Roll Against Discovery (3d20 Book 3)

by Lindt, Allyson

  “Hey, Kitten.” His voice was more soothing that I thought possible. “I’ve been in meetings with contractors on the East Coast since early this morning, and just got your note. If you’re free, call me.”

  I wanted to get him on the line right away, but I also wanted to be somewhere I wouldn’t have to hang up anytime soon. Traffic seemed to flow like molasses as I drove home. By the time I unlocked my apartment door and pushed inside, every inch of me was tense. I tossed my duffle bag aside, already bringing up Evan’s number.

  “I think I’m addicted to your voice,” he said as a greeting. “I’d much rather hear you say good morning than see a text. Not that I’m complaining.”

  Even though it had been almost two days, the conversation with Trevor was still fresh in my mind. Not that I’d re-read the messages or anything, trying to figure if I could have said something different. Well, not more than a few times. Would flirting with Evan end in the same disaster? I couldn’t be rude. “How about a good evening, instead?”

  “It’s a start.” His smile was audible. “At least one of you is still talking to me.”

  That answered the question of whether or not bringing up Trevor was off the table. “I’m sorry you haven’t heard from him.” Was this my segue to ask if Evan was interested in a more-than-two-person relationship? I didn’t have any right. Trevor made himself clear, so even if Evan was interested in the same thing as I was, it wasn’t going to happen.

  “Can I tell you something?” Evan asked. His voice was so quiet, I had to strain to hear him.

  A million possibilities raced through my head. Among them, the selfish option that he’d spend more time with me regardless. But I’d struggle with only being with one of them. I needed to stop guessing, before I drove myself insane. “Of course.”

  “For the longest time, I thought I was gay.”

  Wow, that came out of nowhere. And here I thought I was about to dump an intense conversation on us. “Past tense?”

  “Trevor doesn’t know. It’s the one thing I never told him, growing up. Because”—Evan sighed—“he was the reason I thought that, and there was no way I’d tell my best friend I was interested in him like that.”

  The air rushed from my lungs, as if a vice squeezed them tight. That was nowhere on my list of guesses. Should I feel bad that it was a relief to hear it? “What did you do?”

  “When we hit high school, I got so much tail, it distracted me. Football team, student council… It was easy. I threw myself into being with girls, and it wasn’t bad. If I pretended hard enough, Trevor was just another guy. I don’t know why I’m dumping this on you. Like I said, you remind me of him, but you’re different.”

  “It’s okay. I don’t mind.” I was intensely curious, but it was only my business if he felt like sharing. It didn’t feel right to push.

  “Thanks.” A hint of relief lifted his voice. “So I enlisted, thought I’d put it all behind me, and when my bunkmate hit on me, I wasn’t into it. There weren’t any other guys catching my attention. I came back, and there Trevor was. My best friend and the only guy I dreamed about at night.”

  “I don’t blame you for dreaming about him.” I tried to keep my tone light and teasing, but still sympathetic.

  “Because you’ve got good taste.” More of the tension faded from his voice. “The first time we picked up a girl together, it was my idea. I needed an excuse, and that felt more subtle than, I think you’re hot, but I need to suck you off to find out if it means anything. It turned out we both liked the experience, though he didn’t enjoy it for the same reasons I did. So now you know my secret. I pick up women with my best friend, as an excuse to be with him. And then you came along and—”

  My heart sank. “Got in the way.”

  “No.” He spoke quickly. “Completely the opposite. You fit too well, but he and I don’t have that.”

  “Maybe you could.” It was selfish of me to encourage Evan, knowing how Trevor felt, but I couldn’t take it back.

  “Not going to happen,” he said. “I’ve hinted at it, asked him indirectly, and he’s not interested.”

  “What if the question simply needs to be asked differently?”

  “No.”

  I hadn’t expected the abrupt retort. “Okay. Forget it.”

  “It’s not that. I meant it when I said I can’t lose him. Dancing around the subject is better than the last few weeks of not talking to him have been.”

  “I’m having dinner with him tomorrow night.” I shouldn’t have said that.

  “He gets you first?”

  Defensiveness raced through me. “It’s not like that.”

  “I know. I didn’t mean it to be.”

  I twisted my ponytail around my finger. “Meet up with us. Talk it out. Not necessarily that, but make things right with him.” I was negotiating for them, as much as for me. An empty ache grew inside when Evan sighed again. I wanted to see him happy, with or without me.

  “I see what you’re trying to do, and I appreciate it”—his voice was low and sad—“but this has to stay between you and me. Always. Promise me.”

  “Of course.” I could do nothing else, given the intensity in his plea.

  “It’s not right that I have to make this choice. In a perfect world, I’d know he felt the same, we’d get to know you better, and… This isn’t that world. He’s only interested in me as a friend, and neither of us is mature enough to see you with the other. God, Kitten, it kills me things happened this way.”

  “Me too.” Killed me. Devoured me. Tore me apart. “But think about it. Please? I’ll send you the address.”

  “You’re meeting at the Italian place on Fourth and Thirteenth, at eight.”

  I stared my phone for a minute. “Did he…?”

  “I assumed he set the time and place. Lucky guess on my part.” Evan’s words were tinged with sadness. “I’ll think about it. If I’m not there though, please don’t take it personally.”

  “How else am I supposed to take it?”

  “Good point.” His laugh was strained.

  We chatted for a while longer, but the levity that was there during the con and on Tuesday was missing. A heavy cloud hung over the conversation, nagging that this wasn’t going the way either of us wanted.

  When we hung up, I sent Trevor a text. I didn’t think anything would come of it, but that didn’t stop me from hoping.

  I invited Evan to join us tomorrow night.

  I couldn’t wait for a reply. I sent one message after another. I don’t know if he’ll show.

  And if you don’t either, I’ll understand.

  It’ll hurt, but I’ll understand.

  But you can’t let this ruin your friendship. The two of you deserve more than that. So let him make things better between you. I had no intention of breaking my promise to Evan. I was willing to take a lot more of a stand than I used to, when it came to anything, but I couldn’t try to open Trevor’s eyes when this wasn’t my secret to share.

  I could push and prod for them to work things out, though.

  ****

  I sat in the restaurant parking lot, staring at my steering wheel and listening to my mind ramble on. I wanted to walk in there and tell Trevor how it was. Nudge him until he admitted he felt the same way about Evan and me that we did about him. Except that wasn’t my right. I’d already told him how I felt, but the rest was out of my hands.

  The clock ticked up on meeting time, and I stashed my internal argument. Maybe it was time to play things by ear. I found Trevor on the sidewalk, right outside the front door, his hands jammed in his pockets. He grinned when he saw me, and my heart danced happily against my ribs. I reached out for a tentative hug. He squeezed me tight, and I sank into the embrace. I hadn’t realized how much I missed this the last couple of weeks. Part of me wanted more. A kiss, long and passionate.

  “I missed you,” he murmured against my hair. “And I’m sorry for how I left things the other night.” His apology sank into me, soothing a
n anxiety I hadn’t been able to quell.

  “I thought you might not show, because of the messages I sent last night.” I didn’t want to bring them up, but sweeping them under the rug wouldn’t help anyone.

  “I almost didn’t.” He pulled back enough to study my face. “I… uh… made a call, after you texted me. What you said on Tuesday made me think about things I’ve been trying really hard not to think about. I don’t know if I can do what you’re asking, but you’re right. I don’t want to lose my best friend.”

  A hand settled on the small of my back. I assumed not Trevor’s, since he still grasped my hips.

  “Hey, Kitten.” Evan’s familiar voice lifted my spirits further. I leaned back into his touch, careful not to break contact with Trevor.

  “We talked a lot,” Trevor said.

  This had to be good news, or they wouldn’t both be here. “And…?”

  “But not about everything,” Evan added.

  Trevor furrowed his brow. “Apparently there are some things he can’t say without you here. You’re his translator?”

  “I don’t think that’s quite right.” Then again, I didn’t know for certain. Evan seemed to hold a few missing pieces to this conversation. I reluctantly extracted myself from his touch and turned to face him. “I can’t translate, unless I know what I’m saying.”

  “Let’s go inside.” Evan nudged me. “We’ll sit. We’ll talk.”

  Trevor trailed his hand down my arm and tangled his fingers with mine. “Come on.”

  Whatever they’d hashed out, apparently the jealousy had faded. Neither one of them seemed to have a problem with the other touching me. I wasn’t complaining, but I wondered what I’d missed.

  I stepped away and leaned against the wall, so I could see them both. “I won’t be tag-teamed.” I winced as soon as the words were out of my mouth. Maybe not the best phrasing.

  Evan lowered his mouth to my ear, his voice quiet. “I thought this was part of the point.”

  Trevor shook his head, but he didn’t look irritated. “Inside. We’ll talk. Or someone will.” He shot Evan a pointed glare.

  “Fine.” Evan held his hands up in surrender, but he was smiling.

  Moments later, we were seated at a in the back of the restaurant. Evan and Trevor knew the host, so despite the Friday night crowd, we had a premium, almost private spot. I hesitated next to the booth. Who sat next to whom?

  Each guy slid into a separate side, making my decision even more difficult. Trevor grabbed my hand and tugged, and Evan didn’t look even a little bit hurt by the gesture. This was too easy.

  I locked my gaze on Evan. “What did you tell him?”

  Evan stared back without hesitation. “I told him I’d back down if you both wanted me to, but he had to hear me out, and you had to be okay with it.”

  I pursed my lips and looked between the two. “I think I’ve made myself clear.”

  Trevor squeezed my knee. I wanted to be irritated with him— with both of them—for spoon-feeding me this information, but the gesture was reassuring. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, before finally speaking. “I told him I wasn’t going to choose between him and you.”

  Great. Now we were back to the part where Kathryn stepped aside, so two great guys could stay friends. I didn’t begrudge them the decision, but I would miss them. A lump grew in my throat, and I tried to swallow past it. “And?”

  “And he got really stubborn and just kept repeating I had to hear him out and you had to be there.”

  I looked back at Evan. “Are you enjoying this?”

  His smugness faltered. “Not as much as you might think. I’m kind of terrified, honestly. I know what I said before, but maybe you could—”

  “No.” I kept my voice kind. As much as I wanted this out in the open, it wasn’t my place to do the revealing.

  Evan waved down the waiter and ordered three beers. He shifted in his seat, and then again, before he finally looked at Trevor. “I love you.” The words ran together in a single syllable.

  I almost didn’t want to look at Trevor, but I had to know. His expression was blank, except for his wide eyes. I swore I heard a clock somewhere, ticking away the seconds as silence stretched across the table.

  “You mean her, right?” Trevor’s question came out strained.

  Evan frowned. “Soon, probably. Though, no offense Kitten, we’re not there yet. I mean you, Trevor. My best friend. The guy who’s always been there. The only man I’ve ever dreamed about, and they’re some intense fucking dreams.”

  “I can’t—” Trevor nudged me.

  I slid out of his way, and he brushed past me without another word, to vanish out the front door seconds later.

  “That went well.” Evan grabbed one of the beers the waiter set on the table and drained half the bottle in a single swallow.

  “Give him a little time to process?” I wasn’t sure what I was saying. They knew each other better than I did. Now even more than before.

  Evan scrubbed his face. “What if time doesn’t fix it?”

  I gave him what I hoped was a reassuring smile. “It’s been thirty seconds. Too soon to tell. Besides, you both showed up tonight, and I think that counts for something.”

  “I was so glad he called me.” Evan slammed the bottle into the table. “I have to go talk to him.” He fished a twenty from his wallet and tossed it next to the drinks. He stood and held out his hand.

  “You want me to come with you?”

  “You’re in this with us. I would never say you caused it—don’t think that—but meeting you was the catalyst.” He pulled me to my feet. “You’d rather I do it without you?”

  I fell into step beside him. “No. I just didn’t want to assume.”

  He muttered a quick apology to the host, said something came up, and held the front door open for me.

  We found Trevor on the side of the building, back to the wall and one foot propped up. His gaze was directed at the night sky, and he didn’t move when we shuffled up next to him. “Give a guy some warning, why don’t you?” His voice was quiet.

  “I don’t have any practice with this kind of thing,” Evan said dryly. “Was I supposed to lead with, I have this friend who likes you…?”

  Trevor pushed from the wall and finally looked at Evan. “It might have helped. Do you want a do-over?”

  “Not really. It won’t change anything.”

  Trevor raked shaky fingers through his hair. “In that case, me too.”

  I almost asked when he meant, but my brain caught up before the question spilled out. He was talking about loving Evan. Hope sparked inside me. I couldn’t find the strength to suppress it, but I didn’t dare speak and ruin the moment.

  “I told you I’ve been thinking a lot over the past couple of weeks”—Trevor took another step toward Evan, gravel lining his voice—“and not just about Kathryn, though God damn if that woman isn’t addictive.” He kept his gaze on Evan, but his words sent another flutter through me. “She’s not the reason I couldn’t call you. I’d be pissed if the two of you hooked up without me, though.”

  Evan opened his mouth, and Trevor held up a warning finger. “I’m not done.” His gaze never left Evan. “It was really easy to ignore how I felt, once you enlisted, but then you came back. Don’t get me wrong; I’ve never been more grateful for something. Then you had to suggest we pick up a girl together. And fuck if I wasn’t willing to do it again and again, just to be with you. Not that I could admit to myself that’s why I did it. It didn’t matter how many times I woke up in the middle of the night, cock hard as a rock, your image burned in my dreams, driving me to beat off until I was raw. I still wasn’t interested in you. That’s what I told myself.”

  The intensity in Trevor’s confession stole my breath and sent my imagination running rampant. It filled me with a rainbow of conflicting and complimentary emotions. I didn’t know if I was relieved, worried I was about to lose them both, or happy to see them finally admitting the truth.


  Trevor stopped with his shoes nudging Evan’s. While a mixture of hope and concern peppered Evan’s face, Trevor didn’t reflect any emotion. His voice was heavy. “And then she came along, and the two of you were good together. Incredible, even. And something pinged in the back of my mind that I was about to lose her. Which made no sense, because I didn’t have her. When you stormed out of our hotel room that morning because she was wearing my shirt, I was terrified. More scared than I’d been since they deployed you to a fucking war zone. Because I have to have you in my life.”

  Trevor tangled his fingers in Evan’s hair and kissed him hard, mouths crushing together, moans mingling. If being pressed between the two of them was hot, this was scorching. A bitter copper taste hit my tongue, and I realized I was biting my lip.

  “So are we good?” Evan was breathless when they broke apart.

  “I fucking hope so.” Trevor finally looked at me. “You’re really tough on a guy’s psyche. You know that? Making me think, and admit I have feelings, and all that bullshit?”

  I laughed, as much to let the tension out as anything. “I didn’t mean to.”

  “That’s part of what makes you so amazing.” He wove his fingers with mine, other hand still settled on the back of Evan’s neck. “You’re just making it up as you go along.”

  I couldn’t hide my grin. “So do we all want the same thing? No having to choose. No pitting you against each other?”

  “I’m in.” Trevor squeezed my hand.

  Evan spun me to face him and brushed his lips over mine. “Me too.” He kissed me again, more deeply this time. He slid his tongue into my mouth and it danced around mine. Heat and hunger made my blood roar, and my need grew, drawing my nipples to hard nubs and pooling wet between my thighs.

  Trevor tightened his grip on my hand and sucked in a deep breath through his teeth. His response heightened my arousal. “I’m thinking it’s a good thing we brought this outside.” His voice was strained.

  Chapter Fifteen

  “My place is about five minutes away.” Evan nodded toward the main road. “We could talk about this in a more intimate setting.”