Heart and Seoul (The Seoul Series Book 1)

by Erin Kinsella

  He grabbed at his chest, the crush of panic squeezing him. His heart was trying to beat right through his ribs

  “I can’t breathe,” he gasped. “I can’t—I can’t breathe.”

  Tessa dropped to her knees and wrapped her arms around him.

  “It’s going to be okay. I promise.”

  “You don’t understand. You don’t know her, what she’s capable of.”

  No one knew all of it. The cupboard was her favourite punishment. They’d shove a broom through the handles and sometimes forget about him until the next day. Before he’d moved them into their current apartment, he used to descend into panic when he walked through the door.

  His lungs constricted. Numbness climbed up from his fingertips, stealing sensation from his limbs.

  “Whatever she does we’ll handle it. We’re a team, and I won’t let her hurt you.”

  Her voice sounded so far away. He curled into himself.

  “I can’t,” he choked out.

  Sweat beaded on his brow. His hands shook as he clung to his arms, trying to hold himself together.

  “Talk to a professional then. If you won’t do anything legal against her, then you should at least work through some of this in a safe environment.”

  He shot to his feet, almost stumbling back down. “Please don’t. I can’t deal with this right now.”

  “I know that, because you keep charging at it alone. You need help.”

  He trembled, and anger twisted his gut. “I don’t need to talk to a stranger about my problems!”

  “Well, you need to do something.”

  “I am.” He stepped back, tension vibrating through him.

  “I just want you to be safe and happy.”

  “Then leave me alone.”

  Tessa stared at him, eyes shining. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say anything to her. I didn’t mean—” She broke off, a tear slipping past her lashes.

  He didn’t look at her. Didn’t deserve to look at her. He hated that he’d made her cry, but the overwhelming urge to retreat pushed him beyond that. “I need to go.”

  “I don’t think you should be alone right now,” Tessa pleaded. “Come back to the hotel. Be with your friends.”

  “I don’t want to be around anyone.” He stuffed his hands into his pockets and turned his back on her. His internal panic screamed at him as he drifted further from rationality. He needed to get away.

  “When will you come back?”

  He shrugged and kept walking.

  She followed him. “I don’t feel right letting you leave like this. Please talk to me.”

  “Tessa, this isn’t your problem.”

  “We’re married. Your problems are my problems. I want to help.”

  “I don’t want you to help.” He walked faster, and she hurried to follow. “I want you to leave.”

  Her breath hitched, but he didn’t turn around. He kept walking, hand over his mouth to push down the urge to throw up. Then he ran.

  Eun Gi traced streets and alleys, winding deeper into Busan, running until his lungs burned and his legs threatened to cramp. When he couldn’t manage the pace any longer, he stumbled to the ground. He ignored the persistent pings and buzzing from his phone, holding down the power until the screen went black.

  Hours passed and the sun left the sky behind. He found his way to his old school. The schoolyard was empty, eerie in the growing darkness. Dew-slick grass soaked his shoes as he crossed to stand in front of the building. It had been one of the few places in Busan he’d felt safe, where his love of music and dance had blossomed, encouraged by teachers who saw the potential in him.

  At some point he ended up on the beach, ravenous and exhausted. The moon slashed a glint of silver across the water, the reflection wavering as the sea swelled up against the sand over and over. It wasn’t the first time he’d run here. The ocean had been a lullaby to him many times when he couldn’t be at home anymore.

  Eun Gi’s body ached when he woke the next morning with the sunrise. He’d hardly slept, shivering, tossing and turning through the night. The battery on his phone was almost drained when he turned it on, but not enough to prevent him from seeing how many messages he’d missed. He despised the person he became because of his mother. She triggered his worst instincts, seemed to take pleasure in breaking him down.

  He typed out a message to Sung Soo.

  Eun Gi:

  I’m ok

  Sung Soo:

  Where are you?

  Eun Gi:

  If I tell you you’ll come get me

  His phone rang, and he sighed before answering it.

  “Hyung, I’m fine.”

  “I’m glad, but we’re not.”

  ”What do you mean?” Eun Gi’s heart raced.

  Sung Soo cursed quietly. “Eun Gi, we’ve been up all night trying to find you. Tessa came back in tears, and you’ve ignored every attempt at contact.”

  “I didn’t want to be around people.”

  “Then you should have sent Tessa up to us and stewed in your hotel room. We were worried you might be dead. How could you pull this kind of bullshit after everything that happened with your eomeoni?” Sung Soo was silent for a moment. “We love you, and we’ve always tried to be supportive of you, but this isn’t okay. You fucked up. Come back to the hotel so we can all get some food and talk this through.”

  Eun Gi’s hackles rose. He didn’t want to talk it through. He wanted to deal with it in his own way.

  Alone.

  He reasoned that if he didn’t go back, they wouldn’t be able to find him, and he could avoid the inevitable for a while yet. There were still a few hours before he had to be on set, and the idea of skipping that particular conversation until tonight was appealing. He started walking towards the city to hunt down breakfast.

  “You all go to bed or eat or whatever. I’ll be back tonight.”

  He hung up and turned off his phone again before Sung Soo could call back.

  Somehow he made it through the day. None of them came to set. Part of him wished they had, but another part was dreading seeing everyone.

  He gathered up his things to head back to the hotel, turning on his phone to check if he’d missed anything important. His phone buzzed. Kyung Mi’s number flashed on the screen, and he thought hard about ignoring it, but she wouldn’t call if it wasn’t important.

  Eun Gi answered. “Kyung Mi?”

  “I’m so sorry, my boy. I tried to stop it.”

  “I don’t understand. Stop what?”

  “EchoPop is cancelling your contract.”

  The world dropped out from under his feet, and he sank to his knees.

  On the third attempt his mouth finally pushed out a single word. “Why?”

  “Your mother released a statement to the press. She’s charging you with assault. EchoPop doesn’t want to deal with the backlash, so you’re being let go.”

  “They can’t do that! She’s lying.”

  “Your father corroborated the story. There will be an investigation. I tried to get them to wait until it was complete, but they refused.”

  “Kyung Mi, I never— I didn’t— I’ve never hurt her. Please.”

  She sniffled. “I’m so sorry. I don’t have any power to reverse their decision. I know you can’t leave Busan right now because of filming so you’ll have to send Tessa to handle the move out of your suite. I did manage to get them to agree to let you retain it until the end of the month.”

  “Please,” he begged, his voice cracking and pitiful.

  “My boy.” Kyung Mi dropped into silence, but he heard the quiver in her breath. “I want to help, but there’s nothing I can do. I’m as much at the mercy of the company as you are. Take care of yourself.”

  The silence that followed her hanging up was stifling. He stumbled behind a building and crashed down with a sob. His throat swelled against the tears until breathing was agony.

  Everything was wrong. His mother had found a way to win. She was ne
ver satisfied until she’d stripped him down to this quaking and terrified child under her thumb.

  He curled into himself, letting the weight of his mother’s victory crush him.

  Chapter 21

  After hours spent in a numb haze, Eun Gi returned to some level of clarity. He knew on the surface that he had to go to the hotel, start figuring out what he was going to do, but that seemed on par with scaling Everest. Drained and broken, Eun Gi dragged his feet, the thought of another night on the street still more appealing than facing the people who mattered most.

  Then there was the drama to consider. He needed this job, assuming they kept him on once they caught wind of his mother speaking to the media. They were unlikely to fire him this far into filming, but he wouldn’t put it past the studio. If they decided it was better to boot him and hire someone new rather than risk the bad press, he’d be utterly screwed. No one would hire him again and all of his mother’s bullshit would follow him for years.

  He walked as slowly as he could manage back towards the hotel, trying to keep his courage high enough to continue moving forward. Every cell in his body felt wrong, and a litany of insults flowed through his mind, condemning him for being so stupid.

  A uniformed officer was waiting for him when he arrived. Eun Gi cursed. His phone was dead when he pulled it out of his pocket. If he was taken away, no one would find out until it hit the news.

  “Baek Eun Gi?” The officer rose from his position against his vehicle and crossed the short distance between them.

  Eun Gi swallowed back nausea. “Yes.”

  “My name is Detective Cheon. You’ve been charged with assault and I need to take you into custody while we investigate. Please enter the vehicle voluntarily.”

  Panic lanced up Eun Gi’s spine and rooted him to the spot. His vision blurred.

  “Get in the vehicle.”

  Move! Eun Gi’s body ignored the mental command. Movemovemovemove.

  The detective’s hand latched onto Eun Gi’s arm and swung him around until his chest was pressed against the vehicle. Every attempt at words failed. He stared at the hotel doors. He’d been so close.

  Cold metal wrapped around his wrists and he sank into his despair.

  Tessa

  Tessa stared at the readout on her phone. It wasn’t familiar, but it was definitely a local number.

  “Hello?”

  “Tessa.”

  “Eun Gi!” She leapt out of bed and grabbed her shoes at the door. “Where are you? We’ve all been so worried.”

  His voice broke, lost amid sharp catches of breath. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what to do.”

  “Tell me where you are.” Bile climbed up her throat. “Please.”

  “Prison.”

  “Prison? What?” She ran out of the room, pulling her shoes on while she waited for the elevator. Time slowed down, molasses in winter, and Tessa fought back the urge to kick the elevator doors or turn and attempt running up the stairs before it arrived. She was staring indecisively down the hall when the doors pinged open.

  “I tried—” he let out a low sound of distress, “—I tried to come back. Can you have someone contact my lawyer?”

  She pressed the door close button repeatedly, but the elevator continued at its sedate pace.

  “I’m going to the others right now.” Her heart raced, and she clung to the metal bar in the elevator for balance.

  “I ruined everything.”

  “Please tell me what happened.”

  Tessa flew out of the elevator, slamming her hand against each of 24/7’s doors until she reached Sung Soo’s, hitting it until he swung it open.

  Sung Soo’s hair was askew, and his eyes were barely open. “Tessa, what?”

  She dipped right past him and put the call on speaker.

  “Eomeoni,” Eun Gi said. “She did something. The police were waiting for me.”

  Sung Soo cursed. “Eun Gi, tell us where you are.”

  A disheveled and confused Hwan and Min Jae slipped into the room.

  “I don’t know the name. Hyung—” Eun Gi broke off again. “I only have two minutes.”

  The call went dead.

  Tessa’s stomach heaved, and she clapped a hand over her mouth.

  “What the hell is going on?” Hwan asked. Tessa swayed, and he looped an arm around her waist, pulling her close. “Noona, are you okay?”

  Her whole body shook, and she latched on to Hwan’s T-shirt.

  “Noona?” Hwan took her face in his hands and forced her to look at him. “Take a deep breath.”

  Her stomach rebelled, and she pushed away from him, reaching the bathroom in time for that morning’s tea to come back up.

  When she finally lifted her head, Min Jae passed her a glass of water and wrapped his arms around her. “Noona, it’ll be okay.”

  “How?” The question came out as a whisper. She sipped the cold water and leaned into him. Her head throbbed.

  “I haven’t figured that part out yet.” Min Jae smoothed back her hair and let his hand rest on her shoulder. When she sat back on the floor, he gathered her into his arms. “Feel any better?”

  Sung Soo and Hwan hovered at the bathroom door.

  Tessa leaned into Min Jae, letting her weight sink against him, a pink-haired anchor. “I feel gross.”

  She didn’t know what to do or how to fix anything. Eun Gi had hidden from all of them, ignoring calls and texts as he retreated into himself. She’d questioned her actions a hundred times since the dinner. Wanting only to defend him, she’d done exactly what he said not to and managed to provoke his mother. Now she’d lost him.

  “Someone needs to call his lawyer.” Tessa pinched the bridge of her nose. “He asked me to tell you.”

  “I’ll do it.” Sung Soo disappeared onto the terrace, his voice muffled through the pounding of Tessa’s pulse in her ears.

  “Come on, Noona.” Min Jae helped her stand, and he and Hwan carted her over to the bed.

  “What’s going to happen?” She looked from one to the other. Kyung Mi had phoned them after she spoke to Eun Gi to tell them the company was cancelling his contract, and then he had never come back. “How do we find him?”

  “We’ll call the police station and ask where he’s being kept,” Hwan said. “You’re his wife, so they’ll tell you.”

  They propped her up with pillows and took up a position on either side of her. She kept her eyes closed, willing the nausea away. Hwan tucked his hand into hers, and she squeezed it gently. His hand shook, and Tessa moved a little closer, lacing their fingers together. She wanted to tell him it would be okay, but the words never made it past her lips. They sat together in silence. Hwan’s bottom lip trembled even as he sucked it between his teeth to still it.

  Min Jae draped across their laps. “Hyung, we’re going to get him back.”

  Hwan nodded but remained quiet.

  Min Jae rolled over them and snared Hwan into a hug. Tessa squeezed his hand a little tighter, leaning her temple against his.

  Sung Soo returned from the balcony a few minutes later. He paused at the sight of them and blinked back the shine in his eyes. “His lawyer will review the case as soon as possible.”

  He filled the kettle and pressed the button, staring at the blue glow until the water bubbled and it clicked off. The delicate scent of green tea wafted as he poured the steaming liquid over the tea bag provided by the hotel.

  “Hyung, do you need to join the pile?” Min Jae asked.

  Sung Soo shook his head. “I’m okay. I can’t believe his eomeoni would do this. Eun Gi never gets violent. It’s not how he responds to things.”

  His brow was furrowed, deep lines between his eyes. He sipped at his tea and tapped away on his phone, frowning.

  “What do we do?” Tessa asked.

  “Wait?” said Sung Soo. “There’s nothing much we can do while he’s in custody. The lawyer will have to deal with it now that he’s been notified. I’ll update Kyung Mi. She’d want to be kept inform
ed even if she’s no longer his manager.”

  “Hyung.” Min Jae stared hard at Sung Soo. “Join the pile.”

  Sung Soo sighed but put up no resistance, moving to settle next to Tessa. “Joined.”

  “Good.” Min Jae tugged on Tessa’s arm. “Noona, do you need anything?”

  Her stomach churned. “Could one of you grab my purse and toiletry bag from the hotel room?”

  “I’ll get it.” Min Jae hopped off the bed. “Where’s your room key?”

  Tessa fished it out of her pocket and passed it to him. He returned barely a minute later, out of breath, tossing the procured items into her lap.

  “Did you run the whole way?”

  “Maybe.” He grinned.

  Tessa dug out her medication, a steady throb building at the base of her skull. Hwan fetched her fresh water and resumed his position next to her. She dosed herself with the painkillers and snuggled against the pillows.

  Sung Soo quickly grew restless and hopped off the bed to pace the floor.

  “This is so stupid,” Sung Soo snapped. “We know he’s innocent. EchoPop doesn’t even care, and I’d bet you anything Elite is going to drop him too.”

  “I don’t want to do music without Eun Gi-hyung,” said Min Jae. “It’s not his fault.”

  “We shouldn’t have to. The company would flip if we all threatened to quit if he’s not reinstated once this is all over,” Hwan suggested.

  “Or they might fire all of us and decide 24/7 isn’t worth the trouble.” Sung Soo stopped dead and sank back onto the bed. “I wish he’d have come straight back here afterwards. Tessa works as a witness only up to a point. If he hadn’t run off, he’d have a proper alibi for the whole night, but none of us can account for him after that. We should have all gone to that dinner and carried him back here ourselves if that’s what it took.”

  Every word piqued Tessa’s nerves.

  Sung Soo threw his phone onto the pillows. “Fuck.”

  Tessa’s vision swam as the migraine progressed and her medication kicked in, bringing a wave of exhaustion that turned her limbs to lead. She settled a hand over her eyes to block out the light.