by Joy Elbel
I’d seen all I needed to see so when Boone finally broke away from conversation, I led the way to the door. I was about to pass through the leafy arches when the room got quiet except for the five words that were booming through the speakers.
“Ruby Matthews and Zach Mason.” Suddenly, there was a spotlight searching the cafeteria until it found what it was looking for. Me. It was looking for me. Dumbfounded, I froze in its bright beam unable to figure out what was going on. Like a lopsided nightmare, hands began to reach out to me, pulling me back toward where Misty sat. Then another set of hands placed a crown on my head—an exact replica of the one presented moments earlier to my worst enemy. I was in shock.
This had to be a cruel joke orchestrated by her royal highness of the snake pit. I fought against the urging for me to take the seat next to Misty. This was my Carrie moment. This was where they would unleash some foul form of mockery on me. This was where they would all make fun of me. But unlike Carrie, I wouldn’t be able to defend myself. Why now? Wasn’t having Zach at death’s door enough punishment for me?
I took a deep breath and sat down. If completely and totally humiliating me was what they wanted, then I was going to give it to them. My only defense, I realized, was in how I reacted to it. If I sat there crying and screaming, they would get what they wanted. If I kept my head held high, they would see that they hadn’t succeeded in breaking me. I was unbreakable now. And I had Zach to thank for that. If only he could be here to see this. To see me. To see how much meeting him changed me. Because of him, I had the strength to face whatever was about to come my way. What came wasn’t anything I could have mentally prepared for.
Principal Lascher placed the crown on my head then handed me the one meant for Zach to wear. “Congratulations, Ruby. It’s too bad that Zach can’t be here to share it with you.”
Rachel mobbed me next, crying and laughing at the same time. “This doesn’t sound anything like the Holocaust!” she shouted, making me laugh too. “You look so pretty! The two of you deserve this after everything you’ve been through!”
Mr. Raspatello approached with bouquets of roses for both Misty and me. “This couldn’t have happened to a more deserving couple,” he said as he handed me mine. He handed Misty hers and walked away without even telling her congratulations.
One by one, people I knew, people I didn’t know, and people I thought I knew but was apparently wrong about came up to congratulate me. It was like Halloween for me—I kept waiting for the tricks but only found the treats. Zach needed to wake up tonight—I wanted to share this with him even if he only got to hear about it from his hospital bed.
I was overwhelmed. I was still stunned. When a photographer for the school newspaper snapped a shot, I saw something in the afterglow of the flash that intrigued me. What I saw was a woman glide gracefully behind one of the trees and out of sight. She had long black hair and was wearing a green dress. I couldn’t see her face but I knew who she was. She was my mother.
I bolted out of my throne to go look for her but ran straight into Rachel instead. She had tears streaming down her face but they weren’t the happy ones I’d seen only moments earlier. Something was wrong.
“Ruby, I just got a call from Mom! We have to get to the hospital fast! Zach’s taken a turn for the worse!” The energy drained from my body as though someone had pulled a plug. I’d been trying to prepare for this moment but in the hopes that it would never actually come. Now, here I was floating around in my own version of heaven only to come crashing down to earth with shattered wings. I took one last glance toward the tree I watched my mom duck behind then nodded to Rachel. “Let’s go!”
Boone drove that sports car as fast as he possibly could across town to the hospital. The dirty trick I’d been anticipating arrived after all—hand delivered by Fate itself. Zach needed to hold on long enough for me to say one last goodbye.
I pulled a tissue out of my bag to wipe away the first round of tears and something else came out with it. In my lap, lay what I’d taken to referring to as the ghost stone. Was it trying to tempt me into using it? Nonsense, it wasn’t real. It was like every other stone I’d ever seen—powerless. But just in case, I needed to get rid of it now. If Zach was dying, I needed to accept it and not try to foolishly intervene.
As we rushed past the water fountain in the hospital lobby, I pressed the stone to my lips then tossed it in. We crammed into an already packed elevator and endured a painfully slow ride up to the third floor.
We couldn’t even get into his room. Through the open door, I could see Dad barking out orders to two nurses as he worked feverishly to get Zach stabilized. Every machine Zach was hooked to was buzzing loudly, red lights flashing on them all.
Above the chaos, there rang a voice—Zach’s voice. “I have to go before I don’t go!” he shouted, then the line on the machine monitoring his heart went perfectly flat.
40. Deconstructing Gods
“How bad did you suffer the night you died? How much pain did I put you in?” I was afraid to hear the answer but I needed to know the truth. I needed to know how much pain he was in as he lay dying in the blizzard because I let hormones and poor judgment get in the way. Ever since that night, every time I pictured him in my mind I saw things I didn’t want to see. Even the best memories I had of him would eventually turn into a grotesque image of him freezing to death in the snow. I tried so hard to stop those thoughts but nothing seemed to work. All I could imagine was this frail, old man with a horrified look frozen onto his face, icicles trailing from his eyes where icy tears had fallen. It sickened me in indescribable ways.
“Suffer? My death wasn’t as gruesome as you think it was. I fell and broke my hip and it hurt like the dickens! I couldn’t walk back to the house—hell, I couldn’t even see the house. But there’s a more important point here that you’re missing. I didn’t die because of you, Squirt. I died because it was my time to go.”
“But how do you know that? Don’t just tell me what you think I want to hear—tell me the truth.” “The truth is that I knew I was dying when I woke up that morning. My heart was giving out and I could feel it. I don’t know how to explain it, but when it’s your time to die— you simply know. I wanted to get that heater in from the barn so that your grandma would have one less thing to worry about when my time came. Even if I hadn’t fallen—even if I had found my way back to the house—I still would have died that night. I didn’t really need your help to bring in that heater—our neighbor offered earlier that day and I declined. I just wanted to see you one last time before I died.”
“So maybe I didn’t cause your death but my selfishness denied you your final wish. That’s just as bad.” This conversation was even more depressing than I expected it to be.
“There’s one other thing here that you fail to see.” He paused for a moment as he carefully unwrapped another peppermint and placed it on his tongue. “Did my death change you?”
“Change me? What kind of question is that? Hell yeah, it changed me!”
“But did it change you for the better?” His comment struck me out of the blue. It was true— his death did cause me to take a good look at myself. It forced me to decide what was truly important to me and what wasn’t. But it also caused serious upheaval between me and my dad. But it led me away from a future that I didn’t really want. But it kept me from making any more stupid mistakes. But it made me feel terrible and kept me from getting close to anyone else for a long time. But it led me to Ruby, someone who always at least tried to understand me. No more “buts”. I found my answer.
“Yes, it did. Now that I’ve had a chance to talk to you about it, it has. But if I leave you, you’ll be stuck here alone again. Where’s Grandma? Why isn’t she here with you?”
“Just like my little Squirt—always more worried about other people than he is about himself. This isn’t where I’ll be. This isn’t where I’ve been. This is only the place you chose to meet me in. If you decide to leave, I’ll go back where
I came from to be with Grandma and everyone else. If you decide to stay with me, we’ll go back there together. You have to make your decision now or it will be made for you. What’s it gonna be?”
I thought for a moment even though I knew my mind was already made up. I gave him one last hug and told him that I loved him. “I’ll see you again someday, Grandpa. But I think I still belong back there with Ruby. I have to go before I don’t go!”
“Good luck, Zach! And tell your dad that his greatest sorrow will soon turn into laughter.” I heard him call as the interior of the barn began to fade into blurry blackness. That was the first time he’d ever called me by my first name and not by my nickname. Going back wasn’t an easy decision for me to make but I knew that it was the right one.
My ears were being assaulted by chaotic beeping noises which made me half afraid to open my eyes. A split second later, the chaos vanished and the sounds became rhythmic and almost soothing. I opened my eyes slowly then pressed them tightly shut again after what I saw in front of me. Or rather who I saw. I’d waited too long to decide. I was dead.
Why couldn’t I have figured things out sooner? Why didn’t I let go of the past while there was still time for a happy ending for me and Ruby? Then I heard a voice that made me want to open my eyes again.
There they both stood, gazing down at me with smiles on their faces. She looked truly angelic in her green dress with a halo of silver around her head. Now I knew what heaven looked like. It looked like Ruby. She took my hand and pressed it to her cheek.
“You died, too?” I whispered to her. “I thought I saved your life?”
“You did save my life, Zach! I’m not dead and neither are you!” “What?” That couldn’t be possible. We were both dead. All three of us were. There wasn’t any other possible explanation. Was there? “Then what’s Clay doing here?” I asked with confusion.
“You can see me! Zach can see me now, too, Ruby!” Clay blurted out happily. Ruby clapped her hand to her mouth. “You’re alive, Zach. You’re very much alive. But I think you’re also very much more like me now. You can see ghosts.”
Once she said that, I began to look around the room. The room itself looked like a typical hospital room but its occupants were atypical. I could see shadows and faint outlines of people everywhere. People who most definitely weren’t alive.
“I can see the dark side of the moon,” I whispered quietly. When she asked me to repeat what I’d said, I chose to say something different. “Kiss me. I want to feel you smile again.”
It was the sweetest kiss I’d ever tasted. I knew my life was never going to be the same again. I was going to have to live every day never knowing when the unknown would make itself known to me. But there was one other thing that made that okay. I would always have Ruby by my side to help me get through it.
41. Exit Stage Left
Two weeks later, Zach was out of the hospital and strong enough to go to graduation. I’d filled him in on everything that happened while he was unconscious and he told me about meeting his grandpa. His ability to see ghosts everywhere he looked faded fast but he clearly still had the ability. Clay decided to hang around for a while now that he could have a real conversation with Zach. I didn’t mind sharing Zach with Clay one bit.
While I assumed that leaving him in Ohio was the end for us, I was wrong. Our bond was physically broken but not emotionally. The minute I heard them announce that I was prom queen, Clay felt my inner turmoil and came to see what was going on. I was simply in too much shock to notice that he was there.
Graduation was on May 31st, my last day as a seventeen year old. I always knew that I would graduate because school itself was never an issue for me. What I did doubt was whether or not I would see my eighteenth birthday. As long as nothing terrible happened in the next few hours, I was going to make it there just fine. The ceremony was boring and lasted way too long. The goodbyes were tearful and could have gone on forever.
The only close friendship I had formed in Charlotte’s Grove was with Rachel. I’d expected her to stick around for most of the summer but when Boone’s school demanded that he arrive in June instead of August, she chose to go with him. She was already packed and leaving in two days. We would see each other for my birthday bash but tonight felt like our true goodbye.
When the last student crossed the stage for her diploma, the rest of the class cheered and tossed their caps in the air. Rachel reached across Zach and gave me a hug.
“I wish we had more time to spend together. I’m going to miss both of you so much!” She paused awkwardly then announced, “Oh, by the way, there’s a ghost in the attic window.”
“What?” I said in a panic. “What attic are you talking about? And since when are you able to see them?” Maybe I was contagious after all.
“No silly,” she said, handing me a tissue. That’s just my polite way of telling you need to wipe your nose. You have a snotty little friend peeking out to say hello!”
“Oh,” I said with a laugh as I wiped at my nostrils. “Those are the kind of conversations I’m going to miss most once you’re gone. Every day is going to sound like the Holocaust for a while.”
“I know but it will be okay. You have to promise to take good care of my little brother especially now that he’s paranormal like you. I want to know everything that happens—just because I’ll be in Florida is no excuse for leaving me out of your loop of weirdness, you know.”
“Um, well, considering that you’re the only one in our loop of weirdness, I don’t think that will be too hard for me to manage.” I tried to remain stoic so that she wouldn’t break down on me but it didn’t happen. We both cried like babies while Zach sat between us laughing at the term “loop of weirdness”.
I took time to say goodbye to the two teachers I would really miss—Coach Hunter and Mr. Raspatello—but Principal Lascher was the one to seek me out. He gave me a quick apology for all of the torture I’d endured over the past year and I accepted it. There was one question in my mind that I figured he may have the answer to so I took the opportunity to ask it. I wanted to know where Lucas disappeared to.
When I heard that his mother died the same day I was “ghost busted”, I felt bad but not for Lucas—for his mother. Some may call it coincidence but I called it karma. Lucas finished his senior year the same way I contemplated doing— cyber school. I also called that ironic.
After our conversation was over, I took one last look at the school then walked away feeling slightly empty inside. It was over. High school was finally over. It didn’t feel real to me but I knew that it was. I was going to miss it in an odd sort of way. Just when I started to feel at home here, it was time to leave. Zach and I would start over together in Ohio and create a new life for ourselves. Things in Charlotte’s Grove would stay the same but it would feel different every time we visited.
He and I had one thing planned before we left Pennsylvania—a road trip to Trinity. I wanted to see my old home one more time and visit the stage where my mother used to dance. Zach wanted to stop at Scenery Hill cemetery so that he could thank Lee for leading him to me when I was in danger. We both kept an eye out for that giant crow but neither of us ever saw it again. I guess we didn’t really need to—we had each other to rely on now.
We skipped out on all of the graduation parties we were invited to and went to The Hideout instead. There, we talked for hours about Zach’s new ability while we gazed up at the stars. The path life had set for us wasn’t an easy one but we were prepared to walk it together.
Several Years Later… 42. What Goes Around…
I’d been to Heaven’s Gate cemetery multiple times—to visit multiple graves—but this time was different. Way different. I’d never been here to see the headstone placed there in Clay’s memory.
We both knew the spot well—halfway up the hill and behind the towering obelisk. Dew collected on the toes of my boots as we made our way through the well-manicured lawn of the cemetery. A lot changed here after the mystery su
rrounding Clay’s death was solved. A lot changed in Charlotte’s Grove, period. But one thing remained the same. Early June mornings in Pennsylvania were still cold so I pulled my hoodie closer to me as we walked.
“Close your eyes until the grand unveiling!” Clay exclaimed as he stepped in front of me to block my view of it. I stood with my eyes closed while Clay described how the new stone came to be placed there. He’d told me the story a thousand times but I never grew tired of hearing it. His enthusiasm made me forget where we were for a moment. He made this place feel so alive—like we were visiting the circus not his place of burial. When he finished with his story, I inhaled deeply with anticipation and looked down.
Clayton Arnold Roseman
May 21, 1994-May 18, 2012
In Loving Memory of My Son The headstone was shiny with an expertly carved image of Clay’s Mustang in the top right corner. Clay was right. His dad spared no expense when he purchased that memorial.
The information that came out during Jeremy’s trial set the entire town on its ear. Time spent in jail helped Jeremy kick his drug habit and he changed his original not guilty plea to guilty and took half the town down with him. When asked what made him decide to tell the truth, he replied, “I’m doing it for Clay. It’s the only thing I can do for him now.”
Jeremy’s confession set off an interesting chain of events. He named Shane and Dylan as his immediate suppliers but made it clear that he knew they had a boss somewhere in town to whom they reported. He knew of enough crimes that they’d committed that would send them both to jail for at least ten years. He also revealed that he had been visiting Mrs. Roseman at the flower shop, stealing money every chance he got. No one sold me out like I originally thought they did. Jeremy was in the stock room that day and heard every word I said to Clay.