Memories

by Sletten, Deanna Lynn

But Dani didn't know the rest. She had only been a part of his life for a few months. And although she had thought then that she knew him well, she now realized that she hadn't really known him at all.

  "But you are back here now," she told him.

  "I had to grow up finally," was all he said. Michael stared at Dani as if memorizing her every feature. "I'm happy you're here," he told her.

  The room became too close for Dani and she suddenly walked past him to the door. "I should get back to the party," she said, although she knew it was a feeble excuse. After all, no one was going to miss her.

  "Have you met Michelle yet?" Michael asked, not wanting to lose her attention. He seemed to have broken through her icy wall and was enjoying her company.

  Dani stopped reluctantly and turned to face him again. "No, she was napping earlier. Vanessa said she'd bring her down later."

  "Let's see if she's awake. I love showing her off." Before Dani could say anything, Michael grabbed her hand and led her out the door and across the hall and up the back stairway.

  "You really don't have to do this," she protested. But her words fell on deaf ears as he led her from the stairs down the hallway that led to the family wing. Everything here was done in light colors, a complete contrast to the rooms downstairs. The walls were waist-high cream wainscoting and the top half of the walls had cream wallpaper with delicate peach, rose and green flowers. The sculptured carpet was a mixture of cream and tan. At intervals there were small oak tables holding flower vases, figurines or baskets of dried flowers.

  Turning a corner, they practically ran into an elderly woman carrying a little girl in her arms. From the red, curly hair and emerald green eyes Dani knew instantly that this was Vanessa's daughter.

  "Oh, Mr. DeCara," the older woman said, startled by his sudden appearance. "I was just bringing Michelle down to her mother."

  "That's fine, Mrs. Carols. I'll be happy to take her." At that, the woman handed Michelle to Michael and turned back down the hall.

  Dani studied the child in Miguel's arms for a moment, warmed by her resemblance to Vanessa. Miguel's eyes beamed with pride.

  "Michelle," he said, in mock introduction. "This is Miss Westerly. Miss Westerly, I'd like you to meet my granddaughter, Michelle."

  Playing along, Dani reached out her hand to touch Michelle's petite one. "Happy to meet you, Miss Chandler," she said. Michelle only cocked her head and giggled in reply.

  "She's beautiful," Dani told Michael, who only nodded his agreement.

  "And shy, too, as you can see. She takes after her grandfather," he teased.

  Dani rolled her eyes at him and looked once again at the lovely little girl. Seeing Miguel there, holding his granddaughter, the love so obvious in his eyes, reminded her of his warmth with Vanessa and how much that had once touched her heart. It brought back the side of him she had loved so much. The side of him she had forgotten in the years she told herself she hated him.

  For a moment, it seemed they were transported back in time. Back to the Miguel and Dani they had once been. By sharing this special moment with him, Dani almost forgot she had ever hated him, or why.

  "Doesn't she make you wish you had a little girl of your own?" Michael asked.

  It was an innocent question, but it broke the mood Dani was feeling. She forgot the warm feelings she had experienced only seconds before and the bitterness of the past returned. Suddenly, she was seeing Michelle in a new light. This should have been their child they were admiring, their little girl they were fussing over. But that didn't happen. It was an experience she had been cheated out of. All the anger of the past welled up inside Dani and she knew she had to get away from Miguel.

  Michael instantly saw the change in Dani's expression. "What's the matter?" he asked, confusion creasing his brow.

  "I have to go," was all she said, turning and running down the hall the way they had come. With Michelle in his arms, Michael was unable to pursue her. All he could do was watch her disappear around the corner and wonder why.

  Chapter Seven

  Once downstairs, it took Dani a full half-hour to locate Traycee in order to tell her she wanted to leave. By then she had regained some composure, although she was still shaken on the inside. She had to get away from this house and Miguel as quickly as possible. She had known it was a mistake to come here in the first place and was angry at herself for letting her guard down and giving in to coming. She'd spent years forcing the painful memories of Miguel from her mind, now only to have him reopen those wounds by appearing in her life again. She was confused by the feelings he had revived in her and angry he had brought them to the surface. She just had to get away.

  She found Traycee sitting on the beach with the advertising executive she'd met in the limousine. Traycee was disappointed to hear that Dani wanted to leave so soon.

  "Don't you want to stay for the fireworks?"

  "No, Traycee, I really want to go back now."

  Cathy had spotted Dani and approached the group. She saw the strain in Dani's face. "Is everything okay here?" she asked her friend with concern.

  "I was just telling Traycee I'd like to leave now," Dani told her long-time friend. Her voice sounded calm but the pain in her eyes told a different story. Trying to control her emotions, Dani turned to Traycee. "I don't want to spoil your fun, but I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving you here to take that long train ride back alone."

  The man beside Traycee spoke up. "That's not a problem. I have to ride back into Manhattan, too. I'll be happy to escort Traycee back to her hotel."

  Traycee nodded agreement to this, but Dani looked a bit skeptical. Being the older of the two, Dani felt an unwritten obligation for Traycee's safety. A moment passed as she struggled with his offer to bring Traycee back to the hotel.

  Cathy could tell Dani was upset and decided to take matters into her own hands. "That's a great idea," she agreed, cheerfully. "Jeff will see her back to the city." She turned to Dani. "Don't worry, he's very dependable."

  Dani didn't have the strength to argue and, after all, Traycee was a grown woman. She said her goodbyes and she and Cathy walked across the warm sand to the house together.

  As they walked, Cathy silently wondered if Dani's present state had something to do with Michael. She had seen them go up the back stairs together earlier and thought that was a good sign. At least they must have been talking to each other. But now, seeing her friend's troubled eyes as they walked through the double doors where the limousines awaited, she wondered what had happened.

  "I don't think I'll be needed here for awhile," Cathy said as they approached the limousine. "I'll ride to the station with you."

  Once seated in the black leather interior, with a television, CD player, phone and bar all at their fingertips, Cathy directed the driver to take off with only the two of them riding. The silver car glided around the curve of the driveway and headed out the gates of the estate.

  Dani sat quiet, looking out the window, yet seeing nothing.

  "If you're still worried about Traycee, you needn't be," Cathy offered. "Jeff is a nice guy. He'll watch over her."

  Dani only nodded, but Cathy wasn't about to let her get away with silence. She knew Dani too well. "Tell me what's bothering you," she said softly. "It's Michael, isn't it?"

  Dani turned to her, surprise registered on her face.

  "I saw you two together earlier," Cathy confessed.

  Dani looked out the window again. The sun was tilted to the west as late afternoon approached. They passed an 18th century inn, its white clapboard shinning brightly, and the surrounding garden lush in colors of red, blue and deep pink with the lawn lying green between colors. She thought how peaceful the setting looked in comparison to the turmoil she felt inside.

  "I ran into him by accident," Dani finally said. "I should have left the minute I saw him, but I didn't." Seeing him there among his personal things, the poster from the past, the portrait of Vanessa, all those things had softened her feelings toward him enough
to make her question her resolve about hating him. How could she explain the perplexity of her feelings to Cathy when she still didn't understand them herself?

  But Cathy knew more than Dani realized. She'd pieced things together since the two had met in her apartment. She took the chance that she was right with her next question.

  "Michael is the one who hurt you all those years ago, isn't he?" she spoke the words softly.

  "Yes," Dani admitted, looking directly at Cathy. "He is. That's why it was such a shock when I saw him at your apartment."

  Cathy nodded. "I thought so. I've thought about you and Michael a lot since that day, and then I sort of pieced it all together." The two sat in silence a moment and a thought struck Cathy that she'd never considered before.

  "Does Michael know what happened to you?" Michael had spoken with her several times about Dani, wondering if she had any idea why she was so hostile toward him. But Cathy never had an answer for him.

  "No. He never knew," Dani replied. "He disappeared before I could tell him."

  "Maybe you should tell him now."

  Dani laughed tightly. "As if he would care! He didn't care then and it makes no difference now." The bitterness in her voice told Cathy more than words could. She hesitated a moment, wondering if she should continue this conversation. After all, she might be wrong about Michael. But, she didn't really believe she was. She decided to take the plunge.

  "He might care more than you realize."

  Dani stared at Cathy a moment. Maybe Miguel had confided in her. "Did he tell you that?"

  "No," Cathy answered. "But I know he feels something for you. It really bothered him that you were so angry toward him."

  Cathy saw Dani roll her eyes and knew she was talking to a brick wall. Sometimes Dani could be so stubborn. But she continued on anyway. "Even if I'm wrong, it wouldn't hurt to tell him. Maybe you could shed that hatred you've been carrying around all these years. The past could finally be put to rest."

  Dani shook her head. "Miguel's never felt anything for anyone, except Vanessa," she corrected herself. "I'm sorry, Cathy. I just don't see him in the same light as you do. And it won't matter one way or another if he ever knows. My feelings for him will never change." She touched her friend's arm as they reached the station. "Promise me you won't say anything to him either."

  "I think you're making a mistake," Cathy told her honestly.

  "Promise," Dani insisted softly.

  "I won't say anything."

  The two slipped out of the car and hugged goodbye. "Keep in touch, okay?" Cathy said.

  Dani nodded and forced a smile, then turned and boarded the train that would take her back to the city.

  Throughout the two-and-a-half hour ride back to Penn Station, Dani's thoughts wandered between past and present. The short time she'd spent with Miguel had completely unnerved her. Not what he'd said or done as much as how her feelings had been altered from one minute to the next. For a brief period, she had actually enjoyed spending time with him. The man she had once believed him to be, warm, caring, compassionate, had resurfaced and she found herself drawn to him as she had nineteen years ago. But then the sight of him with Michelle had been a slap in the face, reminding her why she no longer trusted him, and hated him.

  Her memory flooded with all her reasons for not trusting him. The anguish she'd felt when she'd found him gone. The hurt and humiliation of finding out that other girls from the coffee shop had been involved with him at one time or another and had also been dumped at the drop of a hat. The pain in her parent's eyes when the deception of her relationship with Miguel had been found out. How could she possibly forget, for even a moment, all the pain he had caused her, the pain still real in her heart? It would not happen again, she told herself. She may have to be civil to him at times, but she certainly wouldn't let him make a fool of her again. Once in a lifetime was enough.

  Twilight had completely shrouded the city by the time Dani arrived at her hotel. She stood for a long time on the balcony overlooking Central Park. Fireworks shot up into the darkness and exploded into brilliant suns of color over the park as the crowd below marveled over their magnificence.

  Dani's resolve to thrust the day's events from her mind faded like the fireworks and tears threatened to sting her eyes. She couldn't push the image from her mind of Miguel with Michelle cuddled against him. Would their little girl have looked like Michelle, the combination of his dark hair and her blond creating a fiery redhead? The guilt and pain of what she'd done never went away. It only deepened with the years.

  Her hatred for Miguel now equaled, if not exceeded the love she'd once felt for him. Could she ever let that hate go, as Cathy had suggested? How could she when she had to live with the pain of her actions for the rest of her life? The actions caused only because of her association with him.

  Finally, the fireworks ended and the streets below flooded with people as the crowd dispersed. Dani gave up her thoughts and readied herself for bed. She knew it would be some time before Traycee came in, due to her long ride back on the train. As she turned out the bedside lamp, she tried not to think of Miguel and prayed he wouldn't be at the buyer's showing tomorrow.

  Chapter Eight

  The fashion show displaying the Regal Coat winter line was an elaborate event held in the Nieuw Amsterdam Room in The Vista of The World Trade Center and was attended by over 700 buyers from across the country. Round tables covered with crisp hunter green tablecloths and white rose centerpieces in crystal flute vases lined the room with the stage and runway down the middle where the models would display Regal's finest.

  Dani and Traycee arrived early and were escorted to their appointed table by a young woman in a suit of hunter green. Dani decided that hunter green must be Regal's trademark color for it was used frequently in the décor. She pushed all other thoughts aside as she turned to the business at hand and lay out her folder of order forms in preparation for the show.

  Although Traycee was tired from her late night at the DeCara's party, she became animated at the sight of such a prominent event. This was her first major buyers' show and she seemed to want to soak up every detail. Her pent-up enthusiasm made Dani smile. It was times like this that Dani envied her inexperience and youth.

  Dani kept an eye on the crowd as the room filled, keeping a lookout for Miguel in the event he should appear. She hoped he wouldn't, but that seemed unlikely under the circumstances. She wanted to be prepared by seeing him first in case he did.

  Finally the tables were filled and the lights dimmed and the noisy room fell into a quiet hush. Vanessa appeared on the t-shaped stage that filled the center of the room. Her eyes searched the crowd a moment before resting on Dani, and then she gave one of her fabulous smiles, her green eyes twinkling. Dani knew the smile was just for her and once again her heart warmed.

  At Vanessa's introduction, the show began and lithe models glided down the runway to the music displaying coats of all styles and colors. Classic cuts in navy, black and gray, pea coats that were just coming back into style, and modern block-colored styles displaying brilliant greens, yellows, hot pinks and reds. Dani and Traycee became immersed in the business of buying, marking down notes of quantities and colors of each style that caught their eye. Once again Dani was pleasantly surprised by Traycee's buying abilities. She noticed important details and was a great help in selecting styles.

  At last the show concluded with applause for the models and fashions they had displayed, and as the chandeliers above illuminated the room, Vanessa invited the buyers to stay and enjoy the luncheon buffet set out on the side wall. She explained that there would be advisors available for anyone having questions on the new line or about the order forms. Having thanked the buyers again for attending, she made her way off stage and headed straight over to Dani's table. Watching her, with her smooth movements and graceful walk, Dani couldn't help thinking that Vanessa could easily be confused as one of the models.

  "Dani," she said, her voice warm as she sat
opposite of her. "I'm so happy I saw you here. You left so quickly yesterday that I didn't get a chance to visit with you."

  "I know, I'm sorry Vanessa," Dani groped for an explanation. "Something just came up and I had to leave." She knew it was a flimsy excuse, but couldn't come up with anything else to say. How could she tell her that her father was the reason for the sudden departure? No, she could never do that.

  Vanessa seemed satisfied with her excuse. "Daddy said he had the honor of showing off Michelle to you." She pretended to pout making Dani want to laugh at the child-like gesture. How many times had she seen that look years ago? And Vanessa always did get her way in the end. "I really wanted to be the one to show her off," she continued.

  "I'm happy I was able to see her before I left," Dani told her honestly. "She's so beautiful. You're very lucky to have her."

  Vanessa smiled, happy at Dani's approval of her daughter as if it was important to her. Once again Dani's heart cried out on the inside and tears threatened to spill from her eyes. She had missed so much of Vanessa's life, a life she would have enjoyed sharing. Just one more reason to blame Miguel for ruining her life.

  "Well, I know Traycee stayed until the end," Vanessa turned her attention to the assistant. "Did you enjoy the party?"

  Traycee beamed. "Oh yes, we, I mean I had a great time." Traycee blushed a little at her stumble over the word 'we'. Dani figured she meant her and Jeff.

  "I'm happy you enjoyed yourself," Vanessa told her. She sighed then. "I'd better get back to business. If you two need anything, let me know." Standing to leave she turned again to Dani. "I hope I see you again soon. Maybe we can have a real visit next time."

  "I'd like that," Dani said, and instinctively stood and hugged the young woman. "I'd like that very much." Then Vanessa was gone, playing hostess to the other buyers and Dani and Traycee once again immersed themselves in the process of order forms and coat details.

  Just as the two were wrapping things up, Traycee announced she was starving. "Do you mind if I get a bite to eat?"