Irreplaceable (Harmony)

by Angela Graham

  He didn’t say a word or play the charming card when I switched to a clipped and guarded tone, but I knew he felt the change. His confident behavior slipped, and the sporadic words between us slowly grew into nothing more than civil, almost businesslike blurbs of ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ over the house project.

  We exchanged a few small jokes here and there, with the occasional brush of his hand over mine. It stirred that familiar electric wave residing deep inside me, and yet he never showed a sign that he felt it. There was now an unspoken understanding that I had nothing left to give.

  As the week drew to a close, I noticed his visits grew shorter. On Thursday, he brought dinner by, but didn’t stay a minute after we finished eating.

  He was finally taking the hint. I couldn’t offer him more. I couldn’t offer him anything. It wasn’t until Friday, when I opened a door that should’ve remained closed, that everything changed.

  Julia was standing on my porch, a shivery smile on her lips as she hurried inside to warm up.

  “Hey, come in.” I chuckled at her impatience.

  “Thanks, its freezing out there!” She rubbed her gloved hands together and her body’s stiffness from the bitterness of the blizzard began to wane. “Hope you’re not busy. I needed to talk to you a minute.”

  “No, not busy. Just watching some trash TV.” I sat back on the sofa, curious as to why she was visiting. It was a first—not that I minded.

  “Sounds…fun.”

  Boring and mundane were more accurate. I hit the mute button and set the remote beside me. She sat on the other end of the couch.

  “Listen, I know this is none of my business, but Logan’s miserable.”

  I sat up further, brows rising at her brashness. “You’re right. I don’t mean to sound rude, but it isn’t any of your business.”

  She sighed, tugging off her gloves. “I’m sorry. I don’t normally get involved in any of my brothers’ relationships. It’s just that I’ve never seen him like this before. He’s all mopey and grumpy, and besides hanging out with Oliver or coming to see you, he’s checked out.” Her words blew out in one long breath. She inhaled to fill her lungs and waited for me to respond.

  Checked out? Logan? I couldn’t picture it.

  “I know he’s your brother and I think it’s sweet that you’re trying to help, but there’s nothing to be done. He can’t expect me to come running into his arms when I can barely even walk.”

  She shook her head and groaned, irritated at my reply. “I’ll be honest with you, Cassandra. I don’t understand Logan most of the time when it comes to women. He’s always so reserved, never wanting to even date.”

  A chuckle escaped and I sucked in my lips, containing my grin. “Sorry, it’s just that Logan definitely dates…just not like most men,” I said.

  Julia relaxed into the sofa. “I know Logan, and I know that he…enjoys the company of many.” Her words were so hesitant and forced I couldn’t help but grin more widely.

  “All right, fine! Logan’s a slut! My fucked-up brother with commitment issues can’t stand to even speak to a girl once he’s screwed her. There, I said it, and I tried to warn you when we first met. But he already had his eye on you, and it was too late to try and stop it. God knows I tried! I knew this would happen. It always does.”

  She sighed, pulling off her thin designer hat and running her fingers through her hair. I swallowed hard, gaze fixed on the wall behind her now.

  My cheeks heated, skin prickling with emotions I didn’t recognize. Always does? Why did that send my gut roiling? My posture turned painfully stiff. I’m one of many?

  Block it out. Block it out.

  A shiver raced through me, awakening my senses that were slowly losing their grip on the fact that she was still there, watching me. Searching for all the strength I could muster, I pulled on an unaffected smile—so small I wondered whether it even looked like one—and found my voice.

  “So if this always happens, why are you sitting here talking to me about it? You want me to screw your brother so he’ll leave me alone?”

  “No!” She looked appalled at first, and then her head ticked to the side. “Although that may work.”

  Now it was my turn to pull on a scrunched appalled and offended expression. She shook her head and cackled with frustration.

  “All I’m trying to say is that when Logan sets his mind to something, he doesn’t give up—ever. Right now, he wants you, and until you see that, you’re fighting the inevitable. It’s a game to him, and he will win. I know you’re attracted to him, so why not just try and see what happens?”

  “You just told me that he never even speaks to women when he’s through with them, so why the hell would I take a chance with him?”

  “Because I know you’re different. He’s only ever pursued one other woman.” She paused, hesitant. “Oliver was almost three, and Logan met her on an airplane. Whoever she was, she played hard to get, and Logan flew out to see her every chance he had for about a month. He’d come back to the city frustrated, and we all thought it was hilarious. He’d found a woman who caught his attention, yet she wouldn’t sleep with him. My other brothers and I thought she might be the one.”

  I released a breath, nearly suffocating from holding it in too long unknowingly. I couldn’t hear this. It was too much. I was no different—another pursuit.

  “I’m done,” I breathed, heat stinging my eyes as tears glossed my vision.

  “No, listen. It was a little over a month after he’d met her that he flew out one weekend and came back looking…satisfied. He went back one other time a few days later, and that was that.”

  There was a woman out there somewhere who’d endured the charm of Logan West and was left broken? Shocker. Bile began to rise inside me, and my head started spinning.

  “He just walked away?” I managed.

  “Yes, because she wanted more. She wanted to meet Oliver. He didn’t even know how she found out he had a son. He doesn’t talk to women about him.”

  “Julia, please just leave. As a woman yourself, how can sit here and tell me this? Sit here and ask me to give him a chance to humiliate me?”

  “No, that’s not what I’m doing. I want you to understand. You need to know this. When Logan was pursuing her, he never stopped sleeping around. Jax was staying with him at the time and said Logan had women over when Oliver visited my mother. He continued to have sex with other woman.” Her voice grew louder, hands working animatedly. “He never told her about Oliver! Don’t you get it? Jax and I know for a fact that Logan hasn’t slept with anyone since November. He went from getting caught screwing slutty women on balconies to showing no interest in the opposite sex. He’s never been like this over a woman before—not even Natasha. You’re different. He truly cares about you!”

  “And if I’m just a conquest?”

  “You’re not. My brother is lost without you. He won’t say it, but it’s obvious it’s destroying him. Can’t you just give him a chance—just one? I mean, at least try the friends thing again. Please. He’s a good guy, he’s just… guarded.”

  I swallowed. My head was muddled and heavier than ever trying to process everything. It killed me that he was hurting, but so was I, and this new information only built an additional wall around the thick prison protecting my damaged heart.

  “Julia, between you and me, I appreciate everything your brother has been doing. I really do, and it makes this so hard, but I can’t go there again. I don’t even know what to think about everything you’ve just told me.” My voice lowered from the emotional exhaustion. “I need to focus on getting my life put back together before—”

  “Why the hell are you here?” I looked up and found Logan standing in the doorway. Acid dripped from his tone.

  “I was just visiting. Calm down.”

  “Oliver’s with Jax. I told him you were going over to see him.”

  She narrowed her eyes as she stood. “I’m on my way. I just wanted to check in on Cassandra and see how she
was feeling.”

  “You can see she’s well,” Logan scowled. It was obvious from his stance that he’d heard most of what she’d said to me. His jaw was set, eyes dark.

  Julia walked to the door, glancing back to me with a pleading frown. I looked away, unable to take the pressure.

  “I said I’m going. God, you need to relax!” Julia yelled, stomping past him and slamming the door behind her.

  Silence hung between us for too long before he cleared his throat.

  “I was stopping by to drop off the vitamins I told you about.” Logan held out a bottle of pills. “Here.”

  “You need to apologize to her.” I stood and grabbed the bottle, setting it on the coffee table.

  “She needs to stay out of my personal life. Our relationship has nothing to do with her.”

  Relationship? Is that what he called this? I couldn’t keep dragging him on when I knew it was going nowhere. Whether I was another conquest he needed to claim or there was even a small chance I meant more, I couldn’t let anything happen.

  I laid it out with a gentle tone. “Logan, I don’t think you should keep coming by.” My eyes locked with his, imploring him to hear me out once and for all. “I mean, this isn’t going to go anywhere, and I don’t want to see you get your hopes up or me broken all over again. So let’s just end this…whatever this is…and both walk away.”

  “Why?”

  My brows pulled in. “Why what? Logan, I can barely process what happened that night. It’s still a painful mess in my head, and the last thing I can handle right now is trying to date someone I don’t trust.”

  “No, why don’t you want to see me get my hopes up?”

  I don’t know, because I’m not a complete bitch?

  “Because I don’t.”

  He stepped forward, standing inches from me. “Because you care.”

  “Logan.” I sighed.

  “Tell me you don’t care.”

  “It’s not enough,” I murmured, his breath hot on my cheeks. I needed to step back, but the couch hit my legs, stopping me from moving. I couldn’t think straight with him that close, so I just spoke quickly.

  “I care about your feelings, just like I do Caleb’s or Hilary’s. That’s not enough for what you want.”

  “You care as a friend.”

  Did I say that? No, he wasn’t a friend. I wouldn’t let him be—not again. I shook my head.

  “You’re lying, and we both know it, Cassandra. I know you care, and that’s why I’m going to give you the space you need to make you see that I’m worth letting back in.”

  He leaned in and placed a chaste kiss to my temple, leaving me breathless, and then turned to leave.

  “I’ll come by in a few days. If you need me, you know I’m only a call away.”

  The moment the door shut behind him, I slumped down on the couch. He wasn’t going to make it easy on me, and a tiny piece of my heart swelled—a piece of hope that I fought to bury.

  He was, however, offering me space and time—things I needed desperately without confusing emotions nauseating me or sexual tension so thick I could suffocate. I was handed a couple days off, and for that, I was grateful.

  Chapter Six

  Head Games

  I spent the rest of weekend hidden away inside, and by Tuesday night, I was beside myself with boredom. The sun had set over the trees as I rested on a chair on my back porch, staring out at the snow falling around me.

  It was beautiful and peaceful, and after sitting for over an hour, watching the sunset, I was still in no rush to head inside. Activity in Logan’s house appeared to be settling down for the night, the lights slowly flickering off one after another until only one was left glowing upstairs, at the very end of the hall, in the room closest to my house—his painting room.

  I sighed, missing Oliver and Scout. I hoped they were having fun together. As much as I wanted to bring Scout home to keep me company, he was better over there for the time being. I’d planned to visit them multiple times, but it always fell through after I’d look at myself in the mirror. Even though Oliver had seen me at the hospital, I didn’t want to go over until more of my bruises had healed.

  For the time being, I needed to keep my distance from everyone and let my body fully recover. Tired, I allowed my heavy head to lean back against the headrest as I tightened the thick fleece blanket covering my coat and flannel pajamas around me.

  My eyelids slid shut, the pain meds weighing me down, but something caught my attention and I was drawn back to the Logan’s window, where his curtain was now open. Through the darkness of the night, the light inside illuminated the room.

  He was there, shirtless, facing away, staring at a canvas in front of him.

  I sat up further, unable to remove my gaze as the muscles in his back bulged with every stroke of the brush. It was as though I was looking through a telescope the way I noticed every graceful movement his body made.

  Any of my interest in what he was painting was lost when he stilled, lifting his head slightly and glancing over his shoulder. He’d seen me, and as hard as I tried, I couldn’t peel my gaze away.

  Ever so slowly, the corner of his lip curled up as his brow arched, with a tempting gleam in his eyes.

  Clearing my throat, I dropped my head and shifted in my seat as I settled my gaze on the tree line ahead of me. I closed my eyes, clearing the image of him away. When I opened them again, he was there, standing directly in front of me, not only shirtless but wearing loose, light-wash jeans that hung low and were unbuttoned. They were covered in multiple streaks of dark paint.

  “You like watching.” He stated.

  “Not tonight, Logan. I’m tired.”

  “So am I.”

  Instantly, I was pulled from the chair, my blanket falling to the ground as he tugged me into his arms.

  “Of waiting?” His lips crashed over mine, demanding and forceful.

  I was lost. His hands were everywhere, my shirt ripped away, followed by my red flannel pants. The freezing weather was nonexistent as his hand slid into my panties, sinking two fingers into me.

  My breath rushed out, unsure what was happening. It was too late to stop it; my body wouldn’t allow it. Logan lifted me up, my legs wrapping around his waist, and it was then that I noticed his jeans were gone and his massive erection was pressing against me.

  “So perfect,” he murmured, his hand moving away, replaced by his manhood that in one swift movement plunged into me.

  “Logan,” I moaned, panting against his lips with each and every thrust.

  My mouth traveled down the stubble of his jaw until it landed on his shoulder, where I kissed him over and over until my lips were swollen and tingling. His hands dug into my ass, holding me against him. Harder and harder he drove into my body, filling me with his need, until my entire body exploded, pulsating in his arms as he released inside me.

  Catching my breath was impossible through the aftershock of the high. My brain had checked out. I drew back just enough to look into his eyes, and was met with that devilish smirk I hadn’t seen in so long before he leaned in and ran his tongue up my cheek.

  What?

  I shook my head, unsure what to think when he did it again. Then I noticed his face starting to morph into that of an animal. I flew out of his arms and jerked up, opening my eyes to find me still in my chair with Scout, paws on my chest, licking my face.

  Startled, I yelped, jumping up and tripping over the blanket still wrapped around my fully clothed body. There was no stopping the tumble that threw me to the ground, taking the chair and Scout down with me. Calming my breathing, I lay there in the snow, Scout barking beside me. I began laughing to myself.

  “Are you all right?” Jax asked, standing over me.

  “Yeah, just had a…dream.”

  “Oh, I noticed that.” A grin grew over his lips.

  Great! There had to be a way to get his brother out of my head.

  Jax extended his hand down and helped me up. I set
the blanket—now covered in snow—on the chair and scooped Scout into my arms, kissing the top of his head. I missed him more than I’d realized.

  “What are you doing out here this late?” he asked, lifting the chair.

  “I don’t know. Getting tired sitting inside all the time.”

  He nodded. “Yeah, that’s understandable. I’d go nuts without someone to keep me company.” His brow arched and voice dropped. “Do you need some company, Cassie?”

  I rolled my eyes. “No, I’m good, thanks.” I chuckled.

  “Well, the offer always stands, but you know you can always come over to our place. We have the game room, not to mention Oliver asks about you daily—hell, sometimes hourly.” He laughed.

  “I will soon.” I gave Scout another tight squeeze, then placed him on the ground. Turning, I grabbed the blanket and began dusting off the snow.

  “All right, I’m freezing, and this dog has some business to get done so I can get some sleep. I’ll see you around…and Cassie?”

  I looked back and noticed his smile was replaced with an unfamiliar, almost strained expression.

  “You still look good.”

  “Thanks.” I snorted, shaking my head as my laughter followed.

  “I’m just saying, don’t hide away forever.” His smile was back in place as he called for Scout to follow him back to his yard.

  Smiling to myself, I folded the blanket over my arm and turned to walk inside when I noticed the window at Logan’s house had the curtain open, just like in the dream. My smile dropped as I took him all in as he stood there, dressed in a plain white V-neck T-shirt covered in paint streaks, staring over at me.

  With a slight nod, I offered a tight smile before turning away and heading inside.

  The rest of the week passed at the same sluggish rate, with Logan staying true to his word but the dreams constant. There was little to do, so I found myself in bed reading and staring up at nothing through the days, my thoughts wild during the nights.

  My thoughts of him were distant, however, as I shoveled another spoonful of Hilary’s mystery casserole into my mouth over Sunday dinner.