I try to keep myself busy and my mind off Ethan. After I clean the house, I make a list and head to the grocery store. I’m unloading the car when I see Jenna pull up. “Aren’t you lucky?” I say. “Just in time to help me unload the car.”
“Oh, goodie.” She smiles at me and helps me unload my car. “How much shit did you buy?”
“This is what happens when you go shopping and you’re starving,” I say, putting five of the bags on the counter. “This right here.”
She laughs and helps me put away the stuff. “He came here last night,” I say when she sits on the stool at the counter drinking tea. I avoid her eyes as I cut up the fresh strawberries. “Then this morning, I went out to watch the sunrise, and he was still here.” She gasps. “I just want to be able to see him and not care.”
“That is never going to happen,” she tells me, grabbing a strawberry, and I look at her shocked. “What?” She shrugs. “You think that you won’t ever be thinking what-if every single time you see him?” I don’t answer her. “Every single time you see him, what-if is going to fly into your head. No matter how much you say you love Drew.”
“I thought after I laid out my heart to him and told him how much he hurt me that I would be okay with it,” I say, tossing a strawberry in my mouth, and she just looks at me. “Okay, fine, I’ll have the what-ifs, but it won’t change anything.”
“Step one is admitting it.” She laughs. “I want to go to the bar tonight.”
“No,” I say right away. “No fucking way. I had the shittiest week of my life.”
“Exactly.” She points at me. “Let’s get dressed up and go dancing. God, we haven’t done that in a while.”
“We did that last month,” I remind her. “Brett had to carry you out over his shoulder.” I point at her, and she shrugs.
“We need to go out. You need to get your mind off him, and nothing will do that like tequila and some line dancing.” She puts her hands in the air and dances. She takes her phone out of her pocket and calls Brett, who answers after one ring, “Hey, baby,” she says softly, and he groans.
“Nothing good comes when you start a conversation that way,” he says. “Hurry up, I’m up next.”
“We are going to go dancing tonight, so dust off the cowboy boots,” she tells him.
“Fuck, Jenna, I thought we were doing Netflix and chill. More chill than Netflix,” he says, and she smiles.
“After all that tequila, we can chill all night long,” Jenna tells him.
“You guys are gross.” I fake vomit and turn to walk out of the room to give them privacy. I sit on my bed and try to call Drew. I don’t expect him to answer so when he does, I’m shocked and surprised.
“Hey,” I say, smiling when I hear his voice. “I didn’t think you would answer.”
“Hey,” he says, and he sounds like he’s running. “Sorry about last night.” His voice goes low. “I just went to bed early and turned off my phone,” he whispers. “I’m at the hotel gym. Can I call you later?”
“Yeah,” I say. “Sure. I just wanted to see what you were doing. Call me later.”
He hangs up, and I sit on the bed and look at the phone, not feeling right. Maybe I have guilt from seeing Ethan.
I close my eyes, and then I hear Jenna yelling. “I’m going to borrow your clothes.” Her voice comes closer to the bedroom, and I look at her. “If I go home, you are going to come up with some excuse not to go, and I’m not letting you.”
I don’t argue with her because I know that no matter what I say, she isn’t going to listen to me. Instead, we watch a couple of movies and pop a pizza in the oven. She takes a shower and slips into my blue jeans and a black cami. I, on the other hand, slip on my jean shorts that show off my long tan legs and grab the white off-the-shoulder cotton shirt. The sleeves are long and tight until the elbow and then flare out. The bottom of the shirt is loose and looks like lace. I slip on my high heel short cowboy boots, and when I walk out of the bathroom, Jenna’s mouth hangs open. “Oh. My god.”
“I wear this all the time,” I say, but I’m lying. I’ve never worn this shirt, and the jean shorts have always been in my drawer, but I’ve never had the courage to wear them.
“Lies,” she tells me but doesn’t say anything else. She just pulls my hand, and we walk out of the house. I drive my car there, and when we get there, the parking lot is full, which is normal for a Saturday night. This bar is the best thing in five counties, which means people rush here on the weekend. I tuck my phone in my back pocket as we walk to the door. The sound of music is already coming out. “We are going to fuck shit up,” she says, pulling open the door. I throw my head back and laugh. As soon as I step foot in the building, my body already senses him. When I look through the crowd of people, I spot him behind the bar. He smiles at the woman in front of him as he hands her a beer. I stop in my tracks and Jenna looks in the direction and says exactly what I’m thinking. “Holy shit.”
Chapter Sixteen
Ethan
I can feel eyes on me, and when I look up from the bar, I see her. My body tenses. I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve been knocked back on my ass, and this one right here is on there. She’s so fucking gorgeous, and I stare at her not even thinking of the hundred people who are around us. I stare at her, hoping she can hear my thoughts. It’s you. It’s always been only you. It will always be you. “Tell me, Ethan.” The girl in front of me says my name, and I look at her. “How long are you staying for?” I don’t even know who this woman is, but from the times people say hello to her, she must be a regular here.
“I have no plans of leaving,” I say. Pulling the rag tossed over my shoulder, I wipe the bar in front of her before moving down the bar to grab a couple more orders.
“I didn’t think you could do it.” I hear the guy from beside me. I met him a couple of hours ago when I came in. His name is Scott, and he’s been working here for the past five years. “When your mom said you would come in and help, I was shocked and, not going to lie, annoyed.”
I pour two shots of tequila and a draft beer, handing it to the waitress who takes off. “I have been working here my whole life.” I look over at him. “I would beg my mother to let me come here when I was fourteen.” Wiping down the bar again, I walk over to the sink to rinse it off. “She would always tell me no, but then Beau would miss her like crazy, and he would sneak me in.”
Scott laughs as he points at a guy waiting in line. “He’s still lovesick over her.” He laughs. “When she works two nights in a row, he comes in and doesn’t move from that stool over there.” He points at the random stool that he has always kept there. “He also gets up and covers her when she bends over. It’s hysterical.”
I shake my head and smile at the two girls at the end of the bar waiting to be served. “What can I get you?” I ask them but look away into the crowd to see if I see her. She stands now beside the same group of guys I spent the afternoon training with.
“I’ll take two Bud Lights with lime,” the blonde says to me.
“And I’ll take your number,” the brunette next to her says, laughing. “Or you can take mine.”
I shake my head and turn around to get the two bottles of beer, twisting off the caps and putting it down. “Twelve fifty,” I say. “And thanks for the offer.”
She grabs the beer and hands me a napkin. “Just in case you change your mind.” She turns around and walks away, and nothing inside me moves. Not one single part of me is alive. I grab the napkin and toss it in the garbage.
“That’s brutal,” the blonde from before says.
I shrug my shoulders. “It is what it is,” I say. “Can I get you anything else?”
“I guess your boots under my bed is out of the question?” She winks at me.
“Unless you knock me out cold and take them off my feet,” I say halfway down the bar.
“Well, then.” She puts money down on the bar. “Have a good night, Ethan. Glad to have you back.”
; “Who is that?” I ask Scott, who fills me in on the woman who moved here four years ago. She and Mom are friendly, which is how she knew about me. “She’s a cougar.” He motions with his head toward the group of cowboys that train at the arena. She slides up to one of them, and they don’t stand a chance at it. His eyes go cross-eyed when she whispers in his ear. I put my hands on the bar, and I just shake my head and laugh.
“Hey there,” I say to Brett when he walks up to the bar. “Fancy seeing you here.”
When I went into the arena this morning, I didn’t expect the old boys to be there, but apparently, it’s a Saturday thing. He just looked at me and didn’t say a word. It was only after a couple of hours that he finally spoke to me. “What you did was fucked up.” He didn’t even start out with small talk.
“I’m aware,” I told him. He and I were always friendly when we saw each other, and we saw each other more than we wanted to. With Jenna and Emily being best friends, it was hard to avoid it.
“It wasn’t good.” He didn’t have to tell me what I knew. “Took her a long time to get out there.” He was about to say something when his phone rang, and I knew right away it was Jenna. “Motherfucker,” he said when he hung up. “We’re going to the bar tonight.” He looked down. “You still love her?”
I didn’t know if I should answer him. I thought about it for one second before my mouth spoke for me. “With everything that I am.”
“Thought so,” he said. “Don’t fuck this up.” He looked around. “I want her to be happy. I want to see the sparkle in her eye that she used to have with you. I love that woman as if she is my sister, and I want her to have what Jenna and I have.”
“She told me she loves him.” The words burned in my stomach. The minute she told me that she loved him and walked away from me, I had no choice but to sit down. I wasn’t ready for it then, and I wasn’t ready to think about it now.
“I reckon she thinks she does,” he said, shaking his head. “He doesn’t deserve her. Fuck, I don’t even think you deserve her.”
“No question there. I don’t,” I told him, taking a sip from the water bottle I picked up. He agreed with me, and for the rest of the day, we didn’t talk about it.
“What can I get you?” I ask. Looking over his shoulder, I see Jenna throw up her hands and grab Emily’s hand as they get on the crowded dance floor. Brett looks behind me at them and shakes his head.
“I’ll have twenty beers and four shots of tequila,” he says and looks over to make sure Jenna is okay, and no one is next to her.
“I’ll bring them over to you,” I say. “Go stand guard.” He doesn’t say anything else before he walks away to the dance floor. My eyes can’t stop looking at her as she twirls and her hair follows her. It’s the first time I’ve seen her smile like that. I want her to smile like that all the time. I put the beers on the tray and carry over the ten beers first and then go back for the other ten.
I place the tray in the middle of the tall table that the boys are standing next to. They all smile, and one hands me a beer. “Thanks, but I have more drinks to get.” Walking back and getting the shots, I wonder who the fuck those are for. I don’t have to wait long because Jenna is grabbing them off the tray before I even put it down.
“Here.” She hands one shot to Emily, who avoids my eyes as she downs it. I see her wince a bit, and I laugh because she was never a big drinker. I’m not ready for her to take the second shot, but she’s wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, and all I can think about is leaning down and kissing her lips. Turning around, I’m walking away when I hear Jenna call my name. “Ethan?” I turn back. “Can you get us six more?”
“Not a chance in hell,” I say, and she folds her hands over her chest. “Ask your man if it’s okay with him.” I turn and walk away when I see Brett glare at her. I also don’t make it back to the bar before Brett is there ordering four more shots.
“This is a bad idea,” I say. “Does she drink often?” I hate having to ask him a question I should know the answer to.
“Not really, but I’m here, and the guys will watch out for her,” he tells me, and we share a look. “Plus, she has you here.”
After I prepare the shots for him, he takes them to her, and Jenna and Emily both laugh at him when he tells them something. Jenna looks over at me and holds up the shot of tequila in one hand while flipping me the bird with the other hand. Scott smiles from beside me, and all I can do is shake my head. The whole night I watch her from afar—every single time she lifts her arms, you see a little bit of her tanned stomach, and I have to stand behind the bar to hide my hard-on. She dances most of the night, and when she isn’t dancing, she’s laughing with the guys, and I have to wonder if Drew makes her laugh like this. Does she laugh until she can’t breathe with him? Does she tease him like she used to tease me? I shake my head when the songs turn slow, and I look over and see it’s almost two thirty. The bar is finally clearing out. Only the couples and the guys hoping to get lucky remain. I see Brett pulling Jenna to the dance floor when “You Make It Easy” comes on.
I grab a water bottle as I watch her sway side to side, and when Scott calls my name, I look over at him. “I’ve got this. You can go hang out with the boys,” he says. “Thanks for tonight. I’ll tell your mom I approve.”
I laugh at him. “Thanks for that.” I turn back and see that she isn’t there anymore. I scan the whole bar, looking for her. I walk around and go to the back where the pool tables are and still don’t see her. When I walk toward the front and still don’t see her, my heart starts to panic. She isn’t on the dance floor. I turn to walk toward the office, and when I turn the corner, I crash right into her. She almost bounces off me, and I wrap one hand around her to stop her.
She laughs, but I’m not sure she realizes it’s me. “I’m sorry,” she says, and then her brain must catch up when she sees it’s me. Her hands are on my chest, and her heat goes through me. “I wasn’t looking where I was going.” She stares up at me, her guard down for once. Her eyes hazy from the tequila, her cheeks pink from dancing. “I’ll watch better next time,” she says with a smile on her face so big that her eyes crinkle at the corners. Her tongue comes out and licks her lips. “You look good,” she says. Her thumb moves on my chest, and she looks down at her hands on me. My arms around her don’t loosen. In fact, they get tighter. “You always looked good,” she says softly.
“Emily,” I say her name in a plea, moving my head down slowly as we stand in the dark hallway. The sound of her phone ringing makes her jump out of my arms.
“Oh my god,” she says, putting her hands to her forehead. “I’m sorry,” she says, taking the phone out of her back pocket. We both look down to see who is calling, and at that moment, everything changes.
“It’s Drew,” she says, turning and walking out the back door.
Chapter Seventeen
Emily
I can still feel his hands on me when I open the back door and the cool air hits me. The phone ringing in my hand was like an ice-cold bucket of water being thrown on me. “Hello.” I say into the phone.
I look over and see that he followed me outside. Everything around me is spinning while I listen on the phone.
The rustling makes it hard to hear and I look down and see that the call is still going on. I see his name, so I didn’t imagine it with all the drinks that I’ve had. I’ve been drinking all night to take the edge off seeing Ethan there. “Hello?” I say again, only to hear moaning followed by voices.
“That’s it, Drew,” a woman says, moaning. “Right there. Fuck, right there.” I hear what could only be described as grunts. “Fuck me harder,” she says, and the phone slips from my hand, crashing to the ground.
My hands shake, and Ethan calls my name, catching me before I hit the ground. “Em,” he says my name. “Em.”
I can’t answer him. I can’t do anything. I just shake in the middle of the grass. My phone rings again. He reaches for it this time, putting it on speaker, and th
e sounds of rustling are apparent right away.
“Fuck, your pussy is tight.” I hear the words, then I hear a car horn coming from the car as they both laugh.
“That’s what you get for fucking me in the car,” the woman says as Drew laughs. “Every time we fuck in the car, you say that.”
“I’m going to be sick,” I say, and he hangs up the call. The side door opens, and Jenna comes out followed by Brett. She sees me on the ground, and she just looks at Ethan.
“What the fuck did you do this time?” She walks over to him and pushes him, but he doesn’t even move. “You fucking destroyed her last time.”
“Baby,” Brett says from behind her, holding her around her chest. “You need to relax.”
“Drew called.” I say the words softly, but I have to stop because my stomach lurches in my throat. I have to put my hand down on the grass as my head spins for so many different reasons. I’m hoisted up in his arms before I can even react. My eyes close as my head spins, and all I can do is hear the voices over and over again. “I’m going to be sick.”
“You can follow us, but she is not doing this here,” Ethan tells Jenna.
“If you think we are going to leave you alone with her,” Jenna says. “You’re fucking wrong.”
He looks down at me. “You need to breathe,” he tells me. “Close your eyes and breathe.” I feel myself being carried and then placed down on a seat. He puts a seat belt around me, and my phone rings again.
“Don’t answer it.” I shake my head. “I don’t want to hear it.” He nods at me, and then the back door to the truck opens, and Jenna jumps in with Brett.
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