by Leslie North
“But that’s no place for a kid,” he finished for her. “Don’t worry about it. I can be back at the house in ten minutes flat. That enough time for you?”
“Oh my gosh, yes!” she cried with pure exuberance. “Thank you! Seriously, Trevor, you’re the best. I don’t know what I’d do without you!” Before he could attempt to respond, Lacey hung up the phone.
Trevor knew he needed to get moving, but for a second, all he could do was sit and stare down at his phone. A minute and a half ago, he'd been feeling like the worst kind of failure, and now, one phone call from Lacey later, he was surprised to find that he felt kind of good. Mr. Holloway didn't think he amounted to anything, but for a wonder, Lacey did. When she needed somebody, she’d called him. That had to count for something.
As he put the truck into reverse and hurried back toward the McCall ranch, only one thought kept running through his mind. He wasn't ready to give up—statistics be damned. Jade was worth fighting for, and that was exactly what he was going to do. Staying and fighting for the future, he was starting to realize, might not be such a bad thing after all.
13
"When is she coming home?" Jade called loudly from the living room. Her mood had been steadily declining throughout the afternoon and evening, and at this point, she was in full-on whining mode. Trevor may have been pleased by the idea of taking care of Jade on his own, but it was a whole lot more difficult in practice than in theory. With Lacey being her primary caregiver, Jade seemed to think of Trevor more as a buddy than a parental figure. Add on top of that the fact that she was still young enough to start getting truly cranky as the day wore on and she began to get tired, and things had been far from a cakewalk. Currently, he was trying to make them dinner and failing miserably. He wouldn't go so far as to call the results inedible, but they were cutting it close.
“I want Lacey now!” Jade called out again, just in case he hadn’t fully realized her displeasure.
“I know it, sweetie,” Trevor said, trying hard to keep the annoyance out of his voice and only partially succeeding. “I wouldn’t mind having her here myself, but she’s at the bed and breakfast.”
"Make her come home!" Jade insisted with the pure stubbornness found only in children.
There was no reasoning with her, and Trevor knew it, but that didn't make things any easier. From where he was standing, it was fixing to be a long night. “Can’t do that, Jade,” he said as patiently as he was able. “We need to let Lacey get her work done so she can get that place up and running. And you like the bed and breakfast, too, right?”
“No,” Jade said sourly, coming into the kitchen and crossing her arms across her chest. Despite the testiness of the evening, it was all he could do not to laugh. They both knew that Jade loved what she called “Lacey’s Place.” If she was crossing her arms over that, they must really be at the point of no return. He was about to say something to that effect when the phone in his back pocket started ringing.
"Is it Lacey?" Jade asked hopefully, perking up even as she looked at the ruined mess of Trevor's attempt at a quesadilla. "Is she coming home?"
“Lord, I hope so,” Trevor muttered to himself. For the first time since their night together, Trevor felt no trepidation at the idea of seeing Lacey. Except that she wasn’t the one calling. It was Frank Hoffman on the line. As much as he liked the guy, seeing the name pop up now filled him with an instant feeling of foreboding.
“Lacey?” Jade asked again, her smile turning uncertain.
"No, darlin’, I'm afraid not. I've got to take this call real quick, but when I'm done, we'll figure out something for you to eat. Something that isn't burnt."
He smiled, happy to see that he’d managed to get a small laugh out of her, and moved into the hallway to take his call.
"Frank, buddy, what's going on? Don't usually hear from you this time of day," he said by way of greeting, playing it lighthearted for the moment.
Unfortunately, Frank wasn't in the mood for a casual conversation. "Hey, boss, I'm sorry to bother you, but we've got a heck of a situation here, and it's not one I'm equipped to handle."
"Okay," Trevor said slowly, trying to get his bearings. "Tell me. Give it to me straight, too. This isn't a great time to head back to Helena, if I'm being honest. I have to know if I really need to."
As Trevor listened to his foreman and friend, he began to understand that going to Helena was exactly what he needed to do. Frank had been doing his best to keep things together, but today he'd learned that one of the newer hires was stealing money from the till, and another had been caught in bed with the daughter of one of Trevor's top clients. Along with a project that had gone wrong in every way a job could go wrong, and Frank was in over his head.
“I know it’s bad timing, Trevor, honest to God, I do, but I’m drowning here. I’m not asking you to come back full-time. I just need some help getting things back on track.”
"Sure," Trevor said quickly and, he hoped, reassuringly. The last thing he wanted to do was make Frank feel guilty. The guy had been basically running his business for him single-handedly ever since the reading of Trevor's parents' will. "I'll tell you what. Just give me a couple minutes to get things situated here, and I'll be on my way. And Frank?"
"Yeah, boss?" Frank asked, and Trevor could hear the weariness in his tone.
“You did the right thing by calling me. I’m sorry for all I’ve asked of you. I owe you a beer—or twenty—when this is all over.”
“I just might take you up on that,” Frank said with a laugh, then hung up.
For a second, Trevor just stood there, clenching his phone tightly in his fist. He knew what he had to do. He didn’t have any other choices. His company remained important, even if it had been forced into a backseat position as of late. He dialed, put the phone up to his ear, and waited for a response.
“Hey, Trevor,” Lacey said breathlessly and clearly frazzled. “I’m so sorry! I know this is taking longer than expected. I just sort of got caught up with things, and I—”
“Hey, Lacey,” he interrupted, keeping his voice soft but firm. “It’s fine. I’m not calling to complain. I’m afraid I’m calling to throw a wrench in your plans, though.”
“You are? What does that mean?” she asked sharply, plainly worried now.
"It means I just got a call from my foreman, and he said I'm needed back in Helena right away. I haven't been paying nearly enough attention to things there, and I need to take care of some things in person."
“Sure, okay,” she said, and he could almost hear the wheels in her head turning. “I know that’s true, and if anyone respects the difficulties of owning a business, it’s me.”
“Thanks,” Trevor sighed, surprised by the degree of relief he felt at her answer. “I appreciate it. Truly.”
“Please, don’t mention it,” she said. The comment was followed by an awkward silence that made Trevor squirm, reminding him that things hadn’t exactly gone the way he’d intended with Lacey. A reminder that he should have kept his hands to himself, no matter how much he’d wanted her at the time. Wanted her still.
Not to mention the fact that she had been spending less and less time at the house after their tryst. Trevor knew he didn’t have the best read on women, but he had no doubt her absence was due to what had happened between them. He’d gone and hurt her, after wanting so badly not to cross any lines, and she was trying to keep her distance, playing it safe.
"So," she said, clearing her throat and bringing him back to the acute discomfort of the situation. "I'll just head in your direction, okay? Tell Jade I'll be there to tuck her in."
“Sure thing,” Trevor said, running an agitated hand through his hair. “Believe me, she’ll be thrilled.”
“Hey, it’s okay, you know?” she said tentatively. “These kinds of things happen.”
“You’re right,” he answered, suddenly angry. “They do, and they work out just fine when there are two parents.”
“What are you—?” she
asked, sounding wounded.
“I’m saying that lawyers aren’t always full of hot air. Jade needs a family with two parents, and that ain’t ever going to be me. I’m not the marrying kind.”
Trevor hung up, glad to have the conversation over and done, but instead of relaying Lacey's message, he stepped farther down the hall from where Jade sat in the kitchen. All at once, the implications of his failed evening and the call to Lacey struck him and made him feel as if he couldn't get enough breath.
He had to admit now that all the things Mr. Holloway had cited as reasons for his being a poor candidate to be Jade’s adopted father were right. Here he was, not even a day after that conversation, proving it. He’d done a rotten job of caring for Jade on his own, and that had been for only one night. Hell, he hadn’t even been able to get to bedtime without calling Lacey in for backup. Here he was, taking off on an unexpected work trip, exactly the way Holloway had known he would.
“Stupid,” he whispered, wanting to cry and put his fist through the wall at the same time. “Shouldn’t have been such a fool.”
Because that was what he’d been. He’d been living on another planet to think that he was building another life. He wasn’t meant for anything but being alone.
14
Lacey glanced nervously at Jade as she eased her Jeep into the drive in front of the bed and breakfast. The poor little thing hadn't been sleeping well for the last couple of nights, ever since Trevor had taken off to Helena. Lacey couldn't be sure why, but she thought perhaps Jade was picking up on some of the tension between the two grown-ups of the house. She could see circles under the girl's eyes, and the way Jade yawned even as she sang along quietly to her favorite country tune.
Truth be told, Lacey wasn't sleeping so well herself these days. It had been three days and three nights since Trevor had been called away to Helena. He phoned as often as he could, and Helena wasn't too terribly far off, but it was starting to feel as if he were a thousand miles away. The sense of distance only made it easier for her to obsess about their differences and over his parting words in their last conversation.
He wasn't the marrying kind. A part of her had already known that, of course, without him having to say it out loud or so bluntly. It wasn't that he'd totally blindsided her with the information. They hadn't exactly discussed marriage after that first surprising kiss, but he'd made it pretty darn clear that he didn't think he would ever be the kind of man she wanted or needed. Still, a vague reference to problems with commitment was minor league compared to his declaration of intent to remain a lifelong bachelor.
Now she knew for sure what she'd suspected almost as soon as they had broken apart. There would be no next time. No more kisses, no more late night tumbles in the sheets, and certainly no kind of discernable future for them together. It was no more than she should have expected, and yet every time she thought about it, she felt like crying.
“Lacey?” Jade asked from the passenger seat.
“Hm?” Lacey responded, still halfway entrenched in her own thoughts.
"You okay?" the child asked, her voice ever so slightly tinged with concern. Hearing that was enough to bring Lacey back to the present with a considerable amount of guilt. There was Jade, looking far more fatigued than any four-year-old had a right to, and the little thing was expending what energy she did have on Lacey's well-being, a role reversal if ever there was one, and making Lacey supremely uncomfortable.
“Of course I am, sweet girl!” she exclaimed, pulling Jade into a sideways hug over the middle console. “I just get kind of distracted sometimes. Does that ever happen to you?”
"Mamma says that's all I'm good for," Jade answered with a small frown, her eyes taking on a faraway look that made Lacey's heart ache. "Being ‘distractible'."
“Well, that’s not a very nice thing to say,” Lacey said, stroking Jade’s hair companionably. “And as far as I’m concerned, it’s not a bit true. I’m sorry she said it. And while we’re on the topic of me being sorry, I want to apologize for keeping you at the bed and breakfast all day—again. I know you must be getting super bored of being here.”
“Nope!” Jade answered, her tone suddenly happy, the traces of distress over her mother’s past criticisms disappearing as quickly as they had come. “I like it here. It’s like playing grown-up.”
“I guess it sort of is, isn’t it?” Lacey laughed. Jade couldn’t know it, but her simple statement had been depressingly accurate. Lacey had in fact spent most of the summer feeling like she was doing just that. Maybe what she needed, what they both needed, was a little time where they both got to be kids again.
“Are we going in?” Jade prompted when Lacey didn’t stir from the driver’s seat, distracted by this newest idea.
“Yes,” she laughed, undoing her seat belt. “We are. But before we get to work, I think I’d like to do something fun, wouldn’t you?”
As the two hurried up the walk to the bed and breakfast, Lacey gave the outside of the building an appraising look. She had bought the place on a wing and a prayer, equipped with nothing more than long-rooted dreams and unformed ambition to fuel the process. She'd had no idea how much work would be involved in the renovations, and for a period there, she had seriously doubted whether it would ever be completed. Now, though, the place was coming together, the beauty that had been hidden by disrepair finally beginning to emerge. It seemed to her that her life was actually starting to come together. She would have been over the moon—if it hadn't been for her nagging regrets over the way things had turned out with Trevor, she thought she might have been truly happy, maybe for the first time.
“Stop it,” she muttered to herself, shaking her head as she let them into the house.
“Stop what?” Jade asked, cocking her head in confusion.
“Nothing,” Lacey smiled down at her, ruffling her hair and making the sweet girl wrinkle her nose. “Nothing at all.”
Lacey had prepared a basket of food, knowing that her work would likely keep her busy enough that they wouldn't be able to pick up lunch. It had been a pragmatic move and nothing more, but now she was glad for the opportunity it presented. As soon as she stepped over the threshold, she told Jade to run and fetch a quilt from one of the upstairs bedrooms.
“Why?” Jade asked promptly, her new favorite response to just about everything.
“Because,” Lacey answered in a conspiratorial tone that couldn’t help but stoke the fires of Jade’s curiosity. “I’ve got a plan for the two of us.”
That was enough of an answer for Jade, and in no time flat, Lacey had what she was looking for. She laid the quilt out in the middle of the living room floor and placed their food on it with care. She got up to fetch the china tea set she'd bought from a thrift store and filled the delicate little cups with tea from her thermos. By the time she and Jade settled down onto the blanket, Jade with her plastic princess tiara and all, both of them were practically giddy. It was amazing how much such a small treat could improve a person's mood.
"All right, my little princess," Lacey said as the two of them munched on carrots and Oreos. "Tell me, does my humble spread live up to your royal satisfaction?"
“I don’t want to be a princess!” Jade answered, pulling the crown off her head and tossing it aside. “I want to be a fairy. Can’t I be one of those?”
“Of course you can, sugar,” Lacey said with a smile. “Do you want me to tell you a secret?”
Jade stared, wide-eyed and silent. Secrets were a big deal to the four-year-old. “Yes,” she said at last, her voice awestruck and her face filled with the most serious kind of wonder. “Tell me!”
Lacey dropped her voice to match. “I would rather be a fairy than a princess, too. Any day of the week.”
“Really?” Jade whispered, leaning forward, her eyes big.
"Definitely," Lacey nodded gravely. "They get to have all of the magic, and people aren't constantly trying to tell them what to do. I’ve spent enough time in my life doing what everyone exp
ected me to do. If I ever get the chance, I'm definitely going the fairy route." She finished with a laugh, oddly delighted by the whimsical nature of the conversation.
Looking at Jade, instead of seeing the reaction she’d anticipated, she saw Jade’s face had fallen, and the little girl was looking down at her hands and frowning, a terribly serious, sad expression, nothing Lacey would think to see on a four-year-old girl's face. Lacey's heart hurt just looking at it, and she reached for Jade, putting one tentative hand on the small, slumped shoulders.
“What is it, sweetie?” she asked softly. “Did I say something wrong?”
“No, not wrong,” Jade answered in a shaky voice. “It makes me happy.”
“I’m sorry,” Lacey said soothingly. “I’m not sure I understand.”
“My mommy didn’t say nice things,” Jade said quietly, her lower lip trembling with her valiant effort not to cry. “She didn’t play with me, either. She...she wasn’t a good mommy.”
"No, sweetie, you don't have to say things like that," Lacey said uncomfortably. While she would never speak the words aloud to the child, privately, she had to agree. Lacey would be the first to admit that parenting wasn't an easy job, not to mention she had only been doing it for a little over a month. At the end of the day, though, there was no excuse for what Trevor's cousin had done. All children deserve better, and in Lacey's humble opinion, a child like Jade deserved everything.
“But she wasn’t,” Jade insisted, almost aggressive in her assertion of the fact. “I don’t want her to be my mommy anymore. I want you to be. I love you, Lacey. I don’t want you to go away, too.”
“Oh, Jade,” Lacey said around the lump forming in her throat. “I love you too, honey.”
She pulled the child in closer and hugged her tightly, sure at that moment that she never wanted to let go. What she had said was true. She did love Jade, loved her fiercely, and she would have liked nothing more in the world than to adopt the child as her own. The problem was, Trevor had gone over the highlights of his conversation with Mr. Holloway during one of their brief phone conversations. If he was considered an undesirable candidate for fostering Jade because he was single with a demanding and unpredictable job, why was there any reason to assume the same negatives wouldn't apply to her? Not to mention the fact that he had a legitimate blood claim to Jade, while Lacey was only the hired help. As much as Lacey might long to, there was no way she would ever be allowed to become Jade's mother. The best she could do was to love the abandoned child fiercely during the time they had left. That, and pray for her once they could no longer be together.