A Broken Fate

by Cat Mann

  ****

  “Shit!” I said aloud to myself. “Gross.” I had peed the bed. I tore off the blankets and freed my tangled feet from the sheets. As fast as I could, I made my way to the shower and turned the showerheads on. I was still fully clothed. I rinsed out my clothes and then began to peel them off my wet skin. I washed myself completely and then washed again. I climbed out of the shower and dried off.

  Someone was knocking on the front door. I assumed it was Aggie coming to “check on me.” She would just have to wait. Scurrying off to the closet, I found some clean clothes and then combed out my wet hair. I pulled the sheets and blankets from my bed and carried them, with much disgust for myself, down to the laundry room. The pounding on my front door continued.

  I started the wash and shoved all the sheets into one load. As I reached for the detergent, I stole a glance out of the laundry room window. The window looked out onto our long, curvy driveway. I cocked my head to the side. There was a beaten, old, blue Honda parked outside. No one I knew drove a car like that. The pounding on my front door grew stronger and louder. I slammed the washer lid and ran through the house. I snuck into the study where the window looks out at both the driveway and the front door. I peeked out of the shades. My heart was pounding though my chest. I blinked.

  “Misha?” I said aloud to myself.

  I took a moment to catch my breath and then walked to the door. I slid back the lock and eased open the door.

  “I need to talk to Ari,” was the first thing that came out of her very angry mouth.

  “Ari isn’t home.” I blinked at her and she pushed her way through the door into my entryway.

  “When will he be home?”

  “To be perfectly honest with you, I don’t even know what time it is. I can’t even tell you what day it is. Can I help you with something?”

  “Yeah,” she snapped. “What the hell have you got that I don’t, huh? Is it money? Do you think you’re better than me because you are some stupid rich girl? Is that it? Why do you get to sit in this huge house and play little housewife all day in your designer clothes and your manicured toes and I have to sneak out of my own shitty apartment when Nick’s mom decides to drop by for a surprise visit?”

  “Ohhh. Hang on, I’ll get you something to drink. Ari should be home a little after six. What time is it now?”

  “Four.”

  Great. I nodded and invited Misha in past the entryway. She followed me through the house and into the kitchen. I put on a kettle of tea.

  “So … do you want to talk about it or would you rather just wait for Ari?” I asked awkwardly.

  “We have been dating for three years,” Misha started. “And the only people who know about our relationship are Collin, Nigel, Rachel, Ari and now you.” She said the last part with major distaste in her tone. “Do you know how much it hurts me to listen to you all plan birthday parties and family holidays and to know that I will never be invited, I will never be included, you will never make me feel like I belong? I can’t take this anymore. I hate feeling this way. Thanksgiving is in two days, I haven’t got the money to go home to my folks and Nick will be here with you guys and I will be at home in our apartment all weekend long alone.”

  Misha seemed a bit strange. Her words were rushed and her eyes were glassed over. She kept moving her hands nervously about, and then would rest them lightly over her stomach before running her fingers forcefully through her hair.

  I blinked at her, unsure of what to say.

  “Um. Well, I am not exactly the right person for you to be seeking advice. I am kinda messed up myself at the moment. But, I think what Nick has done with your relationship is wrong. I think you deserve much better. If he loves you – I mean really loves you – he would be proud of you, you know? He would want to show you off and welcome you into his family. I cannot imagine how you must feel, Misha. If you want I can give you money for an airline ticket or gas or whatever you need to get home for the holiday.”

  “I don’t want your stupid money,” she spat. “I want Nick to move forward in this relationship. I want him to make us public. I want to be like Ari and Ava.”

  My heart sunk. The air left my lungs. “Ari and I aren’t perfect … ” I started.

  “Don’t give me that crap.” Misha cut me off. “The whole entire universe knows how much Ari loves you. He knocked the world off its axis to get you home when you went missing. He loves you, only you. You are his life. If you two aren’t perfect it’s because of something you are doing wrong, not him.”

  “Well, I won’t argue with you on that last part.”

  “I’m outta here.” Misha stood up angrily.

  “Wait, no … don’t leave. Ari will be back soon and he can talk with you. He always knows the right things to say.”

  “I can’t sit here any longer and listen to how ungrateful you are for all you have. A husband who would do anything for you, a family who stands behind you and supports you, this house, that ring.” She pointed to my wedding ring. “You are an ungrateful, spoiled, selfish brat. You don’t do anything for anyone. I hate you just as much as I hate the rest of the Alexanders.”

  I nodded, stood up and showed Misha to the entryway. I did not say another word. I opened the door and then locked it behind her. I walked back to my bedroom and found my cell phone. I turned my phone back on and I called Ari’s cell but he didn’t answer. I called his work phone and it went to his voicemail. I opted out of voicemail and after several rings, his assistant picked up the line.

  “Thank you for calling baio! You have reached the office of Ari Alexander, this is Fauna speaking. How may I assist you today?”

  “This is Ava. May I please speak with Ari?” My voice was small.

  “Ava! Can you please hold on a sec? Ari has been trying to reach you. He is down the hall now; I’ll page him for you.”

  A moment passed. “Ava.” Ari’s voice was so warm. My heart sputtered and thumped at his soothing tenor.

  “Will you come home? I’ve had a bad day.”

  “Of course. I am on my way.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Anything for you, Ava; you know that.”

  Ari made record time and was home within the hour.

  “I am sorry for the way I acted in front of your dad.” I said into Ari’s chest as he held me in his arms.

  Ari nodded slowly. “You are going to have to tell him that yourself, Ava.”

  “I will. I promise.” I looked up at Ari. We were swaying gently to and fro in the living room. “I had a nightmare. When I woke up, I … I peed the bed.”

  “Oh, Baby.” Ari held me tighter and kissed the top of my head. He smiled and then laughed a bit.

  “It’s not funny!”

  “No, it’s not. It’s just … of all the secrets you keep from me.”

  I opened my mouth to protest but Ari placed his pointer finger on my lips to stop me.

  “Of all the secrets you keep from me, and I know you keep a lot of things from me, Ava, I can’t believe you actually told me that.”

  I shrugged. “Well, I thought you should know; I was sleeping in your spot in bed.”

  “Gross!” He laughed and then I laughed, too.

  “It was just a little bit and I washed the bedding!”

  Ari held me closer to him. His arms were so strong and warm. He continued to rock us back and forth – a slow dance to no music.

  “Tell me what happened to you, Ava. Tell me what he did to you. Tell me what you did to them. Tell me what you see when you sleep.”

  I stopped moving. “No.”

  Ari dropped his arms to his side, letting me go. He turned to walk away, paused and then turned back to face me. He opened his mouth to speak and then closed it again. Ari ran his long fingers through his dark and unruly hair.

  “We are having dinner tonight at my parent’s home. You can apologize to my dad then.”

  “Okay,” I looked up at Ari from under my lashes.

  “I have work t
o do.” He walked passed me on the way to our study. He closed the door behind him.

  I stood there alone for what felt like ages. I hated what I had done to my marriage. I hated who I’d become. I had isolated myself from everyone I knew, from everyone who has come to love me and accept me. Misha was right. I was ungrateful, spoiled and selfish. I was going to die, this I knew. No. 7 would come for me and I would accept him. I would accept my death. My family would be the ones who would suffer, they would be the ones who would end up hurt and would cry for me. Just like they had every other time I faced death, every other time I turned away from them, lied to them and betrayed their trust.

  I heard Ari walk up behind me. He ran his fingers through my hair and pushed my long waves over my shoulder. Ari trailed kisses down the length of my neck. I closed my eyes and rolled my head to the side to grant him access. Ari wrapped his hands around my front and brought his lips to my ear. I moaned very quietly at his soft touch.

  “Time to go,” he whispered.

  I let out a sigh and walked with him next door to his mom and dad’s house.

  Aggie was just putting a dish in the oven. She was chatting up Andy as Ari and I walked through their door. I felt out of place in the Alexander’s home for the very first time. I felt as though I was an outsider, an intruder. I thought back to Misha – how she must have felt like a parasite wreaking havoc on the Alexander’s empire.

  “Andy.” The sound of my voice was pathetic, weak and pitiful. “I love you like a father.” I immediately began to cry. “I am so sorry for the things I said.” I shook my head at myself. “I’m not fine.” I admitted, aloud, for the first time and doing so felt good, a very small weight had been lifted from my chest.

  Andy nodded and stood up, he motioned for me to follow him to his office. I looked up at Ari as he unlaced our fingers and gestured for me to go with his father. The look on Ari’s face told me that I was in big trouble.

  I walked, unsure, to Andy’s office. He closed the door behind him and took a seat at his big desk. Andy indicated with his palm that I should take a seat across from him. I sat and crossed my ankles; I looked down at my lap.

  “Look at me.”

  I looked up at Andy.

  “Do not ever speak to me or Aggie that way again.” Andy’s voice was authoritative.

  “I won’t. I’m sorry.”

  “I’ve raised my own kids, Ari and Lauren and then I had Julia all of her teenage years.” Andy rolled his eyes at the last bit. “I have had my fair share of Nick and Rory’s antics. Ava, you are by far my most challenging, my most independent and certainly my most troubled. But you are mine, you are my family and I love you. I love that you married my son. I love that one day you will be the mother of my grandchildren. I love how hard you work to be uniquely you. You are right though, you are not fine. You are not fine at all, Ava. You are but a bird that has escaped from its cage, your wings clipped, you spirit shattered, the song gone from your heart. You are a broken fate, Ava. You are exposed but we can fix you, help you fly and sing again – all you have to do is talk. You don’t have to tell me what happened, but can you tell me what’s bothering you?”

  I nodded and looked down in my lap again. “I am having a hard time coming to grips with what happened to me when I was kidnapped. He did bad things to me, Andy. I don’t know how I survived those bad things. The images in my mind are right out of a horror movie. There was so much blood, pain and fear. I was so scared. I am still so scared.”

  “You don’t need to be scared anymore, Ava. Damien Kakos can’t get you. He is dead. You are safe now.”

  I opened my mouth to protest. I wasn’t safe. No. 7 was out there. We were all at risk. I quickly snapped my mouth shut. I nodded at Andy.

  Andy stood up and I followed suit. “You may not be fine, Ava, but I know you will be. You are the strongest woman I know. We are all going to get through this together.”

  “Mmm hmm.”

  I walked with Andy back to the kitchen. Aggie and Ari were seated at the island. They were talking about the upcoming holiday. They both looked up at us and turned quiet when Andy and I walked through the doorway. I bit at a fingernail and walked up to Ari’s side. He wrapped his arm around my waist.

  “Ava?” Aggie said.

  “Hmm?”

  “Would you mind helping me out tomorrow with cleaning the house? I need to get things in order for Thanksgiving.”

  “Yeah, sure; I can help. I’ll come over in the morning when Ari leaves for work.”

  “Great!”

  The oven beeped and Aggie slipped a potholder on her hand. She opened the oven door. The kitchen filled with the smell of tuna noodle casserole. My cheeks filled with air, my stomach rolled and heaved with revulsion. I covered my hands over my mouth and ran. I made it to the bathroom with a nano-second to spare, I dropped to my knees and puked out my guts.

  Ari rushed in to the bathroom after me. I tried to push him back. I hated him seeing me that way. He did not relent, Ari scooped my hair up in one hand and held it on top of my head. He pressed his free hand to my forehand checking to see if I had a temperature.

  “Tuna,” I choked, “the smell.” I thought back to No. 6. The way his house would smell in the evening. He ate tuna every night. His breath reeked. I could smell it on his lips, his fingers.

  I took a fast breath and continued to get sick. Ari pulled at a hair tie of mine that he kept around his own wrist and knotted it around my hair, keeping the strands away from my face.

  He got up and turned the faucet on, then handed me a cool, wet cloth. It felt so refreshing against my hot skin. My stomach began to calm down and the queasiness receded. I leaned my back against the wall and caught my breath. Ari handed me a bottle of water. I chugged it, handed the bottle back to Ari and then closed my eyes.

  “Feeling better?”

  I nodded, “A bit, yeah.”

  Ari opened the bathroom door. I heard him walk halfway down the hall and start to rummage through Aggie’s linen closet. He reappeared back in the bathroom moments later. He reached his hand out and wiggled his fingers, indicating that I should grab hold. I slid my hand in to his and he pulled me to my feet. Ari took a new toothbrush from the pack and loaded it with minty toothpaste.

  I smiled and began to scrub out my mouth.

  “Tuna, huh? Never bothered you before…”

  I spit toothpaste out into the sink and shrugged at Ari. I handed him the toothbrush and he raised his eyebrow at me.

  We walked together back to the kitchen. Aggie was slipping foil onto her casserole dish. On the table were four plates. Each plate held a peanut butter sandwich, carrots and apple slices.

  We sat and ate together, the four of us, Ari, Andy, Aggie and I. Andy and I talked together about House to Home and an upcoming fundraiser that was currently in the works. He asked me to make a few contacts after the holiday and I agreed. I did not contribute much more to the conversation after that.

  Ari and I walked home in silence. I donned my usual pajamas – his boxers and shirt – and sank into the sheets. Ari joined me in the bedroom before long and we each sat up in bed, Ari reading through notes for school while I worked on compiling a list of contacts for the House to Home fundraiser. It was late, well past midnight when I yawned. Ari turned to me.

  “Tired?”

  “Mmm,” I nodded.

  “Me too.” He took my work out of my hand and shuffled his papers in order. He placed them both on his bedside table and turned off the light. Ari pulled me close to his side, kissed the top of my head and nuzzled his face into my hair.

  “Ari?”

  “Hmmm?”

  “Do you think I am selfish?”

  “What on Earth would possess you to ask that question?” Ari asked softly in my ear.

  “I dunno.”

  “No, Ava. I do not think you are selfish. Do you have any idea how much money you’ve donated in the last three months to different charitable organizations?”

  “
Not really, no.”

  “One hundred thousand dollars.”

  “How would you know that?”

  “I get the mail, Baby. I keep all your tax receipts.”

  “Oh … ”

  “So no, I do not think you are even remotely selfish. The idea is absurd.”

  “Do you think I am ungrateful?”

  Ari sighed. “No. Where is this coming from? What are you dwelling on? Did my dad say these things to you?”

  “No, no, of course he didn’t. He would never say something like that.”

  “Then where is this coming from, Baby? What is it that has you upset?”

  “Misha came here today looking for you. She said some stuff … ”

  Ari sat up and turned the bedside light on. “What?” he snapped.

  “Yeah … she came here this afternoon looking for you. She wanted to talk. She was pissed as all get out over her relationship with Nick. She came in the house and we talked for a bit. I guess I said something that upset her. She said that I was ungrateful for all I had, that I was selfish and spoiled. She told me she hated me.”

  Ari was pissed. He ran both hands through his messy hair with his jaw clenched tight. “Listen to me very carefully, Ava. You are none of those things. Ok?”

  Ari climbed out of bed and grabbed his cell phone.

  “What are you doing?”

  “Fixing this. Now.” Ari held his cell phone up to his ear as he spoke to me. I could hear a tired, muffled voice answer the phone on the other end of the line. Ari immediately began to cuss and yell.

  He said things like “leave her out of this.” And “figure your shit out, Nick. Ava doesn’t need to deal with your issues.” Ari’s words were harsh and angry. They talked for a while and slowly Ari began to tone his voice down, he still sounded angry though. When he finally did end the phone call, he came back to me in bed. Ari put his hands on my face.

  “You are not selfish, you are not ungrateful … If you are spoiled, Ava, then that is my own fault. I put you on a very tall pedestal; I love to make you happy. Making you happy brings me great pleasure. Our life and our happiness is no one’s business but our own. Misha had no right to show up at our home and harass you. Nick will make sure that never happens again.”

  He mashed my cheeks together between his palms and kissed my puckered lips. I let out a giggle and Ari smiled very brightly.

  “I am worried about Misha; she was really upset, Ari.”

  “Misha has a world of issues, Ava. She has her own demons that are far more challenging than her screwy relationship with my cousin.”

  “Issues? Like what?”

  Ari shook his head. “That is none of our business, Baby. Do you think you can sleep now or do you want me to stay up with you?”

  I yawned in response. Ari turned the bedside light off again and pulled me, once again, very tightly to his warm chest. I snuggled my face into his skin. I could feel the small splay of his chest hairs against my cheek. I inhaled Ari’s calming scent, freshly cut grass and clean sea air. I reached my arm around him and ran my fingers through his hair a few times before I finally dozed off to sleep.