Nameless

by Claire Kent

  Mackenzie squealed with joy at this announcement, but immediately got distracted. She started pulling on Seth’s t-shirt. “Daddy shirt,” she said, staring at the fabric in her hands.

  “Excellent observation,” Seth replied, smoothing down a few of the kinks in his daughter’s red-gold hair. “That is in fact my shirt.”

  Mackenzie was frowning as she kept yanking on the t-shirt. “Daddy shirt. Bye bye,” she insisted, as if she were frustrated by Seth’s denseness in failing to understand her meaning.

  Seth glanced over at Erin, giving her a look of silent questioning. Then he pulled Mackenzie’s little fingers off of his shirt. “I suppose it’s not the most attractive thing I own, but I think I’m going to keep my shirt on.”

  Erin suppressed a laugh. “I could be wrong, but I think she’s wondering where the rest of your shirt is. You’re usually wearing a suit and tie for breakfast.”

  Seth looked enlightened. “I see. I’m staying home with you and your mommy today.”

  Mackenzie shook her head and let out a dramatic sigh. Leaned her cheek against his chest, her fingers fisting the fabric of his shirt again. “Daddy goes bye bye.”

  Seth looked nonplussed, and Erin laughed out loud. Met his gaze warmly. “That should tell you something. If your own daughter can’t believe you’re staying home.”

  He narrowed his eyes, as if he were slightly annoyed by her teasing, but his frown didn’t last long. Mackenzie pulled herself up and pulled on his chin until he smiled.

  “Daddy make cancakes?”

  Seth pulled his daughter into a brief hug. “Cancakes are far beyond my skill,” he replied, setting Mackenzie on the floor and standing up. “But I guess I can muddle through a few pancakes.”

  Seth started the pancakes, muttering about females ganging up on him. And how it was only going to get worse when the third one arrived.

  * * *

  Erin slowly lowered herself down onto the sofa in the family room, sighing loudly and relaxing against the cushions. She’d forgotten what it was like to be this pregnant—how awkward doing the simplest maneuvers became.

  “It’s not your fault,” she murmured softly, looking down at the swell of her belly. “It’s just that hauling you around everywhere really wears me out. But I'm really glad you're here.”

  With another long exhale, she stretched out on the couch. Two more months and she’d have another baby. It was thrilling and terrifying both, and sometimes she couldn’t believe it was really happening.

  This pregnancy had been a little easier. She’d been sick a lot during the first trimester, but she’d been able to handle it better. And there was something reassuring about going through a pregnancy again, this time having Seth with her completely. There was actually a lot about being pregnant that she liked.

  But she decided that two kids would probably be enough.

  She had just put Mackenzie down for her nap, and Seth had gone into his home office to “make some calls.” Which of course meant that he was cheating—working on a day that he’d claimed he was taking off.

  Erin hadn’t complained too much. The three of them had a good morning together and then had a picnic lunch in the rooftop garden. If Seth felt obliged to work a couple of hours while Mackenzie was napping, Erin wasn’t going to make a big deal about it. He was at least trying, which meant a lot for someone as work-driven as Seth.

  Besides, Erin could use a little nap herself. Being pregnant was exhausting.

  She needed to study for the course she was taking, but she decided that could wait until the next day.

  She was enjoying law school, which she was doing part-time, and was excited about what might come afterwards. She still sometimes missed going into work, but other things were starting to fill that gap in her life.

  Lounging on the couch, tired and pregnant, Erin knew she was happy. Three years ago, she would never have dreamed that this kind of life would ever have satisfied her.

  Sometimes she could barely wrap her mind around it.

  As she was mulling over the irony, she dozed off for about a half-hour. Woke up feeling better, except that she now needed to pee.

  Which meant she had to heave herself up.

  After she went to the bathroom, she went to find Seth, deciding he’d worked for long enough this afternoon. When she peeked into his office, she saw he was on the phone. He was rubbing his forehead, his eyes closed, and was talking very intently.

  Erin knew that, even though he looked stressed at the moment, this conversation wasn’t private, since he hadn’t closed the door. So she walked into his office and flopped down on the leather loveseat against the wall.

  Hoped her presence would be a reminder that he wasn’t supposed to be working today.

  Seth glanced up and gave her a distracted smile, then focused on his phone call again. Erin didn’t pay much attention, since the conversation was made up of disconnected information that meant absolutely nothing to her.

  When Seth finally hung up the phone ten minutes later, he leaned back in his desk chair. “Is everything all right?”

  Erin snorted. He’d once again started up that refrain—that particular repeated question—after she became pregnant the second time, and he couldn’t seem to give it up, no matter how much she chided him about it.

  “No. I had a stroke in the other room and decided to stroll in here to tell you about it.”

  Seth curled up the side of his mouth. “Nice.” He rubbed a hand through his hair distractedly, and Erin noticed lines of worry around his eyes.

  Feeling a swell of tenderness, Erin resisted the urge to go cradle him. Instead, she shook her head. “You’re not supposed to be stressed out today.”

  “I’m not stressed,” Seth lied, forcing his face to relax.

  “Yes, you are. Don’t try to lie to me. You’re supposed to be taking the day off.”

  “You and Mackenzie were napping.” He stood up and stretched out his back. “What else was I supposed to do?”

  “Well,” Erin murmured, slanting him a look that might have been alluring if she hadn’t felt like a sloppy, blond hippopotamus. “You could have napped with me.”

  Seth gave her a predatory smile, a familiar hot look smoldering in his eyes, evidently not noticing or not caring about her less than alluring appearance. “I thought you were genuinely going to nap. Had I known you had something else in mind...” He moved over toward the loveseat.

  Erin grinned. “I didn’t. I actually wanted to nap. But you could have napped with me.”

  He lowered himself next to her and draped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her against his side. “I don’t nap.”

  “Well, you should. A couple of naps a week would be good for you. Even legal geniuses need a little relaxation. You’re far too driven and obsessive.” Despite her sharp tone, she nestled against him, snuggling into his warm, hard body.

  Seth chuckled and tightened his arm around her. “Not me. I’m just a simple family man, hopelessly bullied by the women in his life.”

  “Yeah, right.” She stroked his chest. “Baby, nothing about you is simple.”

  Seth kissed her hair and didn’t respond.

  She wasn’t surprised. Despite everything, Seth still didn’t have an easy time making himself vulnerable and wasn’t quick to open up, even with her.

  She squeezed his side and whispered, “I used to think you were cold and heartless, and everyone else in the world still does.” Looking up at him with soft eyes, she added, “We’re the only ones who get to know you for real. Me and Mackenzie. And her sister, who I suppose will eventually have a name.”

  Seth kept one arm around her and reached the other arm over until his palm was curved over the crest of her belly. “Just don’t let the news get around that I actually have a heart.” He paused for a beat. “It would decimate my reputation as the Bulldozer.”

  Erin burrowed against him—as much as she could with her awkward belly.

  His hand slipped down over the c
urve of her belly and then cupped her groin over the thin fabric of her pants.

  “Is there something in particular you have in mind?” she asked, teasingly swatting his hand away

  Seth laughed softly, his warm breath blowing against her hair, as he evaded her hand.

  Shifting beside him, Erin felt a few initial tingles of arousal when he found her groin again. “I’m not sure we have time. Mackenzie will be waking up soon.

  “I can be very, very quick,” Seth murmured, his hand stroking over the swell of her breasts.

  “Is that supposed to sweeten the pot?” She laughed and stretched up to kiss him. “I know the sex bar has been set rather high lately, but I’m not sure you’re going to get lucky again today.”

  “I guess we have been having a lot of sex lately.

  “That’s just the pregnancy hormones. It has nothing to do with you.”

  Seth's lips tilted up into her favorite half-smile, the same one he’d given her in the library over a volume of Byron’s poetry. “Of course not.”

  They kissed for a few minutes, and Erin was really starting to get into it. Seth’s tongue was busy in her mouth, and she was scraping her palm against his jaw.

  When a little voice came from a few feet away, “Daddy is kissing Mommy?”

  Seth tensed up in surprise, and Erin released her breath in a loud gust. Then she slumped against Seth’s body, giggling softly into his neck.

  “Yes,” Seth replied gently, turning his head to look down at Mackenzie. “I was kissing your mommy, and she was kissing me back.”

  Erin straightened up a little, although Seth’s arm remained draped around her. She turned toward her daughter, who was standing in front of the loveseat with tangled red hair, bare feet, a wrinkled shirt, and green pants with one leg hiked up to her knee. She was holding her favorite stuffed bunny—the first one Seth had bought for her in California.

  “Did you finish your nap?” Erin asked, thinking her daughter still looked half-asleep.

  “Yes,” Mackenzie replied, nodding seriously. She stepped over and raised her arms up toward Seth. “Up.”

  Seth pulled her up onto his lap, so that both she and Erin were nestled against him. Mackenzie tilted her face up and puckered up her lips. “Kiss!” she demanded.

  Seth dutifully leaned over and gave her a little kiss. Then stroked her fine, messy hair.

  Mackenzie grinned up at her father and patted his cheek, until she got distracted by something else. “Mommy, kiss,” she insisted, peering up at Erin.

  Erin pulled up the warm little body and gave her daughter a kiss too. “Mommy loves you, pumpkin. Lots and lots.”

  Mackenzie sighed contentedly and snuggled against Erin’s large belly. “Lots,” she breathed. After a moment, she turned back to Seth with a wide-eyed, questioning look.

  “I love you too,” Seth assured her with a half-smile.

  Mackenzie relaxed again, still sitting on Seth’s lap but leaning against Erin. “Lots and lots,” she mumbled vaguely, closing her eyes with a sigh.

  In just a minute, she’d fallen back to sleep.

  With a fond smile, Erin glanced over at Seth’s face. He was gazing down at Mackenzie, and Erin caught a fleeting look in his eyes that was so deep, so tender, that it almost took her breath away.

  Shifting carefully, so she could get herself into a comfortable position without disturbing Mackenzie, Erin leaned against Seth and asked softly, “Are you disappointed that we’re not having a boy this time?”

  Seth darted a surprised look over at her. “Of course not. Why would I be?”

  Erin shrugged. “I don’t know, but a lot of men really want to have a son.”

  “I’m happy with my girls.” Seth glanced back down at Mackenzie and brushed a strand of red-gold hair off her face.

  “Good,” Erin replied simply, the slight tension easing in her chest. “Me too. Very happy.”

  “Are you?” Seth asked unexpectedly, slanting a quick, observant look over at her face.

  Erin just blinked at him, stunned he could even ask such a thing.

  “I mean, with everything,” Seth clarified, his voice sounding a little diffident. “Your...job situation...and everything.”

  And then Erin understood what he was asking. Was pleased she could relieve his anxiety. “Yes,” she assured him, meeting his eyes. “I am. I still miss it sometimes, and this isn’t what I’d expected from my life. But law school is going well so far, and one day I might actually graduate. This is exactly what I want.”

  Seth smiled faintly. Nodded. Didn’t say anything.

  But Erin knew that she’d answered one of his lingering worries. Was so glad she was able to do so.

  She turned her head and pressed a kiss onto his chest, which was the only part of him she could really reach. “And you? Are you happy?”

  Seth gave her an impatient look, as if he couldn’t believe she’d asked such a ridiculous question, but then he said, “I’d be happier if you would marry me.”

  Erin jerked in surprise. “You act like you’ve asked me before. This is the first I’m hearing about this.”

  “I know that, from the very beginning, you claimed you never wanted to marry me, and you’ve never brought up the possibility since, so I just assumed—”

  Erin snorted. “Idiot. A lot has changed since I said that, and if you weren’t such a close-mouthed, secretive assho— poopoo-head, then you would have managed to give me a few hints that you were even thinking about marriage.”

  She glared up at him, wondering if he’d ever get to the point when he’d be able to easily tell her what he was thinking.

  Seth looked slightly sheepish, although he’d chuckled at her choice of derogative. After a minute of her glaring at him, he raised his eyebrows. “Well? Do you have an answer for me?”

  Erin felt a flood of deep joy rising up in her chest, but she huffed, “Well, you haven’t really bothered to ask me yet.”

  Rolling his eyes in annoyance, Seth gritted out, “Will you marry me?”

  Erin scowled and stuck out her chin, to prove that she wasn’t happy about his assumptions. “Yes.”

  They glared at each other for a moment until they both broke into soft, affectionate laughter.

  She couldn’t help but laugh at the absurdity, at the delicious irony of it.

  The irony of her whole life.

  She'd been so sure that her surprise pregnancy would never turn into a happy family.

  It was stupid, she decided—stupid and futile—to ever claim that any one thing could never happen.

  Inevitably, it always would.

  Seth adjusted Mackenzie in his lap, so that the sleeping child wasn’t pressing into Erin’s belly.

  Then Erin grabbed Seth’s left hand. Played with his slim, strong fingers. Imagined a wedding band on his ring finger and felt a powerful surge of ownership at the visual.

  Seth Thomas would be her husband. She actually shivered from the possessive thrill of it.

  Snuggling against him, she knew that he was just as excited and pleased about the marriage as she was, although he hadn’t said anything and his face was passive, only his eyes reflecting his joy.

  “So when should we get married?” Seth asked, attempting to hide his own excitement by acting business-like and practical.

  “Next weekend? Do you think we could get the license and everything so quickly?” Erin felt the overpowering need for an outlet for her love and exhilaration, and wondered if Mackenzie would keep sleeping long enough for Erin and Seth to spend a little time alone in their bedroom.

  Seth smiled. A rare, warm, full smile that always made her belly clench.

  That smile was Erin's answer.

  She knew that she and Seth were going to get married next weekend. The next step in a future that wasn’t perfect, a future that was completely unexpected, but was actually the one they both wanted.

  The final, fitting irony of Erin's life.

  And she knew—she knew—that the shape of
their love, their family, their futures, their lives had somehow grown beyond the limits of expression.

  But that it wasn’t nameless anymore.

  Acknowledgments

  I’ve never had a child or been pregnant, so I would never have been able to write this book without the help of women who have. A number of women offered me invaluable help by sharing their pregnancy and labor experiences—particular thanks to Laura and Amy and to the hundreds of women whose birth stories I read online. If anything here feels authentic, it’s thanks to these women, and if anything seems off, it’s entirely my own fault.

  Also, many thanks to Rahab for her generosity and careful eye.

  About the Author

  Claire has been writing romance novels since she was twelve years old. She has a PhD in British literature and, when she's not writing, she teaches English at the university level.

  She also writes romance novels under the penname Noelle Adams (noelle-adams.com). If you would like to contact Claire, please email her at clairekent.writer@yahoo.com.