Insatiable

by Daniele Lanzarotta

  My dad gets a phone call and interrupts the meeting to talk to whoever is on the phone. As soon as he steps outside, everyone gets up and starts to walk around. I curse whoever put a damn desk with glass top in this room. I try to adjust myself, embarrassed at the fact that this hasn’t happened to me since high school and no matter how hard I try, I can’t get this fucking erection to go away.

  My day goes from bad to worse when the only woman in the meeting room walks toward me. I try to adjust myself again, with no luck, because I just made it even more obvious and it’s clear that she notices as soon as her eyes widen and she bites her lips.

  It takes all I have for me to just not roll my eyes at her. This woman is a little older than me, but as soon as my gaze moves down to her long legs, and the way her muscles work as she stands on those heels, I think about how fucking hot Arianna would look in them and I decide this is hopeless. I just put my briefcase on my lap, push it down, and pretend like I’m about to open it to look for something as she talks about my dad’s ideas. All I can think is ‘just please shut up and go the fuck away.’ Then all she has to say is, ‘by the way, congratulations. I heard you are proposing tonight’.

  That solves my problem. Out of everything, bringing up my soon to be fiancée does it.

  I actually manage to listen to the meeting after that.

  As soon as we leave the building, my father is on me.

  “I don’t care what you have going on, Blake. You sure as hell better have it together tonight.”

  “Yes, Sir.”

  “Good. I have a lunch meeting, so meet me back here in two hours.”

  I nod.

  I know very well what his lunch meeting entails. He’s not even discreet enough to hide the woman who I assume his driver picked up while we were at the meeting.

  I start to walk toward the parking garage but decide to keep walking to a shopping center instead. Keeping busy seems like the best way to keep my mind off what’s coming tonight. I spot at a cell phone store and decide that I should get Arianna a phone. She needs a way to reach us in case something happens. At this point, I don’t plan on going back to the island, but I’ll ask my mom to take it to her. I end up getting her a pre-paid phone. Brooke would give me hell if she found out about this, so this is easier.

  I walk out of the store with every intention to go and grab some lunch even though I don’t feel hungry at all, but I end up going into another store instead. I walk in there and ask the cashier if they have the necklaces out on the window in different colors. She leads me to the back and I find myself grinning like a fool. I remember Molly talking about the day when she played princesses with Arianna and how Arianna was a mermaid with a blue tail. Molly somehow jumbled that with her accident in the sea and created this entire elaborate story…. Kids… Nonetheless, the necklace in the silver chain has a pendant with a mermaid who has a blue tail and that makes me think of Arianna. I have no plans to give this to her myself, but I can’t not buy it. I get the necklace and think that maybe Molly can give it to her as a gift.

  I pay for the necklace and put it in my briefcase along with the phone.

  The rest of my day is a blur. My dad drags me to every single one of his meetings, and if it’s not bad enough that I have to propose to Brooke, we also have to celebrate with my family after that.

  I keep glancing at my watch once it’s almost time to meet Brooke. I don’t want to do this to her… even though she’s obviously fine with everything, I mean… she has to know that I don’t love her like that.

  But the person I’m afraid of hurting the most is Arianna. Again, I think about how we just met, but the way she believes in things, the way she looks at me with so much passion and desire… And I barely know anything about her but everything I do know says that she’ll get hurt. I wish I knew more, about this ‘husband’ of hers. Hell, I don’t even know her last name!

  Thinking about her makes the day go by so much faster and then, the moment that I dreaded the most is nearing.

  I get a text from Brooke saying that she’s ready. I tell her I’m running a bit behind and I stop at a bar near the office to get a few drinks. I hate this person I’m becoming, but I don’t think I can get through this if I don’t have a few drinks to relax.

  As instructed, the driver picks me up at the bar and twenty minutes later we stop in front of Brooke’s house.

  I feel sick, but I have to do this now or… well, now. I have no choice.

  She opens the door and leans in to kiss me.

  “Are you okay?” she asks.

  “Yeah, I’m good.”

  “Where are we going?” she asks.

  “It’s a surprise,” I say in a dry tone.

  We get in the car and I ask her to close her eyes, mostly to limit any kind of contact that we have.

  I lean my head back on the seat and close my eyes as well. Arianna’s face is the first thing on my mind. I don’t know how she has this effect on me.

  My dad had said to just show up at the restaurant and that everything would be arranged. How sad is this? I’m about to propose to my future wife and I don’t even know how I’m about to do it. Again, I feel terrible. Brooke might not be the nicest person, but she deserves better. Everyone does. And the worst thing is that I haven’t even put any effort into this. I just couldn’t. It’s as if I’m emotionally blocked, unable to really invest in something that I don’t believe in.

  “We’re here,” says the driver.

  I open my eyes and shake my head.

  “Can I open my eyes?” asks Brooke.

  “Not yet.”

  I get out of the car and help her out, leading her into the restaurant and then into the private room, where there are rose petals on the table, and at the center, there is an open box with a ring, which wasn’t even chosen by me.

  I shake my head once again and tell Brooke to open her eyes.

  She gasps as if she actually didn’t know that this was coming. “YES!” she says. “I’ll marry you.”

  Without taking her eyes off the ring, she goes straight for it, admiring it in the box.

  I can’t help but to roll my eyes. Honestly, I’m glad I don’t have to go as far as actually asking her to marry me, because I’m not so sure the words would come out, and even if they did, it wouldn’t sound meaningful. She turns around and hands me the box. I put the ring on her finger and ask her to wait here so I can see if the others are on their way.

  That’s just an excuse though. I have to get out of here.

  I walk into the bar of the restaurant and order another drink.

  When I go back to the room, Brooke is on her phone, probably posting a picture of the ring on Facebook. She stops to look up at me.

  “The ring is beautiful. I love it!”

  I nod and attempt a smile.

  “There will be an engagement party this weekend,” I say.

  “At the island, right?” she asks excitedly. “I’ve told your parents months ago that when you did propose, I wanted to have the party there.”

  “Yeah.” As much as I hate it, I know there is no changing her mind about the location.

  Then people start to come in; direct family from both sides congratulate us and ask if we have set a date.

  “Three months from today!” says Brooke.

  That is news to me. I give her a puzzled look.

  “That’s all the time I need,” she says.

  With her father staring me down, I can’t even shake my head or give any sign of how much I hate all of this.

  Overall, everyone seems happy, except for my mom, who is well aware that I’m being forced into this. I try to smile whenever I catch her looking at me. She looks truly sad, but she’s as trapped as I am.

  One by one, people start to leave and Brooke starts to drop hints that she’s going to my place.

  “Sorry, ‘sis’,” says Owen. “Tonight, I’m taking my brother out to celebrate.”

  If looks could kill… But Owen doesn’t back down. He
insists by saying that she’ll have me for the rest of my life and that now, it’s his time. She finally gives in.

  I wonder why Owen is being this helpful, but whatever his reasons, it’s likely not worth for me to worry about. Owen is always doing the unexpected, sometimes for his own reasons, other times, just for the hell out of it. For all I know, he could be doing this to get on Brooke’s nerves.

  Finally, we say our good-byes and Owen informs me that he’ll be driving, so I get in the passenger seat.

  In the car, I lean my head back and close my eyes. I don’t even care where we are going, just as long as it’s away from all of this. Next thing I know, I’m waking up and we are close to the boat.

  He hands me the keys and I give him a puzzled look.

  “Are you okay to drive the boat?” he asks.

  I nod.

  “Why?” I ask.

  “Well, bro, sounds to me that you only have three months of happiness left. You might as well enjoy it.”

  “How?”

  “I know you had too much to drink, but don’t play dumb. You want Arianna as much as she wants you. It’s all over your faces.”

  “I’m engaged now. I’m not going to—”

  He cuts me off. “What you do is none of my business. If you want to go to the island, here are the keys. If not, I’ll take you back.”

  I hesitate, but I decide to stay in the car.

  “You know, the poor girl was devastated when she was asking me about you and Brooke earlier today.”

  I don’t even say anything. I grab my briefcase, get out of the car and start to walk toward the boat.

  Chapter Fourteen

  ARIANNA

  I locked myself in the house for hours until I started to drive myself insane. All I could think about was that Blake was with Brooke and possibly proposing to her. That was when I decided to go to the back of the house to explore the island and try to get my mind away from everything.

  On the back of the house, there was a big patio, a pool, and nothing else but trees. I spotted a trail behind the pool and that was where I headed. I started at the trail, but at some point, I got off it and got distracted. I walked for hours and hours trying to find my way back. Eventually, I spotted the end of the trail and made my way back.

  The first sign that there was something wrong was that the back door was open. I walked in, cautiously looking around. There was glass all over the floor in the living room. The walls smelled of alcohol. Looking outside, I saw the boat.

  “Hello?” I said.

  No one responded.

  I took another look outside and saw something lying on the sand. I walked outside and saw that the something was an empty bottle of scotch. Then I saw movement on the boat. Blake was walking inside the boat, and it was clear that he was completely drunk. I rushed to the boat knowing that I couldn’t let him go anywhere like this. Luckily, he hadn’t even untied the boat yet.

  “BLAKE!”

  He looked around and his eyes were wide open. He got out of the boat, falling on the sand. He managed to get his balance and as I ran to help him, he ran toward me.

  When he reached me, he took me down on the sand with him. He fell on top of me, then cupped my face in between his hands, before brushing my hair away from my face, and said, “I thought you were gone, and I knew there was no boat. I thought you—I thought I lost you,” and his lips were on mine and I felt everything that I should not be feeling. Every part of my body was awakened by that kiss and I didn’t care about Owen, Brooke, Bram, or any consequences to anything. I wanted Blake and that was all there was to it.

  His hands wandered around until my head was clear of anything but what I wanted to do with him… to him. I moaned as he kissed me, and the kiss deepened even more. He kissed me until my lips were sore. And then, a wave crashed and I could feel water under me, covering my body, and replacing every single ounce of energy and common sense that I was losing in that kiss. He stopped kissing me and I gasped for air. He helped me up and I was too afraid to look at the rocks, but I couldn’t help it. I looked and Bram was there and I froze. Blake was too drunk to notice it and he just grabbed my hand and practically dragged me to the house.

  Neither of us said anything when we walked in. It was as if we were knocked back into reality. He said he was going to his room and I went into mine to change my clothes. Once I changed into shorts and a tank top, I went back out and started cleaning up the glass and everything else. He must have heard me because he rushed out of his room.

  “You don’t have to do this. It’s my mess. I’ll clean it up.”

  “I don’t mind,” I said.

  “You are making me feel even worse.”

  I gave him a puzzled look.

  “I—” he looked away, avoiding my gaze. “I proposed to Brooke tonight.”

  I dropped the trash bag I was holding and stood up, looking at him.

  “Owen told me you would.”

  “He did?” he gave me a puzzled look.

  “He also told me that the engagement party is going to be here, this weekend.”

  He sighed.

  “I’m sorry. I’d try to get it changed but there is no way around it.” He paused once I didn’t say anything. “What else did Owen tell you?”

  I shrugged and not wanting to talk or think about it, I said, “That was about it.”

  “I’m sorry about earlier,” he said.

  “You don’t have to be sorry. I know you have a lot on your mind.”

  He ran his fingers through his hair. “I wish your weren’t so understanding. I wish you’d tell me off, push me away… tell me to get away from you and not come back.”

  I was taken by surprise that he said that. I knew it would make things easier on him if I turned him away. He wouldn’t be cheating on Brooke if I wasn’t around, but at the same time, he wasn’t even with her because he wanted to be. Unfortunately, as much as I wanted my thoughts to make sense, I knew that was just an excuse to make me feel better about all of this. I still felt bad for Bram every single day. I wished things were different, which was the reason why I understood Blake completely.

  “I—I shouldn’t have done that. In a way, I’m still married and—I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m the one who should be sorry. I didn’t push you away because I understand that being forced into a commitment is—well, I understand you. And I know I’m as wrong to allow things to happen as you are… and I’m the sober one.”

  He started to speak but I cut him off.

  “It won’t happen again.”

  “Arianna, I—”

  His phone ringing interrupted us. He looked at it, “Damnit,” he said.

  He turned around and answered it, walking away.

  “Hey Brooke. No, I’m about to go to bed. …. No, it’s best if you don’t come over. It’s been a long day and I have to be up early…. Yeah… Good night. I love you too.”

  ‘I love you too’. Those words rang in my ears over and over again. With tears in my eyes, I turned around and I was gone and locking my bedroom door as I heard him call after me.

  I watched through the window as the boat left a few hours later. I got out of my room once he was gone. Everything in the house was clean. The glass, the alcohol, and on the coffee table there was a package with a note underneath it.

  I opened the note first.

  “I feel like the longer I’m around you, the more I hurt you. I promise I will stay away from now on. There’s a phone in the box. Please call if you need anything at all. You can call my mom or even Owen if you are not comfortable calling me. And Molly has been telling everyone about how you dressed up as a mermaid when you met. After she told me that, I saw something that made me think of you. I hope this is not crossing the line, although we already crossed every line there is to cross.”

  Inside the box was a silver necklace with a mermaid pendant. A necklace that I would never be able to wear because it reminded me of… me, and it would also be a constant reminder of Blake.
Not that I needed something to make me think of him. He was already always on my mind.

  Chapter Fifteen

  He didn’t show up for the next two days. I kept staring at the phone, which I didn’t even know how to use. I had never felt so alone in my life and I wondered if that was how I would be for the rest of my life. If I stayed, I would be alone. If I returned home, I would be alone too.

  In a way, I was disappointed that I didn’t get to see him before the party.

  That morning, the entire family got to the house first. Well, Cindy, Molly, Owen, and Blake. I was told that his father would be there later along with Brooke, her family, and some friends.

  I was happy to see Molly. She distracted me from Blake’s presence, which was difficult to deal with. As soon as our eyes met, I could barely breathe, so I avoided even looking at him.

  I stayed with Molly in her room for a while, until the caterers got to the island and then I went to help them. One of them spoke French, one of my favorite languages. He was older, close to my father’s age and he even had some similarities that made me miss my dad. We spoke in French as I helped him put the food away and cut some of the ingredients. I was about to go ask Cindy where to store the rest of the food, and when I turned around, I almost walked into Blake.

  “You speak French,” he said, amused.

  I shrugged. “I’m good with languages.”

  There was something in the way he looked at me that I had not seen before. “What other languages do you speak?” he asked.

  “Pretty much any language.”

  He looked shocked. “So you are telling me that you can fluently speak any language.”

  I nodded.

  There was a playful smile on his lips. “Prove it!”

  One of the other caterers walked in, facing me. “Ms. Brooke, Where can I put these?”