Heart and Seoul (The Seoul Series Book 1)

by Erin Kinsella

  Eun Gi pulled her closer so he could loop his arm over her shoulders.

  Tessa curled towards him. She hadn’t meant to hadn’t wanted to expose her history, but it felt good, or at least better, to have told him.

  “We do write for people. We might not know their names or their faces or their stories, but I always thought the point of our music was to make a connection.”

  She nodded. He was so warm. She’d never told Kelly how hard it was for her when she’d moved away, hadn’t wanted to put that burden on her. Kelly would have come home, and then she might never have gone back.

  Silence stretched between them again.

  “Would you rather I withdraw? I could tell the company that I changed my mind about the marriage and go back to Canada.”

  He tensed. “I don’t want you to leave. I just…”

  “It’s okay to have mixed feelings. I have them too. You don’t have to know how to deal with everything all the time. You have a devoted support system, and they love you. If you want to, consider me a part of it too. If you don’t want to, or you don’t know yet, that’s okay too.” She settled in, leaning her weight against him. “I’m sorry this is all so weird.”

  Eun Gi sighed. “It’s not your fault.”

  A slow pulsing beat throbbed at the base of her skull, and the edge of her vision wavered. She didn’t want to move, but she needed to. “I have to go grab my painkillers.”

  “Migraine?”

  “Yep.”

  “Is that my fault?”

  “Don’t blame yourself for my body being uncooperative. It’s treatable.” She climbed off the bed. “Do you want me to come back?”

  He hesitated and then nodded. “You can tell them I’ll be okay. They can go to bed.”

  Tessa slipped into the living room, and three hopeful faces perked up.

  “How is he?” Hwan asked.

  “Better, I think. He says to send you all to bed.”

  Min Jae pouted. “Maybe I should stay with him.”

  Sung Soo pulled him toward the door. “Tessa can handle things. She’ll let us know if they need anything, right, Tessa?”

  “Of course.”

  Hwan snared her into an unexpected hug. “We’re just down the hall. He gets kind of fragile when he’s like this. Be gentle, okay?”

  “I’ll do my best.”

  Sung Soo paused before leaving. “Are you okay? We’re here for you too, if you need us.”

  Her chest warmed. “Thank you. I’ll be fine. I think we’re going to sleep.”

  When they left she dosed herself with her painkillers and took a glass of water to Eun Gi before changing into her pajamas. Eun Gi had changed as well and moved over onto his side to make more room for her.

  She laid flat, pressing a palm to her head.

  He reached towards her, stopping a few inches shy. “Can I?”

  “Yes,” she whispered, and sighed contentedly as his arm draped over her stomach. Tessa turned over, and he nestled in, his breath tickling the back of her neck.

  His arm squeezed her suddenly, firm but gentle. “Thank you.”

  Drowsiness crept through her, and she slipped away with him wrapped around her.

  In the morning he was still there. Rolling over, mindful of her tender head, she tucked deeper into the blankets and under his chin. She wiggled around, getting comfortable in her new position, fingers latching on to his shirt.

  “Hye Jin, quit squirming,” Eun Gi mumbled.

  Tessa pushed against him. “I am not Hye Jin.”

  He blinked sleepily. “What?”

  “You called me Hye Jin.”

  “No I didn’t.” He sat up, rubbing his eyes.

  “Eun Gi, you did.” Tessa sat up and her expression hardened. “Would you rather it was her here?”

  “No. I don’t want her, I just—”

  “Do you still love her?” She cringed, wishing the words back into her mouth.

  He groaned and slithered back down to the mattress. “I don’t think so. I don’t like to talk about it much.”

  Well, that makes two of us.

  “I’m not comfortable becoming your wife, fake or not, if you’re in love with someone.”

  “Even if I was, she’s not interested in anything.”

  Tessa frowned. “That’s not the point.”

  “I know.” Eun Gi pulled the blanket over his head. “I’m terrible at confronting this and I’ve managed to avoid the topic since we broke up.”

  “Why?”

  “Please. It’s embarrassing.” He poked his face out of the blankets. “Didn’t you ever have a relationship you didn’t want to discuss?”

  “Not really. I’ve only had one long-term relationship, and that ended when we graduated and she moved back home. Otherwise it was occasional dates, but nothing lasted very long.”

  “She?”

  “Mhmm.” Tessa reached for her phone and brought up a picture of a beautiful woman with deep umber skin and a halo of black curls. She held a baby in her arms, and both were grinning brightly. “This is Selena and her daughter Minnie.”

  She flipped through the online albums and found another picture, of Selena and an equally gorgeous woman with black twists down to her waist, both in white gowns. “This is her wedding to Kendra three years ago. We still talk once in a while, but I haven’t actually seen her since graduation. I’m happy to talk about any of it if you’re curious.”

  He was quiet a long moment, ruminating. “What about men?”

  “What about them?”

  “Do you like them too? Or just women?”

  “Both, but I like any gender. I’ve had quite a few crushes, but I didn’t pursue many because I don’t enjoy dating in general.”

  Eun Gi squirmed.

  “Is something wrong?” Tessa asked.

  “No.” He shook his head. “We tend not to talk about those things here. Lots of people pretend it doesn’t exist.”

  “I noticed that.”

  “Is it easier to be open about that where you’re from?”

  “I think so. I mean, same-sex marriage has been legal for well over a decade, so it’s nothing new, but there’ll always be bigots.” Tessa took in the pink flush of his cheeks. “Are you okay?”

  He nodded and avoided eye contact.

  “Eun Gi?”

  “You can’t say anything, okay?” He squeezed the blankets, and his knuckles turned white.

  “Of course.”

  “I might be like you.”

  “Like me how?”

  He groaned, burying his face in his hands. “Learn to read minds.”

  “Sorry.” She burst into laughter. “Telepathy isn’t one of my superpowers. Do you want me to try guessing?”

  He made a vague, distressed sound that she took as agreement.

  “Eun Gi, do you like men?”

  His whole face flushed and he muttered, “Not just.”

  “Thank you for telling me.” She nestled next to him and waited for him to speak, but he remained silent, hiding behind his hands. There was a slight tremor in his arms, and she settled her fingertips against his wrist. “Do you want to talk about it more?”

  “No.” He paused. “Yes. I don’t know. I’m not the only one in the industry, or even the only one in the group, but it’s still strange. It’s so hard for any of us to be open about anything, so I’ve never gotten used to talking about it.”

  “Can I ask, do you have a history with men? Or have you never pursued?”

  Eun Gi rolled face-first into the pillow and said something against the fabric.

  “What?” She leaned closer.

  “Hwan was my first kiss.”

  Tessa set a hand on his shoulder. “Are you embarrassed by that? Hwan’s awesome.”

  His head popped up. “No, I mean, not exactly.” His cheeks burned a steady hot pink.

  “Kelly was mine. We were fourteen, at a weekend camp, and it was during truth or dare.” She laughed and settled comfortably, turning to
wards him. “Friends are a safe place to experiment if you have the inclination to. I have to ask though, are you and Hwan a current thing?”

  “We’re not together, no.” His head thwumped back against the pillow.

  “Okay, good. Marrying you would be a little awkward if you were.” She smoothed a hand over his hair. “As much as I’d love to keep talking, if you don’t shower and eat, you’ll be late to set.”

  He tilted his head and looked at her thoughtfully. “You don’t think I’m weird?”

  “What kind of hypocrite do you think I am? I support you and whoever you love.”

  Eun Gi laughed, relieved. “Thank you. You’re the best fake future wife.”

  Tessa’s heart swelled.

  Maybe this would all be okay.

  Chapter 11

  Tessa

  TESSA’S PHONE BUZZED frantically, puncturing the darkness with its glowing screen. She blinked bleary eyes and yawned, reaching to answer it before Eun Gi woke.

  “Hello?”

  “Meu amor, I didn’t mean to wake you.” The slight tremble in her mother’s voice had Tessa sitting up at full attention.

  “What’s wrong?”

  A shuddering breath greeted her. Tessa climbed out of bed and moved into the living room, flicking on one of the lamps.

  “Mamãe, you’re freaking me out.”

  “I’m sorry. I’m a little worked up.”

  Tessa waited in agonizing silence for her mother to continue.

  “Appa’s in the hospital.”

  Tessa’s stomach dropped, and she sank onto the couch. “What happened?”

  “We were trying out a new medication to see if it might help, and he ended up having a bad reaction to it. He got woozy and fell down a few stairs. I’m at the hospital with him right now. They took him into surgery after finding a fracture on his hip.”

  Tessa’s throat constricted. “I’m coming home.”

  “Meu amor, you don’t have to. I didn’t mean to worry you, I just, you’re always the one I call.” Her mother let out a quiet sound of distress.

  “I want you to be able to call whenever you need me.” A tremble crept into her lips, and she pressed her fingers against them to still it.

  Her mother started crying then, a thank you pushed out somewhere amid the sobs.

  “Mamãe, I love you.” Tessa flipped open her laptop, squinting into the glaring light as she brought up the airline website.

  “I love you too.”

  “I can be home tomorrow morning. The next flight out isn’t until around dinner. I’ll take a cab to the hospital as soon as I arrive.”

  “I’ll text you the address. What time is it where you are?”

  “Hmm.” Tessa glanced at the laptop clock. “Not quite five in the morning.”

  “You should go back to sleep.”

  “I will.” Instead, she got her mother to talk about every mundane topic and update she could think of until Tessa was assured she’d been able to relax a little. Her mother’s voice was steadier by the time the conversation rolled to its end. “I’ll see you soon. Give Appa my love.”

  “Always.”

  When they hung up, Tessa dropped her head into her hands, indulging in a few panicked tears before she got the flight booked. She ventured back into the bedroom, using the light of her phone to gather her things. Eun Gi appeared behind her as she was struggling to haul her suitcase out of the closet.

  “What’re you doing?”

  Tessa slapped a hand to her hammering heart, dropping the suitcase to the floor where it just missed her foot. “Oh my God, you scared me.”

  “Sorry.”

  “I’m going home.”

  “What? Why?” He turned on the bedroom light and spun her towards him. “What happened? Did I do something?”

  “No, you didn’t do anything, I just, I have to go home for a while.” The frantic edge of panic tinged her voice. A steady chorus of get home, get home now played on repeat in her brain, making it difficult to focus on anything else.

  “I mean, you’re allowed to go home, but can you at least tell me why?”

  “Appa’s in the hospital, and I need to be there.”

  “Oh. O-of course.” He sidestepped as she splayed her suitcase over the floor and began shoveling her clothing into it, yanking outfits off hangers.

  Her hands shook, and Eun Gi kneeled next to her, wrapping an arm around her. The tears came instantly, wracking sobs that dragged in her throat and shook her whole body. He hoisted her up and brought her back to the bed.

  “Can you tell me what happened?”

  She forced out an explanation, words chopped and halted.

  “He has good doctors?”

  Tessa nodded.

  “I’m sure he’s going to be fine. When’s your flight?”

  “About twelve hours from now.”

  His hand moved over her hair and down her back, long, smooth strokes meant to soothe. “You have lots of time. Let’s get you some more sleep, and then I’ll help you pack. Okay?”

  “Okay.” She allowed herself to be bundled under the covers and tucked up against him.

  The soft hand on her hair continued its path, lulling her to sleep with the sound of his heartbeat in her ear.

  Tessa woke a few hours later alone in bed. She sat up groggily and looked to the floor, expecting to see a mess, but instead her clothing had been neatly folded and her suitcase sat open and ready. Eun Gi peeked through the door.

  He set a steaming cup of tea on the nightstand for her. “I was coming to wake you. Do you want some breakfast?”

  She allowed herself to be herded into the other apartment, lost in her own thoughts. Conversation passed around her in a blur, only coming into focus when Eun Gi set a gentle hand onto her arm, returning her to reality. When it came time for everyone to depart for the day, Eun Gi pulled her aside.

  “Will you be okay? I can call in and stay with you.”

  Tessa shook her head. “Kelly is already on her way over.”

  He hesitated and then snared her into a hug. “Call me, okay? Or text, or email or whatever. Let me know how you’re doing, and what happens with your appa?”

  Melting into his embrace, she soaked up the warmth and sweet coconut scent of his hair.

  “I will.”

  The flight dragged on forever, and Tessa was painfully awake for most of it, unable to sleep through her worry. She stopped and started a half dozen movies, but none of them held her attention for more than a few minutes. Her knee bounced a constant rhythm, annoying the person next to her, but she couldn’t stop the motion. Reading proved equally futile, the words blurring as tears snuck up on her. Brief dozes did nothing to relieve her exhaustion, and she struggled to stay awake as she moved at a snail’s pace through customs. She sent a cursory text to Kelly, Eun Gi, and her mother to update them on her status and location.

  The cab ride was blessedly short, and soon she was maneuvering her suitcase through the hospital where her father was resting post-surgery.

  She rolled up to the nurses’ station. “I’m looking for Jun Hale. Which room is he in?”

  The nurse glanced up and tapped away at her keyboard before giving Tessa the room number and pointing her in the right direction. The small space was occupied with three people in scrubs with their backs to the door.

  “One, two, three, and up!” one of the nurses said, and it was followed by a shout of pain.

  The sound lanced straight through Tessa. “Appa!”

  The occupants turned towards her, and she left her bag in the hall, shimmying through everyone.

  Her father was leaning heavily on two of the nurses, brow sweating and furrowed. He peeled his eyes open, focusing on her slowly, as if he didn’t quite realize who he was seeing.

  Someone placed a hand on her shoulder, and she whirled to face a middle-aged woman with deep-brown skin and long straight hair held back in a ponytail.

  “Who are you?” the woman asked.

  “Tess
a Hale. This is my father.”

  The woman nodded. “I’m Dr. Sanyal. Your mother stepped out for a moment, and we’re assisting your father with his first movement post-surgery.”

  “But he’s hurting. Isn’t it too soon?” Tessa chewed her lip. There wasn’t room to maneuver around to properly greet her father, so she stood awkward and immobile.

  Dr. Sanyal shook her head. “It’s important to encourage movement as soon as possible after a surgery like this so that his recovery will be easier. If we delay there could be difficulty in his regaining the ability to walk properly.”

  Tessa’s stomach dropped to her toes. Tears welled instantly as her brain filled with the thoughts of what could have happened. She forced them away and concentrated on the doctor.

  “Rest assured, the prognosis is very good. There were some minor complications during the surgery that will certainly prolong the recovery period, but I have every confidence that with proper care he will manage just fine. We’ll be keeping him for observation for a few days to make sure there’s no additional complications, but after that he should be able to go home.” Dr. Sanyal turned back to her patient. “Ready to try again?”

  “Can I help?” Tessa asked.

  The doctor directed her around the bed. “Take the spot of Nurse Zhao.”

  The young Chinese woman smiled at Tessa and helped her get situated, supporting her father while he stood, sweating and shaking.

  Tessa braced her hand on his chest. “Appa.”

  He set his temple against her forehead. “Hi, Peanut.”

  “Okay, Mr. Hale. Can you please take a step for me?” Dr. Sanyal asked.

  Tessa’s father took a single step, grunting with the movement, grinding his teeth.

  “Appa, you’re doing great.” Tessa glanced to the doctor, who nodded, confirming her statement.

  “One more step please.”

  Her father obeyed, slowly, leaning much of his weight on Tessa and the other nurse.

  “Excellent. We’ll let you rest and be back later to move again.” Dr. Sanyal approached Tessa while the nurses got her father comfortable again. “Your mother has been informed, but do you have any specific questions while I’m here?”