A Matter of Heart

by Tracie Peterson

  Austin thought of his relationship with Grace. That was exactly how he’d felt about her. He knew he’d never again find a woman to love—one who would love him as Grace had. And that was all right by him. Austin had no intention of ever loving another woman. He might be fascinated with Jessica Atherton’s boldness. He might even appreciate her fine form and pretty face, but that was it. He wasn’t going to give his heart to anyone.

  But still, there was that nagging vision of Jessica and her blatant honesty. Austin smiled. “I met Miss Atherton at your town planning party. She was full of information about the area.”

  “She can be very friendly,” Robert said, getting to his feet. “But she can also be manipulative and selfish. She’s been spoiled most of her life, and while she’s got a good heart, Jessica is often only interested in what benefits Jessica.” He moved toward the kitchen. “Now I’m gonna bring you some of my mother’s cinnamon rolls. These rolls are famous around here. She even used them to appease the Comanche long ago.”

  Austin chuckled. “Then they must really be something.”

  Chapter 5

  Jessica gave her hair a final touch before dabbing her earlobes with a tiny bit of perfume. She loved the flowery scent, so light and sweet, but she was going to the church social with Daniel Harper, so she used it sparingly. There was no sense in overdoing it. She liked Daniel well enough, but he wasn’t exactly her ideal man. The son of one of the local ranchers, Daniel was handsome and could sing like nobody else, but he intended to remain a rancher, and that had never appealed to Jessica. Of course, right now, Jessica wasn’t at all sure what appealed to her.

  She made her way downstairs and paused momentarily at the drawing room door. She smoothed down the lace on her bodice and swept down the skirt of her gown to make sure everything was in place. The door was ajar, and Jessica could hear her father and Daniel talking inside the room.

  “Well, you know our Jess,” her father was saying. “If you’re looking to win her heart, then you need to shower her with plenty of attention and an occasional bauble or two. She likes pretty things.”

  “Yes, sir. I know that’s true.”

  Jessica frowned as the conversation continued. She knew she shouldn’t be eavesdropping, but it was as if her feet were nailed to the floor.

  “Jessica’s always been different from her sister. She likes the best things in life. She’s like a princess in a castle—spoiled, pampered, and beautiful.”

  “She’s surely beautiful,” Daniel declared. “She’s the prettiest girl in the county, and I’d be proud to be her husband. With my inheritance, I could keep her in nice things.”

  “She’ll want to take trips, as well. I’ve heard her say it many times. She has done a fair piece of traveling with her grandparents, but now they’re gone and she has no one to take her abroad.” Her father chuckled. “I swear that girl has covered more miles than my horse.”

  The men laughed and Jessica began to feel sick. Is that all I am to Father? Ornamental and demanding?

  Tears came unbidden and she frowned. The painful words cut to the core of her being. She’d never thought her parents believed her so shallow and selfish. She backed away from the door and headed back upstairs. Her mind echoed with the reverberation of her father’s comments.

  “She’s like a princess in a castle—spoiled, pampered, and beautiful.”

  What a horrible thing to say about her. Jessica plopped down on the bed and let the tears flow. It was horrible because it was true. She was spoiled and pampered. She’d never known real want. Oh, there had been lean years, but her father and Robert’s father had wisely invested and were good to help others when times of trouble came.

  “Jessica, Daniel is waiting for you,” her mother called from the hallway. She tapped on the door, then opened it to find Jessica in distress. “What’s wrong, darling?”

  Unwilling to admit to her eavesdropping, Jessica went with the only thing she could think of. “I’m not feeling well. My stomach and head hurt something fierce.” At least that wasn’t a lie. “Please tell Daniel I can’t attend the social with him. I’m sorry.”

  Mother came and felt her forehead. “Hmm, you seem warm but not feverish. I’ll go tell your father and Daniel that you’re indisposed. Oh, and I’ll get some tea and crackers for you. That might help. Meanwhile, why don’t you take your hair down and start undressing. I’ll help you with the back buttons when I return.”

  Jess nodded and reached up to pull several pins from her hair as Mother disappeared from the room. She hated disappointing Daniel, but he would be seeking to get her to marry him, and she had no intention of doing so. Perhaps it was better this way. Was it wrong to step out with someone just for the fun of stepping out?

  Pulling off her kid boots, Jessica continued to ponder the things she’d done when it came to beaus. She had never allowed for hand-holding or kissing, but she did flirt unmercifully. Was that a sin? Was it wrong to give false hope of marriage to a gentleman?

  “I never meant it for harm,” she murmured. “I only thought . . . of myself and having a wonderful time.” Her conscience burned, and she knew in that moment that her intentions had been wrong, even if her actions could be excused.

  Mother was gone for only minutes before she returned with a tray. On it was a cup of weak tea and a plate with several crackers. She placed the tray on the dresser and came to help Jessica with the buttons of her high-collared lacy bodice.

  “I know you were looking forward to this social, but there will be others, and you certainly wouldn’t want to go if you were coming down with something contagious.”

  Jessica sat at her dressing table and watched Mother’s expression from the mirror’s image. She was so kind and calm. She had no way of knowing the turmoil in Jessica’s heart. Being freed from the gown and corset, Jessica rid herself of the petticoat and shift before donning a lightweight cotton nightgown.

  Mother had her sit once again while she gently brushed Jessica’s hair. “I remember doing this for you when you were little. Once you could braid your own hair, you didn’t need me anymore.”

  Jessica frowned. “I’ll always need you, Mother.”

  Her mother gave a light laugh. “Oh, my sweet girl, one day a young man will steal all of your interest. And that’s the way it should be. But do know this: I will miss you.”

  Jessica turned abruptly. Her earlier thoughts haunted her. “Mother, do you think I’m a good person?”

  “What?”

  She sighed and tried again. “Do you think I have a good heart—that I’m a good person?”

  “Of course.” Her mother looked at her oddly. “Why would you ask a question like that?”

  Jessica shrugged. “I don’t know. I suppose I’ve just been thinking about too many things.”

  “Such as?”

  “That I haven’t always been kind to people or considerate of their desires and needs. I’ve been selfish at times and probably too concerned about things that don’t really matter. I feel like I’m a rotten friend and daughter.”

  “Oh, sweetheart, just the fact that it bothers you proves that you’re a good person. A bad person wouldn’t care. If you were truly as awful as you seem to think, well, none of this would matter.”

  But it hasn’t mattered . . . until now.

  “I don’t mean to be self-focused. I never meant to hurt anyone.”

  “Who have you hurt? Why all this remorse just now?” Mother tied a ribbon to Jessica’s braid and stepped back. “Come on, let’s get you lying down.”

  Jessica allowed Mother to lead her to bed. Once tucked in, Jessica posed another question. “Can a person truly change her ways?”

  Mother brought the tray over to the bed. “The Bible says that with God all things are possible. I believe people can change.” Jessica sat up halfway as Mother handed her the cup. The weak tea sounded more inviting than Jessica had originally thought. She sipped it carefully, mindful of the heat. It was perfect.

  “However,”
Mother continued, putting the cup back on the saucer, “they have to want to change. My first husband wasn’t of a mind to change. He didn’t believe that his cruelty and ugliness were a problem. He thought he was doing a good thing overall.”

  “But how? How could a man who was trying to sabotage the Union soldiers as they slept consider that a good thing?”

  “Because, despite the war being over, the Union was making the South feel abominable. Malcolm thought that since they felt the need to put soldiers of color in charge of Corpus Christi, it was his right to put an end to it. He wasn’t doing it because he thought it was evil or wrong. He felt vindicated in his choices.”

  Jessica considered that for a moment. Hadn’t she always felt justified about her choices? She was always quick with an answer when her conscience prodded her with guilt for something she’d said or done. She’d fought against that prodding voice in her heart, convincing herself that she was innocent of wrongdoing.

  Biting her lip, Jessica wondered if there was any hope for her at all. She had said things to hurt people. She had done things to satisfy her desires, no matter the cost to others. Maybe worst of all, she had thought nothing of using people to her benefit.

  “What’s going on, Jessica?” Mother sat on the edge of the bed and studied her with a questioning expression. “This isn’t like you.”

  “I know,” Jessica replied sadly. “But it should be. I should care more about other people. I’ve been horrible about such things. I don’t know what’s going on in the lives of my old friends, or even if we are still friends. I’m ashamed of myself and frustrated by the turn my life has taken.”

  “But, Jessica, you aren’t the only one to have ever felt that way, and you aren’t entirely to blame for any distance you feel with your friends. After all, most have married and have or are about to have children. That takes them away from society for a time. They change with that, as well. No one is the same after marrying and having children. You take on new priorities.”

  “Yes, but I have neither husband nor child. I should be able to pay visits and see to the friendships. I should have gone calling and checked to see if my friends needed anything. I didn’t. I didn’t even think of it—I didn’t care.”

  Mother shook her head. “I find that hard to believe. Folks show their concern in different ways. Now, drink some more tea. I put some headache powders in it. Nibble on the crackers, but don’t overstress your stomach. I’m sure you’ll feel better by morning.”

  Jessica took the tea and sipped the warm liquid. Mother nodded in approval, then got up and walked to the lamp by the door. “I’ll come and check on you a little later and put this out for the night.” She turned back toward Jessica. “Just pray about it, darling. God has a plan in all of this. He will show you the truth.” She left then, pulling the door shut behind her.

  “That’s what I’m afraid of,” Jessica whispered to no one. “That’s what I fear the most—the truth.”

  Days after his trip to Dallas, Austin Todd sat trying his best to read a book on memory and determine whether it pertained to the spirit or to the brain. There was quite a wide field of thought on the subject. The book told of the powerful effect memories had on people—a topic that immediately drew his attention.

  Memories had a debilitating effect on him. They haunted and tormented him daily. He had hoped the book might provide some guidance for putting painful memories away from the mind or spirit. Wherever they existed, Austin wished to exile them to some faraway place where they couldn’t hurt him anymore.

  He closed the book and gave a heavy sigh. Without meaning to, he thought of his brother Houston. His younger brother would no doubt make fun of the book and tease Austin about being too intellectual. The thought made Austin smile, just for a moment. He and Houston had always been so close. They liked many of the same activities, foods, clothes, and even careers.

  Both had signed up to work for the Treasury Department and, after proving themselves worthy, had been promoted to the Secret Service as field agents. They were responsible for tracking down counterfeiters and those who committed fraud against the government. And the brothers were good at what they did.

  Austin and Houston made the perfect team. They were able to complete more cases than some of their fellow agents had simply because they knew each other so well and could anticipate what the other would do.

  Until the night Houston took a bullet that was never intended for him. Austin replayed the scene once again.

  It was the middle of the night, but both Austin and Houston were enthusiastic about their situation. For months they had worked to break a conspiratorial ring of stamp counterfeiters. However, the deeper the brothers dug, the more people it exposed, and some were highly placed in society.

  Their investigation had taken them to a warehouse on the outskirts of the capital. It was here that Austin’s world began to collapse. He could still remember the stench of old fish. He could still see Houston leaping in front of him to save his life. . . .

  “Hey, Austin, you to home?”

  Austin roused from the memory, set the book aside, and opened the door. Much to his surprise he found Tyler Atherton and William Barnett waiting.

  “Come in,” Austin said, motioning to the men. Both did and Austin could see they were glancing around as if to inspect his living conditions. “I’ve tried to make the place as homey as possible, but I’m often gone.” It sounded like an apology.

  “It looks just right,” Barnett said, smiling. Tyler nodded in agreement.

  “It’s kinda damp and chilly out there tonight. Would you like a cup of coffee?” Austin asked, heading to the stove in anticipation.

  “No, we just wanted to talk to you for a little bit. We’re on our way back from business in Cedar Springs. Talked with the lawyer who’s helping us with the plans for Terryton.”

  “Well, I don’t know what I can do for you, but have a seat at the table. It’s really all I can offer.” He looked to the two benches.

  The two men settled themselves on one side, while Austin took a seat opposite them. He waited for someone to say something.

  “You know we asked you to consider heading up law and order for us,” Barnett began. Austin nodded. “Well, in our discussions with the railroad, they’ve made it clear that they would like to have the law in place prior to the railroad setting up a tent city for their workers. With that, it puts us in sort of a spot to get an answer from you.”

  Austin drew a deep breath and considered the situation. With his Ranger work he was often away from home, traveling from one place to another. Taking on the town marshal job would put him in one area and allow him to sleep in a bed every night. At least until some trouble broke out and he was needed.

  “When would they want me to start? I don’t want to leave the Rangers without some warning.”

  “I would expect nothing less from you,” Barnett said. “The railroad won’t begin building until January. And only then if we can get all the legal work taken care of. A lot of contract work goes into even the smallest spur line.”

  “January would work well,” Austin said. That was little more than three months away. It would give the Rangers plenty of time to replace him. “I’ll do it.”

  Mr. Atherton laughed. “Just like that? You didn’t even ask what the salary was.”

  Austin shrugged. “I remember you talking about a few of those things at the meeting. I know you can’t afford to pay much at the beginning. I figure as long as I have a roof over my head and food on the table, I won’t have big expenses.”

  “Well, just the same, we will take good care of you. Rest assured.” Barnett looked to his friend. “I don’t know about you, Tyler, but I need to get on home. Hannah is going to start worrying if I don’t show up soon. And knowing her, she’ll set up a search party.”

  Barnett and Atherton got to their feet. Austin shook their hands and escorted them to the door. “I appreciate the confidence you have in me. You don’t really know what kind of l
awman I’ll make, but you’re taking a chance on me anyway.”

  Mr. Barnett turned and shook his head. “We aren’t takin’ a chance. I’ve seen you in action. I know everything I need to know. If you’re good enough for the Rangers, you’re good enough for me.”

  Austin closed the door once the men had remounted their horses. He felt almost deceptive. They didn’t know everything about him. Maybe if they did, they wouldn’t want him around at all, much less heading up the law for their new town.

  Jessica appeared at the breakfast table prepared to take on the world. She was determined to make a change in her life and do something kind for someone. She had dressed neatly in a crisp white blouse and blue serge skirt. She had a little jacket that matched the material of the skirt and planned to wear that, too, but for now it hung on a peg by the front door.

  “What has you up so early?” her father asked.

  Jessica tried not to take offense at the comment. It was true she’d been lax in rising early. “I want to make some calls. I was hoping I could borrow the buggy.”

  “It’s fine with me. You’ll need to clear it with your ma.”

  “Clear what?” Mother asked, bringing in a platter stacked with griddle cakes.

  “I want to make a couple of calls today. I asked if I could borrow the buggy. Osage said he could drive me.”

  “Well, that’s fine with me, as well. I have plenty to keep me busy and won’t be needing it. Just be home before it gets very late. Osage can’t see all that well after dark. I don’t want to be worrying about you.”

  Father smiled and put his hand to his face, as if to shield his words. “She’ll worry about you anyway,” he said in a low voice.

  Jessica laughed and helped herself to a piece of bacon from the plate her mother passed. “Well, I don’t want anyone fretting over me. I’m not waiting until regular calling hours, so I should be home by afternoon.”

  “Where are you headed?” her mother asked.

  Jessica bit her lower lip and hesitated a moment. Finally she drew a deep breath. “To the Barnetts’. I want to speak with Alice.”