by Sarah Forbes
As she spoke, Elspeth realized that Rory was looking very serious. “Rory, are you OK?” she asked.
Rory gulped and nodded. “Just a bit seasick. It’s a dangerous plan, Elspeth,” he said, “but I trust you. Count me in.”
The next day, the HMS Unsinkable pitched and lurched on a dark and stormy sea, as Elspeth and Rory made their way along the ventilation shaft above Miss Crabb and Gladys Goulash’s cabin. Elspeth’s heart was banging so loudly that she was worried it would give them away. She tried not to think about what Miss Crabb would do if she caught her. Take her prisoner? Lock her in a cupboard? Or something truly terrible, like throwing her into a sea full of hungry sharks? Elspeth took a deep breath to calm herself. She thought about Miss Crabb getting away with her parents’ secret recipe and narrowed her eyes. She couldn’t let that happen.
Elspeth raised the panel gently and peered down. The cabin was empty. Just like before, there were plates of half-eaten food lying around and lots of dirty clothes. This time the heating was on full blast, too, and the cabin was horribly hot and stuffy.
Elspeth dropped into the room and paused at the foot of one of the beds. She thought back to Miss Crabb’s secret diary. ‘Where nobody would dare to look … too many spying eyes…’
Where haven’t I looked? Elspeth asked herself. She quickly opened up Miss Crabb’s suitcase, but it was empty. She peered under the bed, but could only see banana skins and dirty socks. And then she spotted something that she recognized – Miss Crabb’s sweetie jar. It used to sit in a dark, sticky corner of the pantry in the Pandora Pants School for Show-offs. Miss Crabb loved to eat big gobstoppers, and she used to scare the smaller children by threatening to steal their eyes and turn them into sweets.
“Spying eyes!” Elspeth murmured to herself. “Could it be…?”
She reached under the bed and pulled out the glass jar. The eyeball gobstoppers stared up at her as Elspeth turned the jar upside down and shook it hard.
Sure enough, there was a piece of paper wedged in there, folded up very small. Elspeth took the lid off the jar and poured the gobstoppers out on to the bed. She pulled the paper out and opened it up, hardly daring to look. But she recognized her own handwriting at once.
She finally had the recipe back.
Just at that moment, the storm quietened down. The ship stopped rocking from side to side and Elspeth stood still for a second, clutching the recipe tightly in her hand. It was the most wonderful feeling.
But then the spell was broken by the sound of heavy footsteps coming down the corridor.
“Elspeth! Hurry!” Rory hissed.
Elspeth shoved the recipe into her trainer, pushing it down as far as it would go, and hurled herself up on to the bed. She jumped up and grabbed Rory’s hands. He pulled as hard as he could, and Elspeth kicked and squirmed to get her legs inside the hatch.
“Quickly!” Rory cried.
But Elspeth wasn’t quick enough.
Her feet were still dangling down when the door flew open. And Miss Crabb spotted her at once.
“You little varmint, what are you doing here?” shrilled Miss Crabb at the top of her lungs. She launched herself across the room and grabbed Elspeth’s ankle.
Elspeth struggled, clinging on to Rory, but it was no use – Miss Crabb was stronger. She hauled at Elspeth’s foot with her claw-like hands until Elspeth couldn’t hang on any more, and she tumbled down on to the bed.
Rory’s terrified face peeked out of the hatch and Miss Crabb reached up and grabbed him, too, dragging him out by his jacket and chucking him on to the bed with a bump.
“You little snotrags,” sneered Miss Crabb. She spotted the gobstopper jar lying on the bed. “Thought you could steal back that recipe? No chance. What have you done with it?”
It’s not your recipe, it’s mine, Elspeth thought angrily. She pretended to look down sadly, but as she lowered her head, she sneakily glanced left and right. Was there anything she could use to escape? There was a huge pile of disgusting pants lying on the bed next to her.
“Right, I shall just have to search your pockets myself!” Miss Crabb shrieked.
But as Miss Crabb reached out to grab her, Elspeth ducked to the side, picked up the biggest pair of pants she could see, and flung them over her enemy’s head. Then she shoved Miss Crabb as hard as she could.
“Aaaarf!” shouted Miss Crabb, toppling over and struggling to get the pants off her head.
“RUN!” Elspeth shouted to Rory.
They raced out of the cabin and along the corridor. Elspeth could hear Miss Crabb’s voice behind them.
“Follow me, Gladys Goulash!” she was shrieking. “Help me catch those little brats!”
Elspeth didn’t dare look over her shoulder. She ran as fast as she could.
Elspeth knew Miss Crabb would stop at nothing to get the recipe. She and Rory launched themselves up three flights of stairs and into the kitchens with Miss Crabb behind them. She was so close that they could hear her wheezy breath.
“What the heck do you kids think you’re doing?” hollered Jimmy McScoff, as Elspeth and Rory raced through, knocking over a big vat of orange jelly.
“What’s the plan, Elspeth?” gasped Rory.
“Just keep running!” Elspeth said.
Miss Crabb wasn’t far behind. She ran into the kitchen, skidded through the orange jelly and landed right in a huge chocolate cake.
“I just iced that cake, you idiot woman!” cried Jimmy McScoff.
“Gah!” Miss Crabb shouted. She clambered to her feet, shoved Jimmy McScoff out of the way, leaving a big chocolatey handprint on his chest, and hobbled on.
Ahead of her, Elspeth and Rory burst into the empty dining room, swerving round chairs and tables, and skidding on the polished floor, as they weaved their way to the other side and out into a wide corridor.
They hurtled up another flight of stairs and ran towards the ballroom. They couldn’t hear Miss Crabb any more, but they knew she couldn’t be far behind.
“Faster!” cried Elspeth.
Then Rory gave a shout. “Lazlo! No!”
There was a loud miaow from further down the corridor, and they could hear Lady Spewitt speaking to Tinkiewinks. Lazlo leaped from Rory’s shoulder and shot across the corridor into the ballroom.
“Lazlo! Come back!” cried Rory and, before Elspeth could stop him, he raced into the ballroom after Lazlo.
“No!” Elspeth hissed. “We have to keep going!”
But it was too late. Rory was gone.
Elspeth stared through the window in the double doors, her heart racing. The ballroom was full of elegant people twirling and swaying at the daily tea dance. Most of the passengers fancied themselves as rather good dancers, and the dance always went ahead, no matter how choppy the sea was. Even if you think you are an excellent dancer, dear reader, you would find it quite a challenge to dance on a floor that keeps tilting from side to side. But since the storm had calmed down, the ballroom was full.
Rory raced after Lazlo, right on to the dance floor. Before he knew it, he was swept around in a circle by Petunia Galoshes-Gallop, who was wearing an enormous peach ballgown. She screwed up her eyes as she looked down at Rory.
“I say. I don’t have my glasses on, so I’m afraid I don’t recognize you,” she said. “You’re a bit of a blur. Are you one of Lord Spewitt’s friends?” She twirled Rory around again at top speed before he could answer. “You’re rather short, aren’t you?”
Petunia Galoshes-Gallop was spinning Rory so fast that his feet were hardly touching the ground.
Elspeth couldn’t wait a second longer – she could hear Miss Crabb coming up the stairs. She ran in after Rory, swerving through the couples on the dance floor. There was a long table at the far side of the ballroom and Elspeth flung herself under it, hiding behind the tablecloth before anyone noticed her.
She peeked out from under the tablecloth and spotted Lazlo instantly. She reached out and grabbed him. He bit her twice before she managed t
o wrestle a piece of chocolate from her pocket and offer it to him, which seemed to calm him down. Then Elspeth froze. A pair of feet in huge orange high-heeled shoes had appeared next to the table. Elspeth recognized the shoes: they belonged to Lady Spewitt.
Elspeth could feel Lazlo trembling with fear … which meant only one thing – Tinkiewinks. The orange high heels were so close that Elspeth could have reached out and touched them.
Elspeth knew she had to make a run for it before Lazlo escaped, but what if Miss Crabb had followed them into the ballroom?
She shuffled her way back to the other side of the table and peeked out. She couldn’t see Miss Crabb anywhere. The double doors to the corridor were at the far side of the dance floor. She could see Rory near them, still being whirled around by Petunia Galoshes-Gallop.
Here goes, thought Elspeth. She clung on to Lazlo and darted out from under the table, snatching Rory’s hand as she passed him and shoving him in front of her through the double doors. They went flying off down the corridor before anyone could get a proper look at them.
“Thanks, Elspeth!” Rory puffed as they raced along the corridor. “It looks like we’ve lost Crabb for now—”
BOOF! Before he could finish his sentence, Elspeth and Rory turned a corner and banged into something. Something knobbly and pointy and tall.
Elspeth looked up in horror.
It was Miss Crabb.
Miss Crabb grabbed Elspeth and Rory by their shoulders, digging her fingers in so hard it made them wince.
“Gotcha,” she said softly.
Gladys Goulash plodded up and plonked herself behind them so Elspeth and Rory were stuck between their enemies. There was no way out.
Miss Crabb dragged them up some stairs and on to the empty windswept deck. Gladys Goulash clutched Elspeth and Rory by the hair to stop them from running away and Miss Crabb stood before them, her arms folded.
Elspeth could feel Rory quivering with fear next to her. The wind whistled around them and rain started to fall.
“Nice try, Elspeth,” said Miss Crabb. “But you’re not smart enough to outwit me. Hand over that recipe now, or I’ll dangle you over the side of the ship until you do.”
Elspeth’s mind raced. Would anyone come to their rescue? She had to give Cassie time to release Poppy and Pippy and tell the captain what was going on. If she could stall Miss Crabb for long enough, perhaps they would be saved…
“Before we talk about the recipe,” Elspeth said, trying to sound calm, “tell me where my parents are. You know, don’t you! You lured them away with a phone call saying I was abroad.”
“I don’t know where your parents are,” sneered Miss Crabb.
“Yes, you do,” interrupted Gladys Goulash. “You told them to look for Elspeth in Australi—”
“Shut it, you gibbering goat!” Miss Crabb hissed. She gave Gladys Goulash her most evil stare, and Gladys was silent.
Australia! Elspeth thought.
“And I know you broke into my house and stole the recipe,” Elspeth added.
“So what?” Miss Crabb said. “You won’t be telling anyone about any of this, you stupid child. I’m going to get that recipe back, and get rid of you and your pesky friend once and for all.” She started moving closer, with an evil glint in her eye.
“Keep a lookout, Gladys Goulash,” she ordered, and then she pounced.
Elspeth squealed, but before she had time to squirm away, Miss Crabb had flipped her upside down.
Suddenly Elspeth Hart was dangling over the side of the HMS Unsinkable, staring in terror at the sea below.
While Miss Crabb was dangling Elspeth over the side of the ship, Cassie burst into the ballroom. She’d released Poppy and Pippy, and they were now trailing after her, looking very confused. She marched straight to the front of the room and tapped the captain on the shoulder.
“I have something very important to tell you,” Cassie said to the captain.
Captain Steel smiled kindly at Cassie. “I’m afraid I’m about to dance with Baron Van Der Blink, young lady,” she said. “Can it wait?”
The Baron gave a bow and held out his hand.
“No, you’ve got to listen, it’s important!” Cassie said, following them on to the dance floor and trying to grab the captain’s arm.
“Buzz off, you little pest,” said Baron Van Der Blink, looking down at her impatiently.
They twirled away into the crowd. Cassie looked around and decided there was only one thing for it. She shoved her way to where the band were playing and climbed up on to a chair, but the grown-ups still weren’t paying attention to her.
“LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE!” she shouted at the top of her voice.
Everyone turned to stare at her. The band stopped playing, the grown-ups stopped what they were doing, and the room fell totally silent.
Cassie’s mother broke the spell. “Cassie Lovett,” she shouted. “You get down from there right now.”
“No, Mother, I shan’t,” Cassie said. “You need to hear this. Everyone does. These poor ladies –” she pointed at Poppy and Pippy, who were waiting nervously at the edge of the dance floor – “have had a terrible ordeal. They are the hair and beauty ladies who were supposed to be working on this ship. But two criminals locked them in a storeroom! The hair and beauty ladies that you’ve all seen – they’re fakes!”
A gasp of shock rippled around the room.
“Look!” Cassie unrolled the newspaper and held it up. “The ladies you see here today were the ones booked to work on this ship. Here’s their picture in the newspaper. But the two women who locked them up are called Miss Crabb and Gladys Goulash, and they escaped from jail just a few days ago.” She flipped to the front page and held it high for everyone to see. “Miss Crabb and Gladys Goulash are dangerous criminals, and you’ve GOT to stop them!”
Petunia Galoshes-Gallop leaped up in fright, knocking over a whole platter of sandwiches, and started pulling at her husband’s hand.
“Criminals on board!” she cried. “To the lifeboats! We must escape!”
This sent the rest of the passengers into a terrible panic. If you can imagine a stampede of wild animals, dear reader, then you can imagine the sight of the passengers on the HMS Unsinkable in hysterics.
Petunia shoved her way through the crowds, grabbing a stack of pancakes from the tea-trolley. Her husband hurried after her, hitting anyone in his way with a half-eaten kipper.
Lady Spewitt burst into tears and accidentally whacked her husband in the face with her handbag.
One couple tried to smash a porthole to get out, and several more started arming themselves with spoons and butter knives.
Some passengers began flinging fruit at one another and in under a minute the ballroom looked like the world’s poshest, messiest food fight.
Custard was dripping from the chandeliers. People were chucking around cream cakes like snowballs. It was the most dreadful mess.
“Please will you calm down and return to your seats!” the captain cried, but everyone ignored her.
Finally she yelled at the top of her voice, “YOU LOT SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP NOW!”
It worked. The wealthy passengers weren’t used to being told what to do. They all sat down at once and went very quiet.
Captain Steel looked around the room. She had been a captain for many years and there wasn’t much that scared her. She had come across pirates, killer whales, icebergs and some truly dreadful cruise-ship singers in her time. But she had never had to deal with fake hair and beauty ladies.
“Right then,” she said, straightening her cuffs. “You there.” She pointed at Cassie. “Show me that newspaper.”
“I promise you it’s the truth,” Cassie said, handing the paper to Captain Steel. “The women working in the Extremely Elegant Hair and Beauty Salon are imposters.”
Cassie’s mum bustled forward and grabbed Cassie’s hand. “I’m her mother,” she said, “and I’ve no idea what she’s talking about. I’m afraid sh
e does make up the silliest stories sometimes—”
“That’s enough, thank you!” Captain Steel said suddenly. She wished she was back in her cabin reading a nice book or dealing with something simple, like pirates or icebergs – not listening to some ridiculous story about kidnapping and people locked in storerooms.
“I say, hang on a minute,” said Lord Spewitt. He got up from his chair and went over, twiddling his moustache in a thoughtful way. “I recall seeing that very story in the paper just before we sailed. Couple of dastardly dinner ladies…”
“Yes,” Cassie said eagerly. “Exactly! They were in Grimguts high-security prison and they escaped the day before the ship sailed!”
“Hmm,” Lord Spewitt looked at the newspaper. “Yes, they are a nasty-looking pair. Are you quite sure they’re on the ship?”
“They are, honest!” Cassie hopped from one foot to the other impatiently. “Ask these ladies – they’re the real hair and beauty staff!” She pulled Poppy and Pippy towards the captain.
Captain Steel looked at Poppy and Pippy. “Is this true?” she asked them. “You’ve been locked up by two women who took your place on the ship?”
“Yes, it is true!” cried Poppy. “We were tied up and thrown in a horrid storeroom by a tall thin woman and a short round woman!”
“And they smelled absolutely vile,” said Pippy. Her eyes filled with tears.
“They practically starved us to death!” added Poppy.
Cassie glanced at Captain Steel. “See? It’s true. Please come with me right now. Let’s find them and you’ll see.”
“NO!” Rory cried as Miss Crabb dangled Elspeth over the edge of the ship. He rushed towards her, but Miss Crabb gave him a vicious kick to the shins and he hopped back in pain.
Elspeth flailed her arms, scrabbling for something to grab on to, but Miss Crabb was holding her too far out. Elspeth had never been so frightened in her life. She was sure she could see a shark circling in the water below.