by C. A. Harms
“It’s what I love.” It was all I had, which was pathetic, really, if I took the time to think about it.
“That’s fine and all, but you need a life outside of that hospital, Mad.” Rhett paused from flipping through the channels and reached out to trace Blake’s cheek with his fingertip. I looked down just in time to see his cheek twitch, I was assuming from the tickling sensation it caused. “I didn’t picture myself being a father, at least, not this soon. I thought I’d be married, be successful, but I wouldn’t change a thing about where I am now. AJ woke me up, showed me what loving someone truly felt like. This little man wasn’t planned, but I can honestly say I think he’s a gift from my father.” A rush of emotions filled Rhett’s eyes that made my chest tighten.
“He’s a gift.” He gave me a little reassuring nod. “I love my life, Mad, everything about it. I wake up every day next to a woman I love more than I ever thought was possible, and we’ve created this amazing little boy. I’m lucky. I’m blessed.” I couldn’t agree more. “I just think that, to find your own happiness, you need to quit hiding in the shadows of everyone else.”
“I’m not hiding.”
Or was I?
Silence settled in over us, and I snuggled Blake a little more. Closing my eyes for a second, or ten, I allowed myself to imagine what life would be like if I were a mother. To feel that kind of love, so unconditional and pure.
“He insisted that what took place between the two of you that day in the field was nothing.” My gaze met Rhett’s once more, and I felt my stomach tense. “But I’m not blind, Maddison. There was something there. I’ve never seen you and Mike act that way, especially with each other.”
“It was noth—”
“Okay, yeah, I know. Nothing.” He said this with a smirk. “But if you’re wrong and it was something, don’t you think you two owe it to yourselves to know for sure?”
We sat next to one another for another ten minutes without saying a word. His earlier statement repeated in my mind over and over, doing nothing to ease my indecisiveness. In fact, they only managed to make me question myself even more.
He was wrong. He had to be. It was nothing. Just a strange exchange that needed to be shelved. We were family, Mike and me.
My best friend liked him.
Nothing could happen. It just couldn’t.
Chapter Fifteen
Mike
Grabbing my keys off the small table next to my couch, I slipped on my boots and stepped out into the hallway of my apartment building. Placing my key in the deadbolt, I ensured it was locked and spun around toward the exit.
Wyatt, my neighbor, was walking up the front steps when I pushed open the door to the outside.
“Going out?” He shifted the bags in his arms as he paused to shoot the shit.
“Lucky’s.” Somehow, I’d let Raven wear me down and had agreed to meet her for a drink. I could honestly say that the biggest factor was Maddison. I convinced myself that if I could go out with Raven and have a good time, maybe what I was feeling for Maddison was simple loneliness. Then, another part of me hoped that if she met up with me and found out I wasn’t the guy she thought I was, she’d give up and move on.
“Date?”
“Just meeting up with some friends.”
Wyatt was a little older than me, a divorced man with a small boy. On occasion, I’d seen him out in the front lawn of our apartment building tossing a ball with his son on the days he had him. I felt for the guy. He’d lost his family because his wife couldn’t decide if she wanted him or her coworker. In the end, the coworker had won, and now, the man lived in a big, old house with Wyatt’s wife and son while Wyatt was stuck in a shitty apartment.
“You should join me.” The invite surprised me just as much as him, I thought, when his eyes widened just a small fraction.
“Thanks.” He stepped around me and used his body to hold open the door. “I appreciate the offer, but Joey’s coming over tonight, and I need to start dinner. Tacos and movie night.” He smiled, giving his bags a little shake to emphasis the contents.
“Sounds fun.” His smile widened even more, and I wondered how he did it. I’d have a hell of a time only seeing my kid a few nights a week. I would drive myself crazy knowing the woman I loved and my son were living my life with a different man. “Well, have a good night.”
“You too.” He gave me one last nod before going inside the building and letting the door close behind him.
I got a text just as I was climbing up in my truck, and once settled, I pulled my phone out of my pocket to have a look.
Rhett: Raven and Maddison have already had a few too many. Seems like there’s some type of competition taking place. You wouldn’t happen to know what it is they’re trying to prove, would you?
There was a video attached. It was of AJ in the middle of the two girls counting to three before Mad and Raven lifted their shot glasses and downed whatever was inside. When Raven picked up a lime wedge and placed it in her mouth, I knew it had to be tequila.
“Pussy,” Maddison said with a laugh as she pointed to Raven. “Real woman take it straight. To hell with the lime.” She was sassy, even sassier when she was drunk, and I smiled, staring stupidly at my phone.
Raven flipped her off before she broke out in a fit of laughter.
“Another one,” one of the girls shouted out, and the video ended.
Mike: On the way.
I hit send and tossed my phone onto the passenger seat. The entire drive over, I focused on what Rhett’s message had said and wondered if there was something each of them was trying to prove. And if so, did it have anything to do with me?
By the time I pulled open the door of Lucky’s and walked inside, the band was playing loudly. So many people mulled around, shoulder to shoulder, it was hard to maneuver through the crowd.
Laughter gained my attention, and I looked up to the left of the bar to find my group. Madison was dancing, a tall guy at her side, his hand on her waist possessively. I felt my temper flare as I watched the way she turned in his arms and wrapped her own around his neck.
“There you are.” I shifted just in time to catch Raven as she stumbled forward and gripped my arms tightly in an attempt to hold herself up. “Damn shoes,” she mumbled before laughing as if it was the funniest thing in the world.
“How many shots have you had?”
She held up her hand and started to count them off in her head.
“Never mind,” I said as I held her a little tighter and walked her toward the table where everyone sat. Finding the first empty bar stool, I lifted her by her waist and deposited her there. “You are such a gentleman.” She held my neck securely, and even when I attempted to loosen her fingers, I couldn’t. “I’m so glad you’re here.” I pulled back as much as I could, and before I had time to register what was happening, Raven plastered her lips to mine, gripping my neck with all the strength she still held in her drunken body.
“Okay, okay.” I unhooked her fingers and stepped back. I was just about to tell her that she needed some water when I saw movement over her left shoulder. Looking up, I found myself staring into Maddison’s eyes. She had a blank look on her face I couldn’t quite read, and her mouth hung open slightly. She had stopped dancing, stopped moving, actually, as she stared at me and Raven.
Something passed between us, something that made my mouth go completely dry, before she looked away.
“It’s about time you showed up.” Rhett slapped my shoulder, giving it a good squeeze as he looked toward the bar. “These two have been having some kind of competitive drink-off.” He motioned between Raven and Maddison. “Like a last man standing kind of thing, who’s the best, fucked-up kinda shit. I don’t know what the hell is going on, but I’m done babysitting that one.” He pointed to Raven. “She’s all yours.”
Mine?
Rhett was gone before I could argue and grabbing for AJ, who stood near the bar. Pulling her back into his chest, he started to move against her fro
m behind. It was a loving hold, one that, even though I wanted to, I couldn’t interrupt. They deserved this time together, time away from Blake, to be reminded of what they had as a couple.
The waitress walking past paused to ask me what I wanted to drink. “Can I get a water for this one?” I pointed toward Raven, and the waitress nodded before she walked off. Raven could barely hold up her head, it seemed, and in my opinion, the drink-off was over.
When the girl came back and set the bottle of water down, I handed her a couple of ones then unscrewed the lid. “Drink this.” I shoved it in Raven’s face. When she eyed the bottle, she practically went cross-eyed, and I fought the urge to tip it up to her lips myself. “Come on,” I encouraged her, and finally, she brought it up to her lips, taking sip after sip.
“Lightweight,” Maddison yelled out. I glanced in her direction to find her watching Raven with a hateful look on her face. It was a look that was so unlike Maddison. “She insisted she could outdrink me.”
“She’s loaded,” I told her, and she narrowed her eyes at me.
“I’m sorry your date can’t live up to her mouth. Always running on like she’s some badass, but in the end, she ain’t all she thinks she is.”
“What the hell is wrong with you?”
She flinched but continued to stare at me.
“She’s being a bitch,” Raven mumbled around the bottle that was pressed to her lips. “She’s been a cranky asshole for days.”
“Well, you’ve been a nagging pain in my ass.” Maddison stepped up closer. “Maybe I’m sick of hearing about the nasty things the two of you are exchanging through your phone. Maybe I’m sick of hearing about tonight is the night you two are going to finally hold true to this promise you made of corrupting one another. If you two want to fuck each other in the bathroom, do it. If you want to move it to your truck, more power to you, but I don’t need to hear about it.”
I was floored as I watched Maddison have some kind of unexplainable outburst.
“Jealous.” Raven sneered the best she could in her drunken state as she wobbled in her chair. I felt like I’d walked into some alternate universe. I’d never seen the two of them being anything other than inseparable.
“Me? Jealous of you?” Maddison raised her voice, gaining the attention of a few others who stood around us. I was thankful that Rhett had finally looked back in our direction. He seemed just as shocked as I was.
“Why would I be jealous of you?”
“Because I have something you want.” Maddison faltered but only for second.
“Believe me,” Madd recovered quickly, “you have absolutely nothing I want. I have no desire to be a loose who—”
Before she had time to finish, Raven was out of her chair and lurching her body toward Maddison’s. I gripped her waist to hold her, and Mad stepped back into the guy’s chest, who stood closely behind her.
“Who the hell are you?” I asked this with true honesty, because this version of Maddison was one I had never seen before.
She stared at me without saying a word before spinning around and rushing off toward the front entrance of the bar. When the guy she was with didn’t even attempt to go after her, I felt my temper flaring.
“Take her.” I passed off Raven to Rhett just as he stepped up to my side and hurried in the direction Maddison had escaped. As I pushed open the door, I started to scan over the parking lot in search of her.
“Just go away.” I heard her voice and looked to my right into the darkness to find her leaning against a picnic table near the side of the bar. “I’m fine. Just go back to Raven.”
I moved in her direction, and when I was only a few feet away, I saw the tears glistening on her cheeks in the light of the parking lot.
“Are you okay?”
She laughed at my question, and I sensed the sarcasm in her voice instantly. “I’m great, Mike. Perfect, even. Best night ever.” She took in a shuddering breath. “I’m a bitch. A hateful, cruel bitch. Everything is exactly how it should be.”
“I think we both know that isn’t true.”
“Yes, it is.” She sat back on the picnic table and looked at the ground before her, unable to meet my gaze. “I can’t even find it in myself to be happy for my best friend.” I said nothing, just let her continue. “All week, all I’ve heard about is how you two are meeting up and how she hopes you finally give in to her. I’ve been forced to hear her read the flirtatious text messages the two of you have exchanged. I’ve also been on the receiving end of all the fantasies rolling around in her head of the things she plans to do to you.”
I took another step toward her, feeling my hands shake as I kept them hanging at my sides. I was fighting my need to comfort her.
“Then you showed up here to save her, giving her a small taste of exactly what she’s been hoping for.” She looked up, and her eyes finally met mine. “You kissed her.”
There was a sadness in Maddy that I wasn’t quite sure how to accept.
I wanted to tell her that it wasn’t what she thought. Raven kissed me, and if you asked her tomorrow, I could almost guarantee she wouldn’t remember it. But instead, I let Maddison continue without speaking a word. “And I can’t find it in me to just be happy for her.”
“Why is that, Mad?” I knew I was playing with fire, but at that very moment, I also couldn’t find it in me to care. “Why can’t you be happy for her?”
Our eyes met in the darkness, and I felt this pull between us I couldn’t explain even if I was forced to.
“Tell me.” I leaned in closer to her and placed a hand on either side of her hips, staring into her eyes.
“Because she’s right,” she whispered, her gaze shifting between my eyes and my lips. “I am jealous.”
Chapter Sixteen
Maddison
Mike rested his forehead against mine, a sweet gesture that only managed to leave me even more confused. “What do we do now, Mad?” I couldn’t do this; it was too much.
“We don’t do anything.” Mike leaned back, and though I knew that I shouldn’t, I looked up into his eyes.
“I don’t think that works for me.” I noticed the way his gaze lowered and rested upon my lips.
“We can’t,” I assured him, and I sensed the uncertainty in my voice. We could, I knew we could, but we shouldn’t.
The sound of tires crunching along the gravel lot pulled me out of my haze, and I looked up just in time to see my stepfather’s big red truck approaching slowly. “There’s my ride.” Mike looked up over his shoulder, and the moment he registered who I had called, he shifted his body away, quickly tucking his hands into his front pockets.
Colt rolled down the passenger window when I tried to stand, and Mike grabbed me quickly before I face-planted to the ground. “You responsible for this?” My mind was entirely too smashed to register his tone. I didn’t know if he was giving Mike a hard time, or if he was being serious.
“No, sir.” Mike held me firmly in his grasp. “She was like this when I got here.” He paused, and I took the time to lean my head against his chest. The gesture was something I knew that after this point I would no longer be able to do with the presumption that it meant so much more.
He continued to carry on with my father, unaware of my movements. Or maybe he knew full well what I was doing but was feeling the same things as I was.
I breathed him in, and beneath my ear, I heard his heart beating, possibly as fast as my own. I let myself imagine what it would feel like to have him bare beneath me, being able to press a kiss to his chest and move upward to his awaiting mouth. I allowed myself to imagine what a moan falling from his lips would sound like when I was the one inflicting the pleasure it stemmed from.
“Up you go.” Suddenly, I was being hoisted into the truck, and my moment of bliss was gone. I felt the loss of his warmth immediately, and a deep ache settled in my chest. I may have even whined in protest, but to be honest, I wasn’t quite sure.
Colt took the buckle and pressed it int
o place, and it was strange, but that simple click felt like the finalized end to what could have been. “Sleep this off, pretty girl,” Mike whispered near my ear before he pressed a kiss to my cheek. I closed my eyes tightly to hide the emotions I’d felt.
I kept them closed for the entire duration of the ride back to my parents’ house. It was easier than facing Colt; he would see right through me. He was my father, the one to raise me, love me, and show me what a man truly was, and to him, I was an open book. I always felt like a little girl all over again whenever my dad was around me. Only right now, I couldn’t be that girl. It hurt too much to face the fact that I had to let go of the idea of Mikey and me. I had to let go of the feelings I felt that, quite honestly, I didn’t even know I had buried deep down.
It was heartbreaking, and I wasn’t entirely sure I was strong enough.
***
Climbing out of bed, I dragged my feet along the hardwood floor, down the hall, and into the kitchen. Colton, my brother, sat at the table spooning heaping amounts of cereal into his mouth and creating a God-awful chomping sound in the process. The sounds of it managed to echo in my head, making it throb.
My mother was near the sink, her hands pushed into sudsy water as she scrubbed on what looked like a pan.
I could smell the coffee that was recently brewed lingering in the air, but the pot was entirely too far away. My head thumped to the point that I was beginning to feel sick from the pressure. Walking over to the counter, taking the time to pour the warm liquid into the mug, and walking back felt like an unachievable task.
So instead, I flopped down in a chair and covered my face with my hands.
“You look like hell and smell like a brewery.” I ignored the snarky comment from my brother.