Light Shadows

by S. L. Jennings

  “There! Perfect!” she trills, taking a step back to admire her handiwork. Everything from my makeup to my shoes is all her doing, and her talent amazes me.

  I stand to gaze at myself, and gasp at the girl who looks back at me. Soft smoky lids frame her dual-colored eyes, her cheeks are flush with a shimmering shade of coral and her full lips glimmer with a nude-pink tint. A thousand ringlets are fastened with a diamond-studded hair comb at the nape of her neck, leaving a few wispy tendrils to frame her face. She’s beautiful—the perfect bride on this perfect day.

  “Oh, God, Morgan,” I whisper, lips trembling. I turn around to take her in my arms, almost knocking her off her strappy gold heels. “Thank you. Thank you for everything.”

  She squeezes me back with all her might. “You deserve it, sweetheart. You deserve the world.”

  We hold each other for several minutes before pulling away, smiling through soft sniffles.

  “Now I know it’s a human thing, but humor me,” she says, resting her hands on my shoulders from behind. “I was bestowed the honor of providing your something old.”

  Morgan reveals a small box, heavily decorated in tulle and pearls. “It required some help from Alex, but we thought you should have this today of all days.”

  I open the box to find the photograph that changed my world. Chris, Donna, Natalia, Alexander and Dorian stand together, laughing…loving. And there, resting peacefully within my mother’s womb, is me. I run my finger over the spot where her hands cradle her belly, trying to conjure what it would have felt like to have those arms wrapped around me. And while I may have never felt her embrace or the warmth of her smile, I know that she’s always been with me. That little voice in my head—comforting me when I was weak, helping me when I was lost—my mother. I knew it all along.

  “Thank you,” I whisper, tears filling my eyes. I try to blink them away, knowing Morgan will pitch a fit if I smudge my mascara. Or maybe not, judging by her watery gaze.

  She wraps her arms around me and squeezes me with all her might. “I love you, Gabs, and I’m just so thankful that I could share this day with you.” She steps away, swiping the space under her eyes. “Maybe one day, we’ll do this for me. Although, I’m not quite sure I’m ready to turn in my Playa Card just yet.”

  We both laugh. “What? Don’t think Lars has what it takes to take you off the market?”

  “Girl, we’ll see. It’s too early to tell, but anything is possible.”

  We embrace once more before she slips out to check on final details. Not even two seconds after she’s gone, there’s a knock on the door. It’s Lars.

  “I hope I’m not disturbing anything,” he says, filling the entire room with his presence. He’s dressed in a light colored suit, paired with a soft gold tie with blue accents—our wedding colors. His shoulder-length blonde hair is tied behind his head, making his fine features seem even prettier than ever.

  “No, no, come in,” I say, waving him in.

  From behind his back, he presents another small box, this one dressed in glittering, gold-spun ribbon. “I was honored with the task of providing your something new.” He takes the liberty of opening the delicate box with his massive-sized hands, then he holds up a thin Bvlgari chain with a two-toned pendant of the sun. “This necklace is new, but the spell that has been cast over it is an old one. My people—our people—have been using it to bless brides and their bridegrooms with an eternity of happiness, love and Light.”

  He steps behind me to fasten it around my neck. The tiny sun sits perfectly at the crevice of my cleavage, warming to my skin. “You, Dark Light, have provided hope to those who were hopeless. You gave us something to rally behind—to believe in. And your image will forever be a beacon of faith. I ask that you wear this symbol of the Light, and allow it to be the same for you.”

  I turn around to face him and wrap my arms around the gentle giant. He’s startled at first, but then I feel his strong arms cocoon me in warmth.

  After Lars leaves, I am furiously trying to fix my eye makeup when my father knocks on the door. Oh great. There’s no way I’m getting through this without crying my face off.

  We sit on the edge of the bed, and I quietly bite back tears. I know anything he gives me will be extremely special.

  “Something borrowed,” he says, his voice thoughtful. He gently takes my hands. “I wish I could have provided you with a piece of your mother. I would have given anything to allow her just a moment with you. You must know that she loved you with every fiber of her being, and leaving you was not by choice.”

  “I know,” I nod.

  Alexander smiles, yet it doesn’t touch his eyes. I can see the memory of my mother still kills him inside. “We were so fortunate when Donna and Chris opened their arms and their lives to you. No matter what, I know that they cared for you as their own. And because of that, your something borrowed is from the woman that was as much your mother as my Natalia.”

  He pulls another small box from his pocket, this one dressed in different shades of blue, and opens it. Sitting among a pallet of soft velvet is a pair of gorgeous pearl earrings. He takes one between his fingers, and I instantly brush aside a curl to give him access to my ear.

  “These were a gift from Natalia to Donna on her wedding day,” he explains, fastening it with gentle care. He picks up the other and moves to the other side. “She found the pearls herself, off the coast of Indonesia. She loved Donna. The two of them were inseparable. And I believe that on some level, the two shared a bond that allowed them to love you with one heart.”

  Oh hell. That’s it. There’s no chance of salvaging my makeup after that. And at this point, I don’t even care.

  I wrap my trembling arms around my dad’s neck and silently sob, grateful for the memory and the gift. Today, as I walk down the aisle to meet the man of my dreams, I will carry a piece of both my mothers, hoping that they’re looking down on me, smiling and laughing together as they did years ago.

  When I pull away, there’s moisture on Alex’s cheeks, which he quickly swipes away before climbing to his feet. He clears his throat and diverts his eyes to the wall, trying to get a hold on his emotions. “I understand these are to be borrowed. However, I don’t think anyone would expect you to return them.”

  I smile gratefully, and Alex turns towards the door. Before he touches the handle, he looks up at me, pride shining from those watery blue eyes. “I’m so proud of you. And grateful that you’ve given me the honor of escorting you down the aisle. I know I haven’t earned it, and I would understand if you would rather have Chris here to give you away. But as it stands, I am humbled that you have chosen me.”

  I nod, carefully contemplating my next words. “I would have loved for him to be here. But I’m glad you’re here too. Thanks…Dad.”

  Alexander blinks several times before bowing his head. Then he disappears from the room.

  Which leaves my something blue.

  Niko.

  Just as quickly as his name appears in my mind, he appears before me, so unbelievably handsome in his suit and tie, his hair a sexy tumble of black waves that touch the tops of his eyebrows. His intense gaze sweeps over my body as he strides over to where I sit on the bed. We don’t speak for several minutes. He just stands there, looking down at me, bearing the weight of the universe, yet showing no signs of weakness.

  I thought I loved Jared once. And maybe human Gabs did. But it was nothing like loving Dorian, not by a long shot. However, loving Niko…it could have been pretty damn close. Maybe there will always be a part of me that will wonder how it could have been between us. Maybe I’ll look at him from across the table at Thanksgiving dinner and blush when he smiles at me. But I’ll never go any further. The type of love I have for Niko…it goes beyond conventional romance. It’ll never need the complications of intimacy. I’ll never have to categorize it with labels or terms of endearment. He’s a part of me, and I will carry him with me today, tomorrow and every day for eternity.

  Wor
dlessly, he touches his fingers to my face, sliding the soft pads along my jaw. I lean into it and close my eyes, as we communicate without saying anything at all.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “I know. But you don’t have to be.”

  “I hurt you.”

  “Baby girl, I was hurt a long time ago.”

  I look up to meet his eyes, my own rimming with fresh tears. He smiles down at me and captures a stray droplet just as it begins to roll down my cheek. And just like he did that night in his bedroom, he places his finger in his mouth, and sucks away my anguish.

  I’m about to break the silence and tell him that I’ll always care for him—I’ll always love him—when a shift in the atmosphere causes the air around us to crackle with energy. I gasp, feeling the pressure in my lungs, as the oxygen in the room is sucked out like a vacuum. I reach out to Niko, eyes wide with horror as I gasp for breath. Then, in a blur of dark smoke, I’m catapulted on to the floor, clear against the other side of the room.

  “No!” I hear him shout, spinning around in a fury of darkness. His human form dissolves into broken molecules as something terrifying and wraithlike takes its place. His true form.

  I only glimpse it for a mere half second before there’s a violent flash of electric light and the screech of metal. I cover my face to shield my eyes, but when I look up, he’s no longer there. Instead, I’m staring into the eyes of pure, undiluted evil. The epitome of death reincarnate in its most brutal form.

  Stavros.

  “No!” I scream, realizing what’s just happened.

  I levitate to my feet, powered by sheer horror and rage. Stavros makes a move towards me but he stops in his tracks, as an electric current hums over my entire body. Every molecule within me mutates into light, and my blood transforms into glowing, hot lava. I’ve shifted into something else, something not of this world. And judging by the look on his face, it’s not of his world either.

  With a scream, I release it all into him, my magic pouring out of me like an endless stream of liquid gold. It burrows into his chest, infiltrating muscle and bone, replacing flesh with fire. His voice breaks in a shriek, before the fire incinerates his vocal cords. Flames enrapture his entire body for just a moment. Then, there’s a deafening bang that shatters every glass in the room as Stavros’s burning body explodes like a dying star.

  I sag back into my human form, my body landing beside where Niko lies on his back. Pushing away the fatigue, I frantically bend over his body and cradle his head in my lap. He’s convulsing, his back bowing off the floor in writhing pain. As he gasps, his lungs struggling for air, blood gurgles from his throat and slips down the corners of his mouth.

  He’s dying.

  Niko is dying. Right here in my arms.

  “Somebody help me!” I scream as loud as I can, wretched tears streaming down my face in a waterfall. The door bursts open, and Dorian is on Niko’s other side, helping to bear his weight.

  “What happened to him?” he shrieks, hysteria in his voice.

  “He…Stavros…he…saved….me…” I manage to choke out between sobs. I take a deep breath, and try to collect what little sanity I have left. “Help…me. Help me save him.”

  Lars is right there, already rolling up his sleeves. We both press our light-drenched hands over his body, but there’s no change. We try again. And again. And again. But nothing is working.

  “Change him! Make him a vampire!” I shriek at Dorian, who quickly flies into the task. He can’t get a grip on his emotions long enough to be of help. Alex tries, but Niko’s body is rejecting the magic. It’s as if he’s…blocking it.

  Niko grasps my arm with a weak, shaky grip and pulls me toward him, his glazed eyes desperately trying to convey a message. His mouth moves slowly but the only thing that comes out is more blood, staining his teeth with the color of death. The same violent color that is now soaked through my dress.

  “What is it, Niko?” I ask as calmly as possible. I brush the hair off his forehead, feeling the cold clamminess of his skin. “I’m here. We’re all here for you. Just hold on, ok? Just hold on for me.”

  “He said stop,” Morgan whispers, dropping down on her knees next to me. Her body sags with regret. “He wants you to stop. He wants to die.”

  “No!” Dorian roars, gripping his brother’s arms. Tears fall from his face, leaving salty little droplets on his now-bloodstained tux.

  “It’s what he wants,” Morgan says, her gaze going vacant as she stares at the opposite wall. “He wants…he wants to go to her. He wants to be with her. She came back for him.”

  “Morgan, stop talking crazy! I will not give up on him!” I look down at Niko’s unfocused eyes. He meets my gaze, but I can tell he’s already given up. He’s already leaving me. And he seems almost…peaceful…about it. “You promised! You promised me you’d always stay with me! Please don’t do this!”

  I’m losing it, shaking uncontrollably. I look over at Dorian, who isn’t faring much better than me, just as Alex wraps his arms around him. Morgan grabs my bloody hand, yet her eyes are still fixed on the wall.

  “It’s ok, Gabs. She said…she said that she can take care of him now. And she’s grateful….grateful to you. For loving him.”

  “Who?” The word is just a rasp of a whisper in my throat.

  Morgan tears her gaze from across the room slowly turning her head as if she’s following something. Or someone. When her focus comes to the empty space right beside me, just above Niko’s head, she finally looks at me.

  “Amelie,” she breathes. “Amelie is here to take him. You have to let him go, Gabs. He wants this. He’ll finally find peace.”

  I shake my head furiously, refusing to believe her words, although I know they’re true. “I can’t,” I cry. “I can’t.”

  A soft, trembling finger touches my cheek, and I look up. It’s Niko, and he’s moving his mouth again, trying to tell me something. I move down over him, placing my ear as close to his face as I can. His voice is just a choked whisper, too faint and strangled to understand, but I hear him. I hear him loud and clear. And I know what this means for him. For us.

  “To save her…you must love her.”

  Then with the last remnants of life in his body, he smiles that smile that I love so much, giving over to the heavy current of death…finding his peace after centuries of darkness. Joining his beloved to live amongst the stars, where there’s no pain or grief or loneliness.

  Go on, beautiful one. You’re free now.

  Nikolai Skotos dies in my arms, the red stain of his life saturating the ivory lace of my wedding dress. And while I cry so hard that I choke on my tears—so hard that it feels like my chest may explode, leaving my broken heart in a puddle on the floor—I know I have to let him go.

  I wasn’t the only one with a destiny. He had a mission, just like Dorian did.

  To save her…you must love her.

  He did.

  MY LIFE IS a beautiful tragedy.

  A sad love story on an endless loop. The players may evolve and the setting may change, but it’s always the same. Love. Pain. Death. Repeat.

  We’re just waiting for the end. Waiting to take a bow and let the curtain close so we can quietly escape backstage where normalcy awaits.

  But does it really end? Will we ever truly find peace?

  Niko did.

  He gave his life for mine. He used his own body as a shield, because somewhere in his lovely, convoluted mind, he felt like my existence was worth more than his. And for some God-forsaken reason, he chose to absorb the massive ball of power that Stavros had wielded in a desperate attempt to destroy me once and for all. How stupid. How completely stupid and courageous.

  Niko was selfless. Brave. Loyal.

  And now he’s free.

  I drowned in my tears for 48 hours. I didn’t even breathe. I mourned that man like I had lost a piece of myself. Like someone had sliced off an arm or a leg with a rusty blade, leaving it to fester in the hot sun. I grieved that part of
me, shaking and sobbing as Dorian held me tight, rocking our bodies back and forth. And when I was too weak and exhausted to shed anymore tears, he cried for me. For he had lost…everything.

  The day of our would-be wedding, Dorian lost everything.

  His brother, his father. And his mother.

  Stavros was not as dead as we’d thought when we left Skiathos. And after his body had been moved, his spirit lived, seeking out his attempted killer, consuming all her magic until she was no more than a dry, empty carcass.

  With what little power he had left, combined with Delia’s, he manifested to Niko’s home. The wards had been weakened, as we were expecting guests for the wedding, their mother included. We had nothing left to fear. Our enemies were dead, and it was a day of hope and victory. It was a time to celebrate the union of the future Dark king and his soon-to-be queen.

  But that never happened.

  And honestly, I don’t think I want it to.

  There may always be the dark stain of death on our relationship. I love Dorian with all my heart. But when will it end? When will we just be allowed to be?

  And I wonder…will I be enough for him?

  His family is dead. His faith is diminished. What more do we have to live for? What can I give him to make him whole again?

  He looks at me with reverence and love, just as he always has, but I know the pain that’s twisting within him. I know the coldness of his soul. And I would give anything to fill that vacancy with warmth and love. I just don’t know if it’s possible.

  We board a plane to Skiathos to pay our respects to the fallen prince and queen. I don’t remember the flight. I just keep staring out the window, praying that the heavens swallow me whole, leaving me exempt of any further suffering. I want to check out, but I can’t. I can’t leave Dorian to do this alone. I won’t let him go through this by himself.

  So I squeeze his hand and let him pull me to rest against his chest. I let him breathe the crown of my head when his body grows weary. And the nights when grief makes the physical pain too much to bear, I let him make love to me. We both need it. It’s the only thing that doesn’t hurt.