Throwaway

by Heather Huffman

The lighting was dim and it was incredibly loud, so loud it was private. She understood why Gabe felt pretty secure they could talk freely without being heard. Jessie wasn’t sure she could pick a conversation out of the cacophony if she tried, only the occasional bubble found its way to the surface. It was a good place to blend in and go unnoticed.

  Seven televisions lined the walls of the front room, most of them showing the Cards game. A couple played more obscure stuff the majority of patrons could care less about.

  The bouncer sat at a small table by the front door, flipping through a book of fake IDs. Behind him, red lights from the train signal shone through the oval window on the wooden door.

  Large windows along the front of the place offered a view of the road. The occasional bus would fly by—the first one startled her.

  Two beautiful women walked through the front door as if they owned the place and Jessie recognized them instantly. She ducked her face against Gabe’s arm, grateful for the hat.

  “You know them?” Gabe instantly spotted the escorts. The giveaway wasn’t so much the short, flowing dresses with low cut bodices. That was a pretty common sight. It was the perfection of their look—the brightness of the dresses, the impeccable makeup—and their confidence in contrast to the men following behind them that signaled the true nature of their relationship. The women oozed confidence out of every pore. The men looked like they fully expected to be thrown out at any moment.

  “I told you this was a bad idea,” she reminded him.

  “They went in the back. You’re okay.”

  “Associates of yours?” Carter’s interest was piqued.

  “They aren’t Spence’s girls. Probably RCG girls, but I see them around every so often,” Jessie explained. River City Gazette girls were the ones who didn’t have pimps—they advertised their services on the back of a local paper.

  “We’re prepared to offer you protection from Spence in return for any information you can get us on his new business activities,” Carter dove right into the purpose of their meeting.

  “You really think you can guarantee that?” Jessie asked pointedly.

  “Do you have any real guarantee of that now?” his gaze fell to the bruises on her face.

  “I see being irritating is a prerequisite for employment with St. Louis’ Finest,” Jessie muttered, glad for the interruption when the waitress brought their beer.

  “Spence is in a vise right now; he’s getting pressure from both sides. He’s only going to get more volatile as the vise tightens,” Gabe reasoned with her.

  “What do you want from me?”

  “Just tell us what you see. Any conversations you overhear. If you hear something, pass it along to Gabe. He’ll be your handler.”

  “My handler, huh?” Jessie bit the inside of her lip to keep from laughing at that one. “I suppose if I don’t do this, you’re going to make my life miserable.”

  “Something like that,” Carter agreed.

  “I’ll think about it.”

  “You’ll think about it?”

  “Isn’t that what I just said?”

  “You have twenty-four hours to ‘think’ about it,” he relented. “Look, I promised my wife I’d be home at a decent hour… can you get her home, Gabe?”

  “Sure thing, Captain.”

  “Listen, Jessie…you haven’t heard anything about my wife, have you?” Carter turned back to ask after taking two steps away.

  “Not a peep,” Jessie promised, quite proud of her ability to keep a straight face. As soon as they were alone, she smacked Gabe soundly on the arm.

  “What was that for?”

  “You jerk. You used me.”

  “Honey, if my intent was to use you, I’d have gotten what I needed a lot sooner than this. I’ve been remarkably patient with you so far.”

  “Is that so?”

  “Absolutely.”

  The pair seemed to be moving ever-closer to each other, as if being pulled by an invisible force. Jessie’s eyes greedily devoured his face. She wondered what his scruff would feel like against her skin.

  “If you’re my ‘handler’ that’s one very big reason for us to stay clear of each other.”

  “Of course.”

  “I mean, really, what would be the point of us hooking up? It’s not like it could go anywhere.”

  “To be perfectly honest, I can’t think much beyond wondering if you taste as good as you look,” he admitted. “Why couldn’t we go anywhere?”

  “Really? You have to ask that?” She sat back in her chair just in time for the waitress to place a heaping plate of nachos in front of them. Jessie knew Harmony would work her nearly to death the next morning if she heard about this indulgence, so she resolved not to mention it and helped herself to some food.

  “Should I have ordered two plates?”

  “You weren’t seriously going to eat all of them, were you?” she didn’t wait for an answer. “Wow, do these people know it’s summer? It’s freezing in here.”

  “Jessie my girl, whatchya’ doing here?”

  Jessie’s heart nearly stopped when she recognized Dan standing in front of her, a big grin on his friendly face. “Danny, wow, you play here, too?”

  “And here I was telling myself you came to see me.”

  “I didn’t know this was your other gig… but I’m looking forward to hearing you.”

  “Join us, Dan? Jessie didn’t leave many nachos, though. We’ll have to order more,” Gabe motioned for him to sit.

  “Don’t you give my girl trouble, Gabe.”

  “Yeah, don’t give his girl trouble,” Jessie made a face at him. Even though she worried Dan would accidentally get her in trouble back on Cherokee, it was nice to see him. And strangely not a surprise that he knew Gabe.

  In his soccer jersey and newsboy cap, the burly man fit right in the little Irish pub. By his friendly and unassuming nature, one might not realize how fascinating a story his was. He’d opened for Bon Jovi and Tom Petty back in the day and now seemed quite content to chat amicably with the prostitute and the police officer while waiting for the Cards game to end so his set could begin.

  At O’Malley’s, his sound was very Irish folk. Here, it was something altogether different. With a wink at Jessie, he began his set with a cover of Dire Straits’ Romeo and Juliet. Jessie rolled her eyes and Gabe grinned smugly at her as Dan painted a picture she wasn’t sure she was comfortable with.

  Was Gabe just another one of her deals? What would happen when the novelty of being treated like a person wore off? And what if it didn’t wear off before Gabe got over being a love-struck Romeo?

  But her irritation could only last so long with Dan’s all-encompassing voice wrapping around her, somehow managing to break through the chaos of sound to get inside her soul to soothe her troubled spirit. It was obvious he was in another place entirely and Jessie had the feeling that if she closed her eyes and let him, he’d take her there, too.

  And then, just like that, the song was over and the din returned. Dan chomped his gum happily as he seemed to decide what to play next before weaving the spell all over again.

  Jessie found it impossible to not be swept away by the music and the man so near to her. But she was also mindful of the bar’s resident cop that kept walking through. The last thing she wanted was for it to get back to Captain Carter that Gabe was cozied up to someone like her. She also didn’t need it getting back to Spence that she’d been seen with a cop.

  “It’s really stupid being here,” she leaned in close to his ear.

  “Probably,” he agreed after a short pause. “If I take you back to my place, someone we know would probably see us. You want to go find somewhere in the suburbs?”

  “I want to find somewhere far away from here. Just for a few days. I want to be just a woman with a man. Is there anywhere we could do that?” Jessie felt like a foolish little girl for admitting it, but the words were out before she could stop them.

  “You know what? I can arrange that,�
� he appeared thoughtful. “If you can get away for the week, that is. We’ll head out Tuesday afternoon.”

  “You don’t have to do that,” Jessie shook her head, still keenly embarrassed by her outburst.

  “No, it’s a great idea. I’ve wanted to toss you over my shoulder and run you away from here since the moment I met you. It just felt a little caveman, so I resisted the temptation.”

  “I appreciate that,” she told him wryly. She wasn’t really sure what to do once that was decided. She didn’t want to go, but knew she shouldn’t stay, either. Dan decided for her when his next song was a favorite Springsteen cover.

  She leaned against the wall, her legs propped on Gabe’s lap beneath the table. He absentmindedly traced lazy circles on her skin just above her cowgirl boots. The casual touch and the music were enough to make her forget all the reasons to not be sitting there.

  She might not be able to name the jumble he had caused in her, but she did know that he filled her with the oddest desire to please him. And while she was quite convinced that she could never give him what he really wanted—she would never be free of Spence—she could give him one thing he wanted.

  “Do me a favor?” she pulled him towards her as she leaned towards him.

  “Anything,” he smiled in a way that made her mind go blank for a moment. She blinked a few times before her thoughts came back.

  “Tell Carter I’ll do what he wants. Just as soon as we get back.”

  “Hey, that’s not why I’m doing any of this—you know that, right?”

  “Sure, I know that,” she nodded, not entirely convinced herself.

  “Damn it, Jessie,” he wrapped his fingers through her hair and pulled her to him, his mouth hungrily claiming hers.

  Maybe he couldn’t convey whatever message he intended to with his kiss, but he did succeed in clearing her mind of anything other than him. When he finally pulled back, his eyes searching for something in hers, she half-heartedly shoved at him.

  “That was really stupid. You’ll get yourself pulled from my case.”

  “Argh,” Gabe’s gargled cry of frustration made Jessie smile. “You are going to be the death of me, woman.”

  “Take me home before it’s the other way around,” she playfully shoved at him again.

  He grudgingly obliged. Jessie leaned over to kiss Dan’s cheek goodbye as Gabe tossed a tip in the jar. Jessie clung to Gabe’s side, her face buried in his shoulder in hopes no one would recognize her on the way out.

  When they made it back to the car, she sunk low in the seat, determined to not ride back the way she’d come. They worked out the details for Tuesday afternoon and then talked about nothing really of consequence. She wanted to ask him to take her to their little diner for a greasy burger but thought that might seem too desperate. So she settled for a tender goodnight kiss at the Metrolink station by the Scottrade Center and the promise of stolen time away on the horizon.

  Chapter Six

  With plans to make a bag to pack, the next few days went more quickly than Jessie imagined they would. She was disturbed to realize it was harder to shut off her mind when she worked since she’d met Gabe. It was an unfortunate side effect.

  From her first encounter with Spence, Jessie had been finely tuning the art of detaching her mind from her body as needed. She could now go on autopilot completely on demand. Or rather, she could, until meeting the scruffy cop with dark good looks and a dimple. Damn that dimple.

  Once she made that unfortunate discovery, it was impossible to work. At the rate she was buying herself from Spence, she’d blow through her mattress money in no time. With that worry looming overhead, she knew the time had come to organize and count her savings.

  After counting out twenty envelopes, each containing a thousand dollars, she felt a little better about her ability to avoid work for a while. She also decided not to bother with packing and to just ask Gabe to take her shopping on the way down. She wanted clothes that covered her body. She wanted to walk into a room and not be noticed.

  There was nothing in her wardrobe now that didn’t command male attention.

  “Jess?” Harmony tapped at her door hesitantly.

  “Just a second,” Jessie shoved the last envelope back under her mattress and ran to grab the door.

  “Are you okay?”

  “Sure… why?”

  “I don’t know. You just seem a little off lately.”

  “I’m okay, really,” Jessie assured her with a friendly smile. “Sorry if I’ve seemed weird or something.”

  “Have you heard anything from Gabe lately?”

  “Not lately,” Jessie shrugged, mentally adding that lately could mean in the past day or two. “Have you?”

  “Nah, it’s been weirdly quiet. I haven’t seen any heat at all, actually. It makes me a little nervous.”

  “Huh. That’s odd. Wonder where they went… maybe they’re just better at hiding.”

  “Or they found an informant.”

  “Or that,” Jessie nodded carefully.

  “I worry about you, Jessie.”

  “Shouldn’t that be the other way around? I’m the older, wiser friend, after all.”

  “Older, yes,” Harmony stuck her tongue out at Jessie and dodged her playful swat.

  “Seriously, though. Vance stopped me at the market. He’s worried about you, too.”

  “Vance is a nervous wreck because Spence is making his job nearly impossible. It’s tough to protect someone who keeps throwing themselves in front of a train.”

  “Yes, I know,” Harmony gave her a very pointed look.

  Jessie wasn’t sure if she should be offended or flattered. She wasn’t used to people caring one way or the other about her. It was almost like having an odd little family in Vance and Harmony. She impulsively gave Harmony a quick hug.

  “I promise I won’t play in traffic, Mom.”

  “Thank you. Now, can I treat you to Ho’s for dinner?”

  “Sure,” Jessie agreed with a grin. Ho’s might be a little out of their way, but the Chinese food was good and it made Jessie giggle to eat there.

  Tuesday morning dawned clear and bright. An added bonus was the absence of the oppressively sticky humidity that usually clung to St. Louis air in late August. In its place was a warm summer breeze that promised fall would be right around the corner.

  She curled up in her easy chair, carefully writing a note to Spence explaining that she’d been hired for an extended stay. She occasionally paused in thought, chewing on the end of her pen absentmindedly while trying to decide the best way to keep Spence from going berserk on her when she returned.

  It finally dawned on her that there would be one sure-fire way to set his mind at ease. It just so happened it would also be a good way to keep better tabs on Spence as a police informant. Gabe wouldn’t like it much, but there was no reason for him to know about it ahead of time—that would probably spoil their time together.

  So she scribbled out the rest of her note, shoved some bills in the envelope as a down payment on her time, and dropped the envelope in Spence’s bowl. She had a little time before she was supposed to meet Gabe, but she was getting restless in her apartment.

  Harmony was at class, so Jessie scrawled out a quick note to her—a condensed version of her note to Spence—before beginning the process of zigzagging her way to the little coffee shop where she’d promised to meet Gabe. Maybe she was being overly cautious, but she felt better taking an indirect route.

  The coffee shop was a trendy place in the county with a decent assortment of java and gelato. It was the time of day when the crowd was a mix of housewives taking a break from errands and business people meeting outside the office. Jessie couldn’t have felt more out of place if she tried.

  She ordered herself a smoothie and sat in the back corner, burying her nose in a copy of the River City Gazette—more to look less conspicuous than because she was dying to catch up on current events in her fair hamlet.

  She’d regrett
ed not wearing a watch and was debating wandering around the little strip mall to kill time when at last Gabe was standing before her with an amused grin on his face.

  “What?” she eyed him warily.

  “I’ve been watching you for five minutes and you haven’t turned the page once. That must be a riveting article.”

  “Five minutes? Why didn’t you say hi, you big dork.”

  “I was waiting for my coffee,” he held up his cup as a defense. “Besides, I like watching you.”

  “Voyeur.”

  “You’re all kinds of sassy today, aren’t you?”

  “Just uncomfortable,” she admitted, gathering up the papers she’d scattered on the table. “Can we go now?”

  “Are you excited?”

  “Ask me again when we’re on the road.”

  “Do you mind if we eat dinner early?” he held his hand out to Jessie, who gratefully accepted it and followed him to the door.

  “You’re in charge.”

  “Where’s your bag?”

  “I didn’t bring one,” Jessie hoped he wouldn’t be too put out with her. “I was kind of hoping I could run in somewhere along the way to buy a few things.”

  “Um, sure,” he seemed a little confused by her request, but was intuitive enough not to ask her reasoning.

  She hadn’t realized just how soon he meant when he’d asked if they could eat early. Jessie was glad she’d been too nervous for lunch, because it felt like they’d barely gotten on the road when he was exiting at a little town called Eureka and pulling into an old brown building labeled “Phil’s Barbeque.”

  It was dark and fairly empty given the early hour. There was nothing exceptional about the place, causing Jessie to wonder why Gabe was so excited about bringing her here.

  “Hi folks,” a lanky man with bright blue eyes greeted them from the kitchen before his face lit up in recognition. “Hey Gabe. Long time no see, sir. How you been?”

  Gabe smilingly responded and the two exchanged pleasantries, the other man leaving the kitchen to join them in the empty dining room. They took a seat towards the back and Gabe ordered them a couple of beers after introducing Jessie to the man, who turned out to be the owner.