the brush rustled again.

  Quick as I could, I tried to summon another one of my balls of energy. It was there, but it was tiny, minuscule. Unless I was trying to destroy a rat, it wasn't going to do much good. Still, it made me feel a tad safer, so I kept it hovering in my injured, left hand. I wasn't ambidextrous, but I was willing to give it a shot.

  Rising to my feet slowly, I waited and watched the brush as it rustled. As I watched, an owl launched itself from the tangles of twigs and leaves, taking flight into the darkened night sky with whatever prey it had caught for its dinner.

  I breathed out a shaky sigh of relief and sat back down. All the craziness was making me more paranoid than I had been since I left my parents. In those days, I wouldn't sleep for hours after lying down, expecting the door to burst open at any second.

  Being the big kid that I was, though, it was no longer a fear of mine. Not really, anyway.

  Relaxing back into the bench, I let my head fall against the back, closing my eyes and just listening to the muted sounds of the world continuing on around me.

  "I needed this," I whispered to myself.

  No sooner had the words left my lips than a hand clamped down over my mouth. I tried to shoot up and away, tried to scream, but whoever it was happened to be far stronger than me.

  A large, unfamiliar, yet familiar arm wrapped around my midsection and I was pulled sideways off the bench, kicking and thrashing against the person that held me.

  "Shhh,
baby," a horrifyingly familiar voice whispered in my ear, his hot breath brushing over the side of my face and reeking of alcohol, cigarettes, and stale coffee.

  I fought harder, trying to twist my body where I was held on the ground enough to land a good punch or kick, or even an elbowing would do. Nothing worked. The position I was stuck in was beyond my flexibility to strength ratio.

  A smooth, uncalloused hand ran over the top of my head, petting me. "It's okay, baby," Lex whispered. "We're going to go home and be a family now."

  Like hell we are, you son of a bitch!

  Opening my mouth as wide as I could, I bit down hard on every bit of flesh I could manage, eliciting a feral growl from my ex's chest as he released my mouth.

  "Go to fucking hell, you piece of shit!" I screamed, hoping it was loud enough for my guys to hear.

  Somebody! Help! I projected the thought out with all my might, not caring who it reached as long as it reached someone.

  It was the only chance I got, because Lex, with his hand covered by his jacket sleeve, covered my mouth once more. His hand in my hair moved and I took the opportunity of having one less limb to struggle and try to kick free.

  I was almost there, almost free when something sharp pierced my neck and I shrieked against Lex's hand.

  With a demented, crazy-sounding chuckle, his arm returned around me while his hand dropped from my lips. I was starting to feel a little woozy and off-kilter.

  "What... What did you just do... To me?" I panted, trying to keep my words from slurring.

  He continued petting my head and I felt like I might vomit. Where were my guys? Hadn't they heard me? Or did they really just... Not care anymore? Now that they had Lillith again. Did that leave me all alone?

  Lex's heavy breathing in my ear made me wish that was the case. My vision tilted and swam, growing darker and darker around the edges.

  Guys? Where... Are you?

  "I told you you'd be mine."