How Sexual Desire Works- The Enigmatic Urge

by Frederick Toates

  When taken to extremes of deprivation another difference between feeding/drinking and sex becomes evident. Extremes of hunger or thirst endanger the body tissues and create pathology, which would trigger us to ingest almost anything that is nutritious or fluid respectively, no matter how odious. In such a state and in the absence of anything to eat or drink, most of us would probably opt for the needed substance by the intragastric or intravenous route, to correct the discomfort and pathology. This highlights the biological imperative underlying feeding and drinking behaviour.

  Sex doesn’t seem to be like this (Ågmo, 2007). Even in the extremes of deprivation, there is not an obvious threatening disturbance outside the brain that increases in magnitude over time. Neither does it appear that desire increases with deprivation in the way that hunger and thirst do. A few men who wish for celibacy or gender reorientation, or have troubling deviant sexuality (Wassersug et al., 2004), opt for surgical castration. However, such troubles all relate to psychological factors and the external world rather than internal events. According to the argument to be developed in the present book, where a failure to find a sexual outlet is troubling, this arises in the context of desires that fail to be translated into sexual behaviour. The trouble starts in the brain/mind, not elsewhere.

  Any comparison with the bladder and urination makes the same point, though even more strongly. Clearly the tension of a full bladder and the desire for urination serve an intrinsic biological imperative: avoiding involuntary urination or even bursting the bladder. Under medical treatment, a catheter can solve the problem of excessive pressure.

  Of course, there is an internal factor underlying sexual desire, which tends to lower its sensitivity for a short period of time following orgasm. It is equally clear that a signal from the genitals can contribute to desire. However, it is the contention of this chapter that for sex no regulatory factor comparable to energy, blood composition or bladder pressure exists. Rather, the internal factor is best described in terms of the activity of particular circuits of neurons within the brain that are responsive to attractive others and are sensitized by sex hormones and signals from the genitals. This brain system is desensitized by orgasm(s), an event intrinsic to the brain.

  Sexual activity, health and frustration

  In spite of what has just been said, numerous articles and books tell us that sex is good for our mental and bodily health (Shope, 1971). For example, a study of American males concluded that masturbation in young men lent itself to better psychological health than did restraint (Kinsey et al., 1948). Kinsey et al. (1953) noted the neuromuscular tension that arises with sexual arousal and suggested (p. 166): ‘Most persons live more happily with themselves and with other persons if their sexual arousal, whenever it is of any magnitude, may be carried through to the point of orgasm.’ When sexual arousal stops short of orgasm, some males and females report physical discomfort even pain in the groin area, inability to concentrate and motor incoordination (Kinsey et al., 1953).

  The level of pleasure (termed ‘affect’) rises in the period prior to anticipated sexual intercourse and stays elevated for some hours afterwards (Shrier et al., 2010). Negative affect is lowered for a few hours after sexual intercourse. One could also argue that sexual health is good for the health of a culture; political and religious cultures that place a high moral premium upon celibacy and virginity are associated with relatively high levels of aggression and authoritarianism (Prescott, 1977).

  We do not need to go as far as Freud in asserting that a healthy sex life precludes neurosis (Torrey, 1992) to see that there might be some kind of causal association. Concerning mental well-being, the long-suffering wife of Count Tolstoy reflected upon the author behind The Kreutzer Sonata (A. N. Wilson, 1988, p. 395):

  If only the people who read The Kreutzer Sonata so reverently had an inkling of the voluptuous life he leads, and realized that it was only this which made him happy and good natured, then they would cast this deity from the pedestal where they have placed him.

  Extensive sexual frustration might well have subsequent consequences in the hormones of the body that underlie stress, which could be harmful. Conversely, the achievement of sexual joy and satiety might bring benefits in terms of the body’s hormonal balance. It is suggested here that adverse effects from sexual frustration arise in only one body organ – the brain/mind, and do so from psychological processing that indicates failure and thwarting of sexual goals. Sexual frustration commonly arises in heterosexual partnerships when one party (usually the male) is denied fulfilment of sexual wishes that are judged as offensive or otherwise unacceptable by the other party (Zillman, 1984).

  As noted in Chapter 3, Freud suggested that energy not discharged sexually would be sublimated and find its outlet in, say, neurosis or creative writing. But if there is no such internal regulatory factor, we would question such logic. Any contribution to creativity associated with frustrated sexual desire might be alternatively explained in terms of a sexually deprived person finding other goals in life. The roots of neurosis are to be found in more plausible explanations that might well involve a contribution from sexuality, but do not necessarily feature it, such as a general feeling of frustration, envy and failure.

  Concerning a specific feature of bodily biology, there are claims that an accumulation of seminal fluids is not healthy and, therefore, regular sexual outlets could be beneficial. The chances of men getting certain cancers might be lowered by a regular loss of seminal fluids. Pleasurable genital stimulation and orgasm have strong pain-relieving effects (Komisaruk et al., 2010). However, none of this points to an accumulation of seminal fluids as being the trigger to sexual desire.

  Masturbation and nocturnal orgasm

  If desire were the manifestation of an intrinsic drive we might expect masturbation to occur most frequently in people denied a sexual outlet. However, the evidence suggests that masturbation is not compensation for lack of partnered sex. Highest levels correspond with high levels of partnered sexual activity and the most diverse range of sexual activities (Laumann et al., 1994). Suppose that sexual behaviour is the manifestation of the brain’s desire processes involving the imagination, the sensitivity of which is enhanced by sexual activity (except for a period immediately following orgasm). The enormous variation in masturbation frequency and the fact that it often occurs most frequently at times of a new relationship might be expected.

  A similar logic would seem also to apply to nocturnal dreams and associated orgasm. Some have argued that nocturnal orgasm represents a safety valve, a natural compensation process for an absence of sexual activity (see Kinsey et al., 1953). However, there is a link between decreasing sexual activity and increasing frequency of nocturnal orgasms in only a minority of women (Kinsey et al., 1953). Even there, the frequency of nocturnal orgasm was very low compared to the frequency of sexual activity prior to the deprivation (deprivation being caused by such things as separation, divorce or incarceration). For a considerable minority of other women, there was a positive association between frequency of nocturnal orgasms and sexual activity. Contrary to compensatory principles, some positive correlation was seen between frequencies of masturbation and nocturnal orgasm.

  Differences between cultures, people and situations

  Comparing across cultures, or within a given culture, or even within a given individual over phases within a life-time, there are enormous differences in the frequency of sexual outlets, fantasies and desires. For females who engage in masturbation, those with the highest frequency of orgasm achieved something like 240,000 times the rates of those with the lowest (Kinsey et al., 1953). Similarly, males with the highest frequency of sexual outlets had anything up to 45,000 times the frequency of those with the lowest (Kinsey et al., 1948). This figure arose when comparing males who were living in the same area and leading apparently otherwise similar lives. It hardly points to an internal regulation but is entirely compatible with the notion that desire is the outcome of a complex interweaving of e
xternal factors and associations, excitations and inhibitions. Indeed, the Kinsey team appealed to conditioning as the process by which much of this range could be explained. In words that have a modern feel (Kinsey et al., 1948, p. 204):

  Whether an individual is located at some lower point or at a higher point on the total curve of outlets depends in part upon the experience which he has previously had and the incentive which that experience provides for a repetition or avoidance of further activity.

  Kinsey’s conclusion fits with a study of American and Dutch women, comparing those with hypoactive sexual desire disorder and controls (Brauer et al., 2012). Women with hypoactive sexual desire appear to show a weaker positive association with sexual stimuli, possibly built up by a history of negative associations or at least few positive experiences of sexual pleasure.

  Kinsey et al. (1948) noted an important social implication of their findings (p. 197):

  The publicly pretended code of morals, our social organization, our marriage customs, our sex laws, and our educational and religious systems are based upon an assumption that individuals are much alike sexually, and that it is an equally simple matter for all of them to confine their behaviour to the single pattern which the mores dictate.

  They continued (p. 199):

  such designations as infantile, frigid, sexually under-developed, under-active, excessively active, over-developed, over-sexed, hypersexual, or sexually over-active…refer to nothing more than a position on a curve which is continuous. Normal and abnormal, one sometimes suspects, are terms which a particular author employs with reference to his own position on that curve.

  Some people apparently lead a happy life of celibacy. This also suggests that there is not some intrinsic regulatory (‘drive’) factor at work. Of course, people also differ in how much they eat, but sexual variation, ranging from zero outlet to it being an all-consuming passion, appears excessive, even relative to feeding.

  Societies in which there is little tolerance or expression of sexuality have been described, as compared to highly sexually charged and libertarian societies. In the 1950s, the Irish island of Gaeltacht (‘Inis Beag’) earned the distinction of being the most restricted and sexually naïve that is known to anthropologists. Marital sex, in so far as it existed at all, seemed to be limited to the function of producing children. Sex outside marriage hardly existed, except when local boys met foreign tourists. Female orgasm was reported as being either unknown or regarded as deviant. An anthropologist who studied this population reported (Messenger, 1971, p. 29): ‘The seeds of repression are planted early in childhood by parents and kin through instruction supplemented by rewards and punishments, conscious imitation, and unconscious internalization.’ The Dani who inhabit west New Guinea also appear to be a somewhat ‘sexless’ society. Abstinence is practiced for up to five years following childbirth. Whether the inhabitants of such places actually suffer from ‘repressed sexuality’ in any meaningful sense is unclear, though stress arising from sexual frustration was reported in Inis Beag. The frustration experienced in other societies might owe more to a comparison of one’s lot with that of others within society rather than to any intrinsic biological disturbance (Zillman, 1984).

  At the opposite pole from Inis Beag, on the Polynesian island of Mangaia there seem to be very few restrictions on sexual expression (Marshall, 1971). Female orgasm is regarded as obligatory in sexual relations and a male is judged as inadequate if he fails to trigger it.

  Not something to ‘get out of the system’

  Linked to the notion of regulation is the idea that extensive sexual experience when young can serve to ‘get it out of one’s system’, sometimes expressed as ‘sowing wild oats’. A cross-cultural study found (Suggs and Marshall, 1971, p. 240):

  In none of the permissive societies described in this book, with the possible exception of Mangaia, does premarital sexual freedom seem to have the effect of lowering the rate of extramarital sexual adventures. The popularly held view that a person who can ‘get it out of his system’ in the premarital state will thereafter be better able to settle down is another reflection of American folklore or cultural bias that seems to be without foundation.

  A political dimension

  If an intrinsic drive arising in the body tissues exists, no one has been able so far to identify its biological basis. The discussion has a political dimension, since it is sometimes used with reference only to the male. Shere Hite, author of The Hite Report, questions the existence of sex drive (Hite, 2003, p. 47):

  It is hard to say if there is such a thing or if it is a product of ideology.

  The common, clichéd view of men’s sexuality is that men’s bodies contain a powerful mechanism called ‘sex drive’ connected to ‘male hormones’, and that sex drive makes men want to ‘penetrate’ and ‘impregnate women with their seed’. Using the phrase ‘sex drive’ seems to imply that sexual activity leading to reproduction is a biological imperative.

  The argument that there is an intrinsic regulatory factor can detract from the crucial motivational role of external factors. Suppose that we focus on such an internal factor with its supposed unremitting push and almost accidental outlet found through sexual activity. We might be in danger of underestimating the importance of context. Thus, a lack of sexual desire does not mean that an internal variable like pressure has been given an abnormal setting. A sexual thermostat has not been set too low as an accident of genes or birth. For much of history, sex for women has been quick and rather brutish, attended by a fear of pregnancy (Abramson and Pinkerton, 1995). It could be misleading to attribute lack of female erotic interest under such conditions to an intrinsically low sex drive.

  An alternative: incentive motivation

  Background

  An alternative to the view that we are pushed by something arising within the tissues of the body and then happen upon a suitable means of discharge is termed the incentive view of motivation and is a foundation upon which this book rests. That is to say, people are pulled by external stimuli, thoughts about them and their associations. As an alternative to drive theories, various authors have suggested formulations that fit the general umbrella terms of ‘incentive’ (Ågmo, 2007; Singer and Toates, 1987) and ‘desire’. Cameron and Frazer (1987, p. 83) write: ‘Whereas desires are intentional and fixed on some object, so that the subject acts to fulfil desire, drives are pushed, so to speak, from behind.’ This is much more than a semantic quibble; rather, it is at the essence of understanding desire. In describing conscious desires as ‘intentional’, they are seen as projecting to the future. Future interaction, usually with another individual, is sought and guides current behaviour. This approach can assimilate the observation that desires can be complex. A person might aim to achieve several things by putting his or her desire into effect, for example sexual pleasure combined with pleasing another and boosting his or her own status and esteem. The combination of desires might well very greatly exceed the strength of any component. It is hard to see how such complexity of intentions could be understood in terms of a unitary notion of ‘sex drive’. Desire can be very much situation-dependent, reflecting different triggers, something missed by the unitary notion of sex drive.

  The first incentive-based interpretation came from Hardy (1964). Central to his thesis was that motives arise from learned expectations that relate particular stimuli to later pleasure. Psychologists usually resist employing a term as simple as ‘pleasure’ and prefer the more scientifically sounding ‘affective’ or ‘hedonic’. Some of these hedonic expectations might be learned by direct social sexual experience, whereas others might reflect, say, pleasure gleaned from looking at erotic images and masturbating. Further expectations could be built with the help of nothing more than a rich imagination. Any experience of pleasure will strengthen the expectations and thereby increase motivational strength.

  Hardy was looking back on an age of innocence, when prolonged courtship was the norm and described the sequence of holding hands
, kissing, petting, and the slow build-up of affective associations. He acknowledged that there are problems in how to ‘kick-start’ such a system initially. A possible solution will be developed later in the chapter.

  Such a central principle of incentive motivation is equally applicable to men and women. It does not require hooking motivation to a biological parameter only present in males and then trying to find an auxiliary process that could also extend to women. Rather, typical gender differences in motivation might be explained in terms of subtle differences within the basic process and how it is modulated by context.

  Another perspective based upon incentive principles is termed the sexual behaviour sequence (Fisher, 1986). This model employs the concepts of erotophilia, meaning attraction to erotic stimuli and events, and erotophobia, meaning withdrawal from and avoidance of erotic stimuli and events. People differ in their locations on a scale of erotophilia–erotophobia. Someone at either extreme will tend to behave in such a way that their position will be self-reinforcing. The strongly erotophilic individual will seek out sexual stimuli and obtain pleasure from them, which will consolidate their erotophilic tendencies. The erotophobic individual will avoid sexual stimuli, which will leave their tendency intact, or will receive unpleasant experiences, such as coerced sex, which will consolidate their erotophobia. Thus, the same stimulus, for example a picture of an attractive individual, might in one person trigger desire and thoughts of sexual pleasure, whereas for another it might signal predominantly a sexually transmitted disease and mortal sin (Hogben and Byrne, 1998). Location on the scale of erotophobia–erotophilia is not necessarily fixed. For example, a person who starts in the middle of the range but then has a series of pleasant sexual experiences might move in the direction of erotophilia.