“Oh Steven, that’s sad.”
I was taken aback by her comment. I hadn’t thought of it as sad but there it was. Out in the open. I’d used these visits as a way to dispel my loneliness. Maybe more so then trying to help her through hers.
“Now tell me about your new girlfriend.”
“Well, she’s Jewish. Well educated with a huge family. I’m not sure she’s my girlfriend though.”
“Oh?”
“There’s someone else competing for her attention. I think.”
“Hmm,” said Nonna, sounding unconvinced. “You sure about that?”
“You sound like you don’t believe me.”
She fiddled with the hem of her apron smoothing it over her legs. “Oh I believe that’s what you think. I’m just not convinced it’s true.”
“He’s with her all the time, Nonna. More than I am.”
“And whose fault is that?”
“Nonna, I’m a doctor. It’s out of my control.”
“You’re also a terrible liar. Stevie, I love you dearly but sometimes...Sometimes you’re just like your father.”
Being compared to my father thrilled me about as much as a root canal would. “How am I like my father?”
“Strong willed. Always think you know best even when the evidence is staring you in the face.”
A reference to my cheating mother, no doubt.
“You were a handful as a child, Stevie. Your mother couldn’t handle you, nor could your governess. There were days when even I wanted to disown you, but you’ve turned into a fine young man. What woman in her right mind wouldn’t want you as a husband, Stevie?”
“Who said anything about marriage?” My face heated. I watched Nonna giggle, knowing heat had traveled to my ears.
“What exactly is holding you back with this young woman?” She poured some of the tea in a saucer then stuck her pinky in it. “Cold, already,” she said with a frown. Then she tipped it up and drank from the saucer.
“I’m not holding back. If she wants me she wants me, but if she doesn’t... I know I want her but I also know playing second fiddle to another man is not something I want to do. I don’t have time for that.”
“Bullshit,” she said, rising to her feet. I could hear her bones creaking, her contorted features a sign that she was in pain. Taking the teapot, she disappeared into the kitchen muttering to herself.
“Excuse me,” I called out as she walked away, slightly amused by her choice of words.
She peered around the corner, glaring at me.“You’re not too busy, Steven. You’re afraid. Well so what? That’s life. There are no guarantees. It doesn’t always turn out the way you plan sometimes, but if you don’t take a risk now and again, you may miss out on the very thing that makes your life worth living. Take it from me, Steven, you can’t go back in time. You can only go forward.”
“Yeah, well what if she wants to go forward with another man? For all I know, I’m her fallback guy.”
She returned with a steaming pot of tea and set it on the table. Then she sat in the paisley upholstered chair across from me.
Fuming but refusing to get into a debate over whether Mattie and I were meant to be, I continued to shovel food into my face.
Nonna put a hand on my arm. “Steven, I’m going to tell you something and I want you to listen closely. I never told anyone this. Ever. Grandpa was not my first love.”
No surprise there. My grandfather was a son-of-a-bitch.
“I didn’t know that,” I said.
“Yeah, well not even your father knows.” She poured me a new cup of tea. “It was my senior year of high school.” She looked wistful all of a sudden. “We were so in love, Steven. And he wanted to marry me too. That was until his mother found out I was Italian.”
“So he broke up with you? Just like that?”
“Just like that. I was devastated.” Her gnarled hands held the teacup as she brought it to her lips. “Mmmm. Nice and hot now. Anyway, two months later, your great grandmother told me I was marrying your grandfather.”
She touched the scar above her left eyebrow. The place where my grandfather struck her with a poker. Also the day I almost killed him.
“And the guy... He just let you go?”
“Yes.” She covered my hand with her own. “But Steven, I don’t regret any of it.”
“How can you not, Nonna? How can you not be bitter about what might have been?”
“Because I tried, Steven. I tried with my whole heart and it wasn’t meant to be. Besides, if I hadn’t married your grandfather, I wouldn’t have you and you’re the biggest blessing of my life.”
“He didn’t deserve you, Nonna.”
“Thank you, Steven.” She turned my hand over, planted a kiss inside my palm.
“If you love her, fight for her, Steven. Fight for her with everything you have in you. If it doesn’t work out, you’ll survive, but at least you know you gave it your all.”
I nodded, knowing she was right.
Chapter 14
Steven
Traffic was bumper to bumper, but what could I expect at five o’clock on a Tuesday in downtown Rochester? I’d left late because I couldn’t remember Mattie’s work schedule. Hell, I could barely remember my own. On a whim, I decided to drop by the Homeless shelter. I knew we needed to talk and I missed her terribly.
When I drove up to the building, I was taken aback for several minutes. How had I driven by this place for so long and not noticed the huge sign out front? New Hope Rescue Mission All Are Welcome! A large mostly cement building, it was the old bus company. It had bars on the windows because before it was the bus company, it was also a prison. Old telephone wires ran the length of the structure and several of the windows needed replacing.
A plump dark-haired woman with hair piled high upon her head and wearing a shapeless dress, met me at the door. I put my arm out to greet her. “Hi, I’m Doctor...um...I’m Steven Russo. I’ve never been here before. I was hoping you could help me?” I lowered my dark sunglasses and was met with a suspicious stare. “I was wondering if you know Mattie...Matilda Goldwater by any chance?”
She scanned me up and down, no doubt taking in the Armani single-breasted woolen coat I was wearing, dark slacks, and wingtip shoes. I’d dressed for a proper date. Big mistake.
The woman’s brows rose and her lips puckered. I took my hand out of my pocket, thrust it forward. She frowned at my outstretched hand.
“Okay, then,” I said, placing my hand back inside my pocket.
“This way,” she surprised me by saying, then opened the door wide for me.
I followed her inside, the taps of my shoes echoing off the hard floors. The place was old, needing an update naturally, but pretty clean otherwise. Long beige Formica tables with seats attached, looking like the ones used in school cafeterias, stood empty on one side of the room. Large cardboard boxes, large stuffed garbage bags, and cans of food were stacked against one wall with bookshelves behind them.
Then I caught sight of her long blonde ponytail swinging side to side, an expression of wonder and delight on her lovely face. She was carrying an armful of books. God, she looked beautiful.
“Hey,” chirped Mattie.
And she’s glad to see you, idiot! What the hell’s been wrong with you all week?
“Steven. What are you doing here?”
“Well, that’s a fine how-do-you-do,” I said with a big grin. “I brought you these.” I thrust the three dozen multi-colored roses toward her, enjoying the hell out of how her face lit up. Or was that simply surprise I saw?
“Oh. Thank you.” She gave me a curious look.
“I know. I know. I haven’t called. I’ve been...”
“Busy,” she finished. “It’s okay, Steven.”
“No. No, it’s not,” I said. I thrust the flowers toward her. “Forgive me?”
“For what? Because you were busy all week.”
“No. For being such an asshole the last time we were together.”
She sniffed the flowers.
I was a little surprised and maybe a tad disappointed she didn’t correct the asshole part. “I was an ass, wasn’t I?” I admitted.
She held up her thumb and forefinger indicating I was correct.
“But I forgive you anyway.” Leaning toward me and juggling the flowers and books, she kissed me on the cheek.
“Let me help.”
“Thanks.” She placed half the books in my arms. “Right this way.”
“You got it.”
“Anyone that comes here, gets put to work,” she said.
“That’s okay.”
“You say that now.” She set the flowers in the kitchen.
“I’m not afraid of hard work if you remember,” I added.
“Well, this is a different kind of work, Steven. I’ll bet you do a lot of ordering nurses and whomever else is on your team around but just so you know, I’m the one in charge here. At least tonight I am.”
“Sounds good to me.”
“You asked for it.”
After we placed all the books on the shelves, there were eighteen more boxes of books to put away. When the task was finished, I stood back to admire the seven-foot bookcase which now was nearly full. Made of what appeared to be solid oak, it must have taken three men and a boy to carry something this heavy. “Exquisite piece of furniture,” I remarked, running my hand over the smooth polished finish. “Doesn’t really look like it belongs here though. Whoever donated it, must really be an admirer.”
“It was the only one I had,” Mattie said. “Was my father’s, actually.”
“Oh wow and you didn’t mind parting with it?”
“It’s just a bookcase, Steven.”
She moved a couple of the books to a different shelf. “There,” she said, taking a step back. “I’m not so sure about placing the romances so close to the children’s books, but I have so many. I guess it will have to do for today.”
“People really donated a lot.”
“Oh these are just from my family.”
I ran a finger over several of the titles reading them aloud. “Pride and Prejudice. The Catcher in the Rye. Moby Dick. All classics they were willing to part with? The only thing my family ever parts with are old clothes. I’m impressed.”
She waved a hand. “Just some old books and a bookcase.” I was beginning to see what was inside the real Mattie. Not the drinker, and not the party girl who talked all the time but a woman with a heart of gold. She was generous but refused to be noticed for it.
“So when do you finish up here? I was thinking I could take you to dinner. A real dinner. Like white tablecloths and the whole shebang.”
“Ah, that’s why you look so spiffy.” She glanced around the room. “You think we’re done here, don’t you? I’m afraid I’m not. Just getting started actually. I thought you knew that, Steven.”
“Can you take a break? You have to eat.”
She glanced over her shoulder. “See that poster tacked to the door? My name is at the top. We don’t have that many volunteers unfortunately, and if one of us leaves...”
“I get it. You have more to do.”
“Yes. I’m scheduled to help in the kitchen.”
“Oh. And I interrupted you by coming here unannounced.”
She lifted a shoulder. “Kinda.”
“I’m sorry.”
“So am I. I wish.... I wish we hadn’t left things like we did the other day.”
I covered her hand with my own and squeezed. “It was my fault. That’s why I came down here. To apologize.”
She rolled her bottom lip behind her teeth. “I’m serving the evening meal tonight. It could be awhile. I wouldn’t expect you to wait around for me.”
Was she hoping I would wait? I brought her hand to my lips. “Matilda Goldwater, I will wait for you.”
Forever if you’ll have me.
“Will you dine with me tonight, Miss Goldwater? Later I mean.” I glanced around the hall. “After we’re done here.”
“We...?” she said, eyes wide. She came closer. The smell of heat and sunshine coupled with jasmine surrounded her like a warm soft blanket. I could get lost in that fragrance and did.
“Steven...”
“I know just the place. We won’t need reservations. Plenty of light and the service is impeccable. What do you say?”
“I thought you’d never ask.” I stumbled back a step as she leapt into my arms but I held on gladly. I didn’t waste time claiming her with my lips. When we broke off the kiss, she drew back, her face a little pinkish. “Um, sorry.”
I laughed. “I’ll take that as a yes.”
“I’ve wanted to kiss you since...Kyle made you dinner. And for the record, there’s nothing romantic between Kyle and I. You know that don’t you?” Her eyes searched mine. “I need to know you believe me, Steven.”
“I do.” I wrapped my arms around her. Then I lifted her off her feet in the biggest embrace I could muster. Shit, she felt right in my arms. I tilted her chin up, gazing into her emerald green eyes.
“I...I think I’m falling for you, Steven.” She lowered her lashes, then looked back up and smiled.
“You are?” A surge of warmth spilled eagerly into my body, making my cock swell and pulse. My brain started working out a scenario of whether there was a closet or empty room nearby. “Mattie...” I growled, tugging her by the hips toward me. She whimpered and I felt her heart speed up.
Before we could take it any further, a sudden clearing of a throat alerted us to someone else watching. I turned to see a man wearing grey overalls and a beard carrying a huge box clomping toward us. He grinned. “The pulled pork is here, Maam. Where do you want it?”
“Oh George, meet Doctor Russo. He’ll be helping us with dinner tonight.”
“Very good.”
I shook George’s hand. “So you a doctor, huh? Miss Goldwater a doctor too. Well, well, well.” He winked in Mattie’s direction. I watched as she narrowed her eyes toward him. Had she told this man about me? Probably. I hoped it wasn’t that I was an ass.
“Just place it on the counter near the stove, George.”
“You got it, Miss.”
“Oh and George...don’t forget our reading lesson tomorrow. You missed the last two days.”
“I was looking for a job,” George said.
“Does this mean you have some applications to fill out?”
“Yup.”
“Cool! We’ll go over those later, okay?”
“Sure will.”
“Oh and thank you for convincing those mothers to get their kids vaccinated. Well done.”
George gave her a toothy grin. “Nothing to it, Miss.”
TWO HOURS LATER, THE hall was filled with people of all ages and sizes. I’d rolled up my shirtsleeves, pocketed my tie and dug right in. Literally. Serving pulled pork on rolls with a huge metal spatula and dishing out apple crisp and green beans on plastic plates wasn’t something I’d planned on doing tonight, but it wasn’t disappointing either. In fact, I was having fun. One guy kept telling me doctor jokes. It brought back memories of my college days. I was glad my being here, brightened someone’s day. If only for a few minutes. When I was a kid, I’d been the class clown. Got me in a heap of trouble but boy did the kids love me. I’d missed that. Not getting into trouble, but putting smiles on people’s faces. According to Harvey, I could be too serious.
“I think we’re out of apple crisp,” Mattie said. “I’ll get the other pan.”
“And rolls. I see those are dwindling down too,” I added.
“Right. Rolls. Be right back.”
What a view. I couldn’t help admiring the soft curves and sway of her hips as she walked away. For longer than I’d planned, I just stood there, spatula in one hand, not moving. When I finally turned back to serve, George was standing there grinning at me. My face heated. I felt as if he’d just caught me stealing cookies from the cookie jar. “So what will you have? Oh, right. Your pl
ate is full.” George laughed then moved on in the line.
Mattie placed a full tray of apple crisp on the table beside eating utensils and plates as a little boy of about eight-years-old stood before us.
Mattie smiled at the boy. “And not just dessert this time, Sammy. Besides, I made this meal especially for you.” Giving him a wink, she placed two small bowls of apple crisp on the little boy’s tray.
“Yummy!”
Mattie ruffled the red hair on his head. “Make sure you get some pork too. And green beans.” She reached for his arm. “Let me feel those muscles.”
Sammy flexed and Mattie squeezed his left bicep. “Wow, you are getting strong. Is that from my cooking?”
“Uh huh.”
“I bet your eyesight is stronger too. Maybe try exercising them with a book later? I think there might be a comic or two in there if you look real hard.”
Sammy’s eyes danced with joy. “I love comics.”
“Yes, I know.”
He held up his plate so I could add a scoop of pulled pork on a split-open bun, then moved on to where the drinks were set out.
Suddenly I knew why Mattie, with her tremendous education, chose an untraditional path in her life. She was delightful to be around. It was easy to see why these people adored her. Fortunately, her very devoted family took care of all financial needs, encouraging her to give back to the community which was what—I was told—Jews believe in. Another thing I admired in Mattie. Her heart. When she’d tied the apron around my hips, leaning in with that sweet-smelling skin so close to my cheek, it was all I could do not to grab her and kiss her in front of all these people.
“Oh honey,” said a middle-aged Asian woman who was next. She fingered one of the flowers. Mattie had set them in a vase by the rolls. “So pretty,” said the woman.
She stood before us with a little girl that looked just like her. Both had long dark hair braided down their backs. “Those flowers are lovely, Miss Goldwater. The doctor...?” They both glanced at me. I pretended not to notice although the heat in my face made it obvious. I wasn’t good at being on display.
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