Do Not Forsake Me

by Rosanne Bittner

  Lloyd studied the signatures, stunned by how many there were. “You did this?”

  “I thought it would help.”

  Lloyd turned away. “You want this for my mom, not my dad.”

  “So what if he does?” Brian asked. “Peter completely respects Randy and what she would want and what Jake would want. Do you want Randy to risk surgery for something this important with a doctor who’s not totally qualified to do it? Don’t you want her to have the best? Wouldn’t Jake want that?”

  Lloyd paced and smoked. “Jesus,” he muttered. “I was just telling Katie how torn I am about everything that’s going on, and now this! You should have gone straight to Pa, not to me. I’ll not be a part of something that he might think is some kind of betrayal.”

  Peter closed his eyes and sighed. “Lloyd, if you don’t want to feel like you’re going behind his back, I’ll talk to him alone about this.”

  “Alone?” Lloyd shook his head. “Pa isn’t exactly in the best mood he’s ever been in. I won’t let you go over there alone, because I need to be there to stop him from doing something he shouldn’t.” He looked at Brian. “Does Evie know about this?”

  “Not yet, but she’ll want what’s best for her mother. You know that.”

  Lloyd turned away, taking a deep breath. “I appreciate that petition, Peter. I just hate the real reason you’re doing this.”

  “Believe it or not, Lloyd, I really want this for your father too.”

  Lloyd rubbed anxiously at his forehead. “Let me go over there first. For all we know, my parents are—” He turned away. “I just want to make sure they’re open to company. We can’t just go barging in on them with something like this.” He finished buttoning his shirt. “Let me go talk to Katie and finish dressing. Brian, you take Peter back to your house. I’ll come and get you once I know it’s okay, but I’m warning you, Peter, that you might need my brother-in-law’s doctoring when this is over.”

  “I might need a doctor myself,” Brian quipped.

  Lloyd smiled sadly and walked out of the kitchen and into the bedroom. “Shit,” he grumbled. He did not relish going to Jake Harkner and telling him another man, who was in love with his wife, wanted to take her away for a good two weeks or more…maybe to die…in that man’s arms instead of his father’s.

  Twenty-one

  Jake finished shoving cartridges into his extra ammunition belt as he watched Randy dry a dish and put it into the cupboard. “I meant it when I said I want you to get help for everything,” he told her. “No hard work while I’m gone.”

  “I know.”

  “Especially laundry. I don’t want you lifting those heavy baskets. You have the laundry service come and pick up our things and deliver them when they’re finished. And you stay with Katie or Evie—not alone.”

  “I will.”

  “I’ll get back as fast as I can.”

  “Then what? Ed Rogers isn’t sure he should operate on me himself, so what do we do? And how long do we wait?”

  Jake set the cartridge belt on the table and sighed. “Damn it!” He rose. “We’re getting short with each other, and we never do that. I hate this mess we’re in.”

  “Do you think I don’t?”

  “If it weren’t for me and this goddamn job, we wouldn’t have these decisions to make.”

  Randy faced him. “Jake, will you ever stop cussing? And you have to stop blaming yourself for everything that happens. This isn’t something you can fix with fists or guns. And you’re being short because you have to leave.” She turned away. “And I’m being short because I’m scared and I don’t want you to go.”

  He walked up behind her, wrapping his arms around her from behind. “Then I’ll stay.”

  “You can’t. I won’t let you risk the judge’s decision, Jake.”

  Someone knocked on the back door.

  “Who is it?” Jake barked, picking up one of his guns from the kitchen table.

  “Lloyd. We need to talk, Pa.”

  Scowling, Jake opened the door. He set his gun on the table as Lloyd stepped inside and glanced at his mother, who clearly looked upset. She wore a simple housedress and her hair was down, as though she’d dressed quickly in case of company. Jake wore an open shirt. “Is this a bad time?”

  “Right now there is no such thing as a good time.” Jake turned away and Lloyd glanced at the array of weapons and cartridge belts on the kitchen table. “Pa, Brian wants to talk to you and Mom…and Peter Brown is with him.”

  Jake and Randy looked at each other, then at Lloyd. “About what?” Jake asked.

  Lloyd glanced at the guns again, wondering if he should take all of them out of the house first. “I’ll let them tell you. I had nothing to do with any of it, except that I agree with them on one thing.” He saw the suspicion move into Jake’s eyes. “I think you should…listen to what they have to say and I think you should…uh…let this be Mom’s decision, not mine or Evie’s or Brian’s or…even yours. It’s her life hanging in the balance, and we all want her to live and be healthy and…that’s all that matters.”

  Jake took a cigarette from a tin on the counter but didn’t light it. “What the hell is going on, Lloyd?”

  “I’ll go tell them to come over.” Lloyd put on a look of warning. “You just remember, Pa, that Peter Brown is going to do his best to get your sentence reduced, and that Brian loves Mom like his own mother, plus he’s a doctor and he knows what might be best for her…and he’s Evie’s husband and has been as good to her as you could ask of any man who dared to marry your daughter. So don’t you say anything to hurt him.”

  Lloyd left and Jake looked at Randy. “Do you know what he’s talking about?”

  “No.” She touched her hair. “Jake, my hair is down and I…good Lord, do we look like we just got out of bed?”

  “So what if we do? We’re married and we’ve been doing this for twenty-six years.” He scowled. “Trouble is, after twenty-six years, something’s come between us—and I don’t know what the hell it is!”

  Randy’s eyes teared. “The only thing between us is your anger over not knowing what to do about me, and that makes me feel responsible, but I’m not responsible, because I didn’t ask for this. Please don’t stay angry—not when we only have one more day together. You usually leave your anger outside the door, Jake.”

  He sighed. “I’m just angry at myself.” He walked up behind her and grasped some of her hair. “I was okay until Ed Rogers said he didn’t want to operate on you. That’s when I really started getting scared.”

  She hung her head.

  Jake reached around and grasped the side of her face, making her turn around. He leaned down and met her mouth in a kiss that grew desperate. He pulled her into his arms, then lifted her off her feet and set her on the counter, where the kiss lingered. She wrapped her legs around him, and he wound his fingers more deeply into her hair. He left her mouth and wrapped her tightly into his arms, letting her head rest against his chest.

  “I’m sorry,” he repeated. “I never get short with you, and you sure as hell don’t deserve it right now. I’m angry at whatever is wrong with you, mi querida, not at you—angry at myself for not being able to do something about it.”

  “I know. I just don’t want you to stay angry—not when we have so little time together.” She reached around his neck. “After they leave, I want to go back to bed, Jake. I want to say good-bye like I always do before you go.”

  Someone knocked on the front door then, and Jake gave her a quick kiss. “Damn.”

  “We might as well see what they want, Jake.”

  Jake lifted her down and Randy put her hands to her face to cool her cheeks. She ran her fingers through her hair and wished she’d had time to pin her hair properly and put on a better dress. “Button your shirt,” she told Jake.

  He picked up his cigarette and bent down
to light it at the stove. “Let them think what they want. We’re man and wife and can do what we want in our own house.”

  “Jake, hear them out. Please, please, hear them out. Apparently Brian and Peter have some idea that might help us through this.”

  Jake walked to the front door and Randy quietly followed, standing at a window with arms folded, feeling undressed and undone and defensive. Jake opened the door to Lloyd, Brian, and Peter. Randy noticed Peter look Jake over with more than a little trepidation. Then he glanced at her and nodded. Jake moved back and told them all to sit down.

  “I’ll stand, Pa,” Lloyd said, moving closer to Jake. Randy knew immediately that her son was making ready to light into his father and hold him back if he lost his temper. She felt her heart pounding harder.

  Jake watched Peter carefully. Neither he nor Brian sat down either. In fact, they both looked as if they were making ready to run if necessary. “What’s this about?” Jake asked.

  Lloyd moved a little closer.

  Peter took a deep breath. “Jake, I know of a doctor who is an expert in the kind of surgery Randy needs. He saved my wife’s life once in Chicago, years before she died in a buggy accident. I wired him there and found out he’s now in Oklahoma City.”

  Jake watched him closely. “I’m sorry about your wife, Peter, but what’s all this got to do with Randy?”

  Peter stiffened. “I have to go to Oklahoma City on business, and that’s where a lawyer friend of mine has his office. He’s agreed to plead your case in St. Louis because he knows that judge. While I’m there, Randy could see this doctor, if you’ll allow it, and if she needs surgery, she could have it there.”

  Jake just stood there, silent, smoking, staring at Peter. The room hung thick with Jake Harkner’s presence. Lloyd watched him closely, not sure exactly what was going through his father’s mind.

  “Let me get this straight,” Jake finally spoke up slowly. “You’re suggesting that you take my wife with you to Oklahoma City, you make decisions I should be making about her health… You, a man who’s in love with my wife, want to take her away alone for a good two or three weeks, depending on how the surgery goes.”

  Randy turned away. The fact that Peter Brown loved her had never been put into words until now.

  Peter didn’t flinch. “Yes.”

  Jake glared at him. “You must either be very brave or very stupid…or maybe very smart. Don’t be thinking I’m some kind of goddamn fool, Peter!”

  “Jake!” Brian spoke up. “Think about it. It could save her life! Would I lie to you about something like that? Clara Donavan could go with Randy, but she needs a man to go with her—someone who can protect her better than a woman could—someone who can help make the proper legal decisions if she’s too sick to. No one can do a better job of making sure everything is handled right than someone like Peter—and he cares, Jake, enough to make sure she gets only the best doctor and the best aftercare. He’s someone who would look after her with the same concern as—”

  “As her own husband?” Jake turned away. He glanced at Randy, who continued to avoid facing any of them. He turned back to Peter. “You’re someone who can protect her? How do you propose to do that?”

  “I have a handgun, more than one, in fact, and I know how to use them, Jake. I’m no damned Jake Harkner, but if I have to use a gun to defend Randy, I’ll do it.”

  Lloyd could almost hear thunder in the room. He thought that if looks could kill, the one Jake was giving Peter Brown right now would land the man flat on his back. “And what if she has this surgery…and she’s dying and needs someone to hold her? I’m sure you’ll gladly do that too, won’t you, Peter Brown?”

  Randy remained turned away, not saying a word.

  “Pa, this is Mom we’re talking about,” Lloyd reminded him. “She worships the ground you walk on. She’d never look twice at any other man, and you damn well know it!”

  “She’ll be in pain and vulnerable and needing me! Me! And I can’t be there for her! And just maybe after all the other times she’s needed me and I couldn’t be there for her, she’ll finally get tired of it and decide to be with someone who can always be there for her!”

  “Use your head, Jake!” Peter shot back. “Yes, at the risk of you lighting into me, I do love Randy. And that’s the best reason in the world to let me help her! Help both of you! I’ll protect her with my goddamn life, and I’ll make sure she gets the absolute best care possible—and yes, if she needs holding, I’ll by God hold her so she’s not scared and alone, and you know what? It sure as hell won’t be me holding her. In her mind, it will be you! And no, I’m not stupid, and I sure as hell don’t take you for a fool. I take Jake Harkner very seriously, believe me! Standing in front of you right now, admitting I love your wife, isn’t the easiest thing I’ve ever done, and I’m sweating like hell under this suit at the thought of what you’d like to do to me. I have a feeling that if you tried, even Lloyd wouldn’t be able to stop you!”

  “Stop it!” Randy suddenly yelled, putting her hands to the sides of her face. “Does anyone care what I think of this?”

  All four men looked at her. Randy rested her gaze on Jake. “I want to do it.”

  Lloyd thought Jake looked like he’d just been slapped.

  “Jake, when you’re gone, I go crazy with worry. This will keep me occupied. And if this means I can have the best care, then that’s what I want. I want to come home to my grandbabies and the new one on the way. I want to come home to my son and daughter. And I want to come home, healthy and alive, to my husband, and hope he’ll be here waiting, and that he’ll also be healthy and alive…and maybe I’ll be able to tell him we’re going to Colorado in another year and all this will end.”

  “Pa, Peter has been pounding the boardwalks for days circulating a petition saying you deserve to have your sentence shortened,” Lloyd spoke up. “That you’ve done an outstanding job and that people here think you have paid your dues. He got three hundred signatures, Pa. Three hundred! Does that sound like a man who would turn around and betray you? That petition will go a long way toward influencing Judge Mitchell.”

  Randy covered her mouth in surprise. “Peter! Three hundred signatures?”

  Peter kept his eyes on Jake. “Yes. That’s how much people in this town care about you, Jake. If you think only your immediate family cares, you’re wrong. A lot of people care. And a lot of people see through that badge and those guns and your ability to shoot men down with seemingly no feeling, and they see the kind of father and husband and grandfather you are. A lot of people know what you’ve been through, Jake, and most have a damn good suspicion you had reason to kill—”

  Both men never took their eyes from each other during the entire conversation.

  “My father?”

  Peter closed his eyes then and finally turned away.

  “Jake.” Randy finally got his attention again. “Three hundred signatures. Peter is your friend, Jake, not your enemy. I’ve been trying to tell you that.” Her voice broke on the last words and she looked ready to pass out. Jake walked up to her and picked her up in his arms. “All of you get out,” he told the others. “Just get out and let us talk about this.”

  Lloyd moved toward Brian and Peter. “Come on. He’s right. They should talk about this alone.”

  Jake and Peter shared a look like two men in a duel before Peter turned away and followed Brian out the door. Lloyd hesitated, eyeing his parents. “I want her to live, Pa, and you do too. I think she should go to Oklahoma City and soon. There really isn’t any other choice, is there?”

  Lloyd left, quietly closing the door. Jake carried Randy into the bedroom, kicking the door shut and laying her on the bed. He crawled over her and lay down beside her, realizing already that their best and only hope was to do exactly as Peter had suggested. He hated having to admit it. He wanted to think that Randy was right about Peter having no
thing but good intentions, but his heart raged with fury over the fact that the man was in love with her…truly in love with her.

  They lay there stiffly until Randy took his hand. “Jake, you are always asking me who I belong to. How do I always answer?”

  He sighed. “Jake Harkner.”

  “And as you would put it—you bet your ass.”

  He continued to just lie there quietly for several more long seconds. “Why do I feel so far away from you, Randy? I can’t stand it.”

  She lay across him, resting her head on his chest. “You feel far away because you’re letting that little boy inside of you run off…far, far away where he can’t be hurt. He’s scared he will be hurt, so he’s trying to keep his feelings at a distance and pretend it doesn’t matter.”

  His arms came around her. “I’m scared to feel anything, because it’s like getting stabbed in the heart over and over.” He rolled her onto her back and moved a leg over her. “I should be there to hold you. You went through having Evie all alone, and then that surgery afterward. You’ve gone through so many things alone.”

  “I was never alone, Jake. I felt you with me constantly, even those two years you spent in Wyoming while I stayed in California. I knew it wouldn’t last, that I was in your mind and heart every minute, and that you’d come back. When you finally found that job in Colorado and sent for me, I was never so happy, and I never asked you about those two years because all that mattered was that we were together again. And that’s how I feel about this. I know I’ll be all right, and I’ll come back and we’ll be together again. Even if someone else holds me, it will be you, Jake. It will always be you. Always and always, Jake Harkner. How can you even consider it could be any other way?”