Past Truths

by Em Pitts

  Raynor wasn’t telling me what was bothering him as Isaake did in the bunker. Maybe I should push for answers, but it just didn’t feel right.

  “So, did we come here to hop on logs?” I decided to change the subject completely. “Because it seems really random to take me out to go log hopping. And I know it wasn’t your idea of a date because you chastised me on the way here to not date anyone.” I teased.

  He barked out a laugh that immediately made the air feel lighter between us. “I needed to let off my frustrations.” He shook his head. “I figured having you here would keep me from staying out all night exhausting myself. I would have to take you home sometime.” He shrugged casually.

  I’m not going to lie; I noticed his muscles as he kept moving them. Raynor was a big guy. Built from hard work that clearly showed as his muscles were cut and bulging. He had a backyard obstacle course that helped ensure he stayed fit. I believed he would stay out all night working himself ragged exercising. He probably did often.

  For the same reason as before, I chose to avoid the question of why he needed to let off steam. I didn’t even bother asking why he brought me, I was with him, and his friends and brother were busy. Seems I was at the right place at the right time is all.

  “Get your frustrations out of your system or do you need to go back?” I asked. He didn’t even get a workout in, so I doubt he got what he needed. But then again, he didn’t seem very aggravated while we were playing with the jumping logs.

  “No, I think the dip in the water helped.” He rubbed his chest bringing my attention back to the muscles. Put on a shirt, damn it! The movement brought my attention to a scar on the left side of his chest. I wondered if it happened before Ollie could heal him. Or maybe Ollie didn't heal him for a different reason. I absently touched my arm. The burn had disappeared completely as if it never existed. So, why did Raynor carry a scar?

  “Hmm.” I dragged my eyes back to his face and decided the safest bet was to go downstairs. “I’ll let you finish getting dressed. I’ll be waiting downstairs.” I called out and refused to look back.

  I’ve seen plenty of good-looking men in my life. Most on the T.V. screen, but it still counts. The only reason I’m responding to Raynor right now, is that it’s been a while for me since I last felt pleasure. Kind of hard to please myself with Abby in the house.

  And despite my reassurances that Jeremy didn’t hurt me, it didn’t help that I was dumped for another man. My head knows that it wasn’t my fault, that there was nothing wrong with me, but there is still a feeling of disappointment that has kept me from trying to have naked playtime with other men. So, of course, a half-naked man who looks like a sexy rugby player is going to get my juices flowing. Right?

  Raynor came downstairs fully clothed while I was aimlessly wandering around his living room. Embarrassed by my earlier thoughts I blurted out, “Can we do the tunnel travel thing on the way back?” Only I realized that made it sound like I wanted to go then.

  I should go. But I could stay and…what, ask about any progress with getting me home again? I was startled to realize I hadn’t even mentioned going home in some time. Then I felt ashamed that I wasn’t pushing for Abby more when I needed to be. I tried to appease myself with knowing that the guys were keeping me as updated as possible and I was doing everything I could do. Raynor brought me out of my shame when he spoke up.

  “We need Ollie for that. I’m not gifted with Earth and trying to stab Air into the ground will take much longer to do.” His answer made me realize I had no idea what everyone's gifts were. I didn’t know what any of them could do or what their limits may be.

  “What are you gifted in?” I questioned trying to go ahead and figure out the things that I had been letting pass by me. If I was staying for a while, then I needed to start caring about anything that could affect me. “And the others too. What are everyone's gifts?” There. Step one to learning what I needed.

  “I’m gifted in Air. Nickolas is gifted with Air, Water, and Communication. Oliverus has four gifts: Fire, Earth, Healing, and Protection. And Isaake’s gifts are different. He doesn’t have any elements.” Raynor finished.

  “What gifts does Isaake have then?” He seemed to pause momentarily before continuing.

  “Illusion, Projection, and Death.” He admitted. I didn’t know what the first two were exactly, but Death stood out. It made sense that Raynor was reluctant to tell me.

  “Has he had to use them?” I asked needing to know. Why would someone be gifted with Death and what did that even mean? Was this what was causing his shadows the night I held him?

  Raynor looked at me and then placed his hand on my back leading me towards the front door. We were walking towards the tavern before he dropped his hand. I didn’t think he was going to answer me, but he eventually spoke again.

  “Ask Isaake about his gifts if you want to know. Just remember, we don’t choose them.” He added to console me. I didn’t admit out loud what I was thinking. They may not choose what gifts they get, but they can choose whether they use them.

  Raynor practiced his gift often with the musical slabs and I’ve seen the others using their gifts proudly. I guess the question remained on how often Isaake used or practiced his gift. And if Death meant he was giving it to others or taking it away.

  “Don’t think it didn’t escape my notice that you said you were gifted in Air. I saw two symbols on your arm.” I focused my mind on another subject that I could actually figure out now.

  “Runes.” Raynor corrected and rubbed over his covered runes before cracking his knuckles and answering. “The other is incomplete.”

  “Does that happen often?”

  “No.” His answer was clipped this time and I backed off. If he couldn’t use the rune then it wasn’t important to know about it, I reassured myself. My curiosity was rearing its head, but it wasn’t worth making him uncomfortable just to know something that wasn’t my business.

  14

  My night was spent tossing and turning. Guilt plagued me even though I knew I had nothing to feel guilty for. It felt wrong to keep going as I have because it felt like I was settling in a routine. I knew I would have to work and live here until I got back home. What I didn't count for was making friends in those around me and caring enough to try to comfort some of them. I knew I should not feel guilty, but it felt like I was creating a life without Abby.

  It was still dark when I creeped out of my bedroom towards the kitchen. I could have gone to the dining area to see what time it was, but I chose not to, already accepting that I got as much sleep as I could. Instead, I used my memory and the walls to guide my way, hoping to keep myself busy and shut off my mind for a bit. My steps were the only noise as everyone slept. The quiet was too much in bed and it was just as stifling outside of the room.

  When I got to the kitchen, I made use of a candle kept on the counter. With light flickering enough to see all but the corners of the room, I finally released a deep breath. Here I could keep myself busy with no one around while I worked towards shutting off my thoughts.

  If I could work towards perfecting one of the recipes in this era, then I could show Abby when I got home. It was a ridiculous task to set my mind too, yet it was something I could do that made me feel like she was a part of it.

  I brought the recipe book towards the candlelight and started debating what to try. Cooking over a fire meant that I couldn't control the temperature like in an oven in modern times. That would have made me feel better about burning everything, except somehow, Granny never burnt her food. There had to be something here that Abby could enjoy, that I was capable of cooking. When I found the perfect recipe to try, all I needed to do was pump the water.

  It was after I had already pulled off the food from the fire when I heard a shuffling noise. I had been watching the pot the whole time to make sure I was not burning anything. I chose dumplings because I figured I couldn't burn water and boiling the food seemed the smartest option.

  I looke
d towards the hallway opening expecting Granny. She gets up earlier than me to start preparing everything. I know this because she already has water out and pottage on the fire most of the time. But the entrance remained empty with no signs of anyone.

  Deciding that might be my cue to finish up, I went ahead and emptied out the dumplings on a plate and dumped the water. The fire was put out and the counters were already cleaned from waiting on the dumplings to boil. I left the window open to air out the smoke.

  Eyeing the dumplings warily, I cut one with a fork and blew on it to cool it down quicker. It wasn't that bad. The balls were chewier than I would have liked though.

  A grunt had me jerking my head toward the door again. Granny was standing there looking less pissed off than usual. And cleaner too. It was different not seeing her covered in flour, dust, and soot. Normally she had already started something that caused her dress and apron to be covered.

  "Good, you're up. You can help me before you head to the Winter’s home." She grunted out barely looking at me as she shuffled towards the large cauldron that we keep water in for dishes. As she passed the counter, she snatched up the other half of the dumpling left behind and popped it in her mouth. Another grunting sound followed. "It's not done. Boil it until it rises above the water. And let the things sit out longer to rise before you cook them. Always in a rush." She shook her head as she made her way outside. "Stop wasting my food, if you won't do it right." She called out before the door closed behind her.

  I rolled my eyes. It's always a struggle with that woman. Still, I made a mental note about boiling the dumplings longer and letting them rise. I would try again tomorrow; eventually, I'll figure out this whole cooking over a fire thing. Or cooking in general.

  Granny's voice floated through the open window as she called out to me again. "Get to work, willful sloth."

  "You just got up!" I shouted back. "No one wakes up irritated. I'm starting to think you sleep on rocks." I could see her from the window pumping the pot full of water. I followed her outside fully intending on offering to help carry the pot even though she would decline and grumble about it.

  As predicted, she started waving me off as she lifted the pot before I reached her. "I am not there yet. When I need other people to carry my things for me, I'll be done in the ground." I rolled my eyes at the stubborn woman and set to work prepping for the day. I didn't touch any more food though because, as Granny said, "If I sell shit, the people will throw shit."

  I forgot my bonnet this morning. I didn't realize at first, even though I caught looks on my way to the Winter’s. Margrete pointed it out as I opened the door. I honestly didn't see the point in covering my hair even if others were encouraging us to dress plainly. Apparently having your hair done draws attention. Not for the first time, I really wished I could show these people a bikini.

  I braided my hair back to keep it out of the way while we worked and nothing else was said about it. I'm not sure if the minister would have said something or not because I had yet to see him home.

  Closer to evening time and pieces of my hair had fallen. I was sure I kept getting smudges on my cheek from constantly swiping the hair back. It seems the bonnet had some uses even if it was ridiculous.

  The knocking on the door followed by Margrete calling my name got me curious. I wasn't sure who would be here to see me except Granny. Yet when I made it to the door, it was Nick standing there smiling at me.

  "Come on, pretty girl. A friend of mine is in town that I need you to meet." Confused I looked towards Margrete to tell her I would be right back when I saw the disapproval on her face. Her lips were pinched as she looked between Nick at me.

  I was getting tired of the judgment surrounding me. It was one thing when I thought I only had to put up with it until I went home. I also didn't want to cause an argument when I had no place here to begin with. But now, it was exhausting to the point that I just wanted to hold my middle finger up and curse them all until each person realized they had no sway over my actions.

  "I'll see you tomorrow." I decided to tell her, not wanting to come back to whatever judgment she deemed I was inappropriately doing. If it had to do with me going off with another man, she could get over it. Besides, I still wasn't positive if Nick was gay or not. He certainly didn't act like it. That didn't mean he was not overcompensating to prove himself straight.

  I didn't look back at her as I left her home and Nick followed behind me after saying his goodbyes. Nick bumped my shoulder with his as he caught up. "Why the hurry?"

  "Tired of being judged," I complained and rolled my eyes deciding to let it go. It wasn't worth it. "So what friend are we meeting?" I looked up at him to see his eyes sparkle in excitement.

  "John got back with us. He is meeting us today." I couldn't contain my smile and squeal at the prospect. One step closer to home.

  "What has he learned? Where are we meeting him? When?" I rapid fired my questions and realized I was clutching Nicks arm when he maneuvered my death grip to have my hand rest in the crook of his elbow instead.

  "We won't know until we meet him. We're going to the secret hideaway sometime today. Traveling isn't always accurate at times, but he must stay in town for the trials anyway. So, he will be here until after they are over." He laughed at my enthusiasm.

  "Why the super-secret hideaway? I get that you had someone to meet last time, but..." I trailed off realizing that we were going there to meet someone again. "I mean, why do you guys meet people there instead of anywhere else?"

  He leaned down to whisper in my ear. "It's a secret." I huffed at him in response. He straightened up. "No one knows about it. That makes it our safe space." I looked at him with a raised brow.

  "How can no one know about your lair? It's under a bridge. And you guys are going there in the middle of the day! I'm sure people have seen you parting the water and disappearing under the bridge." I informed him as he stubbornly shook his head.

  "We don't usually go there in the daytime. If we need to, then Isaake helps keep people away. It is riskier with the trials close though." He tapped his chin as if just realizing that thought.

  "How does Isaake keep people away?"

  "Gifts." Was his only reply. I really need to learn more about Isaake's gifts because the only thing coming to mind is Death. I hate thinking about people dropping dead just because they saw something accidentally. That was too mob like for me to envision.

  Nick was right about the trials though, they were close. There were more people in the town square as we passed. It was less than a week away now. Hopefully, I can get back before the trial experience.

  Nick's words caught up to me about the room being a secret safe place. There were eight bunks in the space and not much else. Who was the place a safe spot for?

  "Why do I know about it?"

  "The trials?"

  "No, the bat lair."

  "I have no idea what that means." He shook his head at me as if I was the crazy one.

  "Your hideaway spot, the boys club, super-secret space that is starting to sound creepy." I tried again.

  "Boys club?" He puffed up his chest. "Do I look like a boy to you?" I slapped at his chest.

  "Focus."

  "Alright, alright." He put his hands up placating me. "The men's club," He winked, and I noticed the similarities between him and his brother for a moment. "Is the only place we could decide on to take you that day. Going back to the tavern and dropping you off didn't seem like an option. And walking you to one of our houses would have only stirred up more commotion. The club is in the path of heading towards Rowley Village and would have seemed more like we were traveling somewhere instead of up to something sinful or degrading." He kicked at the dirt. "We all agreed that it was best at the time."

  "Even Ollie?" I questioned.

  He seemed to be more distant than the others. He also seemed to not care about me being around any of them half of the time. He was nice at first. I guess I hit him one too many times when he chased me. Or
it could be that I destroyed his house. I winced in remembrance.

  "Even Ollie." Nick nodded his head then looked down at me smiling big.

  "What?" I took my free hand and started rubbing my face. "Is something on my face?" I asked as my hair got caught with my fingers. It was then I remembered that something probably was on my face. A lot of dirt and sweat that made a terrible combination was rubbed all over my face from my attack of the loose hair episode throughout the day. I groaned.

  "It's cute." He started playing with the end of my braid with his left hand. "What made you decide not to wear your bonnet?"

  "Forgetfulness." I huffed out. "It won't happen again. My hair is practically brown now and it started out blonde." I eyed the braid in his hand. There was so much dirt everywhere today.

  "I'm sure your fiancé will think it's adorable." He got his chesire grin going. I just rolled my eyes.

  "Speaking of...are you with someone Nick?" I spoke trying to broach the topic on his sexuality. He raised his eyebrows at me.

  "No." He dragged out. I took a breath and went for it.

  "Because it's fine you know, if you are with someone. Doesn't matter as long as you love them, and you are both happy." His brows lowered in confusion while I continued rambling trying to figure out how to say what I mean. I looked straight ahead and decided not to watch his expression. "You know...even if it is a guy, I accept you for who you are."

  The silence was my answer. It didn't matter though, as long as he knew that I was on his side about this. I felt him stop as my hand was pulled from his arm and held.

  I turned to see his face still held confusion. "What's going on, Tess?" Those were not the words I expected from him.

  "I just wanted you to know I accept you as you are. No matter what the people in your town say. It's not wrong if it is who you are." I don't know if those were the right words or not because the confusion morphed to disbelief. Did I say something offensive? "You reacted differently the other night when we were talking about...I just wanted you to know I don't care if you're gay." I trailed off and bit at my nails unsure now if maybe I was wrong to even try talking to him about it. It wasn't my business.