by Ashley Croft
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
Molly had missed Sarah’s call while she’d been locked in the lab, so phoned her back.
‘Molly. Something bad has happened.’ Sarah sounded very down.
‘Bad? You mean worse than what has happened already?’
‘Yes. Niall’s asked me to marry him.’
‘What? Oh shit. What have you said?’
‘He asked me a few days ago and I tried to put him off, hoping he wasn’t serious, but today he wanted me to choose a ring. He’s assumed I want to marry him.’
Molly squeaked in dismay.
‘Have you had any luck with creating the inhibitor?’ Sarah said desperately.
‘I’m still working on it but Ewan’s back in the lab after his conference.’
‘He doesn’t know what we’ve done, does he?’ Sarah sounded very panicky.
‘No … Try not to worry too much, Sarah. It won’t be good for the baby. I’ll let you know the moment I have a solution.’ Molly crossed her fingers then reminded herself that superstition was rooted in a tendency to generate weak associations. She crossed her fingers even harder.
That night, Molly lay on Ewan’s bed after a mammoth sex session. Afterwards he borrowed her fleecy robe, seemed happy to look ridiculous, and went downstairs and made her a cup of tea. He brought the drinks up on a tray with a tulip in a jam jar together with a selection of biscuits arranged in size order on a rectangular platter.
‘Here you are,’ he said. The dressing gown came undone, exposing his glorious body. He was every woman’s dream: the handsome, brilliant, difficult man who turns out to be passionate, tender and madly in love with you.
However, it was all Molly could do not to burst into tears.
His brow furrowed. ‘What’s the matter?’
‘Nothing.’ The words sounded strangled.
‘You don’t look very happy,’ he said gently.
‘Post orgasmic release,’ Molly garbled. ‘Nice arrangement of biscuits by the way.’
‘I tried to tessellate them.’ He beamed with pride.
‘I can see that.’ Molly selected a pink wafer even though she wasn’t the slightest bit hungry.
Ewan picked up a chocolate bourbon but didn’t eat it. ‘Molly …’
She nodded as the wafer melted in her mouth. It tasted sickly sweet.
‘I’ve a horrible feeling that I may just possibly have fallen in love with you.’
‘Wha …?’ The wafer smeared her lips with sugar.
‘I think you heard.’ He replaced the bourbon in its gap. ‘Too much? Too soon? Is it because I want us to go public at the lab? Have I come on too strong? Shit. I’ll never change. I’m a man – a human – of extremes but you know that by now.’
‘Ewan, it’s not you …’
He groaned. ‘Fuck.’
‘No. Stop. It really is me. Please listen. Ewan, there’s something I have to tell you.’
‘What? You want to end it? Cool it?’
‘No. No … not at all. I’m happy. More than happy … Ewan, it’s not you, it’s something else. It’s Sarah …’
He frowned. ‘What have you and I got to do with Sarah?’
‘Nothing but you see, she means such a lot to me and you know all the sacrifices she made for me …’
‘This is obviously leading somewhere,’ he said lightly. ‘Not hinting at some kind of ménage à trois, are you? I know it’s supposed to be every guy’s dream, but call me old-fashioned, I don’t think I can handle both of you.’ His eyes gleamed wickedly and Molly thought he’d never looked sexier with his rumpled hair and post-sex flushed chest. Which was why it was even harder for her to ask for his help.
‘Ewan, shut up! This is hard enough for me to say as it is.’
He drew his finger over his lips and folded his arms. Molly would have, should have laughed but instead she felt like throwing up.
‘There’s something I need to get off my chest …’ She buried her face in her hands. ‘Oh God, I can’t do this.’
‘For God’s sake, spit it out.’ His voice became serious. ‘Whatever it is, I promise I won’t judge you or be shocked. I’m a behavioural ecologist, remember? I’ve seen all that human nature can do. It can’t be that terrible.’
Molly raised her head. Ewan smiled encouragingly. ‘You know you can tell me anything.’
He laid his hand on her shoulder and spoke gently. ‘If you’re in trouble, share it with me. I’ll do anything to help.’
‘I may have – I think I have – given the Love Bug to someone.’
Ewan’s hand was still on her shoulder. His eyes narrowed and he took his hand away while Molly felt like dying inside.
‘Given the Love Bug to someone?’ Then he pointed his finger at her and his face cracked with a huge grin. ‘Ha ha. Very funny, Molly. You almost had me there.’
This was worse than him shouting. The fact he thought her confession so awful that it was a joke.
‘It’s true. I’ve given the Love Bug to Niall by mistake. I wanted to help Sarah get him back and so I made a placebo and he inhaled it but …’
Suddenly, Ewan couldn’t meet her eye. He stared out of the window, biting his lip.
‘I’m sorry,’ said Molly quietly. ‘I never intended it to happen and I don’t know how it did. It’s just a horrible, awful mistake and I’ve tried to put it right but I don’t know how.’
Ewan let out a long breath and met her gaze. He swallowed hard.
‘You said to trust you, that I could tell you anything, that nothing could shock you …’
‘I know. I know … But, Molly. Molly. Why the fuck did you think something so stupid would ever end well?’
‘I didn’t mean to. The samples must have been mixed up before I labelled them.’
He swung his legs out of bed and put his head in his hands. ‘I can’t believe this.’
Molly shivered. Blood didn’t run cold but she knew why people described it like that. ‘You see why I need an inhibitor.’
‘No. What we need is a solicitor.’
‘We can’t tell anyone!’
‘We might have to if we can’t put this right! Molly, this is a serious assault.’
‘I know that. But I never intended to do it. I realised it was a stupid idea and Sarah realised it was wrong and we both pulled back. I just wanted to make her happy, to pay her back for what she did for me, but I wasn’t that stupid. I wanted her to realise that nothing could help her get him back and that she had to let him go. I was so careful!’
‘Clearly, not careful enough,’ he snapped.
Molly felt as if she’d been slapped. ‘We all make mistakes.’
‘I’m sorry,’ said Ewan. ‘I didn’t mean to say that. I’m just …’
‘Shocked?’
‘Disappointed. Taken aback.’ He shoved his hands through his hair. ‘Oh hell, I don’t know.’
‘I guess you need time to take it all in but please don’t wait too long. I need your help to find an inhibitor.’
‘Christ. This breaks all the rules in the book – theft, criminal damage, administering a noxious substance with intent to commit sexual assault.’
‘Don’t you think I thought of all those things? That’s why I stepped back from the brink. I had no idea it would come to this.’
‘No, but me helping you – even to sort it out – is aiding and abetting the administration of a controlled and experimental psychoactive substance. Technically it’s a conspiracy to do all of the above.’
Molly felt more miserable than she’d ever done in her life. ‘I’ll resign, of course.’
‘At the moment, I’m thinking that’s the best-case scenario, Molly.’
She bit back the urge to burst into tears. Crying would help no one and there was no way she was going to use emotional blackmail to get Ewan to help her.
‘I understand that there’s no going back, career-wise, from what I’ve done and I’ve put you in a difficult position.’
‘You’re wr
ong. I don’t care about my position. I care about yours – your career, now and in the future. I care about the reputation of the lab and everyone who works in it, about the university and most of all our work. I care about you ending up in court if anyone found out.’
‘No one but Sarah, you and I know what’s happened, I swear. You can have my notice now, I won’t wait to find another job but please, help me find a way to put things right.’
He was silent. Molly dug her nails in her palm, feeling the situation growing worse by the minute.
Ewan started to get dressed.
Molly hugged her knees as he zipped up his jeans. ‘I can’t tell you how sorry I am. Things were going so well.’
‘Yeah, well, there you are. Things going too well. I might have known it would all turn to shit.’
‘It’s nothing to do with us …’
‘Isn’t it? Doesn’t this have at least something to do with me trusting you and you trusting me?’
‘I didn’t know you, like I do now, when I decided to create the Bug. You hardly spoke to me. You didn’t trust me enough to tell me how you felt.’
‘If I had, would you honestly have acted any differently? Would you still have made the Bug for Sarah?’
Molly hesitated. ‘I don’t know. Probably.’
‘And would you have told me?’
‘Probably not.’
He stared at her for a few seconds then reached for his T-shirt. ‘I need time to think about this,’ he muttered. ‘I’ll call you. Don’t email or text me or Sarah about it. Don’t even hint. I don’t want anything traceable back to any of us. No evidence.’
Later that evening, Molly had taken a bath that was too hot and eaten a dinner she didn’t want. She replayed over and over the labelling of the Love Bug samples: the placebo and the real Bug. She went through their research again and scrolled through papers on the Internet, searching for any clue that would help her find an inhibitor.
Ewan called her as she was ready to give in.
‘Meet me at the lab later and I’ll see what I can do,’ he said and rang off.
He was already in the lab when Molly got there.
‘Where are the samples?’ he asked.
‘In our fridge in the outer office.’
‘Right.’
‘Ewan, thanks …’
‘I want to help you,’ he said. ‘I haven’t changed what I said earlier but I think it’s best if we don’t carry on working together. I was offered a chair by a Swiss university while I was in Bern and I’ve decided to take it up.’
Molly was horrified. ‘No, you can’t leave Cambridge because of a situation I caused.’
‘I think I should. One of us should leave and I don’t want it to be you. Maybe this is the kick up the arse I needed to make a fresh start. It was a great offer, big salary, much higher research funding, a larger team. I knew I should take it for the sake of my research but I hesitated. Because I didn’t want to leave you.’
‘Are you punishing me, or yourself for daring to get involved in the first place?’
Ewan stared at her then said, coolly. ‘This isn’t about us. Let me see these samples. Maybe you’ve made a mistake. It’s not uncommon that the bacteria didn’t transform successfully. Both the placebo and the experimental sample might actually be empty of the plasmid so there’s a chance that the sample you gave Niall isn’t active.’
‘It is. I’ve checked them both time and time again.’
‘Let’s start with the most obvious possibility, anyway. Let me see the samples and I’ll do my own investigations.’
A few hours later, Molly’s hopes that she’d somehow made a mistake were dashed.
‘I’m right aren’t I? The one I gave Niall is active and producing the Love Bug hormone, isn’t it?’ she said as Ewan examined the DNA results on his laptop.
He turned the screen towards her. ‘I’m afraid so. I’ve checked it three times.’
‘Shit.’
‘Which means we definitely have to find an inhibitor.’
‘That’s what I’ve already been trying to do.’
He put the photos in his desk drawer and locked it. ‘I’ll have to do a Western blot to visualise the protein and that will take two days.’
‘I’ve done that too,’ said Molly miserably.
‘I’ll still carry one out while I work on the inhibitor. Now, tell me everything you’ve tried so far.’
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
‘So, it’s not a little Ni. I hope you’re not disappointed,’ said Sarah as they drove out of the clinic car park after her scan.
‘No. I’m not. No way. Oh God. I know I’ve seen scans before but this is different; that was our daughter – our little girl.’
‘I know.’ Sarah was full to the brim of conflicting emotions: joy and sadness. When they’d watched their baby moving inside her, seen its tiny hands and feet, Sarah had shed a few tears. Niall’s eyes were misty too and it hadn’t mattered that he was with her under false pretences. The radiographer had asked if they wanted to know the sex and Sarah, against all her expectations, had said yes.
‘I love you so much,’ Niall had whispered in her ear.
Me too. The words she should have used and that he was probably hoping for stayed inside her. Sarah had been jolted out of the moment. It was all false. Perhaps not the love of Niall for his child, but his love for her. And hers for him.
She cared for him still and didn’t want anything terrible to happen to him; and perhaps she could have forgiven him for the affair with Vanessa – if he’d come back of his own accord. But she didn’t love him as she once had. She wasn’t sure when it had happened; at some point when she was living on her own; at some point when in her darkest, most desperate moment she had become Sarah, not sarahandniall. Perhaps what he’d done was unforgivable. Maybe Liam had played a part in that. Maybe she’d simply learned to live on her own. Whatever it was, there was no going back; no inhibitor for that.
*
A few days later, Sarah was working on her knitting for the baby when she heard someone at the door. She was amazed to see Liam on the doorstep again, after all that happened, but the familiar rush of pleasure was instantly tinged with pain.
‘Don’t worry, I’m not staying,’ he said, lingering on the step. ‘Although I thought I’d risk life and limb and call round.’
Sarah had to smile. ‘It’s OK, Niall’s at work.’
‘It was your reaction I was more worried about,’ he said.
‘Relax. My jug-throwing days are over.’ Liam made her smile again. He always had. ‘You’d better come in.’
He hesitated. ‘Are you sure? I don’t want to make life more difficult for you.’
Sarah opened the door wide and stepped aside. ‘You couldn’t possibly do that, believe me.’
Ignoring his objections, Sarah took him into the kitchen. He smiled at the tiny half-finished outfit on the table and joked about learning to knit.
‘How are the wedding plans going?’ Sarah asked.
‘How are yours?’
‘That’s a long way off,’ she replied. ‘Your daughter’s big day is only a few months away.’
He blew out a breath. ‘Tell me about it. I’ve project managed major developments that were less trouble! Seriously, I had no idea there was so much involved and the detail is mind-blowing – wine tasting, fonts on the place cards, flowers, and don’t even get me started on the table settings.’
‘Can Hayley help or is she still in Africa?’
‘I’ve emailed as many of the details as I can to her and Kyle. It’s their wedding after all. She comes home next weekend so we can sort some of the final details then but I’ve had to decide on other things for her, which is weird. Her fiancé is still on a tour in the Falklands but they’re hoping to get married quarters after the wedding.’
‘In fact, that’s why I popped over. I wanted to give you this.’ Liam pulled a card from his pocket.
Sarah put down her mug and took it.<
br />
‘It’s an invitation to the wedding, hot off the press. We haven’t sent any out yet and I wanted you to have the first one. It’s not for a while and I know it might be difficult for you to come but …’ He ended the sentence with a hopeful smile. Sarah was so touched, she almost burst into tears. After all the pain she’d caused him, he still wanted her at the big day.
‘You didn’t have to do that but thank you,’ she said.
‘I’ve not included Niall officially but you’re both welcome, of course.
‘I’d really love to come but it might be difficult.’
‘It’s OK. I know how Niall feels about me and I’m sure you don’t want to do anything to jeopardise your relationship. Not now.’
‘It’s not what you think …’ Sarah blurted out.
Liam frowned. ‘What do you mean?’
‘Nothing … I shouldn’t have said it.’
‘But you are happy that he’s back? You’re not in any kind of trouble, are you?’
‘Trouble? No, no … and if you’re worried that Niall hasn’t treated me well, or is hurting me, you couldn’t be more wrong,’ said Sarah miserably.
‘OK. Well. Please keep the invite anyway if it won’t annoy Niall – or hell, keep it even if it does. There’s no point me hiding how I feel about you.’
‘If things had been different.’
‘If. Life’s too short for ifs. I think we’ve both found that out. I have to go. I have a meeting.’ He put down his mug, still half full of coffee.
Sarah laid her hand on his arm. ‘Wait.’
He glanced from her hand on his arm to her face. His dark eyes held so many conflicting emotions: desire, disappointment, hurt and hope. ‘What?’
Sarah was torn apart with agony. Should she tell him what had happened? Could she trust him? No, no one could possibly understand what she and Molly had done.
‘I just wanted to say …’
‘Yes?’ His voice was soft as butter. Hopeful …
‘I only wondered if the craft unit still available.’
His face fell. ‘I’m sorry but no. The tenant we found signed. I had to let it go.’
‘Oh, I see. I only wondered.’