Mama's Bible

by Mildred Colvin

  One morning Susanna refused to get out of bed. “No, Katie, my tummy hurts.”

  Katie’s heart sank. She wanted to scream. Not Suzy, too. She forced her voice to sound normal. “What do you mean, your tummy hurts? Are you hungry?”

  Susanna clamped a hand to her mouth and shook her head. Her eyes looked wide and dark in her pale face.

  Katie took a step back. “All right. You stay in bed for a while. I’ll tell Mama.”

  Even with Mama’s assurance that she and Suzy would be fine, Katie walked toward the animals with leaden feet, wishing she could stay and take care of her little sister and her mother.

  The next evening, when they stopped for the night, Katie saw Rachel’s brother, Daniel, running toward her. Her heart lurched as her first thought was of Suzy.

  Daniel cupped his mouth and called. “Katie, Rachel said for you to go to the wagon. I’ll take care of your cows.”

  Katie’s heart constricted in fear. “Is Suzy—” Tears filled her eyes and she couldn’t continue.

  Sympathy clouded Daniel’s blue eyes, but he shook his head. “I’m sorry, I don’t know. She just said to hurry and get you. You’d better go. I’ll take over here.”

  Katie ran with her skirts slapping against her legs, stumbling across the distance to the wagon where Mama and Tommy waited with Suzy. As she ran, waves of nausea swept through her body, and she stopped for a moment to release the fear-induced heaving of her stomach. She spit vomit from her mouth and wiped her lips, angry at her own weakness. She could not be sick. She wasn’t sick. It was fear and grief upsetting her stomach. That and the helpless feeling that would not go away.

  Again, she ran until she reached the wagon. She grabbed the rough wooden side and hung on until the pounding in her head subsided and her breathing no longer sent searing pains through her lungs. She heard voices inside and realized they were praying for Susanna’s healing.

  She was still alive! Weakness washed over Katie and she sagged against the outside of the wagon. Great sobs shook her body. With her head on her arms, she cried until she felt there were no tears left.

  A gentle touch on her shoulder let her know she wasn’t alone. “She’s going to be all right, Katie. We prayed and the fever just now broke. Suzy’s better.”

  Katie looked up into the smiling face of her older brother. “Oh, Tommy.” She launched herself into his loving arms and tears of joy rolled down her cheeks.

  After a moment, Tommy’s voice, sounding gentler than she ever remembered, vibrated against her ear. “Are you all right?”

  Katie nodded and stepped away, wiping at her face. Rachel and Mama climbed from the wagon with smiles lighting their faces.

  Mama hugged Katie. “Suzy is sleeping now, but you can see her if you want.”

  Katie climbed in the wagon and bent over her sleeping sister to smooth a lock of hair from her face. “Thank you, God.”

  She brushed her tears away and went back outside.

  ~*~

  That night Mama got her Bible out and read Psalm 23. “The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.”

  Jason sat on the ground between Tommy and Katie. Rachel sat beside Katie with Suzy lying across their laps. The Bartlett family slipped over from their wagon and found places to sit on the ground. The Taylors brought chairs to sit in.

  Mama read the fourth verse. “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil. Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me.”

  As Katie heard David’s beautiful words, something stirred deep within her heart. She longed to be cared for as the sheep in the Psalm. To place the burden of life in hands strong enough to carry anything no matter how heavy. The shepherd was God, and the sheep were His people. She wasn’t His, and she couldn’t expect Him to care for her as one of His own. She looked at the others—Jason, Tommy, Rachel, and Mama. If only she could replace the turmoil in her heart with the peace she saw reflected on each of their faces as they listened to God’s promises. A deep longing welled in her heart. Oh, how she wanted to give up the hurt and rebellion.

  Chapter 13

  “Mama, please sit down and rest. I can do this.” Katie pulled the second mattress out of the back of the wagon and leaned it against the side with the other. She sighed. One whole day to rest. Fort Bridger should have supplies, too, that they sorely needed.

  “I don’t like for you to have to do everything.” Mama eased her swollen body into the rocker.

  Katie looked at her mother who was well into her ninth month. “Just rest, Mama. I don’t want to lose you, too.”

  Mama placed a hand on her well-rounded stomach. She leaned back and closed her eyes so Katie climbed into the wagon and straightened things that had been used recently. The work kept her from thinking about the inner upheaval she felt almost continually since her father’s death. Mama’s Bible drew her like a moth to a flame. Yet with each reading her discontent intensified along with the knowledge that something was lacking in her life.

  ~*~

  After Fort Bridger, the company turned northwest toward Fort Hall. With each day that passed, Katie’s concern for her mother grew as her time drew near. The only time she left her mother’s side was when she had to drive the cattle. As a result, her nerves were on edge most of the time so that she snapped at Suzy or Tommy with the least provocation.

  Finally Mama spoke to her about it. “Katie, would you like to tell me what is wrong.”

  Katie looked up from the water she had just sloshed when she set it down in haste. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “Come sit beside me and let’s talk.”

  Katie sank to the ground at her mother’s feet, unsure if she wanted this conversation. What good would it do? Only stir up more confusion in her mind.

  Mama stroked her hair with a loving hand. “I know it’s been hard. So many lives lost and we still aren’t there. Yet God has been good to us, too. When others died of mountain fever, God allowed us to keep Suzy. Can you tell me what’s troubling you?”

  Tears welled in Katie’s eyes as she felt her mother’s gentle hand against her head. “I hurt so bad right here.” She placed her hand over her heart. “I’m worried about you and the baby. I feel so mixed up inside. I don’t know what to do, Mama.”

  “Honey, God is calling you to Him.”

  Katie looked up through her tears. “But, Mama, God doesn’t want me.”

  Mama’s hand stilled. “What do you mean?”

  “I was so angry with Dad. I hated him for taking our home away from us. I hated him for making you travel when you should be in Missouri in your house. It was your farm, Mama, not his. And I hated him for dying. But that doesn’t matter now, does it? Because he’s gone. He’s gone and I can’t tell him I’m sorry.” Her voice broke, and she swallowed hard against the tears choking her. “I can’t tell him I forgive him. And I hate him for that, too.”

  “No, you can’t tell Dad, but you can tell God.” Mama’s hand moved to again stroke Katie’s hair.

  “A ray of hope touched Katie’s heart. “Would that help?”

  Mama smiled. “Yes, it would help. Jesus said in Matthew: ‘Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest.’ That’s all you have to do. Just come to Jesus in prayer. He has told us in His word, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive our sins.’ All you have to do is tell Jesus you are sorry, ask Him to forgive you, then believe that He has.”

  Katie looked up at her mother with wide eyes. “That’s all?”

  “Yes, darling, that is all.”

  Katie was tired of the hate. She was tired of the guilt. What would it hurt to do as Mama’s suggested? It might even help. With faith as of a small child, she bowed her head. “I’m so sorry, Jesus.”

  Those few words released a flood of tears. “Please forgive me. Take this anger away and give me peace.”

  Katie’s simple prayer flowed as she opened her heart and released the restlessness she’d c
arried for too long. Peace spread through her as balm to her soul. She lifted her head. “Thank you, Mama. I love you so very much.”

  Tears glistened in Mama’s eyes. “Oh, Katie, you have made me very happy. I love you, and I’m so proud of you.”

  That night Katie went to sleep almost as soon as she settled down and slept peacefully until the wee hours of the morning when she awoke to a sound. Again she heard a low moan, as someone in pain.

  Her eyes flew open all sleep gone. Mama!

  Katie sat up in bed and reached across the wagon for her mother. She touched her forehead and felt the moisture of perspiration.

  Mama’s voice in the darkness sounded forced. “I had hoped we could wait until we got to Fort Hall, but I guess not.”

  Katie’s heart thumped in her chest. “What do I do, Mama?”

  “Wake Tommy and have him get Mrs. Bartlett, then come back. Tell him to hurry. My babies always come fast. And Katie, take Suzy to Mrs. Morgan.”

  “I will.” Katie scrambled to the end of the wagon and climbed down. Tommy woke instantly when she touched his shoulder. “It’s Mama’s time. Go get Mrs. Bartlett.”

  Tommy didn’t speak, but hurried off to get the midwife.

  Katie climbed back into the wagon and pulled Susanna from her bed. She laid her still sleeping little sister at the back end and climbed down before picking her back up. Her heart raced. What if Mama had the baby before she could get back. She said to hurry, but she’d have to wake Mrs. Morgan and that would take time.

  “Katie, I’m here.” Rachel’s voice came from the darkness between the wagons.

  “Oh, thank you, Lord.” Katie handed her little sister to Rachel.

  “I’ve got her.” Rachel’s arms closed around the little girl. “You go on. She’ll be fine.”

  With no more than a passing thought of how Rachel knew she needed help, Katie hurried back to her mother.

  “Katie.” Mary’s voice sounded strange. “It’s time. You’ll have to help me.”

  The truth hit Katie as a physical blow. Never before had she heard fear in her mother’s voice. A tremble moved through her body. “Mama, what do I do?”

  “The baby’s coming, Katie. I’m sorry. You’ll have to take him now.”

  Katie saw the baby’s head emerging. A sound of half groan, half scream came from her mother and sent chills down Katie’s back. But she had no time to think as her little brother made his debut into the world and landed in her outstretched hands.

  As his first cries split the air, Mrs. Bartlett stuck her head into the wagon before climbing up. “Let’s get that cord tied off, then I’ll check on your mama.”

  Katie turned with her brother in her arms. Her heart pounded so loud in her ears that she had trouble thinking. “Mrs. Bartlett, I am so glad to see you. I don’t know what to do.”

  The older woman’s grim expression did little to reassure her. She bustled about taking care of the baby and mother. Then she turned to Katie. “Send Tommy for Doctor Clark.”

  Katie didn’t stop to question, but ran to the opening in back. Tommy and Rachel worked together to build up the campfire to warm some water. “Tommy, we need Dr. Clark quickly.”

  His head jerked up before he took off in a run.

  Katie turned back and met Mrs. Bartlett who thrust the newborn, wrapped tightly in a blanket, into her arms. “I’ll let you bathe him now.”

  Katie moved again to the end of the wagon and stepped out of the doctor’s way as he climbed in. She crouched down near the opening. Surely the water hadn’t had time to warm yet.

  “Tommy. Rachel.” She called softly to them. “Come see what I have. We have a little brother.”

  Both hurried to look. “Oh, Katie, he’s beautiful.” Rachel pulled the edge of the blanket back so they could see him in the predawn light.

  Katie smiled. “He’s not cleaned up yet. But you are right. He is beautiful.”

  “Boys can’t be beautiful, but he looks fine.” Tommy didn’t smile. “How’s Mama?”

  Katie shook her head and glanced back where the doctor leaned over their mother. “I don’t know. Dr. Clark’s taking care of her.”

  “The water should be warm enough now.” Rachel turned away to get a basin for the baby’s first bath.

  “Tommy, why is Rachel here?” Katie couldn’t resist asking.

  “I guess she wants to help.” Tommy glanced toward Rachel. “Actually, I’m glad she’s here.”

  “How’d she know we needed her?” Katie frowned, remembering. “I mean when I took Suzy to her mother, she met me before I even asked.”

  Tommy looked away with the hint of a grin. “Um, that’s my fault. I got turned around and went to the Morgan’s instead of the Bartletts.”

  Katie lifted her eyebrows.

  Before she could speak, Rachel came with the basin of warm water and set it inside the wagon where Katie could reach it. Katie stared at it. “I don’t know if I can do this.”

  “Don’t look at me.” Tommy stepped back with his hands up.

  Rachel smiled at him before turning to Katie. “You can do it, Katie. I’m sure he’s tougher than he looks. Just be gentle.”

  Katie took a deep breath and began. Her hand trembled and she jerked back when the baby let out a tiny cry and stiffened. As soon as he relaxed, she tried again and finished as quickly as she could then wrapped him in a clean blanket.

  “Would you like to hold him?”

  Rachel smiled and nodded, so she handed her precious brother to her friend. “I want to check on Mama.”

  She crept near where the doctor and midwife continued working with her mother, but she didn’t understand their concern. Mama appeared to be resting. “Doctor Clark, is something wrong?”

  The doctor barely glanced her way. “She’s hemorrhaging. Tell your brother to ask Mr. Colton to delay our start this morning by at least an hour.”

  Fear clutched Katie’s heart as she turned to obey.

  ~*~

  David Karl Donovan was so sweet. Katie couldn’t have asked for an easier baby to care for. Mama was still weak and could do very little, so much of his care fell on her willing shoulders. Jason stopped by that evening to meet the new Donovan.

  Katie had him wrapped in a blanket even though the evening was warm. She smiled at Jason when he knelt beside her rocking chair. “Do you want to hold him?”

  “Sure.”

  Katie raised her eyebrows at his quick response. She stood and handed the baby to him. “Would you like to sit in the rocker?”

  Jason held the small bundle as if he took care of babies all the time. He shook his head as he looked down at the sleeping baby. “That’s all right. He doesn’t weigh anything, does he?”

  Katie shook her head. “Doctor Clark thought he weighed about seven pounds.” She watched Jason cuddle her baby brother. Where had he learned to hold a baby? Most men she knew seemed awkward around babies. Even Tommy didn’t want to hold him too often. But Jason acted like holding Davy was the most natural thing in the world.

  “Have you been around babies much?” She couldn’t resist asking.

  Jason lifted his head. “No, why do you ask?”

  “Because you seem so comfortable holding him.”

  Jason laughed. “I am comfortable. If you mean how do I know to support his head, that’s easy. I’ve heard that baby’s necks are floppy and I’ve seen other people hold babies. It doesn’t take a genius to hold one, does it?”

  “No, I guess not.” Katie sat back in the rocker. “Jason.”

  His attention remained on the baby. “Hmm?”

  “I wanted to tell you what happened to me the evening before Davy was born.”

  He looked at her as if searching her face for the answer.

  “Mama prayed with me, and I accepted Jesus as my savior.”

  Jason’s face lit up with his wide grin before he laughed. “Praise the Lord! You couldn’t have told me anything better than that, Katie. I’m really glad to hear it.”

&nb
sp; Katie relaxed as Tommy joined them. She let the two men talk until bedtime without her input.

  ~*~

  Jason sat and listened to Tommy talk about the journey ahead while his mind whirled. Katie had accepted the gift of salvation. They were no longer at odds in their beliefs. What did that mean for him? And for her?

  “We’re over halfway to Oregon now.” Tommy’s voice penetrated his thoughts. “I’ll be glad when we can settle into our own homes.”

  “Yes, I think we all will.” Jason let his gaze shift to Katie. She lifted a heavy iron skillet from the wagon. She was probably getting ready to fix supper.

  He shifted to the rocker, still holding the baby. As he settled him in the crook of his arm and set the rocker moving, he let his imagination run wild as if Katie was fixing supper for him and Davy was their child.

  “What are your plans once we get there?” Again Tommy broke into his musings.

  Jason frowned. He’d better keep his mind on Tommy. Katie probably had her own plans made with Clay Monroe. If he kept pretending and wishing for things he couldn’t have, he’d only get hurt. He shook his head. Tommy asked about his plans.

  “I’d like to have my own place. Some land to make a living on.” He looked down at the sleeping baby. “Maybe settle down and raise a family.”

  Tommy chuckled. “Looks like you’d be good at it the way you’re holding Davy. I’m always afraid I’ll drop him or hit his head against something. You look like you know what you’re doing.”

  Jason grinned. “That’s what Katie said. The truth is, I don’t know much, but I figure a baby can’t be that hard to hold. He doesn’t weigh hardly anything.”

  “Yes, but that’s what scares me. Because he’s so little.”

  “You have a point.” Jason felt the slight weight against his arm and found he liked it. A lot. Maybe someday he’d have a son as special as little Davy. If this child grew to be like his older brother, Karl, he’d be a very special child indeed.

  Jason watched Katie mix something in a bowl. She’d make Clay a wonderful wife. His heart constricted at the thought, and he shifted his gaze to Tommy. “Yes, we’re halfway there and that only means we have another long, hard journey ahead of us.”