Isaac's Decision

by Ruth Ann Nordin

  “You were never really in it to begin with, Emily.”

  Though he spoke tenderly, the words stung. Swallowing the lump in her throat, she said, “I was in it when we were younger. You used to come up to me and talk to me. When we were children, we’d play tag and hide and seek with our friends.”

  “That was a long time ago.” His eyes met hers, and she noted the regret in them. “We can’t turn back the clock. We can’t undo anything that’s already happened, whether it be between our families or when I started avoiding you because that’s what I was told to do.”

  “It’s not too late. We don’t have to let what happened in the past affect our future.”

  He shook his head. “I can’t. I’m sorry, but I can’t.” Releasing the brake, he lifted the reins and urged the horses forward.

  Once again, her eyes filled with tears and she cursed herself for ever caring about him. He now had the power to hurt her, and she hated him for that. As he led the horses onto her property, she turned away from him so he couldn’t see her tears, and she prayed he didn’t hear her crying. She tried to stop the tears, but the more she attempted to restrain her emotions, the more they called out for attention. By the time he pulled the buckboard up to her house, she hurried off of it and ran into the house.

  She slammed the door behind her, ignoring her startled mother who dropped the cup she’d been carrying to the table. Still sobbing, Emily raced up the stairs and to the bedroom she shared with Elizabeth. Falling onto the bed, she cried into her pillow. She was such a fool! She never should have talked to Isaac.

  A gentle knocking on her door made her look up. Her mother went to the bed and sat next to her. “Emily, what’s wrong?”

  Her lower lip quivering, Emily thought of all the things she could say, and the only one she couldn’t was the truth. Wiping the tears from her face, she said, “I’m not going back to school. Eva rejected my report.”

  Her mother rubbed her back. “Why?”

  “Because I’m not a pretentious snob like she is. I gave her my opinion, and she didn’t like it.”

  “Oh, that’s silly. She can’t judge a work based on your opinion when she wanted your opinion on the book you read.”

  “Exactly, Ma. That’s what we argued about, and she said unless I conformed my opinion to match hers, I had no place in the schoolhouse, so I left.”

  “She said that?”

  “Not word for word, but the meaning was there. I decided I wouldn’t compromise my beliefs, and I came home.”

  “Who took you here?”

  “Isaac Larson.” The name came out like a bitter pill. She never wanted to say or even think his name again, not after the way he rejected her.

  “I suppose he’s the only one there who could take you home. Your father won’t be at the schoolhouse for another hour.”

  “Can we please not talk about it anymore?” she asked before the topic could turn to Isaac, just in case her mother sensed something more happened to upset her.

  Offering a smile, she nodded. “Of course.” She brushed the remaining tears from Emily’s cheeks. “If you ever need to talk some more, you know you can come to me, right?”

  “Yes. Thank you.”

  She hugged her, and for a moment, Emily let herself return to the times when she was a child and accepted the comfort her mother offered.

  Chapter Twelve

  Isaac sat in the barn loft, which was about the only place where he could get some privacy. Jacob was bound to tell their father that he took Emily home, and Isaac didn’t have the strength to assure his father that nothing happened. No, he wasn’t going to keep talking to her. No, he wasn’t going to see her again. Yes, it was innocent. She came to him because she needed a ride home when the teacher told her she couldn’t remain in school anymore. So what was he supposed to do? Was he supposed to let Emily walk all the way home when she was so upset she was crying?

  Isaac brought his knees up and rested his elbows on them. Then he put his face in his hands and tried not to remember how things ended with Emily. It was better when he said nothing to her and she was just sitting close by in the schoolhouse. At least then, she hadn’t been crying.

  And what started it? Miss Connealy didn’t approve of the book Emily read? But Emily wouldn’t have chosen one of her dime novels to write about. He was sure of it. Emily was too smart to get caught doing something like that while in school, and the teacher never caught on to what she was doing. The book she was reading was Emma, wasn’t it? He distinctly remembered the teacher telling Emily that Emma was a good book to pick. But Emily went with something else. What would get Miss Connealy so upset?

  Why did he care? It was just a book. A book started the whole fight and made it so that Emily had to leave the school. He didn’t understand the logic in that one at all, but Clayton joked that no one could make sense of what women did. Perhaps there was some truth in that statement. If it was him, he’d just do a report on another book and be done with it.

  Isaac groaned and rubbed his eyes. What he needed to do was put the whole day behind him and go on as he did every other day. Every day he went about his life, doing the same thing when he wasn’t in the fields. He got up, did chores, had breakfast, went to school, came home, did chores, had supper, did chores, and went to bed. It was a safe and familiar routine.

  With a heavy sigh, he put his hands down and settled his back against the wall. If he had any interest in anyone besides Emily, he’d jump at the chance to court her. His father would probably approve of anyone else. He just didn’t know anyone who piqued his interest as much as Emily did.

  “Isaac, are you up there?”

  He winced. So much for peace and quiet. Taking a deep breath, he called out, “Yes, Pa.”

  “Come on down. I want to talk to you.”

  After he closed his eyes for a moment, he opened them and reluctantly obeyed. When he reached the bottom of the ladder, he saw that they were alone. Just great, he thought with dread. This was bound to be unpleasant. Setting his feet on the barn floor, he forced out, “What is it?”

  “Jacob said you took Emily Craftsman home today.”

  Isaac knew it. Jacob would be the one to tattle. With a shrug, he said, “Yes. The teacher told her she had to leave, and I was the only one who could take her home.”

  Crossing his arms, his father said, “Eva wouldn’t insist that Emily leave school if there wasn’t a good reason.”

  Though he wanted to argue “a good reason” was highly subjective, he decided to settle for a simple, “So?”

  Frowning, he asked, “So?”

  “Yes. So? It didn’t change anything. Miss Connealy told Emily to leave so she did.”

  “And she couldn’t wait for her pa to pick her up when he comes by for his kids?”

  “You weren’t there, Pa. If you were, you’d understand that Emily didn’t have a choice.”

  “You sure seem quick to defend the Craftsman girl.”

  “I’m not defending anyone.” Isaac laughed in disbelief. How did his father get that he was defending her? “I just took her home. That’s it.”

  “Did you talk to her?”

  With a sigh, he rolled his eyes and shook his head. He knew this was coming, so why was he surprised?

  “I don’t care for the way you’re acting,” his father said, his eyebrows furrowed.

  “What? What way am I acting?”

  “Like you have something to hide.”

  Throwing his hand up in the air, Isaac said, “I don’t know what you want from me. Do you really think I should have let her walk home?”

  “If you had to take her home, you should have taken someone else with you.”

  “Why?”

  “Because some people might think something happened that shouldn’t happen.”

  “Are you kidding me? You were willing to let me take Miss Connealy home all by myself.”

  “That’s different.”

  “How?”

  “We can trust Eva.
”

  Isaac ran his fingers through his hair and grabbed the strands that hung at the base of his neck. “I don’t understand this. What do you think Emily would do?”

  “I don’t know what she’s capable of doing. I remember what her real mother was like, and I remember her father’s past. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.”

  “What is that supposed to mean?”

  “It means that they aren’t our kind of people.”

  “Our kind of people?”

  “Yes. We stand for decency, respect, and values. You were too young to remember the kind of things Emily’s real mother was doing before she left, and you don’t understand the kind of morals her father believed in. Your mother and I sheltered you from life’s harsher realities, but the truth is, there are a lot of bad things people do. These are things they pass on to their children, and if you get involved with Emily, you’re asking for a lot of grief.”

  “I never said I was going to get involved with her. I just took her home!”

  “You should have let her wait for her father. She didn’t have to go home right away.”

  “You don’t know what happened. You weren’t there!”

  “I didn’t have to be there. If Eva told Emily that the report she wrote was inappropriate, then it was inappropriate. And the fact that Emily chose a book deemed inappropriate by the teacher is a good reason why you need to avoid her. Eva has good judgment. She wouldn’t refuse the book if it was wholesome literature.”

  “It could have been a dime novel.”

  “A dime novel?”

  “Yes. Emily reads them during school.” As soon as his father’s eyes grew wide, Isaac realized his mistake. “No, Pa. I haven’t been talking to her at school. It fell out of her coat pocket and landed on the school floor. That’s how I saw it, alright?”

  “You were close enough to her so you could see what book she’s been reading?”

  Isaac groaned and rubbed his forehead. What was he supposed to say? Every time he spoke, he only got into worse trouble.

  “Sit down.”

  Looking at the stool near the cow’s stall, Isaac sighed and did as his father bid.

  His father found another stool and set it down. Sitting across Isaac, he set his elbows on his legs. “You want to know why I tell you to avoid talking to Emily? Well, I’ll tell you. Neil Craftsman isn’t her real father. When Cassie came out here as a mail-order bride to marry Neil, she was already expecting Emily. But Neil wasn’t any better than Cassie. He paid prostitutes to be with him. Neither Cassie nor Neil could honor their wedding vows. Your mother caught men going into the house to visit Cassie when they shouldn’t have been, and Neil went to visit a whore at one point during his marriage to Cassie. Now do you understand what I mean when I say they aren’t our kind of people?”

  “Ma says Emily’s father doesn’t do that anymore, and his second wife never did the things her real mother did.”

  He sighed. “Isaac, I love your mother. You know that. But she’s too quick to believe that everyone’s good. I’ve sat by and watched her help Emily when Emily was little and needed it. I’m not begrudging your mother any of that. It’s how she is. She’s the type of person who’ll do whatever she can to help someone out. It’s her best trait, but there are people in this world who will take advantage of that. Both Neil and Cassie took advantage of your mother on many occasions. The only reason I tolerated it was because I felt sorry for Emily. Well, Emily’s grown up now. She doesn’t need your mother stepping in to help her anymore. The best thing you can do is find a good woman from a good family. If you don’t want to marry Eva, we can find you another young woman. Tom or Joel’s daughters might know someone you can marry.”

  Isaac didn’t answer. So many thoughts were racing through his head, and he didn’t even know how to sort them out.

  His father patted his shoulder. “Now that you understand the situation, you can focus on finding a girl from a good family.” He stood up and put the stool back to where he found it. “Supper will be ready soon. You don’t have to worry about chores until after you eat.”

  Isaac managed a nod but couldn’t bring himself to give a verbal response. Why didn’t his father mention the time Emily’s father abducted his mother? The difference in answers between what his father told him and what his mother said only proved that the situation wasn’t as black and white as they made it seem. There were too many shades of gray.

  His mother said Emily’s father had changed for the better and that his second wife was a good influence for Emily. His mother talked to them, and they seemed nice when they talked to her. Emily didn’t so much as bat an eyelash at young men. She hadn’t given anyone a reason to think she was following in her real mother’s footsteps. Could it be that his father was stuck in the past while his mother lived in the present? Or maybe his father was right and his mother was too eager to believe that things were better than they really were?

  Well, sitting around and doing nothing wasn’t going to accomplish anything. He might as well eat supper and then tend to his chores. He stood up and determined to put the whole matter aside, even if it was just for tonight.

  ***

  It was surprising how the absence of someone he rarely ever said a word to made it hard for him to concentrate on his work. Isaac turned his gaze to the empty desk and recalled how pretty Emily looked. Her wavy dark hair would often fall over her shoulder while she tilted her head forward to read one of her books. Sometimes she’d smile at something she read, and at other times, she seemed to tear up a bit. She might have read dime novels, but they brought her a lot of joy, and why would anyone begrudge her that?

  Turning his attention back to his math formula, he swallowed the lump in his throat. He made her cry yesterday. He didn’t think he’d ever forget how horrible it was to watch her cry and know he was the one responsible for it. What kind of person was he to let her run into her house like that? Setting his forehead in his hand, he tried to forget what happened, but it was impossible. Her memory haunted him. He’d gotten used to having her nearby. Even if he couldn’t talk to her, he liked knowing she was at the school, close to him.

  Exhaling, he glanced at the front of the room where Eva was teaching arithmetic to the younger students. In the trashcan next to her desk was Emily’s report. He couldn’t help but wonder what the controversial book was that Eva and Emily fought over. Did Emily choose to write about one of her dime novels after all? He didn’t think she’d do that since Eva let it be known how abhorrent she found those things.

  He didn’t know what good it would do to find out what book Emily chose. It wouldn’t bring her back. One thing he knew was that she was determined to stand behind it even if she had to give up something to stand her ground. He had to admire that about her. She stood by her convictions. And she wanted to stand by him even if their fathers didn’t approve.

  He rubbed his eyes and sighed. What was he supposed to do? He didn’t really know her, and she didn’t really know him. It’d be foolish to throw caution to the wind because he was attracted to her.

  “Isaac?”

  His attention shifted to Eva who was still at the front of the room. Clearing his throat, he straightened in his seat. “Yes, Miss Connealy?”

  “Would you get more wood from my brother, please?” she asked, shooting him one of those smiles that made him more and more uneasy every time he saw it.

  He nodded and went to put on his coat. By the time he opened the door, Ben pulled the buckboard up to the schoolhouse. Isaac shut the door and hurried over to him.

  “How are you doing, Isaac?” Ben called out as he got down from the buckboard.

  “Fine,” he replied, and he was fine, all things considered…

  Ben came up to him and gave him a knowing grin. “I heard Eva was over at your family’s place for supper.”

  Blanching, Isaac couldn’t think of a proper response. Granted, Ben was her brother, but he didn’t expect Ben to find out since he didn’t think
the supper was a big deal.

  “If I can’t get you to work for me, I wouldn’t mind having you in the family, know what I mean?” Ben nudged him in the side and winked. Before Isaac could respond, he grabbed an armful of wood and placed the stack in Isaac’s arms. “I’d love to stay and talk, but I have ten other places to go to before I can see Alice.”

  “Alice. Alice Reed?” Isaac asked.

  “That’s the one. Of course, in a month, she’ll be Alice Connealy.”

  “She’s engaged to you?”

  “Of course. Didn’t you know that?”

  “No. I knew she was engaged, but I didn’t realize she was engaged to you.”