Extra Dirty

by K. Evan Coles

  Cam tried hard to put together the pieces of what had happened that night, but none of it made sense. His brain whirled with images of Jesse and Taryn pressed together on the sofa, her hand on his chest, his hand covering hers. Jesse’s hurt expression when Cam accused him of pulling the rug out from under him. The strain in Jesse’s voice as he’d asked Taryn to leave. The tight smile when he’d asked Cam to do the same.

  Eventually, he admitted to himself he needed to read Taryn’s texts. He’d only get half the story, but maybe it would clear up some of his questions.

  Cam took a few deep breaths, then steeled himself to read the messages. They were apologetic, and Taryn claimed Cam had misinterpreted what he’d seen. He scoffed at the idea, but the thought nagged at him while he did laundry and went to the grocery store instead of ordering takeout again. Questions dogged him until he texted her back.

  They exchanged a few messages, and Cam agreed to meet her the following afternoon so they could talk, on the condition of complete privacy.

  He’d never dreaded a conversation more in his life and almost turned back at least three times on the way to Taryn’s apartment. He knocked on the door with a churning in his stomach. Taryn looked subdued when she answered. She’d dressed far more simply than usual, and the only other time Cam had seen her without her signature red lipstick was the time she’d come down with a nasty, lingering cold and he’d dropped off meds he’d picked up from the pharmacy and chicken soup from the deli next door.

  “Thanks for coming over,” she said. “Coffee?”

  “Please.”

  Taryn poured coffee into mugs and Cam sat at the little table by the window with a charming view of an alley with a dumpster. “Are the roommates gone?” he asked, fiddling with a pair of vintage owl salt and pepper shakers.

  “Yeah, I asked them to clear out.” She set a mug in front of him and took a seat across the table.

  “Thanks,” Cam said. “I didn’t want to risk someone overhearing.”

  “Isn’t it a little late to be worried about Jesse’s privacy? We talked about you hooking up with him and Kyle in a cafe.”

  “That was a mistake. Being pissed and hurt doesn’t mean I’ve stopped caring about him.”

  Taryn winced. “That’s why I wanted to talk to you.” She wrapped her hands around her mug and stared down into it. “You misunderstood what happened.”

  “Okay.” Cam rubbed his head, not quite sure how to process that statement. “But why did you have to come on to him, Taryn? Of all people.”

  “Come on, you knew I thought he was hot,” she said, sounding defensive. “And you told me he was free to see anyone.”

  Cam recalled their conversation at the cafe a few weeks ago. “Fuck, I did. I thought you were joking, though. If I’d known you were serious…”

  Taryn let out a small, brittle-sounding laugh. “You’re also the one who took me to meet him.”

  Cam closed his eyes, realizing he’d brought on much of what happened. Taryn and Jesse were both flirtatious people. What had he expected, putting them in the same room together? He wasn’t happy with either of them, but he should have known better. “Yeah, well, you hounded me for days to take you, and I agreed because I needed a buffer,” he explained. “I didn’t think I could handle seeing Jesse without someone there who was on my side. Everyone else there started out as his friend.”

  “I didn’t think it through.” She was silent for a moment, staring down into her coffee. “I think maybe I wanted a shot at him so bad I didn’t see what was actually happening. I’m sorry, Cam. You shouldn’t blame Jesse for any of this.”

  “I get that you feel bad, but you don’t have to defend him. He’s all about the conquest. And I should have seen this coming.”

  “No, you don’t get it. Jesse didn’t do anything. I initiated it all, and he wasn’t having any of it. I followed him in there, Cam. What you saw when you came in was Jesse, well, turning me down.”

  Cam stared at Taryn, open-mouthed.

  “It gets worse.” She looked miserable. “I kinda led him to believe you knew I went in there and that we’d made a bet to cheer him up.”

  Cam listened intently while Taryn described what happened. “A bet to cheer him up? God, what the hell? I would never—”

  “I know. I was just trying to lighten the mood. I—I had no idea he’d take me at my word.”

  “Right,” Cam said, stunned and still trying to absorb what he’d learned. “I don’t even know what to say. Jesse’s had people use him before to get what they want. He must have thought you were doing the same. Maybe that we were doing the same… Fuck!”

  Taryn winced. “Look, it’s shitty I tried to poach your friend with benefits, but I had no idea it would set off this chain of events.”

  “You threw a metaphorical grenade in what was already a fucking disaster. That part was my fault,” Cam said, his tone bitter. “I’d already done plenty to fuck things up.”

  Taryn twisted a lock of hair around her finger. “I hope you know how sorry I am.”

  “I know you are,” Cam said. Taryn was selfish and thoughtless—more so than he’d ever realized—but he wouldn’t call her deliberately cruel.

  “I guess it was my turn to make bad choices.” Her tone was joking, but it fell a bit flat.

  “Yeah, okay. But I’m still baffled about the way everything went down.”

  “I feel terrible.” Taryn wiped at the corners of her eyes. “I’m so embarrassed about the way I behaved. I can’t believe I got both of us kicked out.”

  “That surprised me. I’ve never seen Jesse have someone escorted out,” Cam admitted. “Even if he was upset because he thought we’d made a bet, it seemed over the top.”

  Taryn looked up at the ceiling. “I, um, offered him drugs.”

  “Seriously? What the fuck?”

  “It was just pot and Molly, Cam. Christ. And it’s a fucking bar! How could I have known he’d be the kind of owner with a stick up his ass about that sort of thing?” She sounded defensive again.

  Cam had dropped Molly a few times, but he wasn’t crazy about the way it made him feel, and he’d never done it while spinning. The presence of drugs at Under wasn’t a small thing in Jesse’s and Kyle’s eyes. What part about that did Taryn not get?

  “Jesse and Kyle could get into serious shit if drugs were found on the premises, Taryn.”

  “I’m not saying it was the best choice, but they’ve got more money and power than they know what to do with. They’d be fine.”

  “Jesse might, sure. But Kyle doesn’t have his kind of wealth or power,” Cam snapped. “And neither do the bartenders and other people who work there. Sure, they’re paid well, and Jesse would do whatever he could to protect them, but I’m not surprised he was angry. Jesus. Under is his sanctuary. You brought in something that could threaten it. His reaction makes perfect sense now.”

  “I think you’re both making way too big a deal out of it,” Taryn protested.

  A thought occurred to Cam, and he felt ill. “Please tell me you’re not bringing shit like that into the school.”

  “What? No! Don’t be insane, Cam. I miscalculated things with Jesse and the speakeasy, but I’m not a total idiot. What if the kids got into it?” She shuddered. “Besides, I love my job. I don’t want to lose it.”

  “Yeah, well, that’s how Jesse and Kyle feel about Under. Did you stop and think about that?”

  “Fuck.” A look of remorse crossed Taryn’s face. “No, I didn’t, and that was stupid of me.”

  Some of Cam’s residual anger at her leached out of him at her troubled expression. “Like I said, things were already complicated,” he admitted. “This just made it worse.”

  “I’m so sorry,” she said.

  “I know. I believe you, and you’ve apologized enough. But I need you to do one more thing.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Promise me nothing to do with any of this has been leaked to the press or could be in the future.�
�

  Taryn shook her head vehemently. “No. I haven’t said anything to anyone, I swear. And I won’t. Promise.”

  Cam didn’t stick around much longer. He told Taryn he’d call her when he wanted to hang out again, but he didn’t think that would be anytime soon. It would be a while before he could totally forgive and forget. Perhaps the other teachers at Midtown had been right about her all along. Cam had just been blind to it.

  The first thing Cam did after leaving Taryn’s place was text Kyle.

  I think I fucked up.

  It didn’t take long for him to get a response.

  I think you and Jesse both need to be better at communicating.

  To say the least. I don’t want to put you in the middle of this but is it out of line to ask for advice on how to fix shit?

  He wanted to message Jesse, but he also wanted to be sure he wasn’t going to fuck things up even more.

  Nope. I’d like to help. Come by Under anytime after 4 today.

  Not sure I can face Jesse right now.

  He’s still in London.

  Okay, I’ll be there.

  Cam hopped on the ferry to Manhattan, the words echoing through his head. London. Still in London. How long was Jesse going to be away? Cam had gotten the impression he’d be traveling back and forth. He’d be gone long enough to handle the internet radio deal. Then he’d be back home except for the occasional trip to London for meetings. But now Cam feared Jesse had stayed away because of him. The idea made him sick.

  Cam had brought drama and stress to Jesse’s place of refuge. Who could blame him for wanting to stay gone?

  * * * *

  “Hey, man. Glad you came.” Kyle met Cam at the door and pulled him in for a huge hug. For a moment, Cam sagged against him and let himself be held.

  “You’re being awfully nice to me, considering the circumstances,” Cam muttered against Kyle’s shoulder.

  “Hey, you’re my friend, too.” Kyle gave Cam a squeeze before he let go. “Plus, I feel bad because I’m pretty sure the threesome with me set all of this in motion.”

  Cam shrugged. “Yes and no. Jesse and I were always going to get to this point. And it’s not your fault we’re doing such a shit job at communicating.”

  “There is that.” Kyle tilted his head toward the bar. “Come on. It’s early for booze, but how would you feel about some mint lemonade? I’m trying to expand my selection of mocktails.”

  “Sounds good.”

  Cam followed him across the room and settled on a barstool.

  “So, you said he’s still in London?” Kyle nodded and pulled out a pitcher filled with a pale yellow-green concoction. The sweet, pungent scent filled the air. “I thought he’d be flying back and forth for the acquisition?”

  “That was the original plan. To be honest, I think he stayed to lick his wounds as much as to avoid any additional drama with Taryn. He’s concerned rumors about what happened will land in the gossip rags and the possibility of blackmail or legal action.”

  “Shit.” Cam dropped his head into his hands. “I screwed this up. I should call him.”

  “Jesse’s both pissed off and hurt. I hate to say it, but he doesn’t want to talk to you right now.”

  “Fuck!”

  Kyle patted his shoulder. “He doesn’t get his feelings hurt too often, so when he does, he’s not particularly well-equipped to handle it.”

  Cam raised his head. “What about Isaac?”

  “Jesse’s ex?” Kyle looked surprised. “What about him?”

  “Does Jesse still have feelings for him?”

  “Oh. That’s hard for me to answer, but I’ll do my best. Did their relationship leave Jesse with scars? Sure. Does he want Isaac back? No. They struggled because Isaac wasn’t out. But they had other issues, too. Jesse’s lack of interest in monogamy being one of them.”

  “So, you don’t think he’s staying in London because of Isaac?”

  “What? No. Isaac is quite happy with someone else. He’s not trying to get Jesse back.” Kyle slid a glass of lemonade toward him.

  “Oh.” Cam accepted the drink, relief filtering through him. “I had this whole nightmare scenario built up in my head that he was in love with Jesse and Jesse was in love with him and—”

  Kyle waved a hand to stop him. “I do think they loved each other actually, but no, there isn’t going to be any kind of reunion like that. Jesse will come back, and the two of you can get things straightened out.”

  Cam shook his head. “You know, it’s funny. The last time I was here, you and Jesse made those speeches, and it hit me that you two love each other, too.”

  Kyle winced. “Yeah, but not—”

  “No, I get it. It doesn’t sound like the same thing Jesse had with Isaac, but come on. There’s more there than he admits. He doesn’t recognize that you two are in a relationship, but you are.” It came out more bitter than Cam intended, but Jesse’s and Kyle’s “I love yous” to each other at the party had stung.

  To his surprise, Kyle laughed. “Yeah, I’ve been telling him that for a while.”

  Cam stared at him. “Wait, what?”

  “Don’t misinterpret me. I’m not saying I want Jes to be any more than what he is to me right now. I love the fucking guy, and I hope he’s in my life for a damn long time, but I don’t want more than that. Jes and I, we’re great like this. It may seem casual to a lot of people, but we are in a relationship.”

  “I think I get what you mean,” Cam said. “Jesse doesn’t see it that way, though, does he?”

  “No. He’s hung up on that word and all the baggage that comes with it. He’s hung up on the idea that relationships always lead to marriage, too, or always mean monogamy. He’s so set on being a non-conformist he winds up being more rigid than he needs to be.” Kyle sniffed. “Me, I’m flexible. I want someone who will build a day-to-day life with me. Ideally, I’d like him to be open-minded enough to hop into bed with me and another guy if the mood strikes us. But if I fall head-over-heels for someone who can’t handle that…” He shrugged. “I’ll be fine.”

  “Jesse needs more freedom,” Cam said slowly. The pieces were starting to come together for him.

  “Yes.” Kyle leaned forward. “Can I ask you a few questions?”

  “Sure.” Cam took a sip of his lemonade. Damn, it was delicious.

  “Don’t think about what you think Jesse wants or if you can give it to him. What do you want?”

  “It’s not so far off from what you want,” Cam said. A thoughtful expression crossed Kyle’s face, and Cam jumped in to clarify. “Um, don’t take that to mean I want to start up with you. You’re great and all but—”

  Kyle smiled. “I didn’t think you were going there. I’m in agreement. And, despite some shit Riley gave me the other night, I don’t think either you or Jesse is looking for a permanent triad sort of thing. Nor am I, for that matter.”

  “Yeah, exactly.” Cam laughed in relief. “I do want someone to share my life with, though. My future doesn’t have to include a ring or kids—I don’t want those things. But I have to be a priority to the guy I’m with, you know? I don’t give a shit if we hook up with other people sometimes. I just need to be sure at the end of the day he’s going to come home to me.”

  “That’s not so far off from what Jesse wants, either,” Kyle said, his voice gentle. “I know things are hard right now, but once he’s home, you two need to sit down and talk. And I mean really talk. Not this bullshit you’ve been doing where he chases you around and you don’t tell him anything. That’s been driving him crazy, by the way. You need to lay it all out on the table and see if there’s some kind of compromise that works for both of you.”

  “I hate asking him to be someone he’s not.”

  “That’s why I think you two can make this work,” Kyle said. “Look, man, letting him know how you feel and what you want isn’t asking him to be someone he’s not. Both of you making a few small compromises is totally reasonable. If no one made any, rela
tionships wouldn’t even exist. It would be fucking anarchy.”

  “Yeah, I get what you mean.”

  “So, you’re gonna do this?”

  Cam nodded. “As soon as Jesse gets home, yes.”

  Kyle grinned at him. “Then it’s time I drop some hints to him to get his ass back here. I’m sure he’ll be back in a couple of weeks. You guys can talk then.”

  Cam’s throat tightened at the thought of working things out with Jesse. And with gratitude for Kyle’s reassurance and help. “I can’t thank you enough,” he managed. He hated to wait to speak to Jesse, but he was the one who needed space now. Cam would give it to him.

  Kyle reached out and squeezed his shoulder. “Hey, you’re my friend, and I love the shit out of Jes. I want him to find someone who makes him happy. I think you’re it. And if I can help you two be together, then that makes me happy.”

  Cam cleared his throat and straightened. “That brings me to my next point.”

  “Okay?” Kyle raised an eyebrow at him.

  “Apologizing for what happened with Taryn.”

  “Ah.”

  “And I want to clear some things up.” Cam fidgeted with his glass. “I don’t know how much Jesse told you, but I assume it was everything. Apparently, she claimed we’d made a bet to ‘cheer him up’. I assure you I never made any kind of bet with her.”

  Kyle nodded, his expression grave. “It seemed out of character for you.”

  “Yeah. I get why Jesse freaked out. Taryn also clarified that she initiated everything and he turned her down. I need to apologize for flying off the handle at him.”

  “Okay.”

  “And the drugs.” Cam cleared his throat. “I am pissed at her for that. It was out of line, and I think I got through to her about what a shitty decision she made. She feels bad.”

  “Well, Jesse’s livid,” Kyle admitted. “And so am I. Frankly, Taryn’s not welcome here. We won’t risk this place.”

  “You’ll get no arguments from me there,” Cam said. “That’s fair. There’s one thing I’d like you to tell Jesse, though, if you don’t mind.” Cam wet his lips. “I talked to Taryn and made sure there was zero chance of any of this ending up in the papers. I didn’t think it was likely, and she’s the one who would come out of this looking bad, but I wanted to be sure. I don’t want him worrying about it.”