Her mother exchanged a look with Father, then turned back to Jessica as if to question her with a gaze. Jessica had seen her mother act in this manner before. Her expression spoke volumes.
“I owe her an apology. I haven’t been very nice to her since . . . well, since she got here. I want to set things straight.”
Mother smiled. “I think that’s admirable.”
Jessica nodded and refocused on the food. I think it’s much overdue.
Once breakfast concluded, Jessica arranged for the buggy. She had decided the night before that she hadn’t shown Alice Barnett much charity or kindness. It was a hard pill to take, but Jessica felt she needed to set things right with Alice before attempting to address any of her other shortcomings. Of course, Alice might be unwilling to receive Jessica. She might have no desire to forgive. But from what Jessica had observed, Robert’s wife was probably one of the sweetest people in the county and would no doubt be gracious and forgiving.
“You ready, Miss Jessica?” Osage asked, putting a hat atop his balding head.
“I am. I see we have some clouds overhead. I hope we won’t have rain to worry about.”
“No. These are fair weather clouds. They’re movin’ east and won’t bring us a drop.”
Osage held fast to her arm as Jessica climbed into the buggy. He wasn’t too strong anymore, but she would never have suggested he not do as he had always done. Father had told her that Osage was a very proud man.
He seated himself and picked up the reins before asking, “Where to?”
“I want to start by going to the Barnetts’.”
Osage smiled. “I’m mighty happy to do that. This is Mrs. Barnett’s day to bake cinnamon rolls.”
Jessica laughed and smoothed her skirt with her gloved hands. “Then we’d better hurry.”
It was a pleasant ride to the Barnett Ranch. The sun wasn’t nearly as fierce as it had been in the summer months, and there was a slight breeze blowing in from the west. The weather was nearly perfect.
Jessica watched as Osage handled the single horse with ease. She was quite comfortable driving her own conveyance—it gave her a sense of control and freedom—but her parents seldom allowed her to go alone. Yet even with Osage at her side, Jessica felt very much alone.
Maybe I’m destined to spend my life like this. Maybe being in charge of myself will be more fulfilling than tying myself to a husband and children. Maybe I’ll live at home for the rest of my life and care for Mother and Father as they age.
But as she considered the possibilities, Jessica felt the same sense of loneliness that had tormented her before. She was so lost in her thoughts that she didn’t hear the rider approaching until he was nearly even with the buggy.
Osage slowed the wagon and put his finger to the rim of his hat. “Mornin’, Austin.”
Austin gave his hat a slight tip. “Good morning, Mr. McElroy. Miss Atherton.”
“Good morning, Mr. Todd. What are you about this fine day?”
“Headin’ to the Barnetts’, and you?”
“We’re headed there, as well.”
“Mind if I ride alongside?” Austin’s horse gave a bit of a whinny, as though adding his thoughts on the question.
“I don’t mind at all. It will give us a chance to get better acquainted.”
She wasn’t sure, but she thought Mr. Todd actually frowned. He turned away quickly. However, when he looked back, he offered her a pleasant smile. Jessica decided she’d been mistaken. It was probably nothing more than a trick of the
sun.
Osage hummed softly to himself as he usually did when family members were having a conversation. It endeared him to both Jessica and her mother. They knew Osage could still hear every word, but also knew he would never dream of sharing that information elsewhere.
“From where do you hale, Mr. Todd?” she asked.
“Virginia, but my mother was born and raised in Texas. I suppose that’s why I thought to come here.”
“Was Virginia not to your liking?”
He hesitated. “Well . . . uh . . . it was just time for a change.”
“I see.” Jessica thought he sounded guarded and decided to change the subject. “I was born and raised here, but I’ve done quite a bit of traveling. My grandparents were good to take me along on many of their trips. I’ve been to Europe several times, as well as to England and Scotland and to several of the Caribbean islands. Grandfather had business down there, so we combined it with a pleasurable time, as well. How about you, Mr. Todd?”
He shrugged. “Well, I’ve been all over the eastern part of the country and up to Canada, but never abroad.”
“Would you like to go one day?”
Austin shook his head. “I can’t say that I’ve ever really considered it one way or the other. Though it could be exciting. When I was attending the university, I read about the Greeks and Romans. I thought it would be marvelous to journey to Italy and Greece someday.”
“I think so, too,” Jessica admitted. “We had plans to make a trip to that area when my grandfather fell ill. After he died, it wasn’t long before Grandmother took a bad fall. She never recovered, and we lost her, as well.”
“I’m sorry. Loss is never easy, even when it comes to those who are older.”
Jessica arched a brow. “You speak as one who knows. Have you suffered much loss in your life?”
By this time they had arrived at the Barnetts’. Jessica awaited Mr. Todd’s answer, but when he slid off his horse and thanked her for the company before walking toward the barn, she knew he wasn’t going to give her one.
He is such a mysterious man. Sad too. It shows in his eyes. I’m sure he must know full well what it feels like to lose someone.
“I’m gonna go around back, Miss Jessica,” Osage said with a wink. “I’ll see if I can’t sweet-talk a roll or two from Missus Barnett.”
“I suppose I can take time for at least two rolls and a cup of coffee,” Jessica said, amused by Osage’s delight. She made her way to the front door and knocked. Her nerves returned, and for just a moment she thought of coming up with some other excuse for her appearance. But by the time Rosita answered the door, Jessica had regained her courage.
I’m more than ornamental and self-centered. I need to make a fresh start, and this is where I need to begin.
“I was hoping Alice might be here. I’ve come to call on her.”
“Sí, she is here. You come in and sit. I will tell her you have come,” Rosita replied. The small Mexican woman disappeared down the hall, and Jessica took a chair in the front room, where she knew the Barnetts usually received company. This was such a welcoming room. She studied the beautiful draperies and rugs. A fireplace adorned the middle of one wall. It was built from native rock and made a perfect contrast to the pine walls. Fancy work was displayed here and there. Someone had crocheted armrest covers for each of the chairs, as well as headrest guards. One could never tell when a visiting young man might have an overabundance of oil in his
hair.
“Rosita said you’d come to see me,” Alice said from the entryway. She held her small son and smiled. “Would you like some tea and rolls?”
Even though the aroma was tempting, Jessica declined. “No, I’d better not. It might distract me from my purpose in coming.” Alice looked at her with a perplexed expression, and Jessica lost no time in adding, “I thought it was high time I apologized.”
Alice looked at her strangely. “Apologize? To me?”
“Yes. I haven’t been very kind to you. I was horrible to you, in fact.”
Alice came and sat across from Jessica. She shifted the baby in her arms. “I’m not sure I understand.”
“Well, when Robert chose you over me, I felt slighted. I wasn’t in love with him, but it bothered me all the same. I know I said some things that weren’t very nice.” She bowed her head. “I made comments about your scar that I shouldn’t have.”
“Saying nothing about it wouldn’t make it any le
ss evident,” Alice said with a smile. “I’m sorry that you felt slighted. I never intended to fall in love with Robert. I never planned for any of this life. I never figured I deserved anything more than servitude.”
Jessica met her eyes. “But you do. You are the perfect example of a kind and gentle woman. You deserve to be happy, and I’m glad you have a wonderful man like Robert to see that you are. Robert was always good to me. He showed attention to me and made me feel special when I was a little girl.”
“He certainly knows how to do that,” Alice said, not sounding the least bit jealous.
Jessica was almost certain if the roles were reversed, she would be most unhappy. It only served to remind her of her failings. She sighed. “I hope you can forgive me, Alice. I’d like for us to be friends.”
Alice’s face seemed to light up. “But of course we’re friends. As for forgiving you, well, I hold nothing against you. In my eyes there’s no reason for forgiveness, but you have it just the same.”
Jessica felt as if a small weight had been taken from her shoulders. “Thank you.”
“Are you sure you wouldn’t like some tea?”
Jessica shook her head. “No. I’ve already imposed long enough. One day soon, I will come to visit and spend more time.” She looked at the baby in Alice’s arms. “He’s beautiful. I don’t think I ever told you . . . congratulations.”
Alice blushed and extended the sleeping child. “Would you like to hold him?”
Before Jessica realized it, Alice had placed the baby in her arms. She stared down at the infant and imagined he might have been her own. Hers and Robert’s. The thought just wouldn’t take shape, however. That was never meant to be.
She pressed the baby back toward Alice. The new mother quickly reclaimed her son. “Thank you,” Jessica said. “He’s quite a wonder.”
“I think so, too. Sometimes I can scarcely believe I’m a mother.”
Jessica didn’t know what to say, so she said nothing for a moment. When she felt enough silence had passed between them, she began again for the door.
“Thank you for hearing me out.” She stopped long enough to glance over her shoulder. “And for being so gracious in your forgiveness. Robert told me several times how wonderful you were. I guess I always knew that he was right.”
“I’m glad you think so, but believe me, I have my moments, like everyone else.” The baby stirred but didn’t wake, and Alice continued in a softer voice. “I’m so glad you came today. I want very much for us to be the best of friends.”
Her words drove away some of Jessica’s sadness. “I know we will be.”
Chapter 6
To further her plan for improving herself, Jessica arranged for Osage to drive her into Cedar Springs. This time they took the buckboard so that Osage could pick up supplies at the feedstore while Jessica attended to her plan.
The plan was simple. She wanted to check in with an old friend, Victoria Welch, now Victoria Branson. Victoria had married Marcus Branson, a man nearly twice her age, some three months earlier. Jessica hadn’t approved the match and told her friend as much. She had begged Victoria to forget the man, but she’d insisted that she loved him. Jessica thought to put her foot down and prove just how disturbed she was by threatening not to attend the wedding. Then, before she knew it, Victoria had told her not to come. It had hurt Jessica deeply, but she’d never let on.
Around town, it was much talked about, since it had been thought that Jessica would be Victoria’s maid of honor. Jessica cried on her mother’s shoulder and was only comforted when her mother promised they would go spend a few days in Dallas. Particularly on the day of the wedding.
How could I have been so judgmental? Jessica felt consumed with guilt. It was as if the scales had fallen from her eyes, and now she could see the ugly truth about her soul. Was there even hope for her?
Jessica hoped to make amends. She wanted to see Victoria face-to-face and tell her how sorry she was. Not only that, but she wanted to honor the new bride and show her support. On her lap, Jessica held a belated wedding gift—a beautiful, expensive tablecloth of Brussels lace. She hoped the gift might smooth the way to her apology for missing the wedding.
“I have some calls to make while you attend to business for Father,” Jessica told Osage as he helped her from the buggy. “Why don’t you pick me up around three-thirty. That way we can get home before it’s dark.”
“Sounds good to me. I won’t need any more time than that.” He threw her a wink. “’Course it’s been a lotta years since I had me a moonlight ride with a beautiful young lady.”
Jessica laughed. “Why can’t you be younger, Osage? I think you’d make a wonderful beau.” The old man flushed red. She’d caused him to go speechless.
Smiling, Jessica patted his arm. “We can pick up the discussion on the way home.”
His face remained red. “I think it might be better to find a new topic, Miss Jessica. I don’t think your pa would approve of you and me sweet-talkin’ our way home.” He smiled and pointed toward the feedstore. “If you need me sooner, I’ll be there playin’ checkers with Charlie.”
“Tell Charlie I said hello,” Jessica replied. “Tell him I still remember coming to his feedstore with Papa when I was just a little girl.” She hadn’t thought about that in years. It had been a simple pleasure that she’d shared with her father and brothers. She paused and glanced toward Victoria’s house. “Three-thirty, then. I’ll be at Pritchard’s store.” Osage nodded and snapped the reins.
Jessica took the tablecloth and made her way up the path to Victoria’s front door and knocked. Through the screened door she heard the sound of laughter. It would seem Victoria had guests. Jessica thought to leave, but it was too late. An older woman, wearing a starched white apron, approached the door.
“Welcome. The other ladies are in the parlor to the left. Would you like for me to take the gift?”
Jessica shook her head, uncertain what was happening. Apparently there was some sort of gathering that she had imposed herself upon. “I didn’t know she had company,” Jessica whispered. “I only thought to see Victoria and give her a wedding gift.”
The older woman seemed to consider this for a moment. “Well, she has some of the local ladies here for their regular sewing circle. However, the gals planned a surprise birthday party for her. Victoria had no idea and is now enjoying that celebration. I’m sure she wouldn’t mind.”
“Well, I wouldn’t want to interfere.”
“Who is it, Mrs. Humphrey?” Victoria asked, opening the parlor’s pocket doors. She looked surprised to see her guest. “Jessica. It’s . . . been . . . well, a long time.”
Jessica nodded. “I know and I’m sorry. I came to apologize and bring you a belated wedding gift, but I see I’ve come at a bad time.”
“No, no. That’s all right,” Victoria said, glancing hesitantly over her shoulder. “Some mutual friends decided to throw me a birthday party. I’d like for you to stay.”
“Perhaps for a short time,” Jessica agreed. She extended the tablecloth. “This is for you—that and a long overdue apology. I’m sorry for the things I said about your marriage. You were right to react as you did. I was thoughtless and judgmental. I never should have tried to stand between you and Marcus. I hope you’ll forgive me.” She prayed Victoria would hear the sincerity in her statement.
Victoria didn’t acknowledge the request but took the tablecloth and ran her hand over the delicate piece. “This is beautiful. Thank you.” She gave Jessica a wary smile. “Come inside and see the others.”
Jessica followed Victoria into the room as Mrs. Humphrey pulled the doors shut behind them. Many of Jessica’s former schoolmates and friends were gathered in the parlor for the party. She had obviously not been invited to attend, and it caused Jessica both pain and embarrassment to have invaded their celebration.
“Look, Jessica Atherton has come with a wedding gift. Isn’t it beautiful?” Victoria asked, unfolding part of the tablecloth. �
��I’ve never seen anything quite so fine.”
“Would have been nice if she’d given it to you at the wedding,” someone behind Victoria murmured. Jessica couldn’t tell for sure who had made the statement.
Beth Pritchard Englewood, daughter of the local mercantile owners Nelson and Dorothy Pritchard, got up and offered Jessica her chair. “Come sit, and I’ll get you some cake and tea.”
Jessica could see that the other women were just as surprised by her arrival as Victoria. They offered muffled greetings and then looked away, as if desperate to put some distance between them.
“How have you been, Jessica?” Karin Williams asked. Karin was married to one of her father’s ranch hands and was just starting to show her pregnancy. “I saw you at church last week, but I didn’t have a chance to speak with you.”
I’m sure she didn’t really want to speak to me. I spoke out against her marrying her father’s hired man. The memory shamed Jessica. It was just one more example of her judgmental attitude.
“I’m sorry I missed you. I’m doing very well, thank you. How about you? Are you and Zeb settling into your new home?”
Karin gave her an enthusiastic nod. “We love our little house. Father says he’ll help us add on to it later, when . . . we have more children.” She blushed and lowered her head. “For now, it’s big enough.”
“I’m glad that you’re happy,” Jessica said. She looked around the room at the other women. “I’m sorry I’ve been so out of touch. I hope you’ll forgive me for my lack of consideration. I haven’t been a very good friend to any of you.”
“Well, you’re here now,” Victoria said, rather uncomfortably. She smiled and looked to Beth. “You were just telling us about little Anna’s teething troubles.”
Beth handed Jessica a plate with a piece of cake and a cup of tea, which clattered a bit on the saucer as she handed it over. The tea sloshed, but Jessica said nothing. It wouldn’t have been heard anyway as Beth began speaking of the woes her one-year-old daughter experienced as her teeth came in. Jessica listened, trying her best to be interested in the topic. As the other women commented and offered suggestions, Jessica felt more and more out of place. Everyone here was married.
A Matter of Heart Page 6