The Galactic Gourmet

by James White

  But the person who was acknowledged to be the Federation's foremost practitioner in the art of other-species cooking should use self-depreciation in moderation.

  "I agree that it was not a small matter," he said to Thornnas­tor. "It was a simple but quite brilliant idea on my part, one of many still to come."

  Thornnastor made the low, moaning sound that one Tralthan uses to another to express concern and warning, and Murchison verbalized the non-verbal message. It said, "Be careful, Gurron­sevas. After that Trivennleth incident you should not risk attract­ing attention to yourself."

  "I am grateful for your concern, Pathologist," he said, "but I am supported by the belief that nothing very unpleasant can hap­pen to an entity who, like myself, is working only for the general good."

  Murchison laughed quietly and said, "Unless this is a social visit, which would be a unique occurrence, what problems are trou­bling you today?"

  Gurronsevas paused for a moment to organize his thoughts, then said, "I have two problems. For the first I require your advice regarding my proposed changes in the Hudlar nutrient paint..."

  Briefly he described his visit to Trivennleth and the idea that had come to him during the continuous, insect-laden artificial gale that blew around the ship's recreation deck. He produced his spec­imen flask and indicated a few of the insects that were still trying to bite or sting their way through its transparent walls. According to the Hudlars, the effect of these stingers on their organs of ab­sorption was pleasant, stimulating, non-harmful and analogous to being in the thick, soupy fresh air of their home world.

  "Even though it would greatly please the Hudlars on the staff," Gurronsevas went on, "I know that introducing a swarm of their native insects into the FROB section is inappropriate. Instead my intention, subject to Pathology Department's approval and coop­eration, is not to release the insects but to have the contents of their poison sacs analyzed and the toxic material, less than a fraction of one percent by volume, added to the nutrient paint. If it can be pro­duced in the form of a fine grit, a simple modification of the sprayer nozzle will allow minute amounts to be released into the food spray at intervals so that it would affect their absorption organs with the same random distribution as the original insect bites..."

  "I cannot believe this," Thornnastor broke in, turning all four eyes in Gurronsevas's direction. "Have you forgotten that this is a hospital, where we are supposed to be curing people, rather than trying to poison them? Are you intending deliberately to introduce toxic material into the Hudlar food supply, and you want us to as­sist you?"

  "That is perhaps an overly dramatic simplification, sir," Gur­ronsevas replied, "but yes."

  Murchison was shaking its head from side to side, but its teeth were showing. Neither of them spoke.

  "I am not myself a doctor," Gurronsevas went on, "but all of the medically-trained Hudlars with whom I have discussed the idea agree that the introduction of toxic material into their food in trace quantities would increase their eating pleasure, and they feel quite certain that there would be no harmful effects. I am inclined to dis­trust feelings of certainty when they involve subjective pleasures, re­membering the long-term effects of chewing Orligian blue-hemp, smoking Earth tobacco or drinking fermented Dwerlan scrant, all pleasurable and supposedly harmless pastimes. That is why I am asking for your help to find out whether or not this alteration to the Hudlar menu is harmful.

  "But if it is harmless," he went on excitedly, giving them no chance to speak, "just think of the result. No more Hudlars col­lapsing from malnutrition because their food is so tasteless that they forgot to eat it. Instead they would not forget because they would be looking forward with anticipation to their next spraying. And if the change proved successful here, there is no reason why it should not be introduced on ships and space construction sites wherever Hudlars are working off-planet. It would also, although I assure you that this is not an important consideration with me, be yet another culinary triumph for The Great Gurronsevas which would resound throughout the Federation. I would, of course, give all due credit to your department for the advice and assistance given..."

  "I understand," Thornnastor broke in. "But if the changes you propose prove harmless, they would be important enough for me to discuss them at the next meeting of Diagnosticians where, regrettably, Colonel Skempton will be present. Do you wish to risk attracting its attention?"

  "No," Gurronsevas replied firmly. A moment later he went on, "But I am having difficulty with the idea that a menu change, per­haps one that will turn out to have beneficial and far-reaching ef­fects for the entire off-planet Hudlar population, should be with­held because of my own moral cowardice."

  Thornnastor returned three of its eyes and part of its attention to the examination table before it replied, "Leave your specimens with Pathologist Murchison," it said. "You mentioned a second problem?"

  "Yes," said Gurronsevas, turning to leave. "The problem is technical rather than medical, a matter of flash-heating a new dish to an ultra-high temperature for a precisely calculated duration so that the edible crust is hard-baked while the filling remains cold. It requires only another lengthy visit to the maintenance levels, which are already well-known to me, to familiarize myself with the food distribution and heat exchange systems adjoining the fusion reac­tor. No toxic additives are involved, no changes or risk to existing structures and equipment, the procedure I have in mind is perfectly safe and nothing whatever can go wrong."

  "I believe you," said Pathologist Murchison as it took the spec­imen flask from him, "but why do I feel so uneasy?"

  Eight days later he was remembering Murchison's words and his own stupid feeling of certainty while Major O'Mara was trying, with considerable psychosomatic success, to remove the thick, Tralthan skin from his back with a verbal flaying. And Gurronsevas's at­tempts to explain and excuse served only to make the Chief Psy­chologist angrier.

  "...I don't care if it was a simple technical operation per­formed routinely by maintenance technicians every two weeks," said O'Mara quietly, in a strange voice that seemed to increase in fury as it decreased in volume, "or that the maintenance manual says that component failures of this kind are common and there was no cause for alarm because of the back-up system. This time you were there, which is usually reason enough for a catastrophe. And instead of a faulty cleaning cylinder blocking an emergency coolant supply pipe and needing retrieval, the sensors reported a quantity of unidentified ash which should not have been there. Suspecting that the ash indicated a major contamination, the entire reactor was closed down and the hospital went on standby..."

  "The ash is harmless," Gurronsevas said, "a simple organic mixture of..."

  "We know it's harmless," the Chief Psychologist broke in. "You've already told me that, and what you were trying to do with it. But Maintenance doesn't know, yet, and are investigating very carefully what they think might be a unique and possibly life-threatening situation. I estimate a minimum of two hours before they discover the truth and report it to Colonel Skempton who will want to see me. About you."

  O'Mara paused for a moment, and when it went on it seemed that the anger in its voice was being diluted with sympathy as it said, "By that time I will be able to tell him with certainty that you have left the hospital."

  "But, but Sir," he protested, "this is unjust. The component failure was an accident, my involvement was peripheral and the of­fense venial. And two hours! The time limit is unreasonable. There are instructions that I must give my food synthesizer staff and..."

  "Neither of us has time to waste debating the concepts of jus­tice and reasonable behavior," said O'Mara quietly, "nor will you have time for personal farewells. Lioren is waiting to help you clear your accommodation of personal effects and to conduct you to the ship without delay..."

  "Where is it going?"

  "...which will, if or when its primary mission is accom­plished," O'Mara went on, ignoring the question but answering it anyway, "either
return you here to face your fate or leave you on a world of your choice, always provided you don't do something stu­pid to irritate its captain. Whatever you find to do, please try to stay out of trouble. Good luck, Gurronsevas. And go. Now."

  Chapter 15

  Unlike O'Mara, it was possible to reason with Lioren, at least to the extent of convincing it that the time saved in clearing his quarters should be added to that needed to leave proper instruc­tions to his food technicians. Much time was wasted even so, be­cause his people spent more of it regretting his departure and wish­ing him well than listening to his orders, so much so that he was feeling quite embarrassed when his time ran out and he had to leave the hospital.

  He did not, however, have to travel very far,

  "I—I don't understand," Gurronsevas protested. "This is a ship. A small, powered-down, empty ship, judging by the silence, the poor lighting, and this isn't passenger accommodation. Where am I? What am I supposed to do here?"

  "As you can now see," Lioren said, switching on lights as it spoke, "you are on the casualty deck of the special ambulance ship Rhabwar, and you are to wait, patiently and very quietly, for its de­parture. While you are doing that the small number of people who know your whereabouts will be able to say, with the minimum of moral discomfort, that you are no longer in the hospital because, technically, this will be the truth.

  "Being a Tralthan," it went on, "you are accustomed to sleep­ing on your feet and will be physically comfortable here. Do not try to explore. Apart from this level, the ship was designed for opera­tion by Earth-humans or other beings of similar or lesser body mass. Its officers and medical team will behave much more pleas­antly towards you if you do not damage the structure and equip­ment.

  "The casualty deck's food dispenser is there," it went on, point­ing, "and the nursing station console, which is over there, will en­able you to call up all the information you could possibly need about Rhabwar. Study it well before departure. You can call up the training and education channels if you are bored, but do not use the communicator because officially you are not here. Do nothing to attract attention. Don't leave the ship, however briefly, or show yourself in the boarding tube or access corridor. I will visit you as often as possible."

  "Please," said Gurronsevas. "Am I some kind of stowaway? Does the crew know I'm here? And how long must I wait?"

  Lioren paused inside the lock chamber. It said, "I have no in­formation regarding your shipboard status. Rhabwar's medical team knows you are here, but the ship's officers do not, so you must not reveal your presence to them until after the first hyperspace jump. I don't know how long you will have to wait. Five days, ac­cording to one rumor I've heard, perhaps longer. The people con­cerned are having trouble making up their minds. If I find out for certain, I'll tell you at once."

  Lioren disappeared into the boarding tube before Gurron­sevas could think of another question.

  He waited for a moment until the confusion in his mind had settled into curiosity and, moving carefully and placing his feet on nothing less solid than the deck, began investigating his surround­ings.

  Each one of the compartment's walls was pierced by a large direct-vision panel. One showed a featureless expanse of metal which was probably the hospital's outer hull, another a section of the docking cradle, and the other two looked out across the daz­zling, white plains of Rhabwar's delta wings. From the wall areas around and between the viewports projected equipment whose purpose would have been a total mystery to him even if it had been properly illuminated. In the center of the floor and ceiling were the circular openings to the communications well that gave access to the decks forward and aft. It was fitted with a multi-species ladder but was too narrow for a Tralthan.

  The console that Lioren had indicated was surrounded by a mass of what appeared to be inactive medical monitoring equip­ment. He was still feeling too confused and ignorant to think con­structively, so he called up the hospital's main library, keying for a Tralthan printed translation with spoken backup, and asked for the available information on the ambulance ship Rhabwar.

  The console screen lit with a message that was repeated from the speaker unit in a condescending voice. "Information is avail­able on this subject without restriction," it said. "Please specify pre­cise requirements or choose from the following options: Ship de­sign philosophy. Structural layout. Engineering and medical systems, sub-systems and equipment. Operating power reserves and mission duration. Crew and medical personnel specialties. Medical log of previous missions. Non-technical summary."

  Gurronsevas felt like an uneducated child as he chose the last item on the menu. But as the screen and the speaker began to pre­sent their information, his feelings changed rapidly to those of sur­prise and wonder because the summary began with a history les­son, an illustrated discussion on the formation and evolution of what had become the present Galactic Federation, from a philo­sophical viewpoint that was completely new to him.

  On the screen there appeared, small but diamond-sharp, a three-dimensional representation of the galactic double spiral, with its major stellar features and the edge of a neighboring galaxy, shown at distances that were not to scale. As he listened, a short, bright line of yellow light appeared near the rim, then another and another—the links between Earth and the early Earth-seeded colonies, and the systems of Orligia and Nidia, which were the first extra-terrestrial cultures to be contacted. Another cluster of yellow lines appeared showing the worlds colonized or contacted by Traltha.

  Several decades were to pass before the worlds available to the Orligians, Nidians, Tralthans and Earth-humans were made avail­able to each other. In those days, the precise, emotionless voice ex­plained, intelligent life-forms still tended to be suspicious and dis­trustful of each other—in one case, the early contacts between Orligia and Earth, to the point of declaring the first and so far only interstellar war. But time as well as distance was being compressed in the summary.

  The tracery of gold lines grew more rapidly as contact, then commerce, was established with the highly advanced and stable cultures of Kelgia, Illensa, Hudlar, Melf and their associated colonies. Visually it was not an orderly progression. The lines darted inwards to the galactic center, doubled back to the rim, see­sawed between zenith and nadir, and even made a jump across inter-galactic space to link up with the Ian worlds—although in that instance it had been the Ians who had done the initial travel­ing. When finally the lines connected the member worlds of the Galactic Federation, the result was an untidy yellow scribble re­sembling a cross between a DNA molecule and a child's drawing of a bramble bush.

  Provided the exact coordinates of the destination world were known, it was as easy to travel through subspace to a neighboring solar system as to one at the other side of the Galaxy. But one first had to find an inhabited planet before its coordinates could be logged, and that was proving to be no easy task.

  Very, very slowly a few of the blank areas in the star charts were being mapped and surveyed, but with disappointing results. When the Monitor Corps scoutships discovered a star with planets, it was a rare find—even rarer when the planets included one that har­bored life. And if one of the native life-forms was intelligent, jubi­lation—tempered with a natural concern over what might become a threat to the Pax Galactica—swept the worlds of the Federation. It was then that the Cultural Contact specialists of the Monitor Corps were sent to perform the tricky, time-consuming and often dangerous job of establishing contact in depth.

  On the screen appeared a succession of tabulations giving de­tails of the survey operations mounted, the number of ships and personnel involved and a cost figure that had too many digits to be credible. The voice went on, "During the past twenty years they have initiated First Contact procedures on three occasions, all of which resulted in the species concerned being accepted into the Federa­tion. Within the same time period, Sector Twelve General Hospi­tal became fully operational and also initiated First Contacts which resulted
in seven new species joining the Federation.

  It might have been Gurronsevas's imagination, but there seemed to be a hint of pride creeping into the library computer's condescending voice as it continued, "In every case this was ac­complished, not by a slow, patient buildup and widening of com­munications until the exchange of complex philosophical and so­ciological concepts became possible, but by rescuing and giving medical assistance to a sick or space-wrecked alien.

  "In giving this assistance the hospital demonstrated the Fed­eration's goodwill towards newly-discovered intelligent species more simply and directly than by any time-consuming exchange of concepts.

  "As a result there has recently been a change of emphasis in First Contact policy..."

  Just as there was only one known way of traveling in hyper-space, there was only one method of sending a distress signal if an accident or malfunction stranded a vessel in normal space between the stars. Tight-beam subspace radio was not a dependable means of interstellar communication, subject as it was to interference and distortion by the radiation from intervening stellar bodies, as well as requiring inordinate amounts of a vessel's power that a distressed ship was unlikely to have available. But a distress beacon did not have to carry intelligence. It was simply a nuclear-powered device which broadcast a location signal, a subspace scream for help which ran up and down the communications frequencies until, in a mat­ter of days or hours, it died.