by Ashley Croft
He got up. ‘You do want this? I often thought you did but you never said – but it’s what women want, isn’t it? I know I need to regain your trust and prove my commitment. The baby shouldn’t make any difference but call me old-fashioned, I think we need to make this formal, to give you some security.’
His brow creased in total bewilderment. Sarah felt as if her world had imploded. This, possibly, could be worse than finding him in bed with Vanessa. While that had been raw and agonising, at least it had been real. She opened her mouth: the words on her lips. The way you feel isn’t true, Niall. We’ve drugged you, brainwashed you.
‘You don’t know what you’re saying …’
He snorted. ‘What do you mean? Of course, I know what I’m doing! In fact I’ve never been more sure of how I feel. I’m asking you to marry me. It’s what you always wanted, wasn’t it, babe? You hinted often enough.’
‘Hinted? I didn’t!’
‘Not in so many words but a man knows and I should have grown up and asked you.’
‘Grown up? I’m not denying it would have been nice to be asked but I didn’t spend my whole life waiting for you to pop the question and make an honest woman of me.’ Instantly, she felt bad for snapping at him. ‘I mean, I never expected you to propose,’ she added soothingly.
He laid the box on the table in front of her. ‘I’m confused.’
‘You have to give me time to get used to … this new situation,’ she said more gently. ‘There’s been so much going on in my life – in our lives – with the baby, and you leaving and now coming back. I need time before I agree to a big commitment like marriage.’
‘Commitment?’ Niall snorted. ‘What bigger commitment is there than that?’ He pointed at her rounded tummy. ‘Why didn’t you tell me before about the baby?’
‘Would it have made a difference to you leaving?’
‘Yes, of course it would.’
‘No, it wouldn’t,’ Sarah replied quietly. ‘You told me you couldn’t think of anything worse than being tied down with a brood of kids like your relations.’
Niall groaned. ‘Shit. I didn’t actually mean that. I had no idea, then, that you were having my baby.’
‘I felt as if you did mean it and even if you didn’t, I was in no state to tell you. You had an affair. You left me for Vanessa. You were forcing me to sell the cottage and move the business. I thought that you leaving me on my own meant I owed you nothing and you wouldn’t look after me and the baby.’
‘I know. I’m sorry. I don’t know how I can make it up to you other than prove it over the next fifty years but I swear I will.’
‘Fifty years is a very long time …’
‘I know but I’ll do it.’ He drew a sign over his chest. ‘Cross my heart. You’re stuck with me forever now.’
Sarah closed her eyes and prayed for a miracle as Niall moved in for a long wet kiss.
The doorbell rang.
Niall twisted his head and rolled his eyes. ‘Feck. Who’s that?’
Sarah broke away from him. ‘Don’t worry. I’ll go.’
Niall pulled her back into his arms. ‘Leave it. I have other plans. We should celebrate this occasion properly.’
But I haven’t said yes yet, thought Sarah.
The bell buzzed again. Sarah freed herself and hurried to the window. ‘Oh! It’s Liam.’
Niall groaned. ‘Feckin’ great timing. What does he want?’
‘I don’t know.’ Her stomach fluttered. The last thing she wanted was Liam calling now but she didn’t want to ignore him either. Maybe she could hint to him that she hadn’t wanted Niall to refuse the craft unit on her behalf. But how?
Niall sat down on the sofa and patted the seat next to him. ‘Leave it, babe. He’ll go away.’
‘I can’t simply ignore the man and anyway, he’s already seen me.’
‘Shit.’
Ignoring Niall’s moans, Sarah hurried down the hall and pulled open the door just as Liam exited the garden gate to the lane.
‘Liam!’ she shouted, dashing down the path after him. ‘Please don’t go!’
Liam kept his hand on the gate as she hurried towards him. ‘I think I ought to leave, Sarah. To be honest, I don’t know why I even thought it was a good idea to come over.’
‘It is. You must come back. I need to explain,’ Sarah was breathless with rushing and guilt. Liam was genuinely hurt, that much was obvious. He was a lovely guy but he’d reached the limits of his patience and she couldn’t blame him.
‘No, you don’t,’ he said. ‘You’re back with Niall. I’m happy that you got what you wanted.’
‘Are you?’ said Sarah.
He shook his head and blew out a breath of frustration. ‘No, of course I’m not. Shit. Is that selfish of me to tell you? You know damn well how I feel about you.’
‘Oh, Liam. Please try to understand. This is all so new and confusing for me … Niall coming back so unexpectedly, I mean. I don’t know how I feel about it yet. We’re just testing the water for now,’ she said, flailing hopelessly. She didn’t want to tell any more lies but it was also impossible to tell him the truth.
‘Sarah, babe. Are you coming in?’ Niall stood squarely in the doorway, his arms folded across his chest.
Liam shook his head. His mouth was set in a grim line. ‘I’d better go.’ He turned away but Sarah grabbed his arm. ‘No, please don’t leave like this.’
Liam’s eyes lit up with momentary pleasure then darkened in concern. ‘Sarah, are you OK? What’s going on with Niall? Because if he’s upsetting you or hurting you, I’ll …’
Sarah took her fingers from his arm. The last thing she needed was another fight on her own doorstep. Mrs Sugden couldn’t take any more drama, let alone Sarah. She had to let Liam go, no matter what he thought and how hurt he was. That was the price she would have to pay for the mess she’d got into. ‘No, I’m fine. Niall’s fine. I mean, he’s a bit bewildered and up and down at the moment – we all are.’
Niall stepped onto the path. ‘Are you coming in or not?’ he demanded.
‘Yes,’ called Sarah. ‘Go back in and put the kettle on, Ni.’
With a huff, Niall did as he was told, much to Sarah’s relief.
Liam had waited patiently but was now stony-faced on the doorstep. She lowered her voice, her heart heavy. ‘Thanks for coming to see how I was but you don’t have to worry about me, I promise …’ A sudden idea struck her. ‘Why don’t you come inside and see for yourself that Niall’s not holding me captive?’
She could see him struggling with his reply. ‘If you’re sure. I’ll pop in for a few minutes but Niall probably won’t like it.’
‘He’ll just have to put up with it.’
Seemingly encouraged by her decisiveness, Liam nodded. She showed him into the sitting room where Niall was manspreading on the sofa, his arm draped over the back, clearly occupying as much of his territory as he could. He glared at Liam and reminded Sarah of a small dog trying to look bigger than he really was. She half-expected him to start baring his teeth and growling.
‘Please sit down,’ said Sarah, hovering by the unoccupied armchair.
‘Yeah, make yourself comfortable, mate, just like you have before.’
‘Niall!’ she snapped.
Liam ignored Niall’s sarcasm. ‘I won’t sit down, thanks. I only called in to see how Sarah was as I was passing by.’
Niall barely concealed a snort of disbelief. ‘Pass by this way a lot. Well, she’s fine. Blooming, aren’t you, babe?’
‘Can I get you a coffee?’ said Sarah.
‘No, thanks.’ Liam’s voice was icy. ‘I wanted you to know that we’ve found a tenant for the craft unit. They haven’t signed yet but …’
Niall cut him off. ‘She doesn’t need it, like I said.’
‘I’m sorry,’ Sarah said, seething inside. ‘It would have been a wonderful idea. Thank you for finding it …’
Liam’s eyes clouded with puzzlement and hurt. Sarah was ready to
burst with frustration. She wanted to tell the truth, anything would be better than this torment.
Niall jumped up from the sofa and put his arm around Sarah. ‘Why don’t you stay for something a bit stronger, mate?’ he said, suddenly smooth.
Sarah glanced at him in disbelief. ‘What?’
He grinned at Liam. ‘In fact, we should break open a bottle of bubbly. Congratulations are in order. Sarah’s going to need her own tiara. We’re getting married.’
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
Molly stood up from the Mac and stretched her hands above her head. Her spine clicked as she straightened it and her eyes were gritty. Over the past week while Ewan had been at the conference, she’d scoured every online journal site for papers, tried out numerous tests in the lab and read every last word that was even vaguely related to the subject. She was still no nearer to the answer.
‘Hello. Have you missed me?’
She almost jumped out of her skin as Ewan kissed the back of her neck. ‘I’ve been bursting with frustration. I could take you right now in the lab,’ he murmured into her ear.
Molly jumped up and grabbed him, snogging him hard. Anything to prevent him from seeing what she was looking at on the screen.
‘Wow,’ he said when she finally let him breathe. ‘That was a welcome home. You’ve obviously missed me a lot.’
‘Of course I have.’ She beamed at him. ‘I can honestly say the past week has felt like one of the longest of my life.’
While Ewan unloaded his laptop bag in his own office, she deleted her browsing history. Her time to find the solution had run out and she would now be left with a few snatched moments when Ewan was out of the lab. Which would be almost never. She swept biscuit crumbs off her keyboard and chucked a crisp wrapper in the bin. Her eyes already needed stalks to keep them up. How would she last until Ewan left?
He joined her in her office, holding up a giant Toblerone. ‘Don’t say I never get you anything.’
‘Thanks,’ she said, taking it from him. ‘It’s a big one.’
‘What did you expect?’ He winked and kissed her.
‘You look good,’ she replied, relieved to lose herself in his kiss and say something that wasn’t a lie or half-truth.
He rubbed his chin. ‘Really? I haven’t had time to have a shave. I came straight here from the airport.’
He leaned down again. For a few seconds, she gave herself up to the warm pressure of his mouth and the rasp of stubble against her skin. It was hard to get used to this new Ewan; the smiley one who was in love with her. His tongue darted into her mouth before Molly realised she hadn’t had time to brush her teeth that morning before rushing to the lab and that her breakfast had consisted of cheese and onion Hula Hoops.
She pulled away from him.
‘What’s the matter?’ Ewan peered hard at her face. ‘Are you OK? You look tired.’
‘Oh, I’ve just been busy trying to get some better results for the new paper.’
‘On the new paper? There’s no rush yet. No need to spend all hours in the lab.’
‘There was nothing else to do. The weather’s been crap and I haven’t wanted to hit the gym. My bum hasn’t recovered from the race yet.’
‘I could give you a gluteal massage. How’s your elbow by the way?’
Molly rolled up her lab coat sleeve to show him the red scab. ‘Healing. Very attractive as you can see.’
Ewan planted a kiss on her elbow.
‘Ewan!’
‘What’s the matter?’
‘People might see us.’
‘So what?’ He grinned wickedly. ‘I don’t give a toss.’
‘I thought we were meant to keep things discreet.’
‘No, you thought that. I’ve decided I don’t care. While I’ve been in Switzerland I’ve decided that life’s too short for lying and pretending you don’t care about someone. I want this – us – out in the open.’
He kissed her again, long and hard. It ought to have been bliss, everything she ever wanted – Christmas, birthday and the Nobel Prize – all rolled into one. Instead, she wanted nothing more than for him to leave the lab as fast as possible and not come back until she’d sorted out the Jupiter-sized fuck-up of the century.
Eventually, her agony ended. Ewan let her go.
‘Are you sure you’re OK?’ he said. ‘I could order you to go home.’
‘I won’t be much longer then I’ll go home.’
‘I’ve heard that one so many times before. Don’t turn into me, Molly. I’m sick of people thinking I’m an anal, obsessive, borderline personality disorder workaholic. I want to come out – as normal.’
‘Then you’ll stick out like a sore thumb in this lab.’ She laughed, albeit hollowly.
‘I don’t care. I won’t harass you tonight because I can see you’re shattered. Probably delayed reaction to the race and the accident. But I want to meet up tomorrow night and talk about telling people we’re seeing each other.’
He put his finger on her lips. ‘No arguments. It’s an order.’
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
Sarah looked up to find Niall in the doorway to her workshop, carrying a tray of food. She put down the tiara she was making for a prom, and which had given her a few hours of welcome distraction. Her world had been normal once, she reminded herself. Hers and Molly’s. Following the dark weeks and months after their parents had died, they’d somehow found their way to a new normal, built new lives … Right now Sarah couldn’t imagine ever growing used to spending the rest of her life with a man who’d been tricked into loving her.
He put the tea tray on the table. ‘I thought I told you to put your feet up, future Mrs McCafferty?’
‘I’m OK. I need to finish my commissions. I’ve had a rush order for a wedding,’ she said with a smile.
‘You shouldn’t take on too much work, not with Little Ni on the way. Here, I bought your favourite biccies so you can build up your strength.’
‘I thought you’d sworn off trans fats.’
‘I’ve lapsed,’ said Niall, taking a Hobnob from the plate with an arch of his shaved eyebrow. For a second, Sarah had a flashback from the pre-Vanessa days when life was simple and she didn’t have to question her feelings for him.
‘I’m not doing heavy work and I enjoy it. This middle trimester is fantastic compared to the first few months. I feel energised.’
‘I’ll never forgive myself for not being here and I’m going to make up for it. You look amazing, babe.’ Niall plumped down next to her on the sofa and kissed her. ‘And I want you stay feeling amazing.’
‘If you let me get on with things, that would help. I’m not ill, only pregnant.’
Niall patted Sarah’s bump very gently. ‘But don’t work too long because I’ve got a surprise planned.’
Sarah’s skin prickled. ‘A surprise? What?’
He tapped the side of his nose. ‘You’ll see.’
A couple of hours later, Niall stopped outside the window of the jewellers in the middle of the Grand Arcade.
‘Here you are.’
Sarah stared at the window, dazzled by the sparkles and glitter of the diamond engagement rings nestling among a display of Easter nests, yellow chicks and fluffy bunnies. ‘I … don’t know what to say.’
Niall put his arm around her waist. ‘It doesn’t have to be this shop, of course. This is just a start. If you want something less flashy or more arty, I’ve made a list of shops in town. There’s three in here but we can head straight to one of the others.’
‘I’m stunned.’
‘I thought you would be.’ He grinned happily. ‘Want to go inside and try some on?’
‘No. Not now.’
His face fell and Sarah took pity on him.
‘Can we go and have lunch first and talk about it? I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed.’
Sarah found a space outside a café in King’s Parade while Niall ordered. She’d suspected he was planning some romantic gesture or possibly wanted to b
uy a cot for the baby, but the engagement ring had completely thrown her. Tourists and shoppers buzzed past the roped-off café terrace, taking photos of the King’s College chapel. A string of touts were trying to persuade people to hire a punt and the man was playing ‘The Bare Necessities’ from inside a black rubbish bin. It was all so normal – what she’d seen a hundred times – yet totally bizarre and surreal. If the baby hadn’t wriggled she might have thought she’d been hallucinating for the past few months.
‘Not too cold for you?’ Niall squeezed into the chair opposite.
‘No. It’s a lovely day.’ She forced a smile to her face.
‘Aren’t you glad you let me prise you away from the workshop?’
‘It’s a lovely gesture, Ni, but I … um … can’t think about planning a wedding yet. I’ve so much going on at the moment, with work and the baby and all the changes in our lives.’
He looked crestfallen then took her hand. ‘Maybe we can do it in a few weeks when you’ve had time to get used to the idea.’
Weeks? Sarah swallowed hard. ‘Well, we’ll see. Can we at least wait to plan anything until after I’ve had my next scan?’
His eyes lit up. ‘Scan? You mean an ultrasound? That means I get to see Little Ni. I must come with you. When is it? If it’s on my shift I’ll take a day off. You do want me with you?’
She couldn’t refuse. No matter what he’d done and what she’d done – did they cancel each other out? – she couldn’t deny him being part of their baby’s life. ‘Of course I want you to be there,’ she said.
The waiter brought their food and Niall tucked in, encouraging her to eat up her salad and jacket potato. Sarah had never seen him so happy. She knew she was putting food in her mouth, knew she was chewing and swallowing but she couldn’t taste a thing. She saw a woman come past, tall and thin with inky poker-straight hair like Vanessa, but twenty years older. She felt something she never thought was possible: a sneaking sense of pity for Vanessa. And something else, something she’d known for a few days now, perhaps even weeks, but hadn’t been able to admit or recognise until it was too late.
She didn’t love Niall anymore. She would never love Niall again but having made him love her now, she had no choice but to stay.