Nameless

by Claire Kent

  Erin really didn’t want to deal with all of this now. It brought up too many emotions, and this week she’d finally been able to return to a somewhat even emotional keel. “Liz, this isn’t about evening the score. We both made mistakes. Who cares which ones were worse? He’s Mackenzie’s father.”

  “Bastard.”

  “Liz,” Erin chided, starting to work on the onion.

  Liz just grumbled under her breath.

  “You can complain all you want,” Erin said calmly, her eyes watering slightly from the onion. “Seth is back in the picture now, and that’s not going to change.”

  “All right then. You can be mature and reasonable and act like a grown-up. That doesn’t mean I have to be. Someone has to make Seth suffer a little.”

  “Liz,” Erin murmured, an edge of warning in her voice. “Don’t get any ideas.”

  “Me? What ideas could I possibly have?”

  Erin put down her knife and went over to stand directly in front of her sister. Wished Liz wasn’t taller than her, since it made it harder to look very intimidating. “Seriously. You have to behave yourself tonight. You’ll make things awkward for everyone if you’re rude to Seth, and this is my daughter’s family we’re talking about. I want to start out on the right foot this evening.”

  “I’ll be good,” Liz intoned, but a spark of mischief was still visible in her eyes. “I’ll be the model of respectability and civility.”

  “Promise me. Promise me that you’ll be nice to Seth.”

  Liz let out a disgruntled sigh. “Fine. I’ll be nice. But only so that I don’t upset you. The lettuce is done. What should I do now?”

  Erin glanced around her messy kitchen distractedly. She had about four dishes going at once, and she was never good at organizing her culinary preparation. “Um, maybe you could get some water on the stove for the pasta.”

  While Liz dug around in a bottom cabinet for the right pot, Erin turned on an eye of her stove for the saucepan she’d just placed there.

  As Liz heaved herself to her feet with the big pasta pot, she eyed Erin’s lower half speculatively. “New jeans?”

  “Yeah.”

  “They look good. Decided to dress up tonight, did you?”

  Something about her knowing look made Erin feel absurdly defensive. “I’m not dressed up. I’m wearing jeans. Same as you.”

  “My jeans are so old they’re fraying, and there’s a paint stain on my ass. Your jeans are obviously sexy jeans.”

  Erin willed down the self-consciousness. So she was wearing new jeans. And they happened to look good on her. Nothing remotely unusual about that.

  “They are not sexy jeans. They’re normal jeans. They just don’t happen to fit better than what I’ve been wearing lately.”

  Liz’s eyes moved once again up and down Erin’s body. She shook her head. “Those jeans are dark, fitted, and shape your ass in a very obvious way. I know sexy jeans when I see them.”

  “They are not sexy jeans.” Then something Liz said registered. She glanced behind her, trying to peer down at her back side. “Does my butt really look okay in them?”

  “Your butt looks fantastic. And so does the rest of you. I notice you’re wearing a titty top too.”

  After glancing around to make sure Mackenzie still wasn’t within earshot, Erin hissed, “I am not wearing a titty top. It’s a normal shirt.” She wore a red, stretchy, V-neck top that she’d bought a couple of days ago when she’d bought the jeans.

  “Well, for a normal shirt, it certainly does wonders for your tits.”

  “Dad is coming over,” Erin insisted in a harsh whisper, as if she might somehow be overheard. She crossed her arms over her chest. “I’m hardly trying to show off my boobs.”

  “Dad is not the only man who’s coming over tonight.”

  “Uh! What the...First you were telling me that I should be slamming the door in Seth’s face because he’s an asshole, and now you’re telling me I’m trying to attract him?”

  “Are you?”

  “No,” Erin exclaimed, stirring her pasta sauce with more vigor than was entirely necessary. “I put on something decent, since I wasn’t going to have people over for dinner wearing sweats and an extra-large t-shirt. But this is no different than what I would have worn for anyone else.”

  “All right,” Liz replied, putting her hands up, as if in defense. “I believe you.”

  Erin relaxed again and concentrated on her cooking. She wasn’t a great cook under the best of circumstances, and who knew what would happen when she combined cooking with distractions like these?

  “So you aren’t secretly in love with him?”

  Erin dropped the spoon. “Liz!” she roared, whirling around to glare in outraged frustration.

  Liz was wearing an eminently innocent expression. “What? I was just asking.”

  “I am not in love with Seth. Why is that so hard to understand?”

  “Well, forgive me for being skeptical. You guys have a definite connection. And now you have a child together. He’s handsome, successful, smarter than anyone has the right to be...why shouldn’t you be in love with him?”

  “Are you trying to make me lose it on purpose? Do you fall in love with every handsome, smart, successful man you meet?”

  Liz thought for a moment. “Well, honestly, I don’t meet very many. But seriously. It just seems to me that—momentarily disregarding his assholery—you two might make a pretty good match.”

  “Is that enough? Love isn’t just an equation, based on the sum of the right parts.”

  “Ah!” Liz breathed, as if enlightened. “I see. So you guys have no chemistry. The sex sucked, huh? What? Is he one of those dedicated thrusters, who, as soon as he gets it in there, just closes his eyes and thrusts like mad? As if endless repetition is enough to do it for us.”

  “No! He thrusts just fine!” Only after she’d said the words did she realize she’d said them too loudly.

  Fortunately, before she could say anything else, there was a knock on the door. Because of Mackenzie’s schedule, they were having an early dinner. “Get that, will you?” Erin asked. “It’s probably Dad. And, when Seth comes, you’d better be nice. And absolutely no discussion of thrusting of any kind.”

  Liz went to get the door, and Erin opened the refrigerator. Stared for a minute or two, because she was unsettled and couldn’t remember what she’d needed to get.

  Tomatoes. That’s what she’d needed. She bent over to reach into the crisper drawer.

  “Good evening,” a warm, male voice said from behind her.

  Erin jerked up in surprise, uncomfortably aware that her ass was in the air and highly visible. Unfortunately, she tried to straighten up so quickly that she bumped her head on one of the shelves.

  Muttering under her breath and rubbing her now sore head, she turned around to see Seth. He was dressed casually in khakis and a black t-shirt.

  He hid a smile. “Sorry if I startled you.”

  “She’s all hassled, trying to get dinner ready,” Liz volunteered cheerfully from behind him. “I’m sure it wasn’t your fault that you snuck up on her.”

  Erin narrowed her eyes and shot Liz an annoyed look. “I’m not hassled. I’m glad you could come.”

  When she saw Seth glancing around the kitchen, Erin realized what he was looking for. “Mackenzie’s in the nursery with Stella. You can go see her if you want.”

  “I could help in here, if you’d rather.”

  Erin shook her head. Having Seth hovering over her would make her even more nervous. “No need. Dinner’s almost ready. You can go say hi to Mackenzie and meet Stella.”

  “Sounds good.” Before he left the kitchen, however, he gave Erin a lingering once-over. Something warmer ignited in his eyes. “The jeans look good.”

  Erin blushed painfully, hotly, so obviously it was impossible to hide. “Thanks.” Cursing her fair complexion, she pretended she needed something from a lower cupboard so she could squat down and hide her blazing face
from Seth’s eyes.

  She could hear Liz laughing outside the kitchen.

  Erin scowled into the cupboard—her annoyance directed inward. What the hell was wrong with her? She hadn’t been this easily embarrassed in years.

  And she never should have worn these jeans.

  ***

  Despite the rocky start and its potential for blowing up before her eyes, the evening actually turned out pretty well.

  Seth went back to the nursery and introduced himself to Stella. In the meantime, Erin got the table set, and her father arrived.

  When Seth came back into the living room, carrying Mackenzie—whom Erin had dressed up for tonight in a pretty green dress with little bunnies embroidered on the collar—he stood in silence, as if he weren’t quite sure what to do.

  Erin had been hoping her dad would pick up some of the slack, but he was much quieter than normal, giving Seth a slightly suspicious stare. Liz sat in a chair with her hands folded primly on her lap, her lips tightly closed, and an amused sparkle in her eyes—obviously enjoying the awkwardness.

  So Erin tried to make conversation with Seth from the kitchen—asking him innocuous questions about his week—until finally she got so annoyed with Liz that she demanded her sister come help her get dinner on the table.

  When Erin carried out the salad bowl, she saw with relief that Seth had started a conversation with her dad about the furniture he’d fixed up for the nursery. While her dad didn’t exactly warm up, at least he consented to talk.

  They sat down to dinner, and things started to improve. Seth was clearly making an effort to be social and agreeable, and Liz deigned to join in the conversation eventually—only occasionally shooting Seth a dirty look or two. When Mackenzie started to get fussy, her father took her out of the carrier and held her, cooing to her in a low voice and eventually getting her to giggle.

  Erin was just silently congratulating herself on the dinner going off so smoothly, when Liz said snidely, “Had you been around in the last three months, you would have known.”

  The room suddenly fell into uncomfortable, thick silence.

  Erin had zoned out and missed what prompted her sister’s remark, but she sucked in a harsh breath and gave Liz a hard kick under the table.

  “Ow,” Liz said, shooting Erin an indignant look. “That hurt.”

  “Good,” Erin muttered, realizing that there was no use in trying to play this one off. “I told you not to—”

  Seth cleared his throat. “I see. I thought I was getting off too easily. Is that why I’ve gotten such a friendly reception?”

  “No, I just—”

  Seth shook his head. “It’s fine.” Turning to face Liz, he said mildly, “If you have something to say to me, you’re welcome to say it.”

  Liz looked more surprised than anything else, but she finally managed to say, “Erin wants us to be nice—and I can see why, for Mac’s sake. But I just want to make sure you’re not going to take off again.”

  Her father had been focused on an increasingly fussy Mackenzie, but at this he turned to look at Seth as well, silently waiting for his response.

  Seth didn’t even blink. “I’m not going to take off again.”

  “And we’re all just supposed to take that on faith? Why exactly should we believe you?”

  Seth gave a half shrug. “There’s no reason why you should. It just happens to be the truth.”

  And that was it. He didn’t defend himself or give an impassioned plea for forgiveness. Didn’t act offended or angry. He simply spoke the words calmly and without embarrassment or resentment.

  Erin was almost—ridiculously—proud of him.

  Her father nodded, as if that answer was enough for him.

  Liz frowned, but she finally said begrudgingly, “Okay. We’ll go with that. For now.”

  Erin would have said something too, but she was distracted by a more insistent squall from her daughter. Mackenzie must be hungry.

  Reaching for her, Erin brought the infant in close to her chest. When the baby started nuzzling at her breast, she shook her head. “I’m sorry. I was hoping she could hold out a little longer, but I think I better feed her.”

  “No problem,” Liz said easily. “She’s done pretty well lasting so long. Do you want me to get dessert together?”

  “Would you mind? I’ll be right back.”

  While she wasn’t embarrassed by breastfeeding, she didn’t feel comfortable doing it at the dining room table, so she stood up with Mackenzie.

  Seth stood up too and started gathering up his empty plate and Erin’s. “Take your time.”

  “Be nice,” Erin hissed at Liz as she carried Mackenzie toward the nursery.

  Once she was settled in the rocker in the warm, pretty nursery and Mackenzie had latched on and started to suck, Erin realized something.

  Things weren’t bad at all.

  In fact, she was almost happy.

  Everything wasn’t perfect, of course, but things didn’t always have to be terrible. Sometimes they could actually go well. Get better.

  A short time later, Erin had finished nursing and was holding Mackenzie up to burp her.

  Seth appeared in the doorway.

  “Hi,” she said stupidly.

  “Hi.”

  “Is Liz behaving herself?”

  “Only one muttered comment, but it sounded rather half-hearted. But I’m to tell you that dessert is ready whenever you are.”

  Just then, Mackenzie burped, spitting up milk onto the burp cloth. When Erin looked down, she saw the spit-up had gotten on her new shirt too. She sighed and wiped at Mackenzie’s mouth. Then tried to clean the spot off her shirt. “Well, good job.”

  Mackenzie smiled, as if delighted by her success.

  Seth chuckled. “She seems to be very talented at that particular endeavor. Must get it from your side.”

  Erin couldn’t help but grin. She made sure her clothing was adjusted before she stood up with Mackenzie in her arms.

  When she joined Seth in the doorway, he reached over toward her. She stared at him in surprise—thinking he was about to touch her in some way—until she realized he was just pulling down Mackenzie’s dress, which had been hiked up over her diaper.

  She waited for him to move, but he didn’t. He just stood in the middle of the doorway, gazing down at her.

  “Seth?” She looked relentlessly at Mackenzie so she wouldn’t have to see whatever expression was in his eyes.

  “Thanks for having me over for dinner,” he murmured, his voice textured, almost husky, holding far more resonance than the words would suggest.

  The tone of voice made Erin feel edgy, but the words themselves finally processed in her mind. “You’re staying for dessert, aren’t you?” she asked, realizing she’d be disappointed if he didn’t.

  “Of course.”

  “Oh.” She pushed past him, deciding that maybe she was a little annoyed since he was obviously trying to disturb her with his lingering presence and husky voice. “Good.”

  ***

  They didn’t linger over dessert long, and afterwards her father went home, she and Liz cleared the table, and Seth sat with Mackenzie in the living room.

  Naturally, Liz teased her more about Seth—this time asking whether she thought there was any possibility of their becoming a happy little family now that he’d come to his senses—an interrogation which Erin dutifully ignored.

  “Speaking of,” Liz continued, “You’d better go check on them to make sure Seth hasn’t offered her Scotch or anything.”

  Erin couldn’t help but laugh, but she did step out of the kitchen to see what was going on in the living room.

  She stood in the background, unnoticed. Mackenzie was rocking in her swing, and Seth was sitting in a chair facing her. The two were staring at each other with almost identical looks—half-curious, half-mesmerized.

  Erin smiled and was about to go back to the kitchen when Seth spoke.

  “Well, what do you have to say for yo
urself?” His voice was so even and natural that Erin thought for a moment he must have seen her and was asking the question of her.

  But he wasn’t. He was talking to Mackenzie.

  Because after a moment, he nodded, still focusing on his daughter. “I see,” he continued, as if he’d gotten an answer. “I know the feeling.”

  Erin smiled again, this time feeling strangely touched by this bit of bonding. She probably should leave discreetly, but she couldn’t quite turn away yet.

  “That’s a very pretty dress you’re wearing,” Seth continued, leaning forward and observing his daughter intently.

  Mackenzie watched him unblinkingly with her round blue eyes, and her mouth dropped open as she stared.

  “And that’s a very impressive swing,” Seth continued, his voice mild, but his tone no different than he would have used with an adult. “I believe it’s winding down, though. Too bad.”

  The swing was winding down. Mackenzie was barely rocking back and forth.

  “Should I start it up again?” Seth asked her, standing up and taking the two steps toward the swing.

  When he reached over to get the swing moving again, Mackenzie burst into her babbling giggles.

  Seth stopped short. Stared down at the infant.

  “Laughing at me, huh?” he said, his voice slightly thick. “Your mommy does the same thing.”

  For some reason, Erin felt her heart swell. She wasn’t sure why, but it had something to do with overhearing Seth refer to her as Mackenzie’s “mommy.”

  He sat down again on the chair facing the swing. “You have a stuffed rabbit that I gave you—did you know that? I have a few more for you. I’ll have to bring them over next time.”

  Erin bit her lip to hold back a noise in her throat. Then, when she saw Seth moving in his chair, she hurried into the kitchen, afraid he would turn around and notice her.

  “Everything okay?” Liz asked. She was putting the last of the dishes in the dishwasher.

  “Yeah,” Erin said faintly. “Everything’s fine. They’re having a little chat.”

  “Well, that must have been a sight.” Peering at Erin’s face, Liz added, “What? Are you turning all sappy on me or something?”