Most Wonderful

by Bryce Oakley

  "I thought being a paramedic was my dream. I felt so fulfilled. I felt like I was really making a difference. I wasn't just working to work. I was saving people's lives," she said, running her hands through her hair, tousling it in a way that made Emilia’s mind immediately imagine her in bed a few nights before.

  Wait. Focus.

  Emilia nodded, squeezing her fingernails into her palms under the table.

  "And then, there was Katie," Cody said, pausing and looking down at her lap.

  Katie? Who was Katie? Emilia steadied herself against the impending I Have A Secret Girlfriend or Fiancée or Wife conversation.

  "Cody?" Emilia asked softly. "Whatever it is, you can tell me."

  "I'm just nervous to tell you because I don't want you to think differently of me, and I know you will. I think differently of me now, you know?" She said, looking up to meet Emilia’s eyes again.

  Emilia nodded slowly, though she didn't know, and she was very close to standing up and screaming for the damn woman to get to the point already or else she was going to explode. Instead, she took a deep breath.

  "About a year ago, there was a car crash. We get car crash calls multiple times a day, and most of the time it's nothing. Sometimes it's awful, and those times stay with you, but you pray on your way to the call that it's one of the simple fender benders and everyone's fine. On this call, though, it wasn't what it seemed. A vehicle was t-boned, basically. A mother was driving and there was a young girl in the backseat. Their car was hit from the side that the little girl was on. Katie. She was eight." She paused, pressing her lips together.

  Emilia had the sudden urge to jump across the desk and cradle Cody in her arms, but she stifled it, afraid to break whatever spell was upon her. Cody had only hinted at the story before, but she had the idea that the Devil was in the details.

  Cody cleared her throat. "She seemed relatively unhurt. She had minor cuts on her arms and face from the glass, but no broken bones, nothing like that. She told me she felt fine. The mother complained of minor neck pain, so I had to make them stay still. They were responsive and coherent, and they were able to listen and respond. It was just my partner and me. The fire truck was on its way, and the police were directing traffic."

  She paused again. "I'm sorry if this isn't making total sense. I haven't told this to many people," she said.

  "No, I'm following," Emilia whispered, leaning forward on the desk in anticipation.

  "My partner started calling for me to help him with the other driver. He had a compound distal femur fracture. The femur bone breaks and goes through the skin, and they can bleed out fast, so they're a high priority. Protocol dictates we have to prioritize life-threatening injuries over other minor injuries. But we're also trained to make sure that possible spinal injuries and head trauma cases stay still, so I had a bystander come and sit behind the mother and hold her neck until I could get collars on the mother and Katie. It's a sketchy fix, but it's better than just letting them try to keep their necks perfectly still, you know? I swear half of being a paramedic is making shit up on the fly because the field is such a chaotic place," she said, shaking her head.

  "We got the femur patient under control when the fire truck arrived with more help, but then I noticed a lot of screaming, and Katie trying to get out of the car. She was delirious, yelling, and then she started vomiting. There's a nickname for that kind of brain injury. It's called ‘Talk and Die Syndrome.' The person seems fine, but there's hemorrhaging in the brain. I've never seen it happen so quickly. My partner and I ran to her with the spinal board, but she was on the ground convulsing. Her mother was screaming, trying to get out of the car even though she could have had just as severe trauma, and I've never felt so overwhelmed in my life. Katie went unconscious and died a few hours later in the hospital. And all because I misjudged her injury. I left her alone. It was such a fucked up situation, and I left her alone. If she had stayed still, if I had stayed with her, if I had just taken a few extra seconds to realize she had a brain injury…"

  Her voice cracked, and she quickly cleared her throat again.

  Emilia swallowed the lump in her own throat, tears streaming down her face. She moved around the desk and kneeled in front of Cody, who folded into Emilia’s arms, wanting to be held.

  "It wasn't your fault," Emilia whispered, running her hand through Cody’s curls. "It sounds like her injuries were nothing you could have healed."

  "I even went through a bunch of administrative hurdles because of it, and that's what they found, too, but I can't stop feeling this guilt. I've had people die that I was trying to help. That's just the reality of what I do. But something about the screaming, and the fact that I ignored my gut instinct to double-check her even though I've been told I wouldn't have found anything… It's been five months, and I still can't seem to shake it. I've gone to therapy and thought about it every day since. I had to leave. I couldn't even do my job anymore. That's why I'm here," Cody said, her shoulders tensing. "I ran when it got too hard. I'm a coward, Emilia."

  "No," Emilia said firmly, holding her tighter. "That's not true. There's no shame in needing time away. I can't even imagine something so traumatic."

  "But then I met you, and I've been able to stop thinking about it when I start to spiral. And some days I haven't thought about it at all," Cody said, burying her face in Emilia’s shoulder.

  Oh, this woman. This tender, sweet, caring woman. Cody pulled Emilia into her lap. Emilia held her tightly. ”It’s okay," Emilia repeated over and over.

  They stayed like that for a long time, just sitting in silence. Emilia ran her hands through Cody’s hair, trying to comfort her as she kept her face buried in Emilia’s shoulder. Their breathing patterns matched, and the only sound in the room was their matching inhales and exhales.

  "I was scared to tell you because the way you look at me... it makes me feel like I'm the best person in the world. And I want to be that for you," Cody said, sniffling as quietly as possible.

  Emilia tilted her head down until she could see Cody’s face. "Cody, this changes nothing for me. I still think you're a hero for trying to save countless lives. I don't think there was anything you could have done."

  She shrugged. "I don't know…"

  "Cody," Emilia started, cupping her cheek. "I trust you."

  Cody studied her face for a moment with widened eyes. "Even after all I just told you?"

  "What you just told me changes nothing," Emilia insisted.

  Cody stared at her for a long while, as though she was considering something. "I think I'm falling in love with you," she finally said, claiming Emilia’s mouth in a kiss.

  Emilia was too startled to kiss her back for a moment. Love. She hadn't exactly said the three little words, but they had been close enough. Emilia sunk into the kiss, silencing her racing mind.

  How she had missed those lips in the few short hours since their last kiss. But now everything was different.

  Love.

  It was all so fast.

  And she did not do fast.

  Cody kissed her with sweet slowness at first, one hand on her waist and the other wrapped around her shoulders, holding her close.

  Emilia deepened the kiss, wanting more of her. All of her. Claiming her. She couldn't say the same words Cody had, but she could show what she felt.

  What Cody had told her about Katie changed nothing. She was being honest about that. She still thought of Cody as a hero, and she knew above all else that Cody would never purposely turn her back on someone in need.

  And she also knew that she wasn't being completely honest with Cody about the expansion. But that could wait. Right now, they had better things to do. Like make out in the office like hormonal teenagers.

  "I feel like it's such a relief to have told you," Cody whispered against her lips.

  Emilia curled her fingers in Cody’s hair, pressing kisses all over her face.

  "Unless you want me taking you on your desk, we should get out of here," Cody
growled against her lips.

  "I'm not opposed to it," Emilia teased, and Cody dipped a hand under the edge of her skirt, calling her bluff.

  She spread her thighs.

  Cody groaned against Emilia’s mouth, biting her lower lip as her rough, strong hands slid up Emilia’s bare skin. She thought of how incredible those hands were. They saved lives. They made cakes. They held her when she needed it most.

  Cody rubbed her fingers gently over her underwear, sending tingles of awareness throughout her body.

  "Do you trust me?" She asked.

  "Implicitly," Emilia said, nodding and shamelessly pressing herself against Cody’s hips.

  "Stand up," Cody said in a deep, commanding voice, leaning to lock the door.

  Emilia grinned, anticipation making her heart throb in her chest and between her thighs. She stood, looking up at her for the next command.

  "Turn around," Cody said, and she did as she was told.

  She put one hand on Emilia’s shoulder blade and gently bent her at the hip until she was lying face down on her desk, her cheek pressed to last month's spending report.

  There, in her office where she felt most powerful, Emilia was letting someone else take the reins.

  Cody pushed her skirt up and Emilia placed her arms under her head, propping herself up so she could watch over her shoulder. Cody held Emilia’s underwear to the side and let her fingers begin to explore. The friction of her fingers sent a jolt of pleasure through Emilia and she moved her hips back, desperate.

  "Please," she whispered, begging. "Please."

  Cody pushed her fingers inside of her, filling her.

  Emilia didn’t know where that gentle, vulnerable woman had gone, but the thrill of Cody acting so different, so dominating, was almost enough to send her over the edge as soon as Cody’s fingers found her most sensitive spot.

  It didn't take long for her orgasm to wind up, the thrill of the situation making her shatter hard and fast against Cody’s fingers.

  Cody reached for her, pulling Emilia back into her arms.

  "What was that?" Emilia said, kissing Cody’s neck, feeling breathless as she returned to earth. Cody tenderly straightened Emilia’s skirt.

  Cody shrugged with a mischievous glint in her eye. “Just something I’ve wanted to try ever since I first laid eyes on you,” she said.

  “Well, someone contains multitudes," Emilia said with a laugh.

  Cody grinned. "You know what I think we need?" she asked.

  "A shower?" Emilia pulled the rest of her skirt down, cringing at her damp underwear, knowing she was going to have to walk very carefully to the bathroom to clean herself up.

  "A nap. I nominate your bed, because your apartment is closer. And then after that, we’re baking Christmas cookies. The perfect lazy Sunday," Cody said, kissing her forehead.

  “Can I repay the favor before we nap?” Emilia asked, wiggling her eyebrows and grinning.

  “I’m not against that idea,” Cody said, looking contemplative about the proposition.

  Emilia couldn't think of the last time she had taken a nap when she hadn't been ill or hungover. But after Cody had just bent her over her desk and… well… been the boss, falling asleep beside her sounded like pure bliss. That was, if Emilia was going to let Cody sleep without trying to see what other sexual personas she could draw out first.

  Emilia grinned. "Nothing sounds better.” She reached for her phone, texting Frankie that they’d chat later.

  Chapter 14

  Cody

  Cody startled as a ding on Emilia's phone chimed. They lay on the couch, curled into one another, watching White Christmas.

  “Jeez, Em, why is that on volume 900?” Cody laughed, putting her hand on her chest.

  Emilia grinned as she unwound her limbs and pulled out her phone. "Sorry, I forgot to put it on silent."

  Cody glanced down, seeing an email from their landlord with the subject Space Expansion. Emilia swiped it off the screen and locked her phone again.

  "Hey, I just realized you've been so quiet about the expansion lately," Cody asked, only remembering that Emilia had met with the landlord a week before. She had forgotten to ask earlier in her attempt to stop thinking about Henry's proposal that she take over the entire business.

  Not to mention the added layer of the fact that Cody had told Em that she was falling for her, the big L word, and the fact that she hadn't said anything back about it yet.

  They had fallen into a comfortable rhythm together, regardless of what clearly weighed between them. They had been so busy getting to know one another and every single inch of each other's bodies that it almost felt strange now to realize she had forgotten to ask Em about something so exciting. Then again, Emilia also hadn't brought it up, herself.

  "Not much news," Emilia said, her body stiffening.

  "So, are you going through with the expansion? Will you guys take over the glass place?" Cody coaxed, trying to get her to open up about it. She rubbed a hand across Emilia’s back. Cody didn't want to get her tightly wound about work again, but she was too curious to let it go so easily. She had been so excited about it before…

  "Maybe," Emilia said, looking anywhere but at Cody.

  Cody tried to keep a straight face, watching her as she slowly realized Emilia was definitely acting suspicious and weird. "Everything okay?" She asked.

  Emilia cleared her throat. "Yep," she said quickly, grabbing their plates to take them into the kitchen. She rinsed them off and placed them in the dishwasher.

  Cody glanced around in confusion. Did they have an imaginary fight that she missed in the last ten minutes? Emilia was slow to open up, and it was always in her own time, but she was opening, slowly and surely, like a flower blooming one petal at a time. Except now she was acting strange and closed off again.

  Was it the fact that Cody had said she was falling in love? Shockingly, Emilia hadn't seemed too fazed by that, and granted, Cody had changed the subject a bit quickly when she bent Emilia over the desk as some animalistic urge to claim her took over; some need for control.

  But Emilia also hadn't said that she didn't love Cody back.

  Cody tried to take stock of the situation. Emilia had always enjoyed talking business, had been gushing about the bookshop doing well, had even met with the financial planner to discuss the cost of expanding, and had been entirely normal all evening before seeing that email.

  She was a terrible liar. Cody initially grinned at the thought, but she sobered with the realization that by not telling Emilia about what Henry had mentioned, she was also lying.

  Or she was just mulling it over a bit before giving it any fair consideration? That was valid too, wasn't it?

  She didn't know what she wanted. Her entire life, she had zero attachments. She moved when she pleased. She avoided all possible ruts to get stuck in.

  And now what?

  Cody still didn't know, but her chest ached at the thought of her future not including Emilia.

  She wanted Emilia.

  And if that meant settling down, so be it. She could figure out the business stuff later.

  Her palms began to sweat, trying to imagine taking over an entire business.

  Way too much responsibility.

  Way too much commitment.

  Emilia deserved someone with more ambition. Someone who leapt at a chance to own a business, just like her. She was ambitious to a fault, but she was so driven and passionate that it just worked.

  Would it always, though?

  Cody watched her in the kitchen. She had on pajamas and her hair was tied back. She looked fully relaxed and at home. Why be scared of the future if it could be as simple as that? Cody trusted her, and she would tell her everything in her own time.

  Maybe it was something else entirely, and Cody was misreading the situation?

  Emilia fumbled around in the fridge, calling over the shoulder, "Do you want dessert?"

  Cody smiled, calling back an enthusiastic yes. Maybe she was
just imagining Emilia’s strange mood. Or maybe she was under some confidentiality agreement while things were in process, especially because Cody was also a tenant in the building. Or technically, Henry was.

  She tipped her head back, resting it against the cushions on the sofa and closed her eyes.

  Henry retiring, the bakery closing, Cody running the bakery and giving up her dream of ever returning to be a paramedic. That had been the constant cycle of thoughts in her mind, and the more she tried to get up the courage to talk about it with Emilia, the more terrified of admitting what she knew would be her ultimate answer.

  She didn't feel right taking over the bakery. But she also didn't feel right letting the bakery go. She was stuck between two scary realities.

  She was ripped from her thoughts as Emilia sat down beside her. Emilia looked concerned and rested her hand on Cody’s shoulder.

  "You've been tense, everything okay with you lately?" Emilia asked.

  Emilia. Emilia was what she needed to get her mind away from the grim spiral she was on. She pulled Emilia onto her lap, and her heart instantly lightened as Emilia let out a surprised giggle.

  "Wait, don't you want dessert?" Emilia teased.

  "This isn't dessert?" Cody said, raising her eyebrows in mock-surprise.

  "I never thought I'd be so..." Emilia began, lifting her head to look Cody in the eye. She pursed her lips as she thought of the right word.

  "So, what?" Cody asked, brushing her hair back from her face.

  "Like, ravenous for you? You’re just so..." Again, Emilia paused, gesturing one hand in the air as though she was trying to catch a word.

  "Incandescent? Irresistible? Completely breathtaking?" Cody said, punctuating each word with a kiss on her lips.

  Emilia smiled, she was all of those adjectives at once. "Something like that."

  "You are," Cody said, cupping Emilia’s chin in her hand. "You are the most incredible, radiant, gorgeous woman I've ever met, and I never want to stop telling you so."

  I love you.

  She bit back the words, knowing Emilia wouldn't be able to respond in the way she desperately wanted.