Do Not Forsake Me

by Rosanne Bittner

  Lloyd led her over to the bed. “You’re talking a mile a minute. Calm down.” He made her sit down on the bed. “Pa is better. Sit down here while I take off my boots and clothes and clean up. Is Stevie sleeping?”

  “Yes.” Katie sat down and put her head in her hands. “You must think I’m such a baby. You didn’t expect that out of your wife.”

  Lloyd pulled off his boots and shirt, then his bloodstained pants. “You are everything I expected. I did not expect you to take what happened today as though it was nothing. But you have to trust that Pa and I know what we’re doing, Katie.”

  He walked over to pour water from a pitcher into a washbasin, then washed the blood from his chest and hands. “The only reason things went wrong this morning is because Little Jake wandered into it,” he continued. “Pa would have been fine otherwise. Believe me, Pa can handle himself, and so can I. I’m just upset that he didn’t come and get me, though. I told him Sunday not to do anything without coming to get me first. He figured he shouldn’t bother us, but as it turns out, he did bother us.”

  Katie smiled through tears. “He didn’t know it would turn out like that.” She took a handkerchief from under her pillow. “Oh, Lloyd, I’m so sorry. I just thought maybe I’d be alone here all night. That’s the only reason I was scared. And I’ve just… I have to get used to things like this, I suppose, considering your job.”

  Lloyd finished washing and turned down the lamp to near darkness. “Come on. Get into bed and let me hold you.” Still wearing knee-length long johns, he crawled under the covers and held them open for her. Katie moved into bed beside him and he pulled her close.

  “How’s your mother?” she asked.

  “She’s shook up, but not about the gunfight. She’s grown kind of hardened to that. It was the way my pa bled that scared her to death. It scared all of us.”

  “Are you sure she’s all right?”

  Lloyd moved one leg over hers. He kissed her lightly. “Randy Harkner is just as tough as my father, believe me, but Pa has never been hurt in a way that rendered him unconscious and helpless like this. It’s just hard to see that in a man like him.” He pulled her closer. “I’m not ready to lose him yet, Katie. I realized that full force when I saw him down in the street.” He kissed her again. “Soon as he’s for sure okay, we’ll do something together—go on a picnic or something. We’ll take Stevie fishing again. I have to spend more time with that poor kid the next few days.”

  “Stephen is a Harkner through and through. He understood why you had to be with your father. We said a prayer together for his grandpa. He’s such a good boy, Lloyd. He kept asking me if I was okay.”

  Lloyd stroked her hair. “That makes me proud, and it’s sweet of you to think to pray with him.” He sighed. “Pa would say that praying for him is useless, because the good Lord isn’t too concerned about a man like him. I wish I could make him see that’s not true, but Jake is Jake, and he’s never been able to dig himself out of his past. I don’t know where he’d be without my mother.”

  They kissed again. “You’re a good woman, Katie.”

  “And I want to be a good wife. I hope you like what I’ve done with the house. You probably didn’t even notice, coming back so late and all.”

  Lloyd toyed with the curls in her hair. “I’ll like anything you do. Heaven knows this place needed a woman’s touch. We’ll stay home all day tomorrow and just be together, and in a couple of days we’ll go shopping for whatever you need to fix the place up—material for new curtains, rugs, furniture, whatever you think it needs. It’s your house now—our house. All I have to do the rest of this week is meet the prison wagon when it comes in, and go see my father and make sure he’s improving. Sometime this week we’ll go out to your folks’ too, and get the rest of your personal things.” He kissed her eyes. “That sound all right to you?”

  “Having you here all week sounds wonderful.”

  He kissed her gently. “Turn over.”

  “What?”

  “You’re stiff as a board with tension. I’ll rub your back.”

  “I should be rubbing your back. You’re the one who’s had a terrible day.”

  “I’ve been through worse, Katie, and this is all new to you. You need some attention, and I’m going to give it to you.”

  Katie turned over. Lloyd studied her lovingly in the dim lamplight, her thick, lustrous hair, the fine line of her build. Even from the back she was beautiful. He began massaging her back and neck, moving his fingers round to lightly massage under her chin, then back to her neck, her shoulders, on down her spine.

  “That feels wonderful. How did you learn to do that?”

  He grinned, thinking about the prostitute who’d taught him all the right ways to make a woman relax. “You don’t want to know. Just enjoy it.” He kept working his hands gently, deeply. He felt the tension leaving her, his own desire building to do more than touch. He wanted to taste and explore every part of her body, wanted to love her and be loved in return. He pulled her closer, moved his hand in gentle strokes over her abdomen, her breasts, back to her neck, her shoulders, down her back again.

  “I hope you’re happy with me, Lloyd. I mean, I’ve seen how other girls look at you.”

  Lloyd grinned and kissed her neck. “Katie, when a Harkner man loves his woman, none of the others mean a damn thing.”

  “It’s just that we got married so quick, I’m scared you’ll regret it. Maybe you’ll wonder if you should have seen about some of the other single women in town.”

  He massaged her hips. “Katie, listen to me. There isn’t another woman in town who attracted me like you did. I gave it time, thought about others, but it always came back to you. I came to your place Saturday because I couldn’t get you out of my mind. So never compare yourself to anyone else, okay?”

  She grasped his forearm and kissed it. “Okay.”

  “You just keep in mind that I don’t take getting married lightly. If I didn’t think you were extra special, why would I have chosen you to be a mother to my son, who I love beyond my own life?” He moved his hand over her breasts, around to her hips and up her back again. “You just relax. That’s an order.”

  “I’m just so scared. That could have been you down in the street today.”

  “You just remember I’ll always be with Jake Harkner when I ride off. A man can’t ask for better. We always have each other’s back. Pa wouldn’t have got hurt if I’d been there and seen Little Jake running down the street.” He turned her onto her back. “And I do care for you, Katie. You remember that too.” He trailed his hand down over her belly again, moved it under her gown to suggestively massage the inside of her thighs.

  She drew in her breath and reached up to trace his eyebrows, his cheeks. “Lloyd…you’re my husband now…and you have needs…and…” Her face turned red with the blush he’d come to find sweetly amusing. “I want to be your wife in every way.”

  “You sure?”

  “I’m sure.”

  He leaned down and kissed her softly, continuing his gentle caresses, waiting for her reaction, figuring that after the way their union got off to such a shocking start, he’d better be careful. It felt a little strange moving from close friends to something more. But she was right. He definitely had needs. And she definitely felt good, every curve, every bit of soft skin…soft lips.

  His kiss grew deeper, and as his hand moved over her belly again she opened herself to him, whimpering in that way a woman has of saying she wants more. He gently stroked her, felt the heat, moved a finger into her folds and felt the swelling of that sweet nub that told him she ached for more. His kiss deepened even more when she didn’t resist his touch. Now he felt on fire for her.

  “I want you, Katie,” he groaned. He moved between her legs and pushed her gown higher, leaning down to taste her breasts.

  Katie ran her hands into his long hair, ov
er his muscled shoulders, whispering his name. Lloyd savored her breasts more aggressively, needing to satisfy long-buried needs. He toyed with her sweet spot until her body shuddered in response to a long-overdue climax. In the next moment, Lloyd pushed himself deep inside her, making her cry out and arch up to him. She dug her fingers into his shoulders.

  “Don’t go away again,” she whispered. “Not tonight.”

  “I’m not going anywhere,” he told her between kisses, burying himself deep inside of her, wanting to give her a child—hoping to fill the place in her heart and her arms that had been so cruelly emptied when her first baby died. He wanted to give her that and more—his love, his life, his soul.

  Her breath came in gasps as he rammed himself deep and rhythmically, in an almost desperate need to prove to himself that everything did indeed turn out all right and they were all here and alive. Finally he could no longer avoid his own climax, spilling his seed deep. Once the pulsations finally ended, he lay there on top of her, kissing her over and over. “I’m so sorry I left you here alone.”

  “It’s all right,” she answered between kisses.

  “I should have realized.”

  “I’m all right now, Lloyd.” More kisses. “I understand.”

  “I just thought…” He kissed her with a deep groan.

  She grasped his face. “Lloyd, look at me.”

  He hesitated, meeting her eyes.

  “I understand.”

  His eyes teared. “I ran off on Beth,” he told her, “never knowing she was carrying my son. And I ran off on my mother, my father, my sister…all at a time when they needed me most. I won’t ever do that again—not to them—and definitely not to you.”

  “I know you won’t.”

  He met her mouth again, then moved to kiss her ear, her neck. “Thank you for taking a chance with me, Katie.”

  “You’re a good man, a good father, and a devoted son. I know you’ll be a good husband.”

  He devoured her mouth once more, relishing the taste of her, the feel of her, fighting the lingering feeling that he was somehow cheating on Beth. She’d understand. She would want him to be happy, would want Stephen to have a mother. And he wanted to make Katie happy in return.

  It was done now. He’d taken a wife and he’d do right by her. Maybe he didn’t love her the same as Beth, but he cared for her, and he knew it could become more. He would learn to put the past behind him, and he needed to stop thinking about today’s horror and tend to his new wife.

  In moments his long johns and her nightgown were all the way off, and he was moving inside of her again, this time both of them wildly satisfying long-buried needs. This time was closer to purely physical, but he knew the rest would come…the union of hearts…the burning touch of souls.

  They had time.

  Twelve

  Evie quietly entered the house and approached the bedroom. It was the evening of the third day since the shooting, and during all her other visits, Jake had been unconscious. The bedroom door was open and she walked in to find Randy carefully shaving Jake.

  “Mother, Brian says Daddy finally woke up.”

  “Oh, he woke up, all right. I’m trying to convince him he has to lie flat for a good two weeks. I’m almost done shaving him. I was scared to death he’d lapse into some kind of fit and I’d accidentally slit his throat.”

  “You’d be better off,” Jake joked lazily.

  “I probably would,” Randy answered. “You have no idea how tempted I was to let this razor slip. I swear, Jake, sometimes you’re like a cur dog, friendly and eating out of someone’s hand one minute and biting that hand off the next. I should put you on a leash.”

  Jake sighed and shifted, grimacing with pain as he did so. “Just so you come to my doghouse…once in a while.”

  Randy set the razor on a table next to a pan and a cup of shaving soap. She took a wet towel from where she’d hung it over the brass rail of the bed and washed his face.

  Evie loved watching the intimate moments between her mother and father, the rare moments when no one would ever think Jake Harkner could harm anyone.

  “Daddy, I’ve been here several times, but you were never awake.” She stepped closer. “I’m so sorry. This is all my fault for not keeping track of Little Jake. You could have died.”

  Jake rubbed at his forehead. “Evie, none of it was your fault.” He reached out. “Come over here. I’m so damned sorry for yelling at you like I did. I was hardly aware of anything except protecting Little Jake.”

  “I know.”

  Randy got up and carried the pan of water and shaving supplies out to the kitchen, leaving Evie alone with her father. Evie cautiously sat down on the edge of the bed, fighting tears. “Does it hurt bad?”

  Jake grasped her hand. “Not all that bad. Your husband probably cut deeper than he needed to just to get back at me for the way I yelled at you. I swear Brian has a secret desire to slug me or something, so he takes it out on how he treats my wounds. Feels like I have about a hundred stitches in my leg.”

  “Daddy, you know Brian wouldn’t do that.”

  Jake managed a smile. “Well, I wouldn’t…blame him if he did.”

  Evie studied his hand, solid, strong. His right hand had been partially crippled for a while…from hitting the prison wall over and over after a visit from Lloyd. That was when Lloyd thought he hated his father and had said cruel things to him before running off. Desperate at the thought that his son would take the wrong path, Jake had hit Lloyd in an attempt to stop him. He was so upset with himself for striking his son that he’d pounded the prison wall in frustration and self-loathing until he broke several bones in his hand. He’d worked with the hand ever since, managed to get it back to almost full use—certainly enough to draw and fire those famous guns.

  “I never should have taken my eyes off Little Jake,” Evie told him. “He’s such a little devil, always running off and always daring me to stop him from doing something he shouldn’t, but he’s so crazy about his ‘gampa.’”

  “He’s a Harkner. He can’t help being naughty. And I love that he’s crazy about me.” Jake squeezed her hand. “Evie…you’re my sweet and beautiful daughter, and it breaks my heart to think of how I roared at you. That was just that dark, scared part of me that’s always afraid I’ll lose someone I love because of who I am. You’d all be better off without me around.”

  “None of us would be better off without you, Daddy, and you know it. You are the strongest, bravest man I’ve ever known…not just physically, but in spirit. You must know how much we all need you.”

  Jake smiled sadly. “And you are a daughter who is incapable of finding anything wrong with her father. You are a breath of fresh air, Evie. You stuck by me through the worst of it…and I’m sorry for all the lost years when I gave Lloyd so much attention as he grew up. My goal once he was born was to be a good father to a son. But I never loved him more than you. I just love him…different. Can you understand that?”

  Evie nodded, a tear slipping down her cheek. Jake reached up and touched her face, wiping the tear away with his thumb. “You’ve always been so quiet and undemanding. I truly believe my mother lives inside of you, Evie, like an angel’s spirit loving me unconditionally.”

  She put a hand to his, surprised at the remark. “Do you really believe in angels?”

  He closed his eyes. “You’d be surprised what I believe in. And don’t be telling your mother. She’ll be after me to go to church.”

  “You should go to church, Daddy.”

  “No. Don’t you start on me too. Just know that I love you, Evie. In you I see Evita Ramona Consuella de Jimenez. Her eyes shine right through yours.” He moved an arm out and she laid across his chest and rested her head on his shoulder. Jake put an arm around her, stroking her thick, dark hair. “I will never raise my voice to you again,” he promised.

 
“I know.”

  Jake held her tightly, and Evie grew concerned when she felt him tremble. She started to rise, but he held her fast. “He killed her,” he said in a near whisper. His grip seemed almost desperate. “He killed her and my brother right before my eyes.”

  He shifted and groaned softly. Evie wasn’t sure if it was from physical or emotional pain. “Mother told me all of it a long time ago, Daddy. You think Lloyd and I don’t know, but we do. Please don’t think about it. You’ll get upset all over again.”

  “I was eight years old,” he continued, as though not even hearing her. “The sonofabitch took me away with him, and he never talked about them again. Before we left, I stole my mother’s rosary beads…and I never let him know it. He would have taken them away from me.”

  “Daddy, I’m so sorry.” Evie wept.

  Jake continued to hold her fast.

  “God brought my mother back to life in you.”

  “And he gave me the best father ever.”

  Jake smiled, breathing in the scent of her hair—seeming to calm again. “That I would argue with. I will agree, though, that he gave you the best husband ever. I am so glad you have Brian. He’s a good, kind, patient man. He’s put up with so much.”

  “He’s good to me,” Evie reassured him. “He loves me very much.” She sighed deeply. “I’m so tired. I could just stay right here and fall asleep. When I was little, I always felt so safe when you held me.”

  “And I didn’t hold you enough.” He grimaced. “Baby girl, right now you’d better go home because I’m kind of…floating in and out of this world…and some other…darker world. I don’t trust myself right now, Evie. Just know that I love you, but I’m…so…damn…tired…”

  Evie sat up, wiping at tears. Her father looked as though he’d fallen asleep again. Randy walked into the room. “Mother, is he all right? He’s just sleeping, isn’t he?”