Nice Try, Jane Sinner

by Lianne Oelke

  Until it’s done.

  CAROL

  Jaaane . . .

  She rolled her eyes. Carol can be quite dramatic at times. I don’t know where she gets it from—​it’s probably just the age thing. I must have been like that too when I was fifteen.

  JS

  Your hair looks nice today.

  CAROL

  Really?

  JS

  Yeah.

  Carol tucked a smooth brown strand behind her ear and smiled. I wanted to pinch her cheek but politely refrained.

  JS

  So what’s all this about? Trying to impress the parents?

  CAROL

  No! I mean, I just want to do something nice for them. Do you think they’ll like it?

  JS

  Of course they will.

  The parents were indeed delighted when they came home, half an hour later. Dad started on the garlic bread while Mom went to change out of her work clothes.

  CAROL

  I like your shirt, Dad. Purple is a nice color on you.

  DAD

  Actually, it’s mauve.

  He sighed at me.

  DAD

  You should invest in some more professional clothes, Jane. Now that you’re in college, you need to show your professors that you’re responsible and mature. They could be your references when you start applying for other jobs. I might be able to get you a receptionist job in the office this summer. Pays better than the grocery store.

  JS

  I’ll keep that in mind.

  CAROL

  I like the way you dress. Like you don’t care what other people think. Is that a stain on your shirt, though?

  JS

  Probably.

  CAROL

  Coffee?

  JS

  (Beer.)

  Yep.

  She put her hands on her hips, like a housewife on an old TV show.

  CAROL

  You drink too much caffeine.

  JS

  Don’t judge me.

  DAD

  If she doesn’t, I will.

  JS

  (Sigh.)

  MOM

  You couldn’t wait five minutes for me to start eating?

  Mom sat down at the table, wearing jeans and a shirt meant for yoga. She wears shirts like that all the time, although I’ve never seen her exercise. Dad shrugged and reached for more bread, his bald head reflecting the harsh overhead light. Before he could take a bite, the phone rang.

  MOM

  Hello? No, we just sat down, but it’s not a problem. Uh-huh . . . yeah . . . you’re sure it was her?

  She looked at Carol. Carol withered.

  MOM

  Uh-huh . . . hmm . . . you can be sure I’ll have a talk with her. Thank you for the call.

  Click. Silence.

  MOM

  Would you care to tell me what happened today, Carol?

  Carol looked down at her empty plate, her hair hanging in front of her eyes.

  DAD

  What’s going on?

  MOM

  Apparently Carol was caught skipping class this afternoon. Smoking a cigarette.

  Dad’s entire forehead lifted up an inch. Maybe that’s where Carol gets her drama from.

  DAD

  Excuse me?!

  MOM

  What on earth were you thinking?

  CAROL

  [to her plate]

  I’m sorry.

  Carol looked up at me, eyes huge. Asking for help.

  JS

  I bet it was science. Shitty class, am I right?

  DAD

  Jane! Watch your language!

  JS

  Come on, Dad. What does it matter if I say “shitty” instead of “crappy”?

  DAD

  You know very well what the difference is.

  JS

  They mean the same thing.

  His forehead slid down an inch and a half.

  MOM

  Don’t try to change the subject, Jane. Carol, would you like to explain yourself?

  CAROL

  Some kids offered and I didn’t want to offend them—​it was stupid, I know. But I’ve never done it before, I swear!

  DAD

  Go to your room, Carol. We’ll talk later.

  Carol kicked back her chair, stood up, and ran out of the kitchen. I’m surprised the parents didn’t threaten to call Pastor Ron over this. Carol looks up to him almost as much as they do. The parents turned their eyes on me in unison.

  DAD

  This doesn’t have anything to do with you, does it?

  MOM

  I’m worried, Jane. I thought moving out so soon was a bad idea. And this Jenna person—​you hardly tell us anything about her, or what she does. What sort of influence is she?

  JS

  I know, you’ve told me several times. And no, I didn’t put her up to this. It’s just what kids do sometimes. Even the good ones.

  I was actually a bit proud of Carol. For breaking the rules. It took me far too long to break any myself.

  Dad sighed heavily.

  DAD

  Maybe it’s something to do with Gina.

  MOM

  Oh, give it a rest. You know my sister quit years ago.

  DAD

  I just don’t know what to think anymore.

  I sighed, too. At that moment I was very glad I could simply get up and go. I wasn’t stuck here anymore, like Carol. I began loading up my plate with pasta and salad. It would take a while for the parents to cool down, and I didn’t feel like sticking around to watch it happen. I grabbed two forks before taking the plate to Carol’s room.

  I would have slept on her floor that night, but the parents didn’t think it was a good idea. And I didn’t want Carol to get into any more trouble. Before I left I told her she could sleep over at my place some night, and she smiled. I’ll have to tell her about the show. Maybe I should have told her sooner. We’re on the same side.

  TueApr26

  What is ridiculous: how many different scented products a girl could use in one morning. Shampoo, conditioner, body wash, shaving cream, face wash, hand soap, hand lotion, body lotion, facial moisturizer, lip balm, toothpaste, body spray, hair gel, hair spray, and deodorant. So I could, in theory, smell like tropical coconut, pomegranate, zesty lemon, raving razz-berry, apricot, peppermint, orange, green tea, chocolate strawberry, vanilla Coke, spearmint, Hawaiian ginger, cherry secret, and rainstorm ALL AT ONCE. Which is, of course, exactly what I want.

  Today’s prize challenge took place at school. AP and a HOOcap ambushed Robbie and me outside of Sociology when class let out. A couple students were curious enough to follow us to the atrium, keeping a step or two behind the camera. AP had set up a large booth with orange balloons and posters, where Holly, Marc, and Chaunt’Elle were already waiting. I can’t describe the feeling of seeing my face on a poster. I wanted to take a moment to stare and reflect on what my life had become, but there was no time.

  AP

  Welcome to the second official House of Orange prize challenge!

  A handful of nearby students clapped.

  AP

  Several House of Orange ball caps are hidden throughout the building. Inside each hat is a number of points. Once you pick up a hat, you have the option to keep it or put it back. You have fifteen minutes to collect five hats. The contestant with the highest cumulative point total wins a two-hundred-dollar gift card valid at the food court on campus. Sounds simple, right?

  Chaunt’Elle nodded.

  AP

  But there’s a catch. Some hats have low points but come with small prizes. And some have higher points but come with consequences. If you choose to keep one of these hats, you are also keeping the prize or consequence, no matter if you win or lose the challenge. Understood?

  We all nodded. Robbie was already looking around for hats. Holly was looking at the growing crowd of students staring at us. Marc was grinning at a girl way too young for him.


  AP

  All right! The challenge begins in three . . . two . . . one . . . Go!

  We scattered. I headed for the food court, and Chaunt’Elle followed. I found my first hat sitting on a hard plastic chair. It had a sticker with the number 5 inside. I had no idea what range of points was available, so I grabbed the hat and moved on. I found two more in the area—​I kept the seven-pointer and left the three. I wandered through the hallway, but Chaunt’Elle grabbed the next two hats before I could get to them. We saw the hat sitting in a plant at the same time, and I bolted. I just managed to grab it before she did. It was worth twenty points but came with a consequence: “Incriminating footage of you will be released on the website.”

  JS

  Nah.

  I put it back and headed down a different hallway than Chaunt’Elle.

  AP’s voice screeched from a HOOcap’s walkie.

  AP

  Two minutes remaining!

  Something orange stuck out of a garbage can, catching my eye. I reached in to find a hat worth three points and the assurance that the television would be under my control for the next week. I kept it.

  AP

  One minute!

  I still needed two more, so I started jogging. I found an eight-pointer tucked underneath some newspaper.

  AP

  Contestants, you have thirty seconds remaining!

  I looked around, desperate. Nothing.

  The only orange hat I could see was the one worn by the cameraman. I panicked and grabbed it off his head. Inside, it read: “1 point + 7 meals of free Chinese food.”

  JS

  FUCK, YES!

  AP

  Aaaand . . . time! Contestants, please gather back at the atrium.

  I made my way over, clutching my hats, relatively pleased with myself. We all looked pleased with ourselves.

  AP

  Marc, you’re up first. Let’s see what you came up with.

  Marc handed over his hats, grinning. His total was forty-three. He didn’t have any consequences, but he managed to find a hat worth twenty points tucked into a ceiling panel.

  HOLLY

  How did you see that?

  MARC

  These blue eyes aren’t just for looks. They’re for looking.

  Holly’s total was twenty-eight, and she won exclusive access to the upstairs bathroom for a week, plus a coupon for two free ice cream cones. Chaunt’Elle ended up with a heartbreaking forty-two. She’s responsible for cleaning the kitchen every day this week. Robbie’s eyes lit up when he heard that. She also had the hat promising incriminating footage. I’m surprised she kept it. Perhaps Chaunt’Elle is less vain than I am?

  AP counted my hats next. I came up with a pathetic twenty-two, but the prizes were worth it. Robbie won, with fifty-one points.

  CHAUNT’ELLE

  He had people helping him, though. He got random students to find hats for him. It’s cheating.

  AP

  It’s only cheating if it breaks the rules. I never said you had to do it on your own.

  Chaunt’Elle mumbled something about playing fair while I caught Robbie’s eye and nodded my approval.

  AP

  For the next five nights, Robbie, you have a curfew. Which means you have to be in your room, lights out, at eight p.m. You also aren’t allowed to use anything in the fridge for a week.

  ROBBIE

  No problem.

  AP

  And just a reminder—​if any of you choose to not follow through with your consequences, you forfeit the right to vote at the next ceremony. Thanks for playing, guys! I’ll see you back at the house.

  After he dismissed us, AP began handing out the collected hats to the crowd of students. Smart marketing. But now I’ll instinctively assume all these people are pointing a camera at me. School used to be a HOOcap-free zone. Or maybe that was just wishful thinking on my part; it’s not like the show doesn’t exist outside of the house. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. The less I focus on how weird it is, the more I can focus on being a strong competitor. Someone who deserves to win, who doesn’t sit back and let other people tell her why she’s in the spotlight. I can’t forget that I’m the one in charge of how I come across. More or less.

  Robbie and I headed outside, away from the swarming mass of HOOcap wannabes, and salvaged the remainder of our lunch together.

  Robbie missed soccer practice tonight because of his curfew. It sounds like he spent the night talking to his family on the phone. He’ll never complain openly about his curfew, but I feel bad for him.

  WedApr27

  The five of us watched the latest episode over pizza. It’s only been a couple hours since it came out, and already it has two hundred more hits than the first. Maybe I haven’t accomplished a lot with my life so far, but not many people can say they have a theme song. So I have that going for me, which is nice.

  This episode focused mainly on the “will they or won’t they” of Chaunt’Elle and Marc’s relationship. I don’t think Marc even knows he’s in a relationship. And I was not thrilled to see my McNugz Club initiation make it in. I guess some cell phone videos surfaced after the first episode aired. I can’t wrap my head around why footage of Marc hugging me against my will, my nauseated face speckled with flecks of honey mustard and nugz, would make Chaunt’Elle jealous. But I’m the first to admit I know nothing about the ways of love.

  HOLLY

  Oooh, Sinner and Marc! Sitting in a tree!

  JS

  I’m gonna throw up if you don’t stop talking.

  CHAUNT’ELLE

  Yeah, Holly, don’t be immature.

  HOLLY

  K-I-S-S-I-N-G!

  I resisted the urge to punch Holly like I would have punched Carol, if Carol had been squished next to me on the living room couch instead.

  CHAUNT’ELLE

  Not funny, Holly.

  HOLLY

  Oh, but they’re so cute together.

  MARC

  Ha. Sinner only wishes she had a chance with me.

  ROBBIE

  Yeah, right, Marc. Everyone knows it’s the other way around.

  JS

  Let’s not talk about this. Ever again.

  CHAUNT’ELLE

  I second that.

  HOLLY

  He’s not your type, Jane?

  Marc’s probably twenty years older than I am. And he must be at least ten years older than Chaunt’Elle.

  JS

  Nah. He’s too . . . Marc-ish.

  No one needed to ask me what I meant.

  HOLLY

  [winking at Robbie]

  That’s too bad. But maybe your heart has already been stolen?

  I wish Holly would go back to being quiet and shy. Girls can be the worst.

  ThuApr28

  THE DOCTOR