“Are you angry?” she asked, slumping her shoulders.
“No.”
“Really?”
“He’s your friend, Mattie. If you tell me that’s all he is to you, then that’s all he is to you.”
She let out a breath. “After our dinner at the hospital... I was so worried you wouldn’t understand, Steven.”
“It’s okay, Mattie. I’m a grown man, not a jealous teenager.” I leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. “Call you tonight?”
“I’ll be waiting.” She exited the car and Kyle walked inside with her.
As I drove away, my hands gripped the wheel like a man holding on by the skin of his bones. “Good. Good. You did it,” I told myself. But what about next time? If I didn’t keep a hold on my temper somehow, this relationship was doomed.
He’s just a friend. He’s just a friend. He’s just a friend
Maybe if I told myself that enough times I’d start to believe it.
Chapter 16
Mattie
One Week later
My jeans were around my ankles.
As I stared at those two pink lines on the stick while seated naked on the toilet, I couldn’t help thinking what a complete and total idiot I’d been. What good was all my education if I couldn’t even think far enough ahead to use a condom when I was drunk? Acting like a stupid sixteen-year-old and feeling sorry for myself just didn’t cut it. Not only that, but how the hell was I going to tell Kyle about this?
Shit, how was I going to tell Steven? And that look upon his face when he learned Kyle was my roommate a week ago wedged an imaginary barrier between us ever since, no matter how much he claimed it didn’t bother him.
I shook the stick again, willing it to change those two stupid lines to a better color. Or make one line fade. “Blue. Blue, blue, blue, dammit! I hate the color pink!”
Maybe it was a false positive.
“Mattie, you okay in there?”
Kyle.
“Um, I’ll be right out.” I pulled up my pants then tossed the stick into the trash can.
When I came out of the bathroom, Kyle was standing there with an expectant look upon his face, hands on his hips. “Something is up and I want to know what it is.”
I shrugged. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Brushing past him, I didn’t make eye contact.
“Don’t think I don’t know what you did,” he accused. He followed me into my bedroom and when Kyle followed me somewhere, usually when he was fixated on something I refused to discuss with him, he followed me close.
I turned around quickly, bumping into his massive chest. “Oomph. Kyle, get out of my room. You know my room is off limits to you.” Once Kyle decided to rearrange my whole closet. I still couldn’t find my favorite pair of jeans and my boots had been given away to the Good Will. Shit, they were barely broken in.
“No.”
I dropped down on the bed, because if I didn’t, I was afraid I would fall over. “And what exactly do you think I’ve done, Kyle?”
“Oh I know what you’ve done, but I want you to be honest and tell me yourself.”
“About what?”
“You won’t hurt my feelings or anything. I’ve heard much worse.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“You barfed that delicious breakfast I made you three days ago.”
Thank God. I’m not ready to admit that my best friend may possibly be my baby daddy. Not even to myself.
“I did do that and I’m sorry, Kyle.”
“I knew you hated mushrooms and I slipped them into the omelet anyway. I thought if I could cut them up super fine, you wouldn’t notice them but...”
“I noticed.”
“I guess you did. But did you have to...” He stuck a finger down his throat in imitation.
“Sorry.”
“You do like my cooking, right? Most of the time. I mean you fed it to the good doctor.”
“Of course I do. Kyle, I’d starve to death without your fabulous culinary skills. You know that.”
“Okay.” He hesitated. “So next time I promise I won’t try to sneak anything into your food you don’t like. Please don’t make yourself barf again. It hurts my feelings.”
“Sorry and no. I’ll never ever do that again.” Right on cue, my stomach decided to wretch. Slapping a hand over my mouth as if a swarm of raging hornets were about to escape, I turned and ran over to a trash bin in the kitchen. Ten minutes later and after I’d stopped with the dry heaves, Kyle stood over me with a concerned look upon his face. “I think we need to call a doctor.”
“Uh, no. No we don’t,” I said, holding up a finger.
“But Mattie, you’re sick.”
“I’m not sick.”
“You are.”
“Okay, I am sort of but a doctor is not going to cure me.”
“What? How do you know that?”
I wiped my mouth off, brushed my teeth and turned toward my friend. “Kyle, I have something to tell you.”
KYLE WAS THRILLED BEYOND measure to possibly be a father. He’d not stopped talking the entire ride to my gynecologist appointment that afternoon. Nor since we’d arrived back home. I’d practically begged the nurse to fit me into her schedule last minute, insisting she give me another pregnancy test. As if it could actually negate the results of the first one. No chance.
“You do realize you may not be the father,” I told Kyle. “I mean you probably are, since we didn’t use protection but...”
“Oh that’s okay,” Kyle said. “I’d be just as glad to be an uncle. What difference does blood make anyway? Just look at our relationship.” He pointed between us.
“Please don’t remind me. That’s how we got into the mess in the first place.”
“I wouldn’t call our child a mess, Mattie.”
“You’re right. Poor choice of words.”
“How soon do we find out which of us is a daddy?” Kyle was way too happy for my liking. The uncontrollable urge to slap him had my palms itching. It wasn’t that I didn’t want a baby, I sort of did, but I wanted Steven too. He’d never understand if the baby wasn’t his. He just wouldn’t. I would lose him. For good.
“Seven weeks,” I said. “Seven weeks until they can do a paternity test. But you are not, under any circumstances to tell anyone before that. Got it?”
“Sure, sure. Can I buy him a teddy bear?”
“No!” I didn’t want any evidence that forced me to concoct unnecessary explanations where Steven was concerned.
Kyle shot me the most joyful smile. I’d never seen him so happy. “This is the most wonderful gift anyone has ever given me, Mattie. Truly. Thank you.” He tried to hug me but I pushed him away. My boobs ached and the nausea was always there. I was not in a hugging mood. “Awe, come on, Mattie. This is wonderful news.”
“That’s a slight exaggeration,” I spat.
“I’m not exaggerating,” Kyle explained. “Think about it. How likely is it that I could ever have a kid of my own?”
He was right. I knew all the hoops a single man would have to jump through to get a baby or even an older child, not that I thought Kyle would never be involved with a woman or get married, but the evidence just wasn’t there. Unlucky in love one might say. Or was there another reason? I wasn’t sure if Kyle was gay or bisexual, but did it matter? There wasn’t a doubt in my heart that Kyle would be a good father. No, a great father. And that was what counted most in this world. The courts would never see it that way however.
Seated beside me on the bed, my best friend lay his head upon my shoulder. “I love you, Mattie.”
I put my arm around him holding him tight. “I know.”
“Uncle or father, doesn’t matter to me. Thank you for this gift, Mattie.”
“You’re welcome, Kyle.”
Chapter 17
Steven
“They all look the same to me,” Harvey said when I asked him which one of the diamond rings he liked best.
I couldn’t argue with the salesperson as she showed me each one. They all glittered like the dickens under those bright florescent lights in The Source Fine Jewelers.
I bounced my fingers over the rings, pointing at each, one by one. “Sure, but which one would Mattie like?”
“How should I know? She’s your girlfriend, not mine.”
I glanced at the sales girl beside him, then back at the woman with grey hair to her right. “And which one would you choose?” I asked the older woman figuring she had more experience.
“That’s a very good question,” she replied, giving me no help whatsoever.
I groaned in frustration. “Give me the pear-shaped one again,” I said, putting down the oval-shaped diamond. I turned it this way and that, getting a look at it from every angle. “The clarity is good but so is the other. Dang, how is a man supposed to decide on such an important purchase?”
“I like the emerald,” Harvey said.
I turned to look at him with a grin. “Yeah? I thought you didn’t have an opinion.”
“Well, now I do. Let me see that one.” I handed him the Emerald shaped diamond set in an elegant sophisticated setting, the brilliance of it dazzling us all.
“Oh yes,” I said agreeing with my cousin. “The reflective steps enhance the color of the diamond.”
He gave me a lopsided smirk. “Come again.”
I tipped my head. “What she said.” We both looked at the woman. Appearing elegant in a steel grey suit and hair pulled up in a twist, she towered over the sales girl who was round as the first diamond I’d looked at. She leaned over the glass counter, poking a long-nailed finger at the five rings I’d narrowed my search down to. “They’re all beauties, yes, but he’s right. I like the emerald too. It’s nice, isn’t it?”
“It is.”
“This one is platinum but it’s also available in gold.”
“Hmm,” I said, still not deciding.
“I like that all the brilliance is in the stone and not the setting,” I said.
“What’s your fiancé like?” asked the woman.
“I haven’t...Oh. She’s...brilliant as well. A doctor you know. Like me.”
“Hmm,” said the woman sounding impressed. “Is she a glitz and glamour kinda woman or does she have simpler tastes?”
Complex. That was my Mattie. I thought about how much she adored dressing up for the wedding. The stockings. The shoes. That fancy hairdo she spent so much time on. She also had simpler tastes. Working at the Mission instead of a high-priced hospital with loads of excitement. She never wore makeup and wore jeans more often than not.
“She likes dressing up but not all the time,” I said. “ Naturally I want her to wear this every day so... Geeze this is gorgeous. Almost as gorgeous as Mattie. How much did you say this one was?” I held the ring up to the light.
“Fifteen thousand.”
I took out my wallet, threw five credit cards on the glass case. “Pick one.”
The saleswoman smiled. “Yes sir.”
MY PLAN WAS TO PROPOSE to Mattie inside her apartment. I wanted to show her how much she meant to me and if Kyle was in her life too, so be it. This was my chance to show her I’d accepted their relationship. It wasn’t totally selfless on my part. After we married, naturally they couldn’t remain roommates. So I let that pleasant thought roll around in my head. It gave me hope. I wouldn’t throw the guy out though. Might even pay his rent for a few months.
Standing in the spacious living room, I wrinkled my nose at the thousands of white carnations, red roses and pink balloons I’d ordered.
“What’s that look?” Kyle asked.
“It smells.”
“Smells?”
“Yeah, like a funeral parlor. Fuck, I should have just taken her to dinner.” My palms were all sweaty and I thought I’d be sick. Whether that was actually from the flower smell or nerves I couldn’t be certain.
“No, no,” Kyle protested. “Trust me, I know Mattie. She’ll love it.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay, hey thanks man for helping me set this up.” I looked at my watch. “She should be home any minute now.”
“Right. Unless the bus is late,” Kyle said.
“Why on earth...?” We both looked at each other and snarled.
Kyle gave his head a shake. “Her family and I have been complaining about that for years. She’s a stubborn one. Our Mattie.”’
“Our Mattie,” I repeated. “She is our Mattie, isn’t she?”
Kyle lifted a shoulder. “We’ve known each other a long time. She’s sorta like my older sister.”
I bobbed my head up and down, thinking. Was it so bad to have another guy on my side to let me in on what made the woman I loved tick? “I don’t know why I had a problem with you in the beginning. You’re alright.” I patted him on the back to which he responded with a lopsided grin. Maybe I had more in common with Kyle than I cared to admit. We both cared for this remarkable woman. He in a brotherly sort of way and me, well, let’s just say I’d found my soul mate. Mattie fit me in so many ways. She made me a better doctor. No, a better man. We both had different personalities, but they complimented each other.
“I hear the bus coming down the road,” Kyle quipped. “Quick. Go hide.” His face was all kind of happy. If it weren’t for Kyle’s help, I never could have arranged all these flowers in time. That bus was punctual as hell.
“Why am I hiding again?”
“It’s a surprise, isn’t it?”
“Sure, this will complete the experience, right?” I ducked into the kitchen, staying out of sight and listened for the turning of the lock. Seconds later, there was jingling of keys then a clunk as she threw them on the table near the door which creaked open. “Kyle?”
I listened for a reaction. Some squealing or gasping. Maybe a ‘hey, what’s this for’?
There was nothing.
No shriek of surprise at all the flowers, nor words of any kind.
Strange.
Without even seeing me, she rushed past Kyle and I in the direction of the bathroom. A few minutes later I heard the unmistakable sound of a woman retching her guts out.
She’s sick! I’m going to propose and the poor girl is sick.
A few minutes passed but it seemed like forever when she finally emerged. “I’m fine,” she was saying coming out around the corner. “Just more morning sickness although with me, apparently it comes at any time.”
Morning sickness! There was something else we needed to think about. Should we get married before the baby or after the baby? Lamaze or spinal? I needed to buy a bigger house. Yes! Definitely a bigger house. We were going to have a baby. Perfect!
Mattie strolled into the kitchen. She looked at me as if she’d seen a ghost. I’d planned on yelling the proverbial ‘surprise!’ but the look of horror on her face, destroyed all thoughts of my impending proposal.
“Steven... Steven, what are you doing in my kitchen?”
Not the reaction I’d hoped for. Even if she didn’t know what I was up to.
She was wiping her mouth with the back of her sleeve, her face paper white.
“I...Why don’t you sit, Mattie?” I pulled up a chair for her.
She glanced at Kyle and he looked at me. “What’s going on?”
“Really, woman? See anything unusual on your way in?” Kyle asked.
“What?”
She leaned forward, peering into the living room. “It’s not my birthday,” she exclaimed with a wide grin.
“Speaking of births,” I began. “Something you want to tell me?”
“Um...You first. You’re up to something, but I can’t for the life of me figure out what it is.”
She was changing the subject, but I was not a man who got sidetracked that easily. “Morning sickness huh? When?”
“Um...” She bit her lip, then looked at Kyle with imploring eyes.
“I told you to tell him,” Kyle said. “Did I not tell you th
e sooner the better?”
I took Mattie’s hand in mine. “Mattie, sweetheart, why would you be afraid to tell me? I’m thrilled. Really. Absolutely thrilled we’re having a kid. It will make this next part perfect.”
She glanced at Kyle again. In fact, she’d been avoiding my gaze, looking at him more than me.
Look at me dammit! Why the fuck are you looking at Kyle?
“I’m...I’m pregnant,” she finally said, her eyes filling with tears.
“I figured that one out when I heard you being sick. Why didn’t you tell me?”
She shrugged, appearing lost. “I...was afraid how you’d react I guess.”
“Am I that big a bonehead? Shit, I’m sorry, Mattie. Guess I have to work on my bedside manner, huh? That and my patience. By the way...” I patted Kyle on the back. “Will you be our best man?”
“Absolutely,” Kyle said looking a bit uncomfortable.
“Best man,” Mattie repeated.
“Sorry, I did want to do this the right way, sweetheart.” I panned my hand across the room. “As you can see I put a lot of thought into this. Although I have to give credit where credit is due. Kyle was loads of help with setting it up.”
The grin on Kyle’s face had faded into gloom and Mattie looked absolutely petrified. What the hell was wrong with these two? Was she going to say no? Break up with me or something? Shit, what made me think...? Ignoring the warning bells in my brain, I got down on one knee, took the small velvet box out of my pocket and took Mattie’s hand. To my surprise she stood up and said, “Steven, get up. Get up. We have to talk.”
Fuck! What did I do to screw this up?
“Steven, I love you,” she began.
She loves me. Thank god. I let out the breath I wasn’t aware I’d been holding. “Shit, you scared the crap out of me. For a minute there I thought we were going to break up. This is too soon. I know. You don’t think we’ve known each other long enough. I understand. I can wait, Mattie. Forever if I have to because I love you. I have from the moment you fell off that barstool.” A nervous laugh escaped my lips.
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