Murder, Mayhem and Bliss (Myrtle Grove Garden Club Mystery Book 1)

by Loulou Harrington

  ∙∙∙•••●●●•••∙∙∙

  Sheriff Joe Tyler exited his personal pickup and kicked the door shut behind him, careful not to sacrifice the coffee he held in one hand or the breakfast burrito he held in the other. The house in front of him was an imposing, brick and stone two-story with a curved driveway and landscaping that must have cost a mint.

  He took a long drink of the excellent coffee he had brought away with him from his interrupted breakfast and bit off a chunk of burrito, trying to stave off the dread that was sneaking in. It was a big house in a dignified country setting just outside of Culverton, the county’s largest town. The lawn went on forever with the precise, fluffy green of a golf course and gardens that were straight out of a magazine. The whole place reeked of money and connections, which drew reporters like flies to a picnic and, with that, enough interference to drive a man crazy. God, how he hated a crime scene like this one.

  Just then, Deputy Frank Haney came running around the corner of the house, waving an arm. Joe nodded and slowly made his way toward the back of the house. So far there was only one county car in addition to his truck in the driveway. No coroner, no backup, no nothing. Either they were all slow in arriving or Frank hadn’t thought to interrupt anyone else’s breakfast.

  “Body’s back here, Sheriff.”

  “You have an ID yet?” Joe took another big bite out of his burrito and chewed hard. There would be no savoring of the morning feast from the Gilded Lily, his favorite breakfast stop.

  “Naw.” Frank stood relaxed, hands on hips, waiting. “Male, face down, floating in a pool. Way out in the middle. Somebody’s going to have to go in after him. But I didn’t want to move anything ‘til Arnie got here.”

  “Have you called him?”

  “Yep. Todd went over to meet him. Make sure he got here posthaste.”

  Joe nodded and paused to take another drink of coffee at the corner of the house, in no real hurry to beat anyone else to the scene. Arnie, the medical examiner for the county, and Todd, the deputy who generally partnered with Frank, would be here any minute. Barring complications, that should be enough to deal with one lone body in a swimming pool. He stopped again and scowled as his irritation reignited.

  From where he stood, he saw a back yard that was a duplicate of the front in style, except more so. A double set of French doors opened from the back of the house onto a large stone terrace. That, in turn, led down a wide swath of more stone steps to an equally wide path that wound into and through an elaborate series of formal garden areas with benches and fountains and pools and overflowing clumps of green stuff everywhere.

  Joe spread his arms wide and demanded, “Where the hell, exactly, is the damned body?!”

  Frank pointed silently to a bricked wall barely visible on the back side of the garden area. Joe could see an opening in the brick that was marked by an archway dripping with a flowering vine of some sort.

  “The pool’s back there,” Frank said with a toss of his head.

  The two of them proceeded toward the pool by way of a winding garden path, camouflaged by a scattering of tall trees and smaller native redbuds, something Joe actually recognized.

  “How the hell did you ever find it?” The other man’s investigative skills definitely had risen a notch in Joe’s estimation. “So, who called this in? And who lives here?”

  “Helicopter pilot saw it from the air and did a fly by to get a better look. Didn’t like what he saw, so he radioed the airfield and had them call it in.”

  “And the owners?” Joe looked back at the house, sitting silent and empty-looking behind them. Something about this whole setting was starting to feel like a Brothers Grimm fairytale, upgraded with some really expensive landscaping. He should probably already know who the owners were, but he didn’t, and he liked it that way.

  Frank flipped open the notebook he was carrying. “Harold Kerr and his wife live here. No children. No one answered the door when I got here.”

  “So we have a dead body and no one at home. And a stranger, just flying by, saw the body and called it in?”

  “That about sums it up.” Frank nodded, then tilted his head toward the house. “You know who he is, don’t you?” At Joe’s blank look, the deputy prodded. “Harry Kerr. Kerr’s Lake Country Autos. Up on the highway.” Then he waved his hands in the air and started quoting slogans. “Everyone’s a winner. We’ll make you a deal you can’t refuse.”

  Visions of car commercials slowly surfaced in Joe’s memory, complete with a face, a voice, and promises of cars for everyone and deals you can’t pass up. And it wasn’t a small car dealership, either. It was one of the biggest in the area, maybe the state, with money and prestige and fame. And problems. Lots and lots of problems.

  His appetite gone and his stomach starting to burn, Joe set his coffee and what was left of his burrito on an ornate, stone bench just outside the pool area and entered the scene of what he really, really hoped would be a simple, straightforward, accidental drowning. Maybe of a vagrant just passing through, with no ties to the Kerr family. Maybe he was drunk, saw the pool and thought he’d wash up, and then he slipped or tripped, or something really innocent.

  “There he is,” Frank said with a sweep of his hand.

  And there he was. Dark hair obviously trimmed and neat. White collar and cuffs peeping out at the edges of his suit coat. Joe couldn’t see the tie, but he knew it was there. The suit itself looked gray maybe, possibly pinstriped, definitely tailored. One of his shoes had come off and floated close enough to see that it was a loafer, almost certainly leather, with a tassel. Nice, new, expensive, maybe even Italian.

  No vagrant here. No sirree, not this guy. No such luck. “Well, hell,” Joe said with feeling. “Hell and damnation!”

  ∙∙∙•••●●●•••∙∙∙

  “Wow!” SueAnn Bailey bounced into the kitchen of the Gilded Lily Tea Room and Coffee House with the enthusiasm of the young and heedless. “You will not believe!”

  “You’re almost two hours late,” Lindsey interrupted, unimpressed by whatever it was she wasn’t supposed to believe.

  “I called,” SueAnn said.

  At Jesse’s loud throat clearing, the girl quickly adjusted her attitude. “Okay, you’re right. That doesn’t get the job done. I’m sorry. I spent the night over in Culverton, and I set the alarm on my phone, but I forgot to take it out of my purse, and it was in the other room, and I didn’t hear it,” she finished in a rush. “And you will not believe!” she said again, her enthusiasm back.

  “What won’t we believe, dear?” Sophia asked kindly. For a nineteen-year-old with a boyfriend in a neighboring town, the girl was usually very reliable. She was also cheerful, a very good waitress, and popular with the customers, which took a big load off everybody else, and for which Sophia, at least, was very thankful.

  “There are cop cars all over the front lawn of the Kerr place. I had to drive right by it on my way here, and it was all I could do not to stop and go investigate.”

  “For which we are grateful,” Lindsey said.

  SueAnn ignored her. “Something huge has happened.” She ended with a flourish of her arms. “Huge!”

  “Kerr.” Sophia repeated the name thoughtfully, then turned to Jesse. “Isn’t that Vivian’s niece and her bombastic car salesman husband?”

  “They do have a place just outside of Culverton,” Jesse agreed slowly, while conjuring up what memories she had on the subject. “I’ve been there with Vivian. And their name is Kerr. But his family’s from there, so he can’t be the only Kerr in the area.”

  “Oh, it’s them all right,” SueAnn said. “He’s the only Kerr who lives in a house like that. And I’ve seen her outside working in the yard. With that blond hair and that body, you can’t miss her.”

  Determined not to worry unnecessarily, Jesse extended her order pad to the cute, redheaded gossip. “Oh, well, whatever it is, I hope it’s nothing too bad. And I’m sure we’ll hear all about it later. In th
e meantime, I know there are diners waiting to be rescued from my ineptitude by your arrival.”

  “You flatter me.” SueAnn took the pad and grabbed a pen from the stash in her purse.

  “No, really.” Jesse poured herself a cup of the excellent coffee that helped make the Lily’s reputation. “I suck. You don’t.”

  “Oh, wow, you guys! I forgot.” SueAnn paused for drama, then got to the real point to her story, which had slipped her mind when she had to sidetrack to defend her lateness. “The medical examiner’s van was there! That’s why I said it was huge.”

  Sophia’s plump hand went to her plumper breast and her breath caught in a gasp. Lindsey paused in the middle of adding a fresh fruit garnish to an omelet and muffin plate. “Oh, my God,” she whispered, caught somewhere between awe and dread.

  “Well, hell.” Jesse sagged against the prep counter and set her coffee down with a limp hand. “There’s just no way that’s good.”

  Chapter Two

  “Don’t yell at me,” Bliss snapped back at her aunt. Then her voice dropped to a lost-sounding whisper, and she buried her head in her hands. “I don’t know what to do. I just don’t know.”

  Vivian took a deep breath to calm herself. Bliss had always been too sweet, too gentle, and too forgiving. It was part of her charm, but it left her so vulnerable. For brief moments this morning, she had displayed more grit than Vivian could ever remember seeing in her. Maybe the almost twenty years with Harold Kerr was finally getting to her.

  “Bliss,” Vivian began in as tempered an approach as she could manage. “What is this about, really? I mean, on Harold’s part, this…” She searched for words, picking her way through the emotional minefield that threatened to overwhelm them both. “…this, uh, behavior is really nothing new.”

  She paused again, reaching for what, in her own heart, was worrying her. “So, I’m going to ask again—what brought you here? Today? Now?”

  “He’s not at work,” Bliss said, repeating what she had said earlier. “Maria, his assistant, is supposed to call me when he comes in.” She pulled her cell phone from her jacket pocket and held it up to make the point. “But she hasn’t called.”

  “Maybe she forgot?” Vivian suggested while trying to remember what day of the week it was. Her social calendar wasn’t as full as it used to be, and in the years since Malcolm had died, it seemed that time didn’t have the same definition it used to have. When he was around, the days had so much more purpose to them. Now, life just wasn’t as lively.

  “No.” Bliss rejected the idea with a shake of her head. “Maria seemed as worried as I am.” Then she paused and shrugged. “Maybe that’s what bothers me so much. I’m not the only one who thinks this is really strange.”

  “Maybe you should try his cell phone again.”

  “I’ve called it a dozen times at least this morning.” Bliss took a deep, shaky breath and squared her shoulders. “Okay, I guess one more time wouldn’t hurt. But I’m not going to leave a message.”

  After the fourth ring, the call went to voice mail one more time. She threw back her head and growled, then punched the button to end the connection, pushing it again and again until Vivian reached over and took the phone out of her hand.

  “Cheer up.” Vivian leaned forward and tossed the cell phone onto the sofa several feet away. “Maybe somebody’s done you a favor and gotten rid of the man.”

  “Oh, God, Aunt Viv, don’t say that! Not even joking.” Bliss jumped to her feet and stormed out of the living room and halfway across the foyer before she stopped just as suddenly. Her arms stiff at her sides, she looked frantically around her, threw back her head and wailed, “I’m going to go out of my mind if something doesn’t happen soon.”

  “I didn’t actually intend that as a joke,” Vivian said half to herself. If something didn’t happen soon, one of them was going to go out of her mind, and she wasn’t so sure it would be Bliss. Then an idea occurred to her. “I have some tranquilizers upstairs. Would you like one? Maybe just a half of one.”

  Bliss looked nonplussed for an instant, then in a response that surprised them both, she started laughing. “Oh gosh, Aunt Viv, you’re such a gem. From the look on your face, I think you’d just shoot me with one of those tranquilizer darts and get it over with if you had a choice.”

  The appraisal was so on target that, for a moment, Vivian felt almost embarrassed. But that didn’t last long. With a smile and a shrug, she said, “Take a pill or get drunk, hon. That’s all I can suggest. And if it will make you feel any better, I’ll join you.”

  Still laughing, Bliss threw up her hands. “What the heck. I knew I came to you for a reason. It just took us a little while to figure out what it was.”

  ∙∙∙•••●●●•••∙∙∙

  Arnie Holt stood in hip waders waist deep in the swimming pool, which was luckily heated, since the October morning had a bit of a nip to it. “Really,” he said in disgust. “You guys could not pull this man out and turn him over?”

  Frank shook his head while Sheriff Tyler ignored the indignant medical examiner and tried to locate the source of the ringing phone. Probably a cell phone. Probably in the bushes someplace around the edge of the pool. But why would the man have taken the cell phone out of his pocket and then jumped into the pool still wearing his suit jacket and dress shoes?

  “Didn’t want to disturb the scene before you got here,” Frank explained again. “Just in case a crime has been committed.”

  “Do you see any sign of a crime?” Arnie demanded, taking the body by the ankle and dragging it toward the shallow end of the swimming pool.

  “Dead man floating in a pool,” Frank insisted doggedly. “Could be a drunk who tripped. Could be a heart attack victim. Could be murder. That’s for you to say.”

  The phone stopped ringing and Joe made a mental note of the general area the sound seemed to be coming from. Then he turned back to concentrate on the identity of the deceased about to exit the pool.

  Frank and Todd took off their shoes and rolled up their pants to step down into the water and assist with lifting the body. A tarp was spread on the apron next to the tile-inlaid stairs leading out of the pool. A gurney waited a short distance away. Working in practiced concert, the three men lifted the body out and turned it over as they placed it on the tarp.

  “Ah, hell no,” Arnie said as he looked down at the bloated face of the dead man.

  “Wait.” Joe held up a hand before Arnie could say anything else. “Don’t tell me, please. Let me guess.” From the twisting in his gut and the TV ads he hadn’t been able to avoid, he knew that his day was now circling the toilet drain for real. “This is Harry Kerr, right? Owner of…no, pardon me…late owner of Kerr’s Lake Country Autos?”

  “Plus an RV lot, a boat lot, and a bunch of used car lots. If it’s got a motor and four tires, he probably sells it. ‘Scuse me, sold it,” Todd confirmed with a nod.

  “Everything I did not want,” Joe said. “Even if this is an accident, it’s still going to be one hell of a crap fest.”

  “Oh, you don’t even know the half of it,” Arnie agreed sadly. “Unless, of course, you already know who his wife is.”

  “Oh, oh,” Frank said, slapping wide palms flat against the side of his head. “I had forgotten that.”

  Joe looked back at the house and revisited the sense of dread he had experienced in varying degrees since arriving that morning. “What?”

  He turned back to the three men who stood just off the tarp at the head and feet of the dead man. The three exchanged glances, then turned to him. Then all three looked away again, staring off in different directions.

  “What?” Joe demanded impatiently. “Who’s his wife?”

  “Bliss Kerr,” Todd said.

  “Bliss Windsor Kerr,” Frank added. “Key word being Windsor.”

  “Great niece of Malcolm and Vivian,” Arnie elaborated for anyone who had recently moved into the county from out of state. “The only family Vivian has le
ft, and she is reputed to consider her the daughter she never had.”

  “Oh, yeah, that’s exactly what I needed.” Joe took a deep breath and rubbed a hand roughly across the back of his neck, which was beginning to feel like someone had applied a vise clamp to it. He really needed to start listening to gossip more often so he’d know some of this ahead of time, but he just couldn’t bring himself to care.

  “Okay, so, you guys…” He suppressed the sigh he wouldn’t allow himself and pointed to Frank, then Todd. “…help Arnie get this body into the van. Then you get back over here and comb the area for anything we might have missed. Seal off everything with tape from the front of the house, down the sides of the yard, and around the back of this pool area.”

  “Arnie.” He turned to the medical examiner. “You get this guy on your table and find out what the hell killed him before you sleep again. And if you could…” He looked up into the clear blue heavens. “…please, God, make it a heart attack. That would be so nice.”

  “Amen,” somebody mumbled.

  “And now, if you would excuse me, there’s a phone here someplace that I’ve got to find.” Joe turned on his heel, stopped, and pivoted back. “No.” He pointed to Frank, then to the area of bushes where he had heard the ringing. “You find the phone. I’ve got to find Bliss Kerr. The grieving widow will need to be notified immediately, now that we’ve identified the body. She might even know something. Like how he got into the pool, maybe, or when he was last seen alive.”

  “And you.” He swung around to Arnie again. “You let me know the minute you’ve ruled something out. Like if there’s no alcohol in his blood, he hasn’t had a heart attack, or there’s no head trauma that could have resulted in death, accidental or otherwise. And as soon as you know, you let me know.”

  “It’s Saturday,” Arnie protested in not-so-mock horror. “There’s a football game this afternoon. I can do without sleep, but I can’t do without football.”