Christmas at Frozen Falls

by Kiley Dunbar

  Nari gives me an ‘ain’t that the truth’ kind of look, and I suddenly feel as though it’s only charitable to share the horrid embarrassment of my date in all its cringey awfulness.

  ‘OK, well this’ll make you feel better,’ I say. ‘Last night Stellan told me the reason he dumped me when we were students was because he thought he was spoiling my chances of a successful career. And the more I thought about it after he’d left, the more I felt like I really must have been a nightmare girlfriend. Was I really so mad about him that I scared him off?’

  Nari’s diplomatic silence isn’t lost on me.

  ‘Even if I was, it’s a bit of an overreaction, isn’t it? Oh no, this girl’s so into me, I must leave her immediately so she can rediscover herself! You and I both know I never had any burning desire to graduate top of my class or to win a Teacher of the Year award or anything. And so what if I’d flunked my degree first time around? I’d have managed somehow, even if I was all screwed up with love and high on Stellan Virtanen pheromones. I’d have been happy taking a job waxing Piers Morgan’s back, sack and crack if I still got to go home to Stellan every night.’

  Nari pulls a revolted, dubious face at this. ‘You say that now, but that’s because you’ve got a job you love and a nice flat and enough money to pay for all the things you need and some of the things you fancy. Doesn’t a small part of you think maybe he did the right thing after all, the mature thing, even if he went about it the wrong way?’

  I let this sink in, and grudgingly admit she might be right.

  ‘Well, maybe a teensy part of me, but he could at least have stuck around for a while to see if it all worked itself out. I never got the chance to find out how it could have been between us, long term.’

  As we arrive at the restaurant and strip off our snowsuits, hanging them on hooks by the door, a little pang rises in my chest as it occurs to me that we might still have split up, but for much sadder reasons, like trying and failing to make a go of things long-distance. How would I have visited him at Frozen Falls when I was a skint teenager? How would he have made time for me and got away from the resort after his dad fell ill? We’d have fizzled out to nothing. Maybe.

  Inside the restaurant, there are squat red candles burning on every table, and Christmas carols playing over the speakers. We’re arriving late to breakfast but there’s still plenty of food at the buffet. The restaurant staff are all wearing the traditional clothing of their home countries, and I’m aware of a multitude of languages being spoken all around me and realising for the first time how this community of Frozen Falls workers are actually a little world in microcosm, all brought together by the need to work and the wonder of the snowy season in the frozen North.

  The few children staying at the resort seem to have abandoned their breakfasts and are driving remote-controlled cars and playing with bright plastic figures on the floor by their parents’ tables.

  As we settle at the breakfast table, Nari stares dreamily into the air above my head. ‘I think it’s romantic; enduring heartbreak so the woman you love can be free – like when Prince William ditched Kate because he didn’t want her to be attacked in the press for the rest of her life like his mum was.’

  ‘That’s not how I remember it,’ I say. ‘I thought she was known as Waity Katie, hanging around hoping for a proposal while he sowed his royal wild oats?’

  I quickly realise Nari’s got her selective hearing switched on. She’s off again.

  ‘And see what happened to them? A few years later, he still couldn’t forget her, try as he might, and the next thing you know, they’re blinged up, sauntering down the aisle of St. Paul’s, and passing on male pattern baldness to new generations of Windsors. Aww, it’s charming really, when you think about it.’

  I decide not to comment on this, but I cast Nari an unconvinced look, which she patently ignores. Pleased with herself, she accepts a coffee from one of the serving staff then wanders off to forage for chocolate croissants at the buffet. I’m still brooding.

  After a while spent thinking, and with Nari commenting all the while on the delicious pastries, I say, ‘Stellan wouldn’t fully admit it, but he’s always been seeking his father’s approval. Between you and me, his dad sounds like an old stick in the mud, pressing Stellan to take over the family business, and Stellan thought my parents were cut from the same cloth so, in his mind, he was saving me from the shame of blowing my degree and letting them down.’

  ‘Bit patriarchal, isn’t it? There are worse things in life than letting your dad down, especially if what your dad wants for you is to become some millionaire ski resort entrepreneur when you’d actually be happy with a bog standard career.’ She’s got some wind in her sails now. ‘In fact, all these resort blokes have a touch of the sexist twats about them, don’t you think?’

  ‘Not really,’ I say, but she’s not listening.

  ‘Come to think of it, Sylve. I don’t know why you’re not more indignant about Stellan. He says he left because you were too into him, at the expense of your studies and your friends and your family, but you could look at it from another point of view. You showed him genuine emotion, he freaked out and bolted. It’s him that’s got a commitment problem, not you with an over investment problem.’

  All I can do is grimace. This thought had briefly occurred to me last night alone in the cabin as I went over and over it all, but when it boiled down to it, I knew I was to blame. However, there’s no time to tell Nari this, she’s really got the bit between her teeth now.

  ‘These Scandi men! Do you think Niilo did a runner last night because of Stephen’s flowers? He saw them and thought, but I’ve staked my claim to this woman, she’s mine, and got all territorial and possessive like I owe him my hand in marriage just because he shelled out for a dodgy burger and a few vodkas? Actually, that’s not true, we went Dutch, but still!’

  ‘Did he seem angry or jealous?’

  ‘Not exactly, he was just a bit… sad-looking.’

  I watch Nari as she takes a long glug of coffee and I can tell she’s not as outraged as she’s pretending to be. ‘Nari… are you all right?’ She sighs and shrugs, and I see the problem instantly. ‘You’re sad about it too, aren’t you?’

  There are tears in her eyes when she answers. ‘You know, I felt so comfortable with him, I actually followed him into a scary-ass toy factory at night! I mean, that’s the stuff of bad horror movies right there, but I trusted him implicitly. I even fell asleep in his truck last night, and I’m sure I was drooling all over the place. And, did you know it was Niilo that sent the breakfast basket yesterday? Isn’t that so like him, so… real? And all the time I thought Stephen had sent it and got it so right. It didn’t even cross my mind that it might be from Niilo, and, stupidly, I told him that, in as many words. That’s when he left. He thinks I’m spoiled and ungrateful.’ After another deep breath and a long sigh – not like Nari at all – she says, ‘Oh well. You win some; you catastrophically fuck up some.’ And there she is, putting a brave face on it.

  ‘Tell me about Stellan,’ she says, waving away thoughts of Niilo. ‘At least spill some of the deets. What was it like – before he scarpered into the night, obviously?’

  ‘Thanks for the reminder,’ I say, grimly. ‘It was fine. We talked and we decorated the tree and it was good just getting to know him now we’re older.’

  ‘But you didn’t get lucky.’ Nari jabs at the crumbs on her plate with her finger, obviously disappointed I don’t have any gossip to report.

  ‘I doubt it would have happened last night anyway. You don’t know Stellan like I do, he always wanted to take things slow and just, you know, make it special when it did happen.’

  Nari’s staring blankly at me. ‘But we’re leaving tomorrow morning. Are you even seeing him today?’

  ‘I don’t know,’ I admit, and my heart sinks. ‘He said he was working today, some special job he had to do. So, I’m guessing… no.’ Ow, that hurts.

  ‘Well, listen, it’s Christm
as morning, in case you’re forgetting, and we’ve got the whole day ahead of us. We can chill out, take a walk, sit by the fire, have a nap, read a book… maybe we’ll see the northern lights later.’ I can tell Nari’s trying her best to cheer me up, but her heart doesn’t seem to be in it either.

  ‘I hadn’t forgotten. In fact…’

  Her face lights up as I pull the silver gift bag from under the restaurant table.

  ‘Aww, thanks, Sylvie. I got you something too.’ She reaches for what turns out to be a Christmas stocking. It’s stuffed with pots and tubes of expensive skincare brands, and there’s chocolates too and a couple of romantic novels with pretty, Christmassy covers. Nari always was an expert gift-buyer. She gives me a Christmas card too – a pink, glittery one with a ballerina on the front.

  ‘For a special little girl at Christmas time.’

  She’s laughing as I read.

  ‘Open it up!’

  Inside, the printed message continues, ‘Hoping Father Christmas gives you everything you wished for this year.’ She does this every time. For my thirtieth birthday I got a card with Minnie Mouse and a badge that said ‘3 today’ on it. I’m giving her my usual sardonic thanks when the gift certificate slips from the card onto my lap.

  ‘Luxury Pamper Treatments at Frozen Falls Spa? Oh, Nari, that’s amazing, thank you! Is this what we’re doing this morning?’ I deliver a big kiss right onto her cheek.

  ‘Uh-huh, I scored a freebie for myself and thought you’d enjoy a bit of festive exfoliation too. The spa’s only open for a few hours but your treatments are booked in for ten. I’m going to hit the sauna and the counter current exercise pool.’

  ‘You’re not? One of those little pools where you swim like mad and the water keeps pushing you back to the same spot?’

  ‘Yup! I could do with working off some stress after last night.’

  ‘You wouldn’t catch me in one of those. If I’m swimming I want to be moving through the water.’

  ‘On your way to the bar at the other side.’

  ‘Obviously. Swim with purpose,’ I say, grandly.

  This is more like it, just me and Nari and our familiar chatty nonsense, exactly what we came here for, and it’s soothing my ragged emotions after last night’s strange and sudden disappointment and the sleepless night that followed Stellan’s departure.

  I won’t tell Nari about how I lay awake digesting the horrible knowledge that I’d scared Stellan away all those years ago, and brooding on the embarrassment of him running off into the night after I’d opened up to him yesterday, when we’d been kissing and it had all felt so promising. I really thought he’d come back but he hasn’t even called. I can’t believe that’s how our lovely day ended and I won’t see him again because he’s busy today and we’re leaving early tomorrow morning. I’ve blown it again.

  I try to pack away these thoughts and concentrate on Nari opening my gift, which I’m still not sure about: it’s a gold leather passport cover with her name embossed on the front and a matching luggage label from her favourite handbag designer. I’ve been worrying they’re a bit clichéd for a travel writer – not to mention that they cost me a week’s pay – but her delighted reaction makes that meaningless now.

  Nari sits down again after hugging me and she’s looking at her presents when I see her face turn deathly pale and her eyes bulge. ‘Oh no!’ she cries, looking me in the eyes, horror-struck. ‘Oh God, no!’

  ‘What is it? You’re scaring me?’

  ‘I completely forgot!’ She’s talking now with her head in her hands, her hair falling onto the table.

  ‘Forgot what?’

  ‘I wrote it yesterday, the blog, and I scheduled it to go live early this morning. Oh no!’

  ‘OK, what’s the problem?’

  ‘I might have mentioned Niilo and our date, a little bit.’

  ‘What did you say? It can’t be that bad, surely?’

  ‘It’s too late to delete it now, people will have seen it, won’t they?’

  ‘Well I haven’t. I’ve run out of data. What’s the problem?’

  ‘I might have made a few hints that I liked him, totally off brand and weird, I know! And…’ I watch her raise her head, her eyes big and apologetic. ‘And…’

  ‘What?’

  ‘I might have made a little, innocent reference to you seeing Stellan.’

  ‘You didn’t!’

  She nods and scrunches up her eyes as it comes back to her. I can see she’s remembering the actual words and it’s obviously mortifying.

  ‘Nari, you pillock! What’s gotten into you on this trip?’

  ‘I don’t know, it’s Niilo’s fault. I was doing fine before he turned up, being all rugged and worthy, and much younger than me, and super hot.’

  ‘Look, I doubt Stellan or Niilo have time to faff about reading blogs, do you? They probably haven’t seen it. And what does it matter anyway? We’re leaving tomorrow and it’s not like we’re seeing them again. Can’t you just delete it now? Are you worried that Stephen will see it?’

  ‘People will have read it. I scheduled it for seven a.m British time, and I forgot all about it, what with everything going on last night. I’ve spent years building my following, distancing myself from the old dating blog – not that I’m ashamed of it, not at all – but I worked so hard to be taken seriously in the travel industry and now I’m known as this single-girl adventurer.’ Her shoulders droop. ‘And no, Stephen won’t have seen it. He’s never read my blog.’

  I watch Nari checking her phone and scrolling through the comments.

  ‘Can I at least see what you wrote?’ I say, reaching for the phone.

  ‘It’s nothing, really. Probably best you don’t bother.’

  She’s biting her bottom lip now, and I see the colour returning to her face.

  ‘I’m sorry, Sylve. Everything felt so different yesterday, remember? How could I know our dates were going to go tits up?’

  There’s a wicked gleam in her eyes now, and I know I’ve already forgiven her, whatever it was she said on that blog about me and Stellan. Like everything else that happened yesterday, it doesn’t really matter. Nari turns the phone to me.

  ‘Woah! Seventy two notifications, and on Christmas day too,’ I say.

  ‘That’s the most comments one of my posts has ever had. Look, this follower’s really into it, and so is this one.’

  Nari shows me their messages and I scroll through, reading some aloud.

  ‘Tell me more about this herder, Nari Bell! You’re taking me back to the old days of your dating blog!’

  ‘Maybe she’s met her match?’

  ‘OMG, I NEED to know what happened!!!’

  ‘Well, Nari, whatever you wrote, you’ve caused quite a bit of excitement,’ I say, handing her phone back.

  Nari’s shaking her head, half amused, half mortified, and she swipes the screen to power off, too distracted to notice him arriving. He’s stolen into the restaurant in silence and comes to a standstill behind her shoulder, his chest rising and falling heavily.

  I see the grave, determined look on Niilo’s face. He’s waiting for Nari to turn around.

  When she follows my widened eyes and finally clocks him, her face breaks into a huge grin. So much for being angry and feeling judged by this guy; she’s positively beaming. Niilo remains serious and, I realise, he’s nervous too. His hands are shaking.

  ‘Good morning, Nari, Sylvie.’ He makes two sharp nods with his head. ‘Happy Christmas.’

  Nari doesn’t reply. She’s staring at him in his traditional high-collared, royal blue tunic with a cluster of plaited pewter decorations at his throat and a colourful quilted belt studded with round silver buttons at his waist. The impressive get-up is crowned with a tall blue hat also decorated with bright embroidery. I’m fairly sure there are love hearts forming in Nari’s eyes like in a cartoon.

  ‘I’m just gonna grab more coffee,’ I say.

  ‘They bring it to the table, remember?’ Nari
says over her shoulder to me, never tearing her eyes from Niilo.

  Nevertheless, I slip away to the breakfast buffet just a few feet away and pretend I’m busy behind the juice machine, and I watch what happens.

  I see Niilo crouch by Nari’s knees and she leans close to him. They speak in low tones to one another so I can’t overhear – very inconsiderate – but I see Nari’s expression change. She looks as embarrassed and apologetic as Niilo does and she’s making a crossing action with her palms outspread in front of her, waving away what is clearly Niilo’s attempt at an earnest apology.

  Then, as I watch, he asks her something which makes her look… well, bashful! Bashful and Nari aren’t a natural combination, so this isn’t something I’ve seen much of before. Whatever he’s asking, she nods in assent. Niilo takes Nari’s hand in his, upturning it and smoothing his fingertips over her palm. All the while they’re looking into the other’s faces. He gently turns her hand over again, dips his head, and presses a kiss against her skin. Then, smiling shyly, he stands and walks off across the restaurant. I make my dash from behind the juice glasses back to the table to get the salacious details.

  ‘What was that?’

  ‘I’m not sure.’ Nari seems dazed, but she’s still smiling as she watches him make his way around the tables towards the low stage at the other side of the room. ‘I said I was sorry for wanting to go clubbing on what’s basically Christmas day in Lapland, and he said he was sorry for being quiet, and then…’

  ‘I saw!’

  Nari shuffles her chair back under the table, settling herself again and wrapping her hands around her elbows in a hug as she watches Niilo ascending the stairs onto the stage.

  ‘Has he seen your blog post?’ I ask.

  ‘He didn’t mention it if he has,’ she replies in a whisper, her eyes trained on Niilo, who has come to a halt in front of a keyboard lit by a spotlight.

  That’s when I notice all the restaurant staff have lined up along the walls and are grinning and winking at one another. They’ve clearly hatched a plan with Niilo and something special’s about to happen.