by Leslie North
Or he might take her, right here in the bed and breakfast, only for the two of them to go their separate ways at summer's end. That would hurt, too, probably more than she could imagine. The thing was, wanting him the way she did was painful in itself, and it was something she could remedy. Whatever she did was going to hurt. This way, though, she might feel the most intense pleasure of her life before the crash. That was a bet she was willing to make.
“If you come any closer, honey, I don’t think I’m going to be able to control myself,” Trevor warned, licking his lips in a vaguely predatory way. She smiled, biting her lower lip as she did so. He groaned and ran a hand through his hair. Even with her unpracticed eye, Lacey could see that he wanted her. It didn’t matter what he said to the contrary. His body told the truth.
“Do you promise?” she asked shakily, hardly believing the words were hers.
She would never know who finally closed the distance between them. It didn’t seem to matter. All that counted was his arms wrapping around her, crushing her body to his as he finally kissed her again.
At first, her body was rigid, waiting for him to push her away, to remind her that being together was a mistake he wasn’t willing to make. The longer the kiss went on, though, the less her mind interfered, allowing her body to take over. Her head had always been what got in her way. With her desire overriding her incessant need to overthink things, her body responded as if to electricity. With each touch, each caress of his fingertips, her entire frame quivered. She gasped against his neck as he buried his face in the crook of her shoulder.
“Oh, please,” she moaned, tugging at the hem of his still sweaty shirt. “Please, I can’t stand it anymore. I want you. I want you so bad it hurts.”
“Are you sure?” he asked in a throaty, need-filled voice that hardly sounded like his own. “Are you sure about this? I—”
She stopped his words with a kiss, determined to let their passion for one another outweigh his doubts. Common sense was for daylight, for mornings spent making breakfast and afternoons rolling paint onto the B&B's walls. The night was different, as she was learning in this strange summer with Trevor, was made for abandon and the feel of skin pressed against sweaty skin. The thought almost made her laugh, something that would surely have made him think she was insane, but it emboldened her in the same moment. She slipped her hands beneath his shirt, just in case the tugging hadn't been enough of a sign. His abs were rock hard, and the feel of them made her suck in her breath with anticipation.
“Bed,” he growled, breaking their embrace and taking her by the hand. “Now.”
She wasn’t ordinarily a person who enjoyed being ordered around, despite her current occupation, but at the moment she was more than happy to do what she was told. He led her to the bed she had so carefully made up, all while imagining every little detail of her guests’ first impression. Had she imagined something like this? Had some part of her dreamed of being taken on top of this carefully considered bedspread? Even the thought of that kind of premeditation made her blush, and yet she thought it held some truth. Some part of her had been waiting, hoping for this very moment. She had longed for it, and now it was here.
When he reached the edge of the large platform bed Lacey had so lovingly picked out, Trevor stopped and turned to face her. He reached for her waist, drew her closer, and ran his thumb along the lines of her ribs. Her chest heaved with each breath as she felt his fingertips burning through the flimsy material of her shirt, making her half-crazy with desire. Unthinking, she didn’t speak, but raised her arms over her head and nodded at him solemnly.
"God, you really are beautiful, aren't you?" he said quietly, almost reverently. She let out a laugh that quickly turned into a gasp as he reached to grasp her shirt and lifted it over her head, tossing it aside and sliding his hands down the length of her body. She shuddered, then moaned when his practiced fingers moved to the snap of her jeans. For a man who hadn't wanted to kiss her at first, he seemed awfully eager to get her undressed now. All it took was a quick flick of the fingers, and her bra was on the floor by her feet. She said a silent thank you to whoever had been looking out for her that morning when she'd put on a nice pair of black panties and looked at him shyly.
"Come here," he commanded again, his eyes so dark now, they looked almost black. She did as she was told, shutting her eyes as he lifted her, then stretched her out on her back on top of the bed. Gently, as if he were afraid he would break her, he spread her knees apart. His hands ran up and down the insides of her silky thighs slowly, tantalizingly, until she was shaking so badly that the mattress shook right along with her. She was practically lost in the sensation of him touching her when his fingers slid beneath the lace that was keeping them apart.
"Oh!" she gasped, her back arching immediately from the contact. His fingers moved achingly slowly, creating feelings in her she'd never even dreamt about, let alone experienced. The feeling grew inside her with frightening speed, mounting to a crescendo of pleasure. Her body shook all over, and she cried out, her eyes shut tightly, as white stars exploded behind her closed lids.
Her head shook helplessly from side to side, and from what sounded like a great distance, she heard Trevor chuckling. “Not so fast, little lady,” he murmured. “I’m not done with you yet. If you’re sure, that is.”
“Trevor McCall, if you ask me that kind of question one more time, I’m going to scream.”
“Believe me, I’d love to make you scream,” Trevor said, his voice moving closer.
Lacey opened her eyes to the sound of his belt buckle being unfastened, and she propped herself up on her elbows, watching with unapologetic fascination as he stripped to his skin. She'd known he was an impressive looking guy, that much had been obvious, but seeing him now, seeing his taut, muscular body entirely exposed, was enough to take her breath away. She watched, practically paralyzed by the sight, as he knelt between her knees, then lowered himself on top of her.
When he finally guided himself inside, she let out a hiss of breath, the sound full of mingled pleasure and pain. She felt a sensation of being invaded, of being filled to the brim, but she was slightly surprised to find that she liked it. She liked the weight of him on top of her, too, and without really thinking about what she was doing, she brought her legs up, wrapping them around his waist. As he thrust into her, first slowly and then gaining speed, all the thoughts inside her head shut off. Her entire world became sensory, reduced to the heat of his body, the slick sweat of his skin. The only thing that mattered was the pleasure building in her, radiating to every part of her body.
"Oh!" she gasped as his hips quickened further, his breath coming shallow and fast. The heat in her rose, kept rising, until she was almost afraid of where it would lead. When she finally tipped over the edge, she cried out, shoving one fist into her mouth to keep from waking Jade. Her back arched, her body trembling helplessly as pleasure shot through her again and again, a wave so large, it seemed endless. Then Trevor stiffened and groaned, finally coming to rest.
In all her wildest imaginings, she had never thought that sex would feel like this. She was almost angry for not having let herself experience it sooner. It wasn't until Trevor rolled off and settled at her side, staring at the ceiling and not saying a word, that she felt the first renewed flicker of trepidation.
She had known she was falling for him. She had known it, and she had gone ahead and kissed him anyway, assuming she understood how bad the consequences might be. Now, she wasn't so sure. As a matter of fact, she wasn't sure of much of anything at all.
12
Visiting with lawyers wasn't Trevor's idea of a good time, but on this particular day, he welcomed the distraction. He was willing to get behind just about anything that would take him out of the house and away from Lacey. Being next to her felt like a powder keg poised to explode, and he wasn't ready to deal with that by any stretch of the imagination.
Their night together at the bed and breakfast was three days in the past,
and yet he couldn't get it out of his head. No matter what he was doing, how hard he was working, it was practically the only thing he could think about. Every time he shut his eyes, he could see her shockingly blue eyes peering up at him, full of expectation and trust so complete that thinking about it left him breathless. He could still smell her, taste her. She surrounded him in everything he did now, whether physically present or not. He was pretty sure he would go crazy if he couldn't get her out of his head, only he didn't see that happening anytime soon.
It wasn't that his night with Lacey hadn't been good. It had been fantastic, and that was the problem. Caught up in the moment, he had been able to convince himself that it was a one-time thing and didn't have to mean much of anything. Only afterward, as the two of them had lain in the dark, had the doubts come creeping back, and in full force.
Lacey was the kind of girl you married, not just messed around with and left behind. He had known that before, but he was even more sure of it now. What's more, she deserved a good man, someone capable of giving her everything she wanted and needed. He had caught her looking at him and trying to make him into that guy—so busy assigning him attributes he didn't have that she couldn't see the truth, that he wasn't the marrying kind. It didn't matter if he was falling for her—which he was—because it wouldn't change the core of who he was. He was too damaged. She just didn't seem to realize it yet.
“Stop it,” he muttered as he climbed out of his truck and slammed the door behind him. “Get your head in the game, man.”
He peered up at the brick facade of the lawyer’s office and tried to ignore the sick feeling settling into the pit of his stomach. He was glad to have scored a meeting with Mr. Holloway, the attorney in question, but that didn’t make him any less terrified of what the man might say. Now that Trevor had gotten it into his head to adopt Jade, he couldn’t think of anything he had ever wanted so badly. Never in his life had he had quite so much to lose.
He took the steps leading up to the office door two at a time, the adrenaline cycling through him in earnest now. The receptionist, a trim redhead who looked to be in her early twenties, scowled at the sound of the bell over the door. When she got a look at him, though, the scowl transformed into a flirtatious smile.
“Oh, hello there, Mr.—”
“McCall,” Trevor said, trying not to sound as anxious as he felt. “Trevor McCall. I’ve got an appointment with Mr. Holloway at two o’clock. I’m a little early, but—”
“Yes, of course,” the girl interrupted, glancing down at her computer screen with a small frown. “I’ve got a note here about some paperwork you were supposed to have sent?”
“That’s right, already done,” Trevor said, shoving his hands in his pockets to keep from fidgeting. “As far as I know, I’m good to go.”
"Hold on one moment," she smiled again, holding up one finger as she lifted the phone to her ear. She spoke briefly into the receiver, presumably to Mr. Holloway, before hanging up and getting to her feet.
"Mr. Holloway is ready to see you now,” she said in a chipper voice. “If you'll follow me."
Trevor nodded and trailed after the receptionist, trying hard not to overanalyze the situation. Something in the way she'd smiled at him just now made him think he might be walking into a bad situation here.
“Mr. McCall!” Mr. Holloway said in a booming, larger-than-life voice. “I’m glad to see you. Please, step into my office. We need to have a little discussion.”
"Of course, we do," Trevor mumbled to himself. He glanced over his shoulder at the receptionist and nodded his appreciation. She smiled at him in a manner that struck him as decidedly sheepish, and he inwardly cringed.
“Good luck!” she said quickly before turning and scurrying back to her desk.
“Thanks,” he muttered. If the receptionist thought he needed luck on his side, his fears might not be so far off base.
“Come on in, have a seat,” Mr. Holloway repeated, ushering Trevor into his office. “But before we get started, I’d like to make sure we have complete transparency.”
“Oh, brother,” Trevor groaned as he plopped down into one of the leather chairs. “Why don’t I like the sound of that?”
"Look, I don't want to upset you, and I'm not in the habit of turning away clients, but I've got to level with you."
“Sure,” Trevor sighed. “That’s exactly what I’d expect you to do.”
“It’s just that the odds aren’t in your favor here,” Mr. Holloway said matter-of-factly, steepling his fingers on the desk. Trevor heard a note of sympathy in the man’s voice and sat forward, his body tensing as if for a fight.
"Not in my favor?" Trevor repeated, holding on to his temper by the thinnest of threads. "She's my cousin, isn't she? Her mother left her on my doorstep. Just took off, and I haven't seen hide nor hair of her since. Somebody's got to look after the girl, don't they? And I don't see anybody else stepping up to the plate."
“I know, you’re right,” Holloway said in a voice so soothing, it was dangerously close to patronizing. “Unfortunately, that doesn’t necessarily change things. Not the way you might think it would. It’s the math, Mr. McCall.”
"Please," Trevor interrupted impatiently. "Call me Trevor, will you? All this formality is making my skin crawl."
“Whatever you say, Trevor,” Mr. Holloway shrugged, giving Trevor a small smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.
“Good,” Trevor said curtly. “Now we’ve got that settled, do you mind telling me what math’s got to do with Jade?”
“It’s quite simple, really. Only roughly two percent of men in your position—”
“Men in my position?” Trevor challenged. “What does that mean?”
Mr. Holloway continued, apparently unperturbed. “You’re a single man, hardly thirty years old. You have almost no experience with children in general, let alone raising one. You work long, unpredictable hours in a job that has the distinct possibility of taking you away with little to no warning.”
“Right, but—” Trevor started, gripping the arms of his chair tightly to make himself stay seated.
"And even if none of that last part was true," Holloway continued as if Trevor hadn't spoken at all. "The fact remains that only two percent of single men are successfully granted adoption in this country. The odds are nowhere near being in your favor. That number is starting to trend upward, but in most cases, women are still seen as the more nurturing caregivers. I'm sorry to say that even if we could convince a judge to rule that her mother has abandoned her, your chances of adopting Jade as a single young man aren't wonderful."
“Right. Okay. Thanks, I guess. Thank you for your time.” Trevor stood up quickly enough that he first off-balanced and then almost knocked over his chair.
Mr. Holloway stood as well and extended a hand. Trevor shook it, but it took an enormous amount of energy to do so. Before Holloway could start talking again, Trevor turned on his heel and walked out of the room. He managed to keep his temper in check until he was safely locked in his truck, upon which he let out a string of expletives bad enough to have made a sailor blush.
“Stupid,” he hissed at himself once he’d run out of swear words to say. “How could you let yourself be so stupid?”
Because he had been just that; he could see that now as plain as the nose on his face. What a fool he had been to think he could change the course that history had chosen for his life. This was the same story he'd been living since day one, or at least since he’d found out about the adoption that his parents were so keen on keeping secret.
He wasn't good enough. He hadn't been good enough for his parents, and now he wasn't good enough for Jade, either. If it weren't for his brothers and what they needed from him, he would have driven away this minute and never looked back. Everyone would likely be better off that way.
“Come on, what now?” he groaned when the phone he’d tossed on his passenger seat began ringing. When he glanced down and saw who was calling, he sighed. He hone
stly wasn’t sure whether he was up to talking to Lacey, not after the blow he’d just suffered. On the other hand, Lacey was taking care of Jade. On the off chance that something was the matter, he wasn’t sure he could afford not to pick up the phone.
“Hey, Lacey, what’s going on?” All of a sudden, he was so tired, he didn’t think he’d ever feel right again. Then there was the added stress of wondering whether she would ask how his meeting with Holloway went.
"Hey," Lacey answered hurriedly. Gone was the typical calm he had come to expect from her. She sounded harried and distracted, which made him sit up a little straighter. He was starting to be glad he'd picked up the phone.
“What’s going on, honey?” he asked, cringing at how easily the pet name slipped off his tongue. The last thing he needed was to give Lacey the impression they were headed toward some kind of happily ever after. Not that he needed to worry. At the moment, she was apparently too distracted to notice the term of endearment.
“Trevor, I’m so sorry, I know this goes against the whole reason that I’m staying on at the ranch for the summe—” she started, talking a mile a minute.
“Whoa, there,” he interrupted, doing his best to make his voice sound soothing. “First of all, there’s no need to apologize. Far as I can tell, you haven’t done anything wrong. Second, what exactly are we talking about here?”
“It’s Jade,” Lacey said nervously. “I know I’m supposed to be the one watching her, and I love doing it, but it would be so, so great if you could take over. Like, right now.”
"Sure, of course," Trevor said without hesitation. "Just so long as you tell me what's going on. Are you okay? You in some kind of trouble?"
"No," she sighed, already sounding relieved. "Just dealing with a nuisance. I got a call from the man handling my loan, and he said he needs me to come in and discuss some things. I would take Jade with me, but—"