The Time Travelling Taxman Series Box Set

by Rachel Ford

  “That’s assuming that all kings everywhere follow old Earth standards of absolute power.”

  “Yes,” he acknowledged.

  “But if that’s the case, why are we helping a despot?”

  “Well, we don’t know that Trajan is a despot, Nance. But even if he is, we’re not helping him. We’re stopping the extinction of all people on this planet. I mean, in the short term, that helps him. But who knows: maybe in a hundred years, as long as there’s still people here, maybe they’ll have a new system of government.”

  She nodded slowly. “I guess. It’s not just that, though.”

  Alfred groaned. The intersection of political science and time travel was weighty enough for his brain at this late hour. “It’s not?”

  “What about that time crystal business?”

  “You don’t think we should destroy it?”

  “I wasn’t even thinking of that – although that does raise its own ethical questions: why is only Trajan allowed to control a resource that should belong to all the people on this planet. But, no, I meant…how the heck can a crystal impact time?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean, that’s like magic: healing stones and seeing orbs and time crystals. It’s science fiction. Heck, it’s fantasy.”

  “Oh Nance.” He shook his head, drawing her close to kiss her brow. “Just because it shows up in the goofy books and shows you watch doesn’t mean it can’t be real too.”

  She pushed him playfully, but was not sidetracked. “But a crystal is just a structure, a way something’s put together. How can a crystal structure be conducive to time manipulation?”

  “That, my darling, is a question we can ask Trajan tomorrow.”

  “I asked him tonight,” she reminded him. “And he hadn’t the foggiest.”

  “Well, then we can find out at the Science Academy.”

  “Right. When we sabotage their property and destroy their research,” she snorted.

  “Preferably before. I don’t think they’ll be in a talkative mood then.”

  She shot him a faux reproachful glance. “You’re not going to take this seriously, are you?”

  “I am taking it seriously, Nance. But you don’t know what kind of naturally occurring materials are here. Neither do I. Maybe there’s something here that’s unlike anything on Earth. All we know is, they’re going to develop time travel, and it involves that crystal.” He leaned forward to kiss her again. “We don’t always need to know the whys, babe.”

  She harrumphed, but returned the kiss. “I guess not. It still doesn’t make sense. But I guess it doesn’t have to. As long as we get the mission done, the whys we can leave for someone else.”

  “Exactly.” Then, hopefully, he added, “Now, can we get some sleep? I’m dying here, Nance.”

  She laughed and shook her head. “Well, we wouldn’t want that, would we, Mister Favero?”

  “It’s not on the top of my list, no.”

  She kissed him again. “Alright then. Get the light, and let’s get you to sleep. We don’t want you cranky tomorrow, do we?”

  “Also not at the top of my list,” he conceded. “Night babe. I love you.”

  “Night Alfred. I love you too.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  The taxman woke far too soon. His eyelids felt heavy and his brain slow and foggy. Nance, somehow, was wide awake and buzzing with energy. How she was able to function, much less thrive, on so little sleep always baffled him.

  She left him no time to ponder the mystery though. She was already dressed and working on her hair, and as soon as he dragged himself out of the bathroom, she put him to work. “I’m trying to put my hair up, like I saw the women in the market wear it. With limited success, though.”

  She had it in a kind of half bun, spilling out here and there in a faux messy fashion. It was a little less orderly than the prim curls and structured plaits they’d seen the day before, but, to his eyes, far more attractive. “Depends how you define success, I guess. If you’re going for gorgeous, this is a win.”

  She rolled her eyes, but smiled. “You could help me, you know.”

  “I could,” he admitted. “But what if I like it better this way?”

  She laughed. “Get over here, Alfred. I need you to hold it in place while I pin it. I don’t have a third hand.”

  “And a good thing, too. I don’t want you turning into some kind of mutant.” Holding runaway strands in place and adjusting hair pins at her direction, they managed to tuck all the flyaways down. Then, he kissed her. “Alright, I take it back. You look gorgeous this way too.”

  Nance flushed, and kissed him back. “Well, you’re easy to please this morning, handsome. I hope you keep that up – because it’s time to get you in your bumblebee costume.”

  He groaned, but didn’t argue. The sooner this mission was over, the sooner he could say goodbye – forever – to this world, and all its oddities. The sooner he could focus on them, and finding the right time to ask her to marry him. The more he thought on it, the more he realized he wanted to get that right. Nance was the most amazing person he knew. He’d never known anyone like her, and he knew he never would again. She deserved nothing less than a spectacular proposal. “Alright. Then let’s find the king.”

  She nodded. “That’s right. We’ve got a world to save, Agent Favero.”

  He liked the sound of Agent Favero in general, but there was something particularly thrilling about hearing it from Nance. And he had to remind himself that there was, indeed, a world that needed saving. Everything else would have to wait. No matter how much he wished otherwise. “Alright.”

  Getting into his outfit was easier the second time. He knew what to do with the mess of buckles and brocade. “Well,” he sighed, “let’s go find that fool of a king, and get this over with.”

  Nance took his hand, laughing. “That’s the spirit.”

  Trajan was readying for breakfast, and he insisted that they join him. “You’re just in time, actually. No, I insist. No guest of mine goes hungry. Especially not guests who have been stuck on Inbalibrab. Anyway, I have so many questions for you. Come, oblige your king. Not that I’m your king, exactly. But I am the king, and that’s good enough, I think.” He laughed at his own joke, and Alfred didn’t dare refuse. With no way to make a quick exit, it seemed unwise to irritate the sovereign.

  Breakfast was a laborious affair, consisting of fifteen plates. The first several were fruit platters, piled in different types of food, arranged in various shapes. The first to come out was a kind of tangy blue melon, presented on a silver platter with its rind removed and its flesh carved into the form of a piglet, complete with a curly tail. The next was a berry tray, overflowing with lush, ripe fruits arranged in a floral design. Then came pink plums, followed by another melon. Cold meats and piping hot breads, and some kind of tiny eggs in a cream sauce followed. Alfred lost track of the plates after that. He was full before he sampled half of them – and the eggs in sauce nearly made him lose his appetite.

  Still, every time he felt he couldn’t take another bite, Trajan would insist that he eat more. “You’re my guest, Mister Favero. What kind of king lets his guests leave with an empty stomach?”

  “I promise you, my stomach is not empty, my lord.”

  “You’ve barely touched a thing. Come on, try the muffins at least. They’re divine. Absolutely divine.”

  Finally, Trajan stopped eating, and the taxman was allowed to roll himself away from the table. “So, to business,” the king said, wiping his bejeweled fingers onto a great napkin. “This time travel business. I’ve been thinking, and I might just have a solution.”

  “Oh?”

  “There’s an exhibit, at the Science Academy. They’re opening a display, ‘a hundred years of history,’ or some such nonsense. The chancellor’s going to be there. It’ll be a big shebang, with all the puffed-up fools who think their kindergarten science projects compare to anything the Royal Academy’s done, strutting aroun
d like peacocks.” He shook his head. “It will be hard to get through, I should think. Still, it’ll be the perfect opportunity to get in, and have a go at the crystal.”

  “So why exactly are they so competitive with the Royal Academy?” Nance wondered.

  Trajan snorted. “They’re a bunch of fools, Nancy. The Royal Academy has been making breakthroughs for hundreds of years, before their ridiculous Science Academy was even built. It’s the reason they want to learn the secrets of the crystal: they want to undo our progress, so they’ll be the technologically superior academy.”

  “You mean, they’re going to commit genocide over petty jealousy?”

  “Genocide isn’t what they intend. But they’re fools. If they erase the Royal Academy, they’ll erase our technological edge. The island will be vulnerable. Inbalibrab will be more powerful than ever. That’s what they’re planning.

  “But their single-minded pursuit of power will get us all killed. And they’re too damned stubborn to see it.”

  Alfred bit down on the impulse to urge moderation in the king’s language. That seemed an unwise move, considering that Trajan was…well, king. Instead, he said, “So, umm, how would we infiltrate the academy? Wouldn’t this big exhibit just mean there’ll be more people there, and it’ll be harder to get to the crystal?”

  Trajan shook his head. “On the contrary, they keep that place locked up tighter than a miser’s treasury in normal operation. Only the so-called academics and their select guests are allowed in. And the chancellor, of course: Irma can go wherever she pleases.

  “But on exhibit days, it’s open to all the fools.”

  “So,” Alfred said, following the logic – though with some misgivings, “we go undercover, as curious, erm, fools?”

  The king nodded. “Exactly. You go down there, you blend, you mingle, you find the crystal, and…” He slapped his hands together, so suddenly both the taxman and Nance started. “You destroy it.”

  “What happens, though, when we do that?” she wondered. “Won’t that make them hate the Royal Academy even more?”

  Trajan considered. “Perhaps. But better that they hate it more than destroy us all.”

  “I just mean, could we try a diplomatic solution?”

  He snorted. “You’d have an easier time talking reason to a stone, Miss Nancy. Why do you think Winthrop came to us, instead of Irma? Because we can be reasoned with. They can’t. It’s as I tell you: they see nothing past their own ambition.”

  She nodded slowly. “But they’ll still have the knowledge to time travel – or almost time travel. All they’ll need is another crystal, and we’ll be right back here again.”

  Trajan frowned. “Time crystals are kept under lock and key, here on the island.”

  “And yet they still got their hands on one.”

  “Yes, through trickery and subterfuge.”

  “But if they did it once, they could potentially do it again. And they’ll be motivated by revenge as much as anything else now.”

  The king considered for a long moment, then nodded. “You’re not wrong, Nancy. I suppose we must pursue diplomatic reconciliation. Though, I must say, it pains me to contemplate it. Still, we’re rather between a rock and a hard place: either we bring those barbarians to the table, or they demolish the table.” He sighed. “So, bring them to the table is all we can do.”

  “Who knows, maybe their Science Academy can learn from the Royal Academy in time.”

  He snorted. “That will take a bloody miracle. Still, we have to try it. But in the meantime, you and Alfred must destroy the crystal. You’re right that we need to invest in our diplomatic strategy. And, the truth is, perhaps I’ve neglected it more than I should have. I didn’t realize how far they were willing to go, and it seemed such a waste of effort to reach out to them. Now I see I was wrong: we must build those bridges.

  “But in order to build the bridge, we have to still be alive. And unless you two can destroy that crystal for us, well, there will be no diplomacy or anything else.”

  Alfred and Nancy agreed, and Trajan thanked them profusely. Considering they’d done nothing more than agree to take the mission, this seemed to be putting the cart before the horse to the taxman.

  She was more concerned with getting answers about the crystal, and how it could be a conduit for time manipulation. Here, though, Trajan’s eyes glazed over. “I’m sorry, Nancy. That’s a bit beyond my realm of expertise. I know it is possible, which is why we’ve banned the active study of the damned things. But as to the how’s? Well, you may as well ask me to explain why the sun burns, or the wind blows.”

  It wasn’t the answer she was looking for, but she nodded and accepted it. Then, with breakfast consumed and questions answered, Trajan rose. “Well, come with me, my friends. I will show you something that few others – even on Atupal – have ever seen: the center of the island.”

  Chapter Sixteen

  They traveled in a steam-powered, single car train, on a private rail. “This is the King’s Line,” Trajan explained. “I – and a handful of my cabinet – have access.”

  The car was luxury in the extreme, with a discrete kitchen complete with staff, private cabins for the king and his guests, a dining area full of gilded furnishings, and a combination work and recreation area with a conference table and various interactive games.

  Here, the king laid out blueprints of the Science Academy. It was a vast fortress of a building, with separate research wings and exhibit halls. “The crystal will be in the central tower,” he explained. “It will not be accessible to the public, so you’ll have to employ stealth to get to it. However, you should be able to get into the tower from here.” He pointed to a great hall on the western side of the facility, that stretched the length of the building. “And this will be open to visitors. It’s the access point to most of the exhibits on that side.

  “Now, you’ll want to watch for patrols. They will have guards milling about, looking for unfamiliar or suspicious faces.” He fixed them with a very serious gaze. “As long as you can manage a façade of awed stupor, you’ll be fine.”

  “Will they check us for weapons?”

  “No, you should be okay as long as nothing’s visible.”

  “And how will we destroy the crystal?”

  “Do you have any firearms?”

  “Yes,” Nance nodded. “Actually we do: a pistol.”

  “Good. Shoot it. That will shatter it, and once it’s shattered, it will no longer have the strength to sustain their time manipulations.”

  “Shoot it? Everyone will hear that.”

  The king pondered this. “True. But we’ll have an airship on standby. Get to the roof. There’s stairs here.” He gestured to a little notation on the blueprints, off the chamber in question. “Our dirigible will whisk you away, as soon as you reach the top of the tower.”

  “How will you know when to get us?”

  “We’ll see the time crystal disappear from our sensors. We’ll have a man on standby.”

  This seemed satisfactory to the taxman, and though he could see questions burning in Nancy at the mention of the crystal, she held them back and agreed. “Alright. That sounds like a plan.”

  “Good. Good! You two are life savers. Atupal will sing your praises for generations to come. And maybe – who knows – someday, Inbalibrab might too.”

  They reached the center of the island shortly thereafter. It was a walled structure, with a portcullis that opened as they approached and closed after them. How a wall could be of benefit in keeping out intruders in a world with airships, the taxman didn’t know. Perhaps there were some manner of air defenses that he could not detect from his vantage. Or perhaps this was a throwback to the island’s pre-airship days.

  Regardless, the train pulled up to a station off a medium-sized facility. It was a comfortable building, efficient but with an eye to comfort. The layout indicated business, with offices and waiting areas; and the furnishings and paintings indicated luxury, with gildi
ng and exquisite detail.

  “This way,” the king directed, leading them down a few halls until they came to a grand office. Dark wood and light marble, a painted ceiling and glistening chandelier, caught Alfred’s eyes. But there was no detail overlooked in this chamber. Everything, from the carved feet of chairs to the painted tiles of the fireplace, spoke of master craftsmanship.

  Trajan walked past it all, though, and headed to a panel on the far wall. Alfred thrilled a little as he slid the wood back. There was something exciting, intoxicating almost, about secret panels and hidden chambers. Something that not even the cool, logical demeanor of a seasoned tax professional like himself could fully suppress.

  A moment later, half the wall drew back to reveal an elevator cab. Trajan entered, beckoning them to follow. “Come on. We’ve a ways yet.”

  The taxman thrilled a little more. He felt every bit Agent Favero, embarking on a dangerous undercover mission. Here he was, after all, in disguise, getting into a hidden elevator behind a fake wall. He didn’t even mind – this time – that the disguise was so silly. The fact was, he was undercover, and an elevator had just appeared where the wall had been.

  There was nothing that could diminish the sheer coolness of that moment. So, Agent Favero stepped onto the elevator with a grin, squeezing Nancy’s hand as he did so. “Come on, Agent Abbot.”

  She glanced up at him, her eyes twinkling, and flashed a smile. She seemed to be enjoying the moment as much as he was.

  Trajan, meanwhile, got behind the controls, and soon their cab jolted into motion.

  The way down was long, but at last they came to a halt, and the doors opened. “Here we are, then,” the king beamed. “The center of the island, where all the magic happens.”

  They stepped onto a carved stone platform, and Alfred threw a glance around him. They were in a great cavern, lit by tremendous glass chandeliers hanging from the natural rock ceiling. The air here was chilled, but fresh.

  “Is that water I hear?” Nance asked.

  The taxman frowned in concentration. He heard it too: a kind of low, distant rush, like the sound of moving water.